@mominthemiddle, I’ll echo what some have said that if your D takes a gap year and want to reapply next year as a freshman, she shouldn’t take any classes between now and then as that would put her as a transfer student, not a freshman. That would mean any potential freshman merit aid or other financial aid wouldn’t apply. There often are more spots for freshmen than for transfer students. She may not get space in a dorm if that is what she would want, etc. I am sorry you and your D are stressed about this whole process. I bet that once she chooses a school and settles in, she will enjoy it and the experience there.
@STEM2017 Little to no merit aid for transfer students.
@mominthemiddle I am so sorry you are going through this!! If she really wants to take a year off I would consider deferring an offer she currently has so she has something in her pocket for the following year. If you take a year off and go in a a freshman who writes your rec letters etc?? Best of luck to you hang in there!!!
@thshadow We did not feel UD gave her the best academic options when we compared it to UPitt or Indiana. She wants Psychology with a bit of Fine Arts added in and some forensics/legal twist to it. UPitt and IU both offer that flexibility AND she could graduate in 4 years with hands on research under her belt if she went after it. Hubby and I didn’t see a fit with UD, she was goin off of feeling. I encouraged her to ask questions of kids currently attending, didn’t get in the mix of it. Told her if she did all her research and revisited and still felt it was the one, we’d go for it. She asked a bunch of kids she has texted, both she and I tried to get some answers from administration - it proved frustrating. Hubby and I encouraged her to go take another look. We have offered to fly or drive her anywhere. She still has options that she could look at. After talking to some kids, she is no longer gung ho on UD - why? I have no clue.
BF is still proving to be an issue. We wanted to take her back to UD this weekend, he was home so no go. Of course, being Easter Weekend would not have been the best representation of campus anyway. I offered to take her back to UD, back to IU, to Scranton. At this point, I feel any investment is a good thing if it helps her to make a decision. He is trying to get her to go to Merrimack College in MA this weekend - why? She hasn’t applied there, it’s not on her list, we only have 2 weekends left. I wish he would just respect that she has stuff she needs to get done and not pressure her in other directions - she tells me he isn’t - but why push for Merrimack instead of saying hey, why not visit Scranton, why not revisit UD, why not revisit IU?
As expected, she has regrets about the college process. Some day she has to learn to listen to advice when it is offered up to her from informed sources. She was determined to do things her way, wouldn’t listen to things we offered up, wouldn’t listen to things admissions folks offered up, wouldn’t listen to things guidance offered up and it hasn’t panned out as she wanted. I feel bad for her, but she’s got to learn that some times there really is only one right way, and all other ways will not end up in the same place.
PS - Thanks for all for the information on GAP vs Transfer - I was not aware of how it changes things. Thank you!!!
PS - PS - We had a doc visit today. Doc said he put 4 kids through college and all 4 loved where they ended up although not all 4 were happy initially with their choices. I could have hugged the man for that unsolicited comment - she felt like I set it up - nope, dear, it’s just a common thing. Keep telling her no college can make her happy, a college can make her unhappy if it doesn’t fill her needs, but only she can make herself happy overall by delving in, getting involved and owning where she ends up.
Good luck with your D @mominthemiddle. It seems like a sticky situation.
I can’t offer my guidance other than to say U Del is a fine school, and I know several kids that have attended there and enjoyed themselves and done well. I think your D would probably end up doing fine there and enjoying herself. If not she could always transfer, right?
It’s hard for young kids going to school dealing with relationships at graduation time. I’m relieved son17 is unattached.
When I was his age I was deeply goo goo ga ga over a smart beautiful young lady I had been dating. I was convinced she would be the one. She loved me, Her parents adored me. I decided to go far away to school and she chose a school in Boston. After being gone for a short while she realized that there are plenty of nice young men to date, and I was surrounded by 15,000 female college students. We tried to make it through the years, but it just never worked out in the end. We are still friends ( but I don’t talk to her much) , and her parents still send me notes from time to time. If I had stayed local and tried to attend a college near my girlfriend I think my life would have been totally different. I don’t know if it would have been better or worse, but certainly different. I had some great times during my college years, but it meant risking losing someone close to me. In the end think the risk was worth the reward,
so maybe you could try to explain that kind of logic to your daughter.
I’m sure a lot of you have experienced similar feelings during your school years.
^^^ I think dfbdfb has a song about that @RightCoaster
Yep. The BF part of the equation can have disproportional influence on decisions, attitudes, emotions, everything.
Good luck!
@eandesmom son17 is wearing a UVM lacrosse shirt right now, thought of you and your son. Glad he’s going there. He’s going to have such a good time. I’m going up to Burlington to meet a friend and we are going to get in one more day of spring skiing in.
Mechanical Engineering advice For my nephew - Junior, 4 gpa unweighted, 5.3 weighted, lots of IB/AP. Got 1200 first attempt at SAT - higher in math, expects 1400+ on next round. Wants a campus setting (no city) Rural/Suburban feel. Preferably something within driving distance from Philadelphia but parents think he would travel via plane for merit! I’m thinking up and down the East Coast. (Assuming he increases his SAT score).
He is not sure of major but understands it’s better to get into engineering as direct admit if he can because as someone recently mentioned, it’s easier to transfer out (not sure he’s competitive enough though). I think he needs a school that would allow him to switch majors to a different type of engineering or something strong in the sciences since he’s unsure anyway.
So to all my engineering friends who have just been through this crazy process, I would love to hear your thoughts to pass along!!
So far he’s considering UMD and a couple of local back ups.
@jmek14 @youcee @STEM2017 @NerdMom88 @IABooks @MotherOfDragons @carachel2
Suny? Bucknell? Lafayette? Something in Florida (I forget)
I love that you tagged me but I’m not sure I will be helpful! D wanted a city campus and needed merit so Pitt was pretty much it the whole year. Is your nephew really working to crank that SAT? What year is that score from?
@Fishnlines29 Virginia Tech sounds like it would meet that criteria. I believe they get to sample the engineering majors the first year and declare the 2nd year. @STEM2017 would know more about that since they’re in the thick of it right now. I don’t know if those schools you mentioned require the SAT subject test for Math II, but he would want a good score on that if they do.
@carachel2 Ok, thanks, hard for me to remember the specifics of everyone’s process along the way!
As far as the SAT, I asked the same thing! Apparently he is willing to put the time in. He’ll be taking a 12 week course with this guy that has really good success - he gets results - increases from 200-300 points. I know several families with results like that from him.
@youcee Thanks, I was wondering about VTech and will look into the SAT II requirements to add to my spreadsheet 
@Fishnlines29 if he really wants rural small town and wants some merit, he could look into Clarkson. He has good grades and if he gets his scores at 1400 and over he should get a decent merit package. They have nice engineering facilities and I enjoyed my visit there. It is rural, but there are 3 colleges in the area so there are a decent amount of kids around. The kids that come out of there seem to do pretty well. it’s not a school for everyone, but it’s nice there, and if you have a kid looking for a small-medium size school with a tech focus that doesn’t need a ton of entertainment/shopping/city life etc. then it is a good choice. It’s not super hard to get into because the kids kind of self select themselves to the school. The kids I met were bright, and the admin/coach/teachers were very professional and well organized.
@Fishnlines29 --knowing how much merit is needed would be helpful. What is the budget for sure?
Also—sounds like it may be too late. But our experience was that there is no better test prep method than a motivated kid who is willing to practice on their own. Is he at that point?
Is he taking Calculus this year or next?
Where to begin?
I agree with @youcee that Virginia Tech hits several of your nephew’s criteria. However, students are not direct admitted to their major, they are admitted to General Engineering. At the end of their freshman year they are guaranteed their first choice if they get a 3.0 GPA. Your nephew seems like a strong student and should be able to achieve a 3.0. Also, Virginia Tech is not known for giving merit aid. My S was VERY lucky to land a couple of scholarships there. S is very close to becoming a Hokie. I only have positive things to say about the place.
ETA: VT does not require SAT subject tests. And for the ACT, they only look at Math and English (this really helped my son).
I’ll think of some schools and post.
@RightCoaster Thanks, I’ll take a look at that… Is there any fishing nearby? He loves to fish!
@carachel2 Good question, I told my SIL to figure that out - she has a range depending on school I think, but I told her she needs to figure out her max budget asap. So I don’t really know. I can tell you she wasn’t happy thinking about the 35K our in-state would cost. I’ll ask about calc.
@STEM2017 I personally think “General Engineering” might be better since he’s undecided… and I agree - nice to have that 3.0 guarantee first pick. That’s exciting, your son’s almost made up his mind!!!
@LovetheBard your D has a unique and interesting choice to make in the coming weeks!
I agree with you about the importance of the gut feel. Last Spring Break, my D and I trail blazed through the NE looking at wonderful schools. Looking back, I wish we had spent more time looking at the ones that we were mildly curious about that we passed along the way.
I am so thankful that we decided to go in the opposite direction and travel to Wash U last June. It kept coming up as a good fit through my research and our visit was the best of all the schools we visited and came as a complete surprise to us both. It turned out that that feeling was confirmed on trip number #2 for Scholarship weekend and ultimately was the best fit after all!
Good Luck to you and all making decisions in the coming weeks! It just means that you have a wealth of opportunity!
After a couple of weeks of deliberation over fit, cost, curriculum, and intangibles, D has made her decision and we just sent the deposit!
It is Oberlin.
Oberlin was the first school to really capture her imagination and while there were two other serious contenders, I do believe that it is the best fit among her options. I anticipate four years of personal and intellectual discovery and growth, and the acquisition of an impressive winter wardrobe. She might even acquire some useful skills along the way. She is SO very happy. It is nice to see.
@Fishnlines29 Make sure Lehigh is on his list. Very strong engineering. Close to Philly. Highly regarded.
@RightCoaster awww, thanks. I loved your post to @mominthemiddle btw. I know a very happy junior at UDel, engineering, honors college (deans list etc etc).
Official swag sweatshirt should arrive tomorrow which will be fun.