The world of dating is very foreign here. My older daughter had a couple of dates Homecoming and Prom) while a senior in highschool. And maybe a couple more that was more of a group hangout than a date. So far in college she hasn’t seemed that interested in a relationship with anyone and hasn’t dated as far as I know. I suspect she will never get married or have kids but may have a long-term relationship eventually.
D16 has never been out on a date and I have no idea of she is interested in dating. While at parent weekend I asked if she was interested in anyone and she said no. I asked if she would tell me if she was and she said no. I requested she let us know if she is dating anyone before she becomes engaged and she said she would give us a solid two weeks notice.
@HappyFace2018 - your visit sounds great! BTW I was thinking about your description of couples who married young and split much later after becoming empty-nesters…that probably meant they had decades of successful marriage, so it doesn’t really sound like an indictment to me.
Anyway, we have had a crazy whirlwind October so far:
Rosh Hashana (2 days), where both my husband and I led portions of our community’s services (DS1 did not come home for any of the holidays so far which seems reasonable; I do expect he’ll come for all the school breaks and Passover)
The following weird schedule week where Monday was off for Columbus Day; Wednesday was Yom Kippur; Friday we took off to to to Princeton for parents’ weekend
Drove back from P on Sunday and that night started Sukkot, and then on Wednesday through this current weekend, my husband was out of town for a business trip…
Parents’ weekend was great at P!! The younger brothers stayed with DS1 in the dorm which I suggested because my little sister stayed with me in mine when I was at school. Everyone had fun, including DH and me getting a weirdly quiet night together with all the kids being somewhere else.
I thought @HappyFace2018 's comment about thinking her DD might come stay with them in the hotel was really interesting; that literally never would have occurred to me (in fact we did the opposite with the brothers!!).
I liked seeing a bunch of DS1’s friends and the Hillel community there, and everyone was very nice. I sat in on one class and it seemed hard to me. Related to the dating thread, I saw a bunch of nice young women and I hope that he does get into a nice relationship in not too long. I’m in the “find spouse in college” category and I think it’s wonderful if you can find someone before your habits are set in stone and in time to have some relaxed couple time but still start having babies in your 20s for health/age/etc. reasons. Obviously, not everyone does find someone that quickly, but I hope my boys will be open to it.
I had to laugh at your sitting in on a class and it being hard. We sat in on two with D16 last week. The first one was biology and I followed it pretty well. The second was calculus. I followed a small amount but I suck at math. They were learning about limits. Towards the end of class D16 turned to me and asked if I was following along. I said yes! The limit does not exist! She then informed me this wasn’t Mean Girls and in fact it did exist.
@fretfulmother interesting perspective on this: "I’m in the “find spouse in college” category and I think it’s wonderful if you can find someone before your habits are set in stone and in time to have some relaxed couple time but still start having babies in your 20s for health/age/etc. reasons. "
I was SO not ready to be married soon after college-there was SO much I didn’t know or understand about myself. While I obviously wouldn’t undo any of it since that one guy led to my ex soon after college, which led to my older kids being born, boy, would I like to go back and slap myself and tell me to just grow up a bit before diving in so deep.
I don’t think my ex and I did ourselves any favors by growing up somewhat together. I’d much RATHER we’d have set a few thing in stone first. I truly believe it’s our maturity that has made my current marriage such a good one. While H and I do have a few habits that might grate on one another, we also know ourselves so much better that neither of us finds ourselves doubting the relationship like I think so many young people do. But of course, none of this matters, as all of our kids will do what they do, with or without our approval.
On this whole dating thing I was hanging out with some people only one year older than me and they were saying how many of their friends (who are like 19/20) are engaged, married, or having kids. I don’t really see the rush but then again my parents didn’t meet until they were both done with college (my mom was in grad school at the time). They didn’t get married until their late 20’s/early 30’s. I personally know that I want to have a good job before I get married and start a family.
D has not had any involvement with boys yet in college and I am quite happy with that. She was a bit too active in high school and I really didn’t care for her taste in boyfriends. I am hoping she will make it through freshman year without dating. I am also hoping her taste matures.
I visited her last weekend. We had a very good visit and she did stay in my hotel room with me for two nights. Things haven’t been great with her roommate so it was a nice break for her to be able to get away. Overall school is going well. Academics are very good, she has made good friends, and I think she has settled on a major. She doesn’t need to declare until next year but she does need some direction for picking courses for next term and she has picked a way to go which she is excited about. She has also become involved in two community service type organizations. Overall we are very pleased with how she is doing.
I’m afraid both our sons inherited my extreme social anxiety. I was convinced that I was invisible to the opposite gender until around 30. I’d be fine if neither got seriously involved until after college, but I hope they don’t go to the extreme I did.
Thanks to a 24 hour airfare price drop we are on our unexpected but so much needed Boston visit. To say it is cold here would be an understatement. With 47F outside and 23mpw wind I feel that my California teeth are freezing. Despite that if you see a girl in Boston in a flip flops it would be @palm715 daughter. If you see a girl in a tank top when everyone is in sweaters and jackets this would be mine, still looking for a California sun in Boston. My mommy’ plan was to go to her dorm and clean a mess, wash her clothes and leave a good amount of food in her freezer when we leave, but my independent girl doesn’t want me anywhere around her dorm. We spend together good amount of time yesterday before she left to spend a night with her friends. We are meeting for breakfast at our hotel now and going shopping before we drop her at her club activities and then reunite again at the evening. She plans to spend a night at our hotel room as she said at a normal, not a bungled bed.It is such a pleasure to be able to hug her again that I ever can easily put up with a long flight and freezing weather.
@Ballerina016, to your defense, it is especially nasty right now, in PA too.
We had a 81 F day the other day, then thunderstorms and lots of rain, and now a cold wind, with highs in the 40s.
I guess it is almost November but why can’t it gradually get colder and not be hot one day and cold the next?
DS is nearly back to campus after his first solo shuttle and air travel from/to campus for his fall break visit home. He seemed rather pleased with himself for getting home on his own, especially because it was nasty weather and his flight was delayed. One more bit of his education in adulting crossed off the list! :-bd
Happy birthday to your boys @carolinamom2boys ! We celebrated DD20’s birthday a bit early so that DS could attend. It was good to have all together for a bit!
“While at parent weekend I asked if she was interested in anyone and she said no. I asked if she would tell me if she was and she said no. I requested she let us know if she is dating anyone before she becomes engaged and she said she would give us a solid two weeks notice.” @livinginLA
“But of course, none of this matters, as all of our kids will do what they do, with or without our approval.” @sseamom
Quotes like the above are what keep me coming back to this thread. That’s truth (and humor) right there.
My D16 has been frustrated by friends who want to push a friendship she is happy to keep ambiguously in that netherworld of not-quite-dating-but-not-quite-just-friends-either into a declared boyfriend/girlfriend maybe you’ll get married someday state. D15 told her to tell all the busybodies, “I am not interested in labeling things” and/or “I do not plan to get married until I am at least 35 and firmly established in my career.”
@mstomper Yes our sweet girl is at GW. She absolutely loves it. They are on Fall Break now so she has a break from classes until Wednesday. She’s preparing for upcoming midterms (she’s heading to the Library of Congress today). She didn’t have to take the freshman writing class because she is in the University Honors Program (had to write three or four additional essays as part of that selection process). She’s really enjoying it so far.
Related to the dating thread, I saw a bunch of nice young women and I hope that he does get into a nice relationship in not too long. I’m in the “find spouse in college” category and I think it’s wonderful if you can find someone before your habits are set in stone and in time to have some relaxed couple time but still start having babies in your 20s for health/age/etc. reasons. Obviously, not everyone does find someone that quickly, but I hope my boys will be open to it.