Parents of the HS Class of 2021 (Part 1)

Parents Forum Class of 20xx Community
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Thanks, @Faithabove, I guess I think that genuine personal growth for kids and adults (inner and outer) requires a lot of time for living un-self consciously, and then, in good time, reflecting (voluntarily, often to no one but oneself) in a non-pressured way. Reflection, insight, and “finding a way forward “ often takes months or years after an event. All the constant pressure on kids to produce, produce produce on a tight schedule, on demand and then, in quick turnaround to demonstrate insight (when there is little time for reflection and insight) is just a recipe for young people learning to package themselves in slick ways…I’m afraid what is being demanded often results less in genuine character development than marketing skill and self-promotion. So, fine, one college essay is an opportunity to show something of one’s inner self and outer accomplishments, interests. But the demand for young people to showcase their performance (Or their attitudes, or state of mind) during this time is just too much. maybe they’re in the middle of the tornado right now and just trying to cope. Maybe they are private people and not ready to expound on their insights of this experience yet. Maybe they don’t yet see the way forward. Maybe they are frightened of all the crises happening at once these days, not just about the pandemic.

How about this? My D is a only kid. She has a older mom (63) with a health concern that has mom terrified of landing in the hospital. Virtually all of D’s friends have been living as if there was no pandemic (beach trips, slumber parties, the whole nine yards…and we’re not talking about kids doing this in sealed-off pods like some of your kids have) so D was not allowed to see anyone for months. Only saw her boyfriend a couple of times this summer. No siblings or other relatives around. No zoom classes all spring…”school” was just assignments given online. She FaceTimed with two best friends and texted with a few others. Even if I allowed her to take a job (I wouldn’t) this is an economically-depressed town where other kids needed those jobs a whole lot more than my D. D didn’t get out of School (non-school) until mid-June, and then she felt she needed a break. She didn’t plan anything big (such as an online course or online volunteer work…which,incidentally, I’m not sure she was even aware Online volunteering was a thing she could do) because her band teacher kept telling students that band camp would happen in a few weeks (which is an exhausting, all-day strenuous thing so she wanted to rest before it started). She read a few books, walked the dog with me, ran, bicycled, played tennis a bit with dad, studied for SATs and, yes, spent a lotof time on Instagram, YouTube, Netflix, TikTok. When band camp was cancelled she emailed the advisor for NHS if she could set up tutoring among NHS kids for other classmates. She was told that there were privacy concerns of how to set that up on the school’s system but that the advisor would talk to other teachers to see if that could be worked out… That hasn’t happened yet. my D (who had never in her life reported being depressed) has lately struggled mightily to not get sunk in it. over it. she doesn’t have anything to add to her “story” of herself and her grit and resilience. Fortunately she doesn’t have anything tragic or dire to report. Just the normal response of a normal kid who is not feeling so heroic right now. So, what should she, a very private person, write to AO’s that proves her grit and insight and way to move forward? heck, she (like everybody else) doesn’t have any idea how long this thing will last or whether there will be In-school school this year (at least there are zoom classes in the mornings now) or whether colleges will be able to open next fall. Seems to me a lot of adults don’t have a lot of wisdom or insight right now and it’s a lot to ask 17 and 18-year olds to produce evidence of it, along with grit and resilience and ideas of moving forward.

My kid really doesn’t know what to do right now other than what she has been doing and focusing on schoolwork and college apps. Frankly, (to keep our family and others safe) she is not allowed to do much. Is she supposed to write about that? Should she have figured out how to do some kind of online fundraising this summer? I’m not literally asking any of you to answer the question, just saying of these demands…it’s a lot. I understand college admissions being competitive in normal times. But when it comes to comparing the performance of kids once Covid began, I think AOs should Give. Kids. A BREAK. A lot of kids are struggling with depression or on the the edge of depression at this time. However, students have been warned over and over not to write about that in college admisssions. I would say that some (certainly not all) of the kids who are not depressed right now may be happier precisely because they are NOT doing the right things to stay safe and keep other people safe. Or they live in situations where it’s possible to form safer pods. If not, It’s hard to be productive when you’re sad and lonely a lot of the time. But this is not a story she can tell without coming across as whiny or self-absorbed.

Some of the kindest people are quiet and rather humble, and uncomfortable figuring out how to sell themselves. Doesn’t mean they are lesser people. Some days I’m ready to throw in the towel and send D to the state directional in the next town over, full ride.

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@inthegarden – I agree that COVID growth stories are a lot to expect our teens to write in a way that works to their advantage. Our kids don’t need this extra hoop so I’m putting it out of mind.

Hugs to you and your D. This is such a hard time. She’ll be fine. She’s enough. You’re enough. She’s lucky to have you as her Mom. Hang in there!

(PS – my S21 spent most of his summer playing video games b/c he too was staying safe and not seeing friends except an occasional camping, kayaking or frisbee golf outing)

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@3kids2dogs kindly shared the FAQs about the COVID section in the Common App in post #8761. It sounds like some AOs and perhaps the author of that WSJ article haven’t read them! One more thing for the kids to compose exactly right - don’t they have enough on their plates?

@inthegarden Hugs to your kiddo!

As for having to check the portal AFTER submitting the application as an indicator of demonstrated interest, don’t get me started …

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Honestly, I was feeling pretty optimistic this evening before reading that article.

Two days ago I buried my fear of going out in the world with this virus and took D on an overnight college trip (Saw two schools…both have no tours and are officially not opened to visitors but both allow people to walk around…one AO even told us to get maps and tour brochures in the lobby of the admissions office). Both schools had some students on campus, masked and distanced and it was possible to get at least some feeling of the vibes.

The result is that D found a dream school now but it is a reach school. Not ready to share yet what it is for fear of jinxing it. But D has worked hard this summer to prep for the SAT (which I think WILL happen as it is planned for our local students only) and she has been able so far to raise her math score around ninety points higher on practice tests and still,prepping so I have been thinking she has a chance ED. But this article playing down the SAT while increasing the pressure in yet a new way just takes the breath right out of me… For all of your kids who could not get a test I am genuinely glad that testing pressure is lessened. But if the value of all the time my D spent prepping for that math score will be diminished in An AO’s mind because it meant she did not do some kind of innovative volunteer work or job or EC instead this summer that transcended the limitations of the pandemic, well, I’m just tired and sad thinking maybe I steered her in the wrong direction just when she has a glimmer of hope about a dream school that she thinks might be in reach if she gets that math score up.

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@inthegarden It’s one article. I don’t think there is consensus on this question.

Also nearly everybody is saying that ED will matter a lot this year. So if your child is able to apply ED, that will be a plus. I’m glad she found an option that she really likes.

Taking the SAT and doing well on it will not be meaningless. Every data point will be considered.

I honestly don’t believe that how a teenager spins COVID is going to make or break their application. My kid has decided not to fill it out. It feels like a minefield.

Best of luck with your daughter’s application. I hope we will be able to celebrate with you in a couple of months.

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Thank you @mamaedefamilia…I appreciate your being so kind and helpful, as always ?

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@inthegarden I started to worry about some of that, too, as my D hasn’t changed the world during Covid, either. But looking around I just see all the kids doing the best they can in their circumstances, including taking some space from responsibility. My D’s app is mostly about everything before these 6 months - it might help if you look at your D’s app overall and remind yourself of her whole story and wonderfulness.

So my D isn’t doing much at all about Covid on her app but I did suggest that she prepare an answer to the “what did you do during Covid” question if it’s asked during an interview.

Has anyone who’s kids have had interviews had that question asked? I can imagine it would even just come up conversationally.

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I completely understand what you are going through! Overwhelming is an understatement this year! But I hope that the AOs will understand the situation and most of us are in this together. So don’t worry.

Thank you! I am very happy to hear this!

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Thanks for your replies re: need blind schools. I always figured that AOs would make some assumptions about need by reading the app and looking at parent info…but there is still considerable differences in admitting students whose parents could pay 75% of COE vs 100%…wondered if need blind schools had models that looked at things like parent education, age, census tract, etc. and then attached a % likelihood of needing aid and factored that in in any consistent way. I don’t think we really know.

I have a D19 and D21 and I have never seen a portal let alone know there was any info like this in them. I have no idea how I’d even access them. Blissful ignorance can be a good thing:).

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@inthegarden we had a similar summer. Including the struggles with mood. And feeling the same about the local directional! Mine will leave the COVID section blank. She did take a couple of online classes this summer but due to her funk, barely completed them so not much to talk about there either. Hugs from a kindred spirit over here.

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I wonder if AO’s are seeing more, less, or the same number of applicants as this time last year? It seems it could be fewer as there is more emphasis on writing the essays this year which could slow down the actually submitting the applications process. Has anyone heard feedback about the number of applications so far?

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@ChillyCow I haven’t heard anything about how many apps are in so far.

I do wonder about ED apps. We will see those numbers eventually. We keep hearing that ED will be a bigger bump and wondering if that number goes up. On the flip side, of course, fewer kids got to visit schools to choose an ED school.

We joked back in March that D might have to choose a school sight unseen. It’s not so funny anymore. I think colleges aren’t going to look that much different this spring and visits might not happen or, if they do, they won’t tell us all that much. Won’t be able to go to class, stay over night, etc.

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@smiles2122 – My S got a ‘what did you do during COVID’ question in a college interview and he wasn’t prepared, alas. He said he talked about playing video games, and said “I was staying safe and could stay connected to my community while doing so.” Not terrible b/c he showed he cares about doing his part during the pandemic and values his community.

BUT the fact is he also joined an anti-racist book group that met over zoom, he taught himself more coding, and did some other self-learning things he could have mentioned. Oh well. He’s got one more coming up this Fall so hopefully he’ll do better if he gets that question again!

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@ChillyCow - Great question. Would love to know the data on that.

S has chopped a few schools off his list already the last several weeks b/c when it gets down to it, fewer essays to write when he’d be totally happy at any of the remaining schools on his list.

Initially he had like 15 and now he’s down to 9. Some days I’m happy to consider cutting it down to 4. (But he rolls his eyes at me when I throw that out there to him.) He has more stamina that me.

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@inthegarden - I love your posts. You are a very caring, loving mom!!!

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DS has submitted 9 EA apps so far and 2 more hopefully this weekend. Next up are his super reaches…his goal was(is) to finish all by Nov 1 and I hope he can still do that, but he is getting quite busy.

He has only had two interviews so far and it seems like they went ok from his description. As always, it seems like he could have answered something a little better but difficult to do on the spot.

I will be glad when he is done with apps and hopefully acceptances start coming in so we can plan a few visits and try to better compare.

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@123Mom123 D just cut Tulane. Really poorly executed regional virtual info session with the AO who would read her app. Just a mess. We saw most of it together and were just annoyed. When it was over, I told her that she’s got other schools on her list she seems more excited about and it’s fine with me if she forgets about Tulane. I barely finished my sentence before she said yes, drop it.

So, now she only has two essays left to write. She hadn’t written the Why Tulane one yet and knew it was going to take some time so she’s relieved.

School is really picking up and become pretty stressful APs moving fast - quizzes and tests every week in each one. She’s stranded in her bedroom for class for hours a day. Thank goodness she can go to dance three times a week and she’s good about getting out and doing homework at friends’ houses when it makes sense. I worry about wintertime. I think I might start planning a trip to CA for January to get out of dodge and the cold. If she gets into LMU in Dec, we can walk around campus.

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How do you think visits will go? Are those schools open to visitors or having tours? Most of D’s schools are allowing prospective students to come to campus but you just have to do a self tour. Some aren’t allowing visitors at all. And some don’t even have any students on campus at all so what would even be the point.

Come spring, if these schools can’t have admitted students on campus, that will be the second year in a row. Wonder if that makes them all worry about yield. This time it’s even worse because the 2021 kids are even less likely to be able to visit before applying. At least the 2020 kids had a chance to visit before they applied.

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@homerdog – I agree, but somehow I expect more colleges will do at least outdoor only tours in the Spring. They will feel the need to attract kids!

I expect in-person admitted students days, if they happen, will be short 3/4 day affairs so people can drive or fly in and out – no overnights and lots of social distancing. Though possible overnights if students get tested on arrival and then stay in a hotel – can’t imagine they bunk with students as is typical even if they are tested.

It’s possible tippy top colleges won’t let any prospective students on campus, but most will feel the need to figure something out – they need our kids!

State travel restrictions are another issue, of course. As well as folks’ reluctance to travel, period.

Who knows – I’m just musing here. Will be interesting to see.

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@AlmostThere2018 Who knows. They all prepared admitted student programs last year without visits so I think they’ve done the work and could easily only offer that again this year. So many campuses don’t want visitors and they wouldn’t want to risk an outbreak before finals. Just feeling a little pessimistic. For D, even if a school does not have admitted student days in person, she’d have to go even to just walk around. I’d try to find a student we know to show us around. Most of her schools have a student from our high school even if we don’t know them. I’d probably have her reach out to them.