Sounds to me like you are doing everything right. I’m so sorry that you are all going through this right now!
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I would suggest that him seeing a therapist is entirely consistent with his dad’s claim that “the kid just needs love and support”—that is (with the recognition that love from a therapist means something rather different than from a parent) pretty much therapists’ stock in trade.
@2plustrio (((hugs)))
I am so sorry you and your son are dealing with this hard stuff. Parenting never gets easier, does it? Getting a good therapist for your son is such a loving, supportive decision on your part.
Please remember to practice self-care as well. You need love and support as well!
Both sophomore and junior year during D20 high school was me silently repeating, “This, too, shall pass” A LOT. With a good therapist helping D20 and my fingers and toes crossed way more times than is comfortable remembering.
Coincidentally, she called me this morning to thank me for getting her a good therapist in high school as she said it has made all the difference in college. 
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Been divorced for over 11 years. Sadly, therapy has been used in the past as a tool to drudge up marital and divorce issues by my ex. In fact, when we got the call from the school and I recommended therapy for the kid, my ex has said no or only if its “family therapy” of which the kid is adamantly opposed to. Kid has had enough of our drama through the years and has happily enjoyed the “peace” that began 2 years ago. Ex did allow the kid to see a therapist at school a few times end of last year but my son didn’t like it and couldnt open up as he feel awkward as sessions were at school during his study hall. Kid himself goes between “I will never see a therapist and if you make me I will sit there silent” to then a few minutes later saying “I think I may need medication and I don’t know what I’m doing because Im only 16.”
Ex ruined his relationship with our oldest 5 years ago and just started to try to rebuild it. Because of that (along with other things), S23 hates his stepmom with a passion and tells dad this. But even with all that, S23 has been the golden child all his life. So while this event is by no means positive, I am hoping it is a huge teaching lesson for him. Sadly I dont think it will be as effective though as he goes to dads this weekend and dad is still on the “mom is too harsh” train of thought which doesnt send a unified message to S23 and he is smart enough to manipulate to his advantage there.
Thanks for the support and letting me vent. I am embarrassed and mortified my son did this. Thankful I had off work this week.
Pls don’t be embarrassed. You are not your son and can’t be respond for everything they do. They also have some responsibility. Please take time to take care of your self. All the best.
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I’ll be very open here as we have just got my DS23’s agreement to see a therapist. It took a while. He finally accepted that he really does have anxiety and it affects his physical health (and his sports and his grades). How we got there…pediatrician said he wouldn’t adjust medications without a therapist on board; family support from siblings, increasing physical symptoms, and me letting him know that he can switch after 3 sessions or so if the therapist doesn’t seem a great fit.
Other than that I will say that I’ve read several times that even though our instinct is to punish and take things away, taking away the child’s friends/support (as in through phone or activities) should be very carefully considered; try not to take away the things that he might need to lean on now. I understand boundaries and consequences, just providing a different perspective to certain consequences. And finally, just listened to a podcast with an adolescent psychologist, she said she thinks the best messaging regarding substances is about risks to brain development; and that drug tests are a good tool. Take or leave all of this, and yes, parenting IS hard!!!
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Ex finally agrees with my plan. I think he needed the shock to wear off and think clearly.
Urine drug screen was negative. He does admit to vaping and trying some thc gummies last summer. He hasn’t offered an explanation of why he got the stuff at school on Monday and we may never know. He has to deal with the consequences though.
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All I can say is that it’s a damn good thing technology wasn’t around when I was in high school.
Ahem.
Kids will experiment. Your son is most definitely not the only one; just the unlucky one this week …
This will pass. There will be consequences, yes, and we can expect there to be quite a bit of maturation going on as he realizes this.
Hope y’all’s support is enough to keep him on the positive side and not to have him crash into despair at lost opportunities, because that can be something he’ll dwell on also.
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We met with the principal, associate principal, and guidance counselor. It won’t totally ruin his future. He will have to miss several extracurricular activities which I 100% agree with yet I am sad too. Like events I already bought tickets to. Taking deep breaths and moving forward.
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One step at a time. Hopefully, he learns from this and is able to move on. We all make mistakes.
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Our school district is shutting down for the rest of the week starting tomorrow. Staff shortages and a depleted substitute pool due to Omicron surges. This is crazy. Texas is crazy. Our State government is crazy. The public school infrastructure here is cracking and crumbling because our leaders are making everything so divisive and partisan. It’s ridiculous. I’m so, so glad that the last of my kids are almost done with public schools. The twins literally only need 3 credits to graduate…They could be done by Fall of 2022 if they wanted to. Thing 2 was supposed to have 2 tests on Wednesday…AP Phys 2 and Honors Pre Calc…they already had a sub yesterday and didn’t get through the new unit that was supposed to be on the test…and now this. Sigh.
Thing 1 and I are doing a college tour/prospective student day at UTA (univ of texas-arlington) this Saturday. 30 minutes away from home but VERY strong STEM school.
Both twins are taking the SAT March 11, hoping to be one and done.
Spring Break we’re headed down to San Antonio to tour Trinity University and UTSA.
Thing 2 is still very much undecided on potential major. He literally has no clue. How to guide a kid who is an all rounder and has an interest in everything and whose grades are great across all subjects?
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@Momof3B what about an open curriculum LAC? Without all the core and distribution requirements, there’s lots of room to explore and try things out. Is this the Thing that you once said might be interested in Political Science? I’m not sure which Thing is which, lol.
Yup, this is that Thing lol. Pol Sci/Govt/History are where his interests are but he’s also equally interested in Physics and just finished AP Physics 1 with a 98! He’s in AP Phys 2 now.
Hence the confusion lol…he could go either way…Humanities or STEM!
He keeps saying that one of the reason he’s unclear about what to major in is because he doesn’t know what kind of jobs he’d get. I’ve told him not to fixate on that and that any of these majors could present many different job opportunities.
I’m hoping the visit to Trinity, which is an LAC with strong STEM will appeal to him. We’ve been crunching the numbers and I think we can make it work financially as long as he gets enough merit aid/financial aid to bring COA to $25k’ish a year.
We’re going to visit Southwestern University, also an LAC and one of the CTCL schools later in the spring as well.
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Maybe letting him know that the first job you get is not necessarily your forever job. The world is changing so much that the job he May end up with may not be in existence now. Who thought about a crypto analyst job 10 years ago? He should study what is at the intersection of what he lives, that will also pay a living wage.
Oooh, can’t wait for trip reports on Trinity & Southwestern, as they’re on our list but not likely to get a visit from us in PA.
There are career aptitude test thingies in our SCOIR … (like Naviance). Maybe inquire with the HS guidance counselor about something like that?
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In the continuing saga of S23…
The suspension’s effects on extracurriculars has been clarified. The musical director reached out and is allowing him to do the last 2 shows. He went to rehearsal today. He had his voice lesson last night as well. He’s been hitting the gym. His mind seems more clear. His anger is going away.
He does have to decide senior year courses soon. Hoping to talk about that this weekend. Baby steps.
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Any computer geniuses? What else would cause a thick, clear substance to form over a mouse sensor besides Super Glue (which is what it looks/feels like)?
Has anyone planned for Spring Break college visits? We’ve started but would rather have in person visits and the April calendars aren’t showing availability on the college’s websites yet. We were able to book a tour with only 1 school so far. Hoping the pandemic situation improves so we can visit other than just self-tours. We’ll take what we can get because now the summer has gotten full.
Our kiddo did get an 8 week summer internship so we’re glad for the opportunity. Seems the school year is going well too. Very busy with homework (with some late nights/early mornings) and ECs but not overly so. DC will start test prep at a local CC soon. It was not easy fitting it in. Already got the course request for Senior Year - ummm… where did the time go?
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no spring break visits on our end.
so - my 3 oldest are all now 900-1300 miles away; working, grad school, college. I am not feeling generous with letting #4 go far away. We have tours set up around the midwest this winter. Actually glad i set those up as some schools are full already on tours.
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We will be visiting/touring Trinity University & UTSA during Spring Break.
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