Fantastic that your daughter was able to stick with things and pull up her grades! I followed the 2021 3.0-3.4 thread for my S21, and he is now attending a college where he might take exactly zero math classes (open curriculum). 
My husband and I had our concerns about how his first semester in college would go, and there were some bumps especially the first 3-4 weeks, but I think heâs figuring it all out, and Iâm really curious to see his grades at the end of this first semester - I think theyâre going to be fine, he seems happy, and his growth is noticeable in lots of ways (including his hair lol). Kudos to your D.
2 Likes
Perhaps the parents in this thread can help me with a few things I need to work on.
-
The Junior Meeting
The counselors have started scheduling âjunior meetingsâ with members of the Class of 2023 during English classes. I saw an email about this and have not yet jumped on it. My oldest is according to the pre-ACT, not quite ready in a few subjects. He also is very resistant to talking about future plans. I have to be careful in not doing the planning for him. He has no interest, other than watching episodes of âCommunityâ on TV. He says he is not ready to make decisions. How should I prepare for this meeting? How can I help him get more active in planning? We have become major introverts and we just got over 2 weeks of COVID. -
The ACT.
Is he supposed to take a prep class? Which one? I think all the kids in our state take it in March but I see people taking it in December? Argh! What do I do? -
The finances
I have not had a lot of financial conversations with the kiddos except to say that we will help and they shall not take out loans. I conservatively told oldest that we can give him $10k a year. I think that is probably being cheap with him and we could probably give him $15k a year. Does this sound terrible? In theory we have saved our whole lives but how much do you give to your kids? We have 3 kids. Our income and savings are above average but not insanely high where money is no object. Also, I have the nagging feeling that we maybe could just gift them $15k a year and maybe they would be better off with the cash? What if my oldest sucks at school? Really, we could very likely give him $20k a year but that is a lot. That is likely our max. We expect that the kids will work and also take an interest in their education. If I felt my kids had some direction I would have no reservations being all in with the financial support but it feels dicey.
Thanks for any and all advice and hand holding!
@ScouterMomof3 hereâs my free advice (and you may find it as helpful as it is priced).
Figure out the budget you are willing to pay for school, and then find schools that meet your budget so that you can help your child understand the school options that will fit your familyâs budget. A budget in a vacuum helps no one during this process.
We determined our family budget based upon what we are/were able and willing to provide per year that we, as parents, wouldnât be angry having spent if things went completely sideways with our children (due to fate or fault). Basically, how much money per year could we give to our children that if they basically blew it at college, it would never be a sticking point in our relationship or a club to beat them with. It became a gift in the true sense of the word, no obligation or expectation.
D20 is in her 2nd year of college, loves the school she attends, has had opportunities beyond what we would have expected for any student and we are paying below our max budget amount. Win win all around for our oldest.
Others probably (definitely!) have different ways of determining budget. And I will be honest that during the college search and admission process, there were lots of tears on the part of D20 when it became clear that our budget and her taste in colleges werenât an initial match. I am glad we determined a fixed budget and clearly communicated it with her very early in the process, that did not necessarily mean it was all smooth sailing. What it was was clear and unequivocal. Which I believed helped immensely in shaping the very appropriate list of colleges D20 applied to and part of the reason she had such a good transition to the college she is attending.
D20 was one and done with both the SAT and ACT. She had determined a target score she was hoping to hit, she exceeded that by a couple points on the ACT and we didnât see any point in trying to achieve âperfectionâ. She had significant discrepancy between her ACT and SAT scores, so only sent the ACT results. Figuring out what use you see the score having (are you trying to hit the middle 50% at a target school, are you trying to hit a score that will lead to large merit awards which probably mean needing to be in the top 25 or higher %) helped us determine test strategy for D20.
D23, on the other hand, is a terrible test taker, or in recent parlance - her test taking scores are discrepant to the rest of her application materials so will be applying test optional. She does have a strong GPA and great ECs, but her college list and strategy will be quite different from her sisterâs. I think both work well, as long as you think through what you are looking for and not through rose colored glasses. And again, budget has much more to do with the lists both girls will have access to rather than test scores.
It might help you to read The Price you pay for college by Ron Lieber and Jeff Selingoâs book that came out a year or so ago. Both can be very helpful for families in determining how to create a college list with budget constraints and how to conduct a college search focusing on fit with your student.
4 Likes
-
S23 is the middle kid so he has already seen big bro go through some of the transition to adulthood which helps. I was clear with my kids that they have to make some choice after hs graduation as I would not allow them to live at home free of charge and do nothing. I am also very clear that starting on a path does not mean you have to finish that path. That it is acceptable to change directions as long as one is being financially self sufficient and making forward progress. My kids just had to be open to trying some things. Some things to help the conversation were âwhat do you know for sure you do NOT want to do?â and âwhat do you think you are good atâ and âwhat types of activity make you happy?.â
-
My kid would be resistant to an ACT prep class. I do know the teachers do ramp up their ACT prep in their classes the start of next year for the March ACT date. I have an old ACT practice book that I may have him do a page or two in areas where he got lower scores on his preACT but that is all. My son is not aiming for competitive colleges so I am not stressing over his ACT score. He will likely end up around a 29-31 and we will all still survive.
-
I am divorced and my ex is not forthcoming with an amount they will help with so that makes things harder for me. I do know I myself could likely help with 1000/month or so. I do have some money put away that I can pull from as well. My S23 does plan on working a few hours a week in college to help pay for his own stuff as well. I can only hope that my ex gives a little bit of support with either tuition or living expenses.
4 Likes
A 29-31 is very good! I am hoping that my DS23 hits a 25. That might be a stretch for him. Sadly, the average at our high school is currently, get this⊠an 18. Sigh. I think he will do better than an 18 but I am very nervous.
Good idea to pick a number that we would be OK just⊠throwing away⊠but Lord, I do not like throwing away money. I have to discuss this with my husband, which is likely to be rough as he has been largely uninterested. Reality of all of this is coming up soon!
1 Like
So my DS23 plans to tell the counselor that he wants to work in a garden or be a maintenance worker. The counselors in prior years seem to be just fine with him choosing something low-level. In middle school he said he wanted to work in a health office. and the teachers seemed to think that is OK. Imagining my son working as a medical receptionist is frankly ridiculous.
I have no idea how to get through to him or the counselors.
OK, he says âgardening or maintenance â that seems easyâ.
So he likes science stuff and something perhaps where he can mostly work alone or not in large groups and maybe be more hands on. Starting at a tech school might be perfect for him.
Fox Valley has aircraft electronics, steamfitting, wind energy tech, safety engineering, or even being an auto mechanic. All those would allow him to be employable which is the most important.
2 Likes
Yes, maybe a tech school. I made a spreadsheet yesterday with options for him and shared it. He emailed his counselor asking to schedule the junior meeting (the appointment link didnât work) and he also asked to get into the ACT prep course, xello? (his login didnât work). I am frustrated but we will plod along.
For schools, I made a list ofâŠ
- UW Eau Claire (I hope to send him and his brother to a choir camp there this summer)
- UW La Crosse
- UW Stevens Point
- UW Oshkosh
- UW Platteville
- UW Stout
- UWM @ Waukesha or Washington County (2 year start-out)
- Waukesha County Technical
- Fox Valley Technical
- Western Tech
Waukesha and Washington County are both 30-40 minute drives from home. I am frankly terrified of him commuting, because of all he driving and he is still young, immature and inexperienced. This sounds dramatic but I want my kid to live. I have likely undiagnosed ADHD and in my early 20âs I was not a good driver with a few crashes, thankfully no injuries but⊠itâs terrifying to think of my kid doing all that driving. Am I being too overprotecive? We could look at finding an apartment near either Waukesha or Washington County. That kills all the savings though.
I was surprised that UW Oshkosh was the most expensive. I was surprised that UWSP is still requiring masks and is sounds like daily health checks for unvaxed kids.
UWSP has a lot of nature focus, as does Eau Claire. Right now, I would ship him off to Eau Claire if he can get in and feels confident. My son will be on the low side of acceptance stats, but I think he can get into these schools. I think some schools will want men, I think that because he sings he could be grabbed by a choir and maybe get a small scholarship. A dally choir is good because itâs a great brain break, IMO, and also a place to belong and have some socialization right off the bat.
Plat and Stout are on there if he wants engineering. Stout is marketing itself as a polytechnic. I just donât know if that is good. It seems that EC and LC are most highly regarded for teacher quality. Online student reviews are hard to evaluate.
Iâm going to have him take a questionnaire about interests on the Fox Valley Tech web site. Are there any other good quizzes out there for helping kids towards a major? I think he can go in as a âscience kidâ and then find his way after the first couple years.
He says he prefers a 4 year school. I hope we can find a place where he can thrive. I was going to say survive, but we need to aim higher than that.
I have not included any private schools because I think the publics will have more robust labs and science resources. I also think his grades are too low to get merit? I went to Carroll, I grew up near St. Norbert and I have read about Lawrence but my husband is anti-liberal arts (heâs an engineer, LOL) and I think my son is going to need the career connections coming out of a bigger university or a well-connected tech school.
Shoot, I forgot to put UW River Falls on the list. (A cousin 2 years older is going there.)
@ScouterMomof3 - my brother in law, who is not academic and really did not like school, went to Clemson and has a degree in horticulture. He took that degree and went to work for a huge greenhouse operation that supplies all the plants for some major golf courses and also development chains. It can be a real job. He might also be interested in learning about greenskeeping - which is maintenance but I think it also involves some interesting science/chemistry. OrâŠmaybe he works for a year out of high school doing gardening/maintenance and realizes that he is going to need something more but heâs just not ready right now to make that kind of life decision? I am seeing that with a lot of friendâs kids-they are so burnt out on school (maybe because of the pandemic) and they are just not enthused about moving on the next step (college) at all.
5 Likes
Yes, a gap year is a possibility but part of this is pushing the kiddo out of the house. He is very, very introverted. If he can work a job or volunteer and not sit at home on video games it could work. We live near a fairly large botanic garden. Sounds like the kiddo needs to get some volunteer hours there this spring and summer.
Thanks for giving me more hope!
I do not know about your state but NC State here has terrific programs in agriculture and ag engineering. I am linking the site:
These kids generally speaking end up a-ok. What I am starting to realize is that there are so many out of the box career options now for kids that it is amazing!
Your kid sounds a lot like my DS23. They will figure it out one day. In the meantime, we will support and guide as best as we can.
2 Likes
I have a friends daughter at eau Claire for marketing and loves it.
My kid loves being around people but yet has horrible social anxiety. He would have stayed holed up in his room if he commuted. Dorming at western tech was perfect for him.
Amtrack is right near campus there and took the same time as driving. Didnât have to worry about him driving home on icy roads. Student fare was pretty cheap too. My son liked it actually.
Uwsp would be great too.
Eta: I totally understand 4 yr preferred. Western Tech has many transfer agreements with 4 year colleges. Being in lax with 3 colleges almost in walking distance of each other was a huge plus for my kid. Heâs had roommates from viterbo and uw lax. Itâs a big mix up there.
Also. Look for summer seasonal jobs at steins. My kid did that for 2 years.
1 Like
Even before I read the message about your son getting out of the house, I was going to recommend a part time job. Sometimes it just takes that first job for kids to realize that they might want more than an hourly, manual labor job (and sometimes not!) But it would be a good way to help him think about the future and what he wants in a job or career.
Sounds like you are moving along on the other stuff!
4 Likes
My sonâs PSAT scores came it. Solid 1300 (97th percentile). NMSQT selection index is 200, so wonât qualify for semi-finals and wonât be commended. He is a little bummed because his math subscore is lower than reading/writing. It is usually the other way around. He told me that he was out of time and panicked. Apparently, did better on his SAT. For us, anything over 1350 will be a huge win. We shall find out in 10 days or so.
Grades so far this semester are meh. Mostly Bs and one C (AP Calc AB/BC yearlong). We had a little talk about this. I think he realizes that a meh GPA and lack of ECs wonât do him any favors unless he kills it on the SAT. No interest still in looking up colleges etc. I think I need a mental break from trying to goad him into being more ambitious. I suppose he will have to sort all of this out on his own at some point.
7 Likes
D23 went up 110 point in her PSAT. So now her score is just about 1000 even. But not quite. But Iâm glad she had an upward trajectory, a lot of the game with her is just not getting discouraged and keeping at it. Hopefully, she will take a prep class this winter, take the real thing in March, and get a score around 1050. If she can do that, I think there are plenty of schools that she can apply to successfully. If she canât break 1000, I think we will have to focus on test-optional schools. Sheâs pretty good with concrete goals, so hopefully sheâll make it happen. I am dying to take her to see some schools but I think that really canât happen til spring since we are now getting into ski season and that will take up our weekends.
7 Likes
Thanks for the reminder that PSAT results are coming out. I will ask DS23 and DS24 if theyâve gotten theirs. Sometimes they are shoved in the backpack. Itâs the first time they each have taken it. I am concerned about DS23âs college readiness, so it will be interesting to see how it went.
Our school does not do PSAT, only pre ACT. We must be weird. 
1 Like
It sounds like you both need a break from this. Enjoy the holidays. You have time.
There are many juniors struggling to ramp back up after Covid.
When does semester 1 end for him? It may help to meet with the guidance counselor and look at his S2 classes and options. Is there something he is motivated to take or may help him find his interests?
Is the C in Calc due to missing homework or an overall struggle? Is the class a combo of AB and BC and they take both classes at the end of the year? That is a lot for most kids and not usually recommended. Can he take Calc Honors in the spring and come back to AP or a Dual enrollment class later? Maybe meet with his math teacher to identify any gaps.
2 Likes
Semester ends second week of Jan. Yes, it is Calculus AB and then BC. Our public HS does not have calculus hon. Either you take AP or dual enroll. I had a chat with my son. He wants to continue and really likes the teacher and class. I figured that if he can pull off a B at the end of the class then it will be worth it. We shall wait until the end of the semester to decide. It is just a hard class for many students.
2 Likes
It is more than a hard class. College Board never intended those to classes to be stacked like that. You can tell that when you look at the schedule for the AP tests and see that both tests are at the same time. College Board schedules overlapping tests when they do not think anyone would be taking both classes the same year.
That means that one test has to be rescheduled and pushed out to a make up date. It is normally rare.
The kids are in all different places with gaps in understanding this year in math after a year and a half of Covid learning. Make sure you help your son figure out where he needs help. If he is struggling now, it will get tougher in the coming months. Calc is naturally the first time many gifted and talented kids struggle in math. They do not know how to ask for help.
2 Likes