Parents of the HS Class of 2023 (Part 1)

What major? Which schools are you comparing? Can you afford $271k? Under most circumstances, no school will be worth the extra costs. But, you need to tell us more.

He has a few ideas, but basically undecided. No interest in Big Banks that I have every heard.

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Graduate school is in his plans - I think you hit the nail on the head. I think he would be better off spending the money we saved at grad school. Then he could enter the economy debt free or nearly debt free.

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@glido gives us an interesting question to think aboutā€¦and one that reveals each familyā€™s values. I donā€™t think there is a right or wrong answer hereā€¦just which priorities each family has and how they achieve those priorities.

We made these decisions up front in the college search process - there was absolutely no school out there that we felt was worth a penny more than the budget we set (nowhere near our EFC). It didnā€™t matter what school, it didnā€™t matter what major. Definitely not saying anyone else should feel the same way we do/did - just saying what we felt and decided.

All the schools our children have applied to have had the likelihood of getting to our set budget number. Some have come in well below, some are right up to the line. As long as a school comes in on budget we leave the final choice up to the individual childā€¦we arenā€™t looking for the cheapest option but rather the best option (as chosen by the student) within the budget.

I think it is really hard on everyone when the budget expands and/or contracts based upon school or major. I think it can lead to late term budget shockā€¦even if your child shoots the moon and gets that elusive golden ticket, you (and your child) are left deciding whether it is truly worth it when emotions and time are running out. I wish everyone confronting that the best over the next couple of months; many may well envy you not realizing the stress/strain these options can cause. :hugs:

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I disagree in this regard and we donā€™t know the overall school list.

We had a budget and applied to schools that ultimately didnā€™t meet it. But they could have met it. In other words they werenā€™t need only schools. Itā€™s just that to us specifically, they didnā€™t offer merit.

On the flipside not everyone puts the cost at the top. Or the public offer might have been better than expected and that expanded the delta. Or perhaps the budget wasnā€™t determined at time of application.

In the end some may or may not have made a mistake in regards to finance at time of application. If they feel like they did they can correct at acceptance. Ultimately if they see the value in spending more, itā€™s their right too.

No question that $270k is a ton. To me, itā€™s a no brainer. I could afford it but wouldnā€™t want to. The same decision is likely made in both directions every year. People go full pay at $80k plus that could go to a $20k with auto merit. Foolish to me but Iā€™m not OP and I respect that.

If someone else chooses to spend their money, itā€™s their money and thatā€™s fine as long as they are not hurting anyone else.

Iā€™d only say to look at your overall financials and make sure you arenā€™t straining your finances or causing yourself to have to work longer (ie more years) b4 retiring.

$12k means, to me, free tuition. Your student worked hard. So theyā€™ve earned that. On the other hand, their hard work also may lead to the private acceptance which may not have happened otherwise.

In the end 99 of 100 may say take the $$ and run. But ultimately only one perspective matters and thatā€™s the perspective of your decision making team.

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Completing a graduate degree debt free would be really nice!

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My point is not that the answer is always to take the money. Itā€™s that the parents should set out the financial parameters in advance within which the student chooses, eg if you donā€™t get enough merit for the cost to be less than $X, then you canā€™t attend. And that if the choice comes in below budget then you will benefit because of A, B and C.

Too many of my kids friends have gone through college and graduated with little idea of finances and budgeting, just charging things to their parents and letting them pay the bills, so Iā€™m a big believer in giving my kids an understanding of the financial consequences of their college decision making: what do they want to do with $200K (or whatever the total budget is)? If they arenā€™t ready to answer that question in a rational and responsible manner, then Iā€™m not sure they are ready to go away to college.

And I really donā€™t like the idea of a ā€œdecision making teamā€. The kid is the one who is attending, not the parents, and so they are the one that needs to decide.

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That is a house. Compare the payments on a loan. Honestly, this is a no-brainer. I would not encourage my child to go into that kind of debt for a Bachelors degree. Entry-level engineers and computer science majors can make $100,000 a year, but that is three times. I am not even sure if you could get a mortgage for $300000 with $100000 a year these days.

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If I am paying, and not willing to have the kid go into debt, then I absolutely am the leader of that decision making team.

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Depends on the major/interests and how comfortable you are paying for the well-known one, or if the wellknown one is a much better ā€œfitā€ for your kid that you deem worth it.

I would pay for the much more expensive one and not look back if it were the obvious better fit for my kid. If they both suited kid equally and the kid did not prefer one over the other, Iā€™d save the $.

Congratulations!!

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Yes, I would echo this completely to defend against the idea upthread that ā€œallā€ unaffordable schools- for that family- should or even could be ruled out before applying. Many, many BIG merit awards are a total crapshoot. You have to apply to find out. Some of these are at prestigious places- Vanderbilt and UVA come to mind immediately as ones D17 was involved with, but there are more. So you cannot always just ā€œrule outā€ a school on money before knowing what the money will be, and both merit and even a collegeā€™s need based aid can be very unpredictable in my experience. Often you have to apply to really know.

There are very, very few full-ride (not tuition only) merit awards that are automatic for non NMF, and NMF status depends on your state. (Ask my family how we know this having moved mid-high school from an easier state to qualify to one a few points above :cry:)

Our financial situation is obviously completely different, and we have a long history in our family of both biological parents and D17 turning down Top 20s, Ivy Leagues, and the top LAC at the time to go full ride a public universities. Then $270,000 would be life-changing for my family, so I canā€™t imagine paying the difference, but I can imagine families for whom it would not be.

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I get it - my kids both decided (not us) but there was a stated limitation up front so their list was culled to who met that price. Thatā€™s why itā€™s a team.

But not every family is that far ahead of the curve in making that known up front - and thatā€™s what happened here (it sounds like).

So in this case, how the family pivots to that answer is up to them.

It is a team - because the parents are paying and when youā€™re paying, you have a say.

Some will determine pricing after the decisions are in and the price shock hits them, when they realize theyā€™ll be writing a $40K check 2x a year. Others, like myself, state it up front and work with the kids to find schools to meet that figure. That $40K 2x a year had hit me earlier.

One is easier (i.e. budgeting up front) but in the end, if a family gets to their answer, if they are happy - then itā€™s great.

Many parents who are ā€œtwistedā€ by their kids, that donā€™t understand the value of money - I feel bad for them but ultimately they are making the call - as a team because the kid wants it and parents agree. And then thereā€™s the parents who, themselves, make the decision to upend their financial lives and have no payment plan so sort of pay as the go because to them, itā€™s critical their student attends the highest ranked or highest pedigree school.

I hope OP has their student in a situation that gets them educated but doesnā€™t strain themselves financially. In the end, as they know their finances and we donā€™t, I trust theyā€™ll steer their student toward a program that works for all.

Would a discussion up front about finances have been better? 100% absolutely and I encourage all future parents to do so. But when it hasnā€™t happened, then you have to deal after the fact and get to the right answer.

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This is always very interesting to look at. This is Harvard Law Schoolā€™s class profile for 2025:

Many of these students are coming to Harvard Law School from little known schools. I think any school can provide a great undergrad experience if the student makes the most of their time there. I would save the $ to pay for graduate school (assuming your kid wants to go to graduate school).

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Iā€™m sure the list changes from year to year but itā€™s heartening to see several ā€œlesserā€ schools that are on either my D19ā€™s or my sonā€™s lists.

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dont have a kid interested in going to law school, but liked seeing that list; all 5 of my kidā€™s auto-merit schools sheā€™s considering are listed.

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All of those arguing that theyā€™d never pay 270k more for one school over another, are you saying youā€™d take a full ride at Alabama over Stanford? Harvard? Yale? Maybe some of you would, but the vast majority would not. Every family has the right to make the decision that is best for their child and their family without judgement.

Iā€™m not sure what schools the original poster is comparing. Itā€™s hard on paper to beat free.

We do have a full ride at Alabama on the table. Is it the best fit for our son? In some ways, no. He may end up accepted to a school thatā€™s 80k a year with or without merit that would be a better fit. He may end up accepted to in state publics that are 40k a year that would also be better fits. If we choose to spend more than free, that doesnā€™t make us stupid or irresponsible. Dear Lord.

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My first reaction was imagining the travel and study abroad the savings could pay for. Iā€™d think about whether your kid would like breathing room for those kinds of things, if thatā€™s an issue.

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I think you might be reading too much into the comments. I think the most of the comments here have said why we would not personally choose to pay $300k more for one school over another.

Everyone has a different weight on money and the marginal utility of that money.

I personally said I was initially planning to spend up to $45K per year for my kid (and the full $80k if he got into Stanford - but that wasnā€™t likely for him to get into), but as I got into it, I started to think that it would be a very bad decision to spend that much money for my kid. Heā€™s super relaxed, very adaptable, and wants to get into engineering which is less reliant on ā€œprestigeā€.

Now, we did choose to spend $30K per year on Virginia Tech over $20K per year at Alabama - so clearly we do weight some things over money (in this case closeness to home and some other programs that heā€™s interested in at VT).

But thatā€™s a personal decision. Only you can put a value on your money and a school and do the trade-offs of spending $200k more on one school instead of just giving them the money to make a down payment on a house or grad school or an early nest egg, etc. No judgement at all from me, and I think most people here.

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Note that a the max a student can borrow is $27K. The rest is on the parents.

https://studentaid.gov/understand-aid/types/loans/subsidized-unsubsidized

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I donā€™t know that your answer is correct - would more go full pay to Harvard / Stanford over a full ride to Bama?

In many ways itā€™s not a fair question - those who are full pay to those schools are likely in the top 3% of incomes in the US. So they could likely cash flow those schools over a year or two without any impact on their lives.

But for kids whose families are not making a half mil a year - Iā€™m not sure I agree with that hypothesis.

You will find kids from Alabama at Harvard Law and Harvard Medical just like you will from Harvard. Youā€™ll find Harvard kids at Alabama post graduate.

Only your family can decide what the best fit is. If it strains you financially, then Harvard isnā€™t the best fit. But Bama has in addition to Honors programs like Blount Scholars, Randall Research and MCCullough Medical Scholars for pre-med.

Btw no one truly knows the right fit. Tons get to their dream school and itā€™s a nightmare. Bad campus culture vs what they thought. Bad roommate. Bad profs. Bad food.

Itā€™s never that perfect. That easy.

Whatever your family decides is ultimately the best for you. But I donā€™t agree with your hypothesis except for the super wealthy. That said, I might be wrong too.

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