Parents of the HS Class of 2009 (Part 1)

Parents Forum Class of 20xx Community
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<p>I was “cleaning” up my computer by deleting old documents and found a number of rough drafts from my son and/or daughter when they’ve asked to use my laptop. As if I stumbled on it specifically for this thread, I found one paper from my son where the first three paragraphs seems to be more of a “b-fest” about having to write the paper in the first place with much questioning about what was the point? And frankly whether or not the teacher was insane. The question? Semester ending project about the concept of identity tied to either all or one of the books they had read over the semester. His “paper” started… why the <insert expletive=“”> should I have to write another paper about books I’ve already written about. Doesn’t he know we have other things of more importance? who cares why blah blab blah…, and on and on… including the mental health of his teacher and how his brilliance borders on insanity some of the time (hey, at least he acknowledged the brilliance), and then, out of it all, came the nugget. Much like the character in the book, “what people see of me, or anyone for that matter, is partly a function of who I am and who they assume me to be.” And then he was off… granted it wasn’t a research paper but more a critical essay, but still it was the same paper he ended up sending to schools who asked for a paper as part of the application process. </insert></p>

<p>So… I am just saying… sometimes just starting is as cathartic as the writing itself. MAYBE it merely frees up space in your personal hard drive. :)</p>

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<p>Upon reflection, I withdraw my advice to TM. I have never been in the same situation as she is in now, nor do I know all the factors involved. I have no business making any judgements or suggesting any action. I only wished to help. I apologize to any I have offended.</p>

<p>I do not, however, withdraw my hugs (((TM and son))) I hope this situation is resolved in the best possible way.</p>

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<p>moda
Yes his brain freezes but I have tried all the things you suggest to get it unfrozen. From my observations, his brain is wired so differently in this area that most of the “usual” tricks to shake loose writer’s block simply do not work. </p>

<p>That is what is so frustrating, nothing <em>I</em> know provides the solution. <em>I</em> am actually a writer, and when I was in high school I excelled in writing (I sucked in math) and got 790 on the verbal and an 800 on the then subject writing test and 400 on the math. My brain froze on the math. I looked at it and became paralyzed. But not knowing math never held me back. It was, in fact, excused readily.</p>

<p>I have had him try to talk the words out with me, I have tried lists, I have tried writing down all the salient points he needs to put in the paper in list form. I have tried backing away. And I totally appreciate the advice, and would perhaps be telling someone else that is exactly what is needed. But I keep coming back to, with my S, that he just needs to get past this and he will be at a place that will see what he can do and will let him do it. </p>

<p>IF he bombs out at college - which my gut says he will not - then I will have done my part and the chips will fall where they may, and I will have let go. The institution of public education can only really adequately provide for the mean. It misses the mark for kids like mine (and I bet a good many of the posters on CC) and someone else has to take up the slack. That job has settled in my lap. </p>

<p>While the very thing I <em>want</em> to do is let go, it feels like I would be abandoning him in his time of greatest need. This is not an issue where he doesn’t <em>want</em> help, he does, we just don’t know how to give it so that he can use it, or where to find it and his GC at his school has ever helped with that. They see a smart kid who is lazy. I see a smart kid who has taken on that personna because it feels better to him than to admit he cannot do something. </p>

<p>I watch him struggle with this, stare at the page for literally hours. If I interupt his train of thought he gets angry and says he has to start all over again. Nothing I do seems to change the way he HAS to do this. He has to have it all figured out in his head, and THEN write it. He can’t seem to break it down into parts even with help. The truth is, and this is what makes it hard for people to believe he has a writing problem, he has written some very good papers (very short ones). So they can only imagine it is because he chooses not to write that he has not done the work. </p>

<p>In my opinion, it is definitely a brain and not an attitude issue. (other than he has given up I think and that attitude filters in). I had him tested at a learning center and I guess they did not have the sophisticated testing needed - if even there is a test for him - and all it showed was he was off the charts on learning levels but could not write anything out when asked to. He took this to mean there was no reason for him to have the problems he has, and since then has sort of given up. </p>

<p>I understand about backing away, and I have done that in almost every area in his life. His clothing, hygiene, etc - he had to figure that out. His food consumption - for a long time he would eat only ONE thing - so I stopped cooking for him and he had to fend for himself - so he did. He has finally added more foods into his menu. He has learned how to appropriately interact with people without my paving the way. I no longer check in with his teachers to make sure he is on track (although I wish I had this year as then the big history papers would not have been a surprise) </p>

<p>In short the only thing on my plate with him right now is to make sure he gets this writing done. It’s crazy hard</p>

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<p>I use your S’s writing technique myself. It is a pretty standard one and is very useful. How funny that you should find it, and that it led to a good paper for your S. I use it to start poems all the time, start ranting about something - it is very very cathartic.</p>

<p>I would love it if I could get my S to even write about how much he hates doing something. One of the papers due is a persuasive paper on the subject of school giving too much homework - you would think he would jump on that one. </p>

<p>Well, better go get him started, I guess.</p>

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<p>I have been following your posts and feedback, #theorymom and have tears in my eyes for your s. I don’t know all the background on him (and don’t need to), but the key thing is to try to get over this giant hurdle and allow s to continue his journey. I also know virtually nothing about disabilies, etc. but am quite familiar with missypies points. OK, maybe I’ll get blasted for this, but whatever…is it possible for you to actually write a bit to get him started? I know you said he needs to get it all together in his mind first, but it’s just a thought. My hugs, prayers and good wishes are with you and s today.</p>

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<p>^^^ I was thinking that too, crzymom, after what you said, #theorymom re: your son’s high testing/low writing assessments. If it would be permissible–would it be okay to actually do the typing for him? Just have him talk to you…you’d be like a secretary, and he could dictate? Executives do this…</p>

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<p>That too I have done to the extent of fleshing out the first paragraph and then laying out an outline.</p>

<p>he RARELY accepts these - as they are not what he would say or how he would say them so he usually scraps them. The ones he uses he changes to make them something he would say but usually I am way off the mark for him and this does not work.</p>

<p>he is actually relatively principled about these things.</p>

<p>When he <em>has</em> accepted them it is VERY last minute and he feels he has no choice and still he takes forever to make his changes to them.</p>

<p>I can’t do even this for him in this case, too many papers, and I cannot do the required reading (he HAS done all the reading - he knows the subjects backwards and forwards) so I can’t really get him jump-started</p>

<p>well to take on cpeltz’s mantra, it is what it is
I guess we will be knowing what will have to happen next in just a couple of weeks.
I may not be here on CC for a little bit- I will probably need to get out of the house in order not to watch the self-destruct - or else will be trying to keep him on task. I appreciate all your advice and support. I will let you know how it goes.</p>

<p>today he told me he doesn’t want my help until he asks for it…</p>

<p>I guess <em>he</em> is saying I should back off and let things fall where they may. I don’t know if that is what he is saying or even if it is a long-sighted or viable plan. He doesn’t think things all the way through sometimes. I assume it’s more about just escaping the pressure.</p>

<p>I have asked him if he would just like to forget college for next year and take a year (or more) off - thinking that if he was allowing himself to fail in order not to have to go to college that would take some pressure off, but he is actually adamant about attending next year. He does NOT want to take a year off, and yet here we are stuck in this black hole that is sucking the life out of us.</p>

<p>thanks guys
I’ll keep you posted</p>

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<h1>theory; Just want to hold your hands for a moment. Deep sigh…nice big hug…tentative simle…little sqeeze of the hands before letting go.</h1>

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<p>I’m back from a week-end of camping with a dozen brownie girl scouts and just catching up. </p>

<h1>theorymom, have you read Mel Levine’s book A Mind at a Time? It has been awhile, but his book gets to Misspie’s points about how people’s brains are wired. His office also does sophisticated testing (and presumably if he isn’t available may be able to make recommendations). It sounds to me like your son would benefit from a self-esteem basis from having some sort of “diagnosis” for why his brain works the way it works since he clearly is not just lazy. This won’t help him get past the hurdle in the next few weeks, but may be something to pursue over the summer regardless.</h1>

<p>My brain is terrible on spatial stuff. I get lost everyhwere I go, even trips I have taken hundreds of times (so rely on GPS + mapquest + leave early and know I will get lost anyway). I worked in the same office building in NY for a decade and still got lost going to the restroom and coming out of the elevators–would just go around in circles until I woud stumble on my office. I can’t do word problems of any kind, even second grade level. If two trains are passing each other, forget it. But I aced algebra and calculus. And I enjoy reading and writing. Clearly my brain is missing some sort of spatial wire. My kids have known they have to do the navigating for me to get them to a swim meet or something since they were in kindergarten. I don’t fight it anymore and try not to let it handicap me more than it obviously does. I just work around it as best I can. Your son may be in a similar boat in that he never becomes comfortable with writing but learns how to get along just fine anyway.</p>

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<p>Ah, the great thing about being an adult is that you get to do what you’re good at and leave the rest behind! You just have to get there, however. </p>

<p>TheAnalyist, I used to work with a guy with a fascinating brain - he too would use the GPS to drive 8 blocks across downtown and he had lived in our city his whole life. He had an actuary degree from MIT yet he couldn’t calculate the tip at a restaurant. </p>

<p>When my son was tested, we found that he tested above average in the understanding of mathmatical concepts, but below average in mathmatical computation. I had never known there was a difference, but that made me understand my co-worker better.</p>

<p>As I mentioned, I was a special ed major and had never been exposed to these concepts before. I think that many teachers have not, so if the English teacher has the school Math Legend in her class and he doesn’t do well, she may think he’s just not trying, instead of even considering that his talents may be way lopsided.</p>

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<p>Boy - I have about 10 or 15 pages to catch up here, looks like no one has had a chance to sit back and relax just yet! I think graduations here are the latest (June 27th), so I look forward to hearing everyone elses’ stories about watching S’s and D’s do the walk…</p>

<p>Awards night is tomorrow, where they announce Val and Sal, among other things. I know D is getting a county youth award, but I think that is just about it, I cannot even go due to a musical commitment so anything else would be a pleasant surprise. I am keeping my fingers crossed that one of a number of D’s friends gets the honor of Val after years of stressing through numerous AP’s together, instead of one who always transferred out of the top-level classes when “things got too hot” grade-wise, to get 100’s in the lower level classes (D calls them ‘grade grubbers’). Didn’t see any of them on the National Merit Commended list…</p>

<p>D is doing her Myers-Briggs online tonight for the roommate matching at Wooster - wonder if she ends up anything like her ENFJ mom…I think she will at least be an I for sure…</p>

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<p>Our graduation is a little more than two weeks away. My daughter told me they already have the class rank finalized (though not yet announced). How can this be? Don’t they have to wait for the final grades, or at least a verbal reporting of final grades for the top 20 sutdents or so?</p>

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<h1>theorymom, I’ll say a prayer for you and your son - good luck.</h1>

<p>I just got through going through pictures of my son for a graduation party slideshow - oh my, what a progression! Prom went very well last night; according to his Facebook status he really enjoyed dancing with a hot girl!</p>

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<p>Jolynne - As for specifying " no gifts" on the party invitations, I haven’t thought about that yet ( graduation is over a month away), but am considering it.</p>

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<p>Rachacha - our S’s graduation is on the 27th too. We’ve started the series of “lasts” this week. We had the last orchestra concert and the seniors introduced themselves and announced where they would be going to college. This Thursday is our awards ceremony at 8:10 in the morning! I have to miss some work. I know my son is getting a Latin award. He thinks he might get a sports award too. </p>

<p>I haven’t been keeping up with the forum - life is getting busy.<br>
This weekend I ordered pictures to make a personal yearbook for S. I want to put in all the newspaper clippings and programs too. I hope I can get it done. </p>

<p>S also did his Meyer Briggs testing today and completed his Wooster housing application. He requested Babcock.</p>

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<h1>theorymom, I second the suggestion for looking at Mel Levine’s books/website. Assuming your son manages to get things together to graduate I am still a bit worried about next year. It’s pretty hard to graduate from college without having to write papers - even the techie ones. I’d do my best to get some sort of handle on what’s going on before sending him off.</h1>

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<p>I’m in HR and we do Myers Briggs for all our employees - interesting that I never thought of it for S (when we started he was just a kid, and it must be hard for me to realize he’s far from that now). So Wooster does that for roommate matching? Don’t know if it’s always a good idea to have similar types room together! Son’s school does NO matching…apparently, they discovered that it was mostly parents who filled out the forms and they’d stretch the truth about their kids. Hopefully S who is an extreme nightowl doesn’t end up with a morning glory, but if he does, they’ll work it out.</p>

<h1>TM, I think your S is telling you he’ll make it through when he tells you he doesn’t need any help. Hope he’s right.</h1>

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<p>While I think the Mel Levine books are excellent (and I have heard him speak several times as well), I am not sure how the waiting list goes for testing nor the ages. However, just reading his books (and I really loved “ready or not, here life comes”) will help in lessening the stress.</p>

<p>Graduation is the first week of June here. Just finished making the invitations tonight and am still working on a guest list. I feel like in the last two years we’ve been sort of sucked into a vortex of our kids’ activities and so I am not sure how far out to extend the guest list. On the other hand, it is a nice opportunity to see some people we havent seen in a while.</p>

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<p>I too most certainly worry about paper writing in college. It drove the choice for S to go where he has decided to go. Luckily it is a relatively low priority where S is (hopefully) going. Still yes, he will end up having to do some writing. But, this is a brilliant kid, he NEEDS to go to college. We HAVE to figure something out. </p>

<p>I have tried for 4 years to “get a handle on it” and feel like a total failure. I just got the name of a supposedly great educational psychologist who administers very sophisticated tests. I will try to get S an appointment as soon as I can to get testing. If he has documentation, some of this will be less of an issue, as a bit of accommodation will be made. But it is an IF. I have never “heard” of the exact same issues my kiddo has in any research I have done. I am sort of living day by day right now. </p>

<p>On the positive side: He is 3 paragraphs into a 5 page paper (he started it this morning at 9 it is now 10 pm) but it is something and it will be “one down 12 to go” - it’s the history paper. I have not seen it yet. </p>

<p>It scares the crap outta me that it takes him this long BUT the good thing is he has so far followed through with what we set up this morning for the day’s accomplishment. He still claims he will finish it tonight. We’ll see. I hope so. I’ll check out Mel Levine. Thanks</p>

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<p>directly from Levine’s website on writing difficulties </p>

<p>"Higher-Order Thinking Difficulties
Children who have difficulty with higher-order thinking are often unable to use writing to present a sound argument or to convey sophisticated or abstract ideas. A higher-order thinking weakness might manifest itself in a child’s: </p>

<br>

<br>

<p>This fits my kid to a T</p>