I always gave my kids a budget early on in the process and made it clear that whatever school they were admitted to that was within budget was fair game. In the end, it didn’t matter if one was a free ride, and she chose a more expensive school as long as it was within the budget that was discussed. It makes it easy, although it may seem somewhat painful. They both were always very interested in the bottom line, probably because we discussed the budget so early on. Neither of them chose their most expensive option.
My DS20 just got the financial package from his last place school and it is super tempting. But it isn’t all about the money. I never thought I would say that. He only applied there because it was free to but the more he looked into it, the more we all looked into it, the more we came to the realization that it isn’t the right place for him (wrong major, in the middle of nowhere, not a lot of opportunity for internships, etc). Then came the financial package and it is hard to give up! But a wrong fit is a wrong fit.
We are still waiting on 4 RD. Funny how time seems to be going so fast this year, except when it comes to waiting for decisions!
Half of DS’s college savings is in an UTMA in his name (gift from grandparents), the rest is in a 529 I own. Our deal is he covers the “personal expenses” line item either working during the school year or summers and all the direct billed stuff we would split between the 529 and the UTMA, so he does have some incentive for going the less expensive route as he can pocket anything left in the UTMA when it’s all over.
Right now I think he’s leaning towards the middle cost choice.
I can really relate to this. DS20’s best financial offer is one at a school that brings costs down to comparable to our instate flagship. He got into the honors program, has been offered a spot on the team for his sport–it all looks perfect on paper, but in the end, it’s just not really the place for him and is coming off the list. Fit is both huge and elusive.
@milgymfam did your D make it to Goucher for a visit yet? I really liked that place…
So D20 has eliminated 4 out of 5 of the EA schools because it was higher up on her list. We really eliminated schools that were not good fits during the visiting phase prior to application. We made the agreement that she would not apply to any schools that she will not be happy to attend. Of course she did rank these schools. She is aware that loans are not on the table at all and she is aware that any school that went above the budget that she was allotted would not be a contender. We are awaiting decisions for 12 RD schools. Any school that is above the budget will be eliminated regardless of where it ranks. We have also had a discussion about not just deciding what you want because we all want things that may not be to our benefit but also making responsible decisions taking into consideration fit, major, demographics, diversity and the budget and what it includes. It was a difficult conversation but there will be no surprises as to which schools, if accepted does not meet the guidelines discussed. We may have to mourn a bit but in the end the schools she applied to are the schools that she said that she can be happy at.
@DeeCee36 , no she hasn’t. She was supposed to be dancing there this upcoming Sunday for a scholarship, but her dance company is requiring her to be in a promo video, so we won’t get to go until mid-March
I agree with @MamaFx3 Students do not need to apply to a dozen plus schools. They can only attend 1. Yes, casting a wide net has its appeal, but the reality is that students who apply wisely and don’t over reach or place all their hopes in reach schools should not need to apply to 12+ schools. Over applying dilutes application quality, feeds application fatigue, and is not an optimal approach. Most srs are putting out 100%+. It isn’t that colleges aren’t aware.
Schools make applications difficult with additional hoops to jump through (essays, interviews, etc) for a couple of reasons-- 1) to get a more holistic view of the student, but equally 2) to deter students who aren’t fully vested in attending from applying. How many students decide against applying to a school or applying to an honors college or applying for a scholarship b/c of its application hoops? Plenty. It’s intentional. 
This is similar to our approach with our kids as well. They spend their childhoods knowing that wants are weighed against needs and that the 2 are not the same thing. Costs are weighed in terms of how they impact their siblings and the entire family. They are used to being told no, they cannot have whatever/do whatever/attend whatever bc the benefit does not outweigh its cost to our family. College for them has been no different.
They apply only to schools they are willing to attend. They know there is no magical yes simply due to acceptance. We have to weigh the final costs of their various options. Fit, as defined by our family, is major, course availability that matches their level of achievement (this has been a significant pre-application filter for our kids b/c some of them have graduated from high school ready to take 400 level in major courses as 2nd semester freshman), research opportunities, and cost.
We really don’t agonize over college options. Our perspective is that this country is full of great schools that open doors to good careers/grad schools, etc. We don’t believe they endure huge sacrifices/losses b/c they attend school C over school A. A different path? Maybe. But every decision in life leads to a different path. We are more a life is what you make it POV family. (We fully agree with Bruni’s sentiment: "Where you go is not who you’ll be.)
FWIW, our adult kids’ careers have not been negatively impacted by this approach. They are have great careers/accepted to top grad programs, etc. And, financially, college has not been a financial strain on our family. (That is a huge blessing. One our kids value, as well.)
Wow, the month of March is almost here and it is exciting to see how we are all getting a little closer to some decisions. For some of us, there have been some ups and downs (admissions, financials, etc), but based on my experience with D18 just a few years ago, it all works out at the end.
S20 applied to 7 Large Flagships and it even though, he was admitted to his top two OOS choices (UW and tOSU), I do not believe neither one will be financial options .due to the lack of merit as of today. However, none of this is a shock to us as the financial conversations took place very early in the process and we knew full well that this could happen. Disappointing yes, but it is not the end of the road. There had to be a reason why he applied to all these schools. He liked them all. Some more than others, but these were the “chosen” ones. However, It is interesting to see how the number “3” or “4” school can all of a sudden become the number one school. This is where schools such as UMN, UGA, and FSU will get their second looks and perhaps UF if he gets accepted.
I remember touring a few schools with him where he just popped the question “how I decide which school I will attend. I see myself at many these places?” and I remember saying “no need to worry about that right now. It will come down to just a few schools” Well here we are. D18 knew by December, but I have a feeling that on this go around, it is going to take a little longer.
@Boomer1964 My daughter is going down for her second visit to FSU in March. Good luck to your son with the decision making process!
Why do kids need a limo for 10 hours at $150 per hour for the prom? How much do you tip the limo driver as that is not included? I am spending this time while waiting on the RD results to come out, doing some prom planning.
Oh – have fun! Please post a trip report when you get back. 
@janiemiranda Thank you and same to you… FSU is just one of those schools that just keeps getting more and more competitive every year A great value even as an OOS applicant. The current boost in rankings will continue to be an application boost and well as a more selective destination.
@amsunshine. Absolutely!!!
This looks like our college journey is coming to an end. We went to UMN-TC Honors College day yesterday. Couldn’t been much more impressed. Had a panel for parents to ask questions to. It seemed every one was answered. students with like majors got to listen a professor who was somewhat close to their majors. They had a student honors panel give their prospective. Also they answered students. Apparently dorm food was asked by more than one. My D20 was positive on UMN and I was pretty sure. My wife wasn’t so sure. All three of us are yes now on UMN. Just waiting on the final cost.
Congrats @Cole2020!
@cshell2 I’m sorry your UMN visit was underwhelming to say the least. I live in MN and -35º is no fun - the next day was a temp swing of 65º to almost 30 above! Is that one of the top 3 though?
@Cole2020 Did you already get invited to honors? D20 was accepted but she does not seem to know about the honors piece. How did you find that out?
We were accepted at UMN and a week later got invited into the honors program. There was a letter telling us about it and you had to register online on one-off the dates. I believe there is a regular on here that’s doing it march
@Mom2aphysicsgeek- Though I am one of those who did cast a wide net I can appreciate your perspective. Applying to colleges has become so much more complicated since S09 applied. I see many students with higher GPA’s, SATs, ACTs, more ECs, and have basically found the cure for cancer get denied to many schools to their surprise as well as every one else’s. I have seen here on CC these high Stats kids scrambling for rolling admissions or taking a gap year because they were not accepted anywhere and to tell the truth it scared the heck out of me for D20. I knew that she would get into a school (I think) but whether it was going to meet our budget was questionable, so I was quite surprised that she received as many acceptances as she has so far. Perhaps I did over reach but am so happy that with all of the work that DD20 put in we are able to say that we have at last one affordable option so far that she is happy with if nothing else came through. It was also mentioned that you can only go to one school and I agree but who knows that you are going to get into that one school because everything is so unpredictable. When we visited Brown, our tour guide told us that Brown was the only school that she applied to. I guess we just didn’t have that kind of faith, especially knowing that finances plays a factor. I’m excited though to see what RD brings…all 12 of them 
Waiting on 15 RD here. I know, totally overkill. What I think helped the most was applying EA to some colleges that did not need supplementary essays - like Northeastern and U Maryland. It makes waiting for RD so much easier with some good acceptances in hand.
Speaking of U Maryland, if anyone knows anything about U Maryland College Park - for physics, accepted to Honors college, I would appeciate the feedback. We are trying to narrow down colleges for accepted student days.