And adding to my stress is that my son informed me that his dad basically told him he sucks and if he doesn’t change his attitude that his father will “no longer have a relationship with him.” I get that the boy has not been the most pleasant. But I also understand why. Ex did this with kid #1 just before graduation and then chose to not contribute any of the kids college fund savings until the kid proved himself enough (which was S19-and ex just paid for 2 classes for the 1st time this semester). I understand not throwing money at kids and giving them everything they want. But I feel a kid who is maintaining a 3.0 or above and doing EC’s and/or working and making decent choices deserves to be supported.
So now I’m planning on having to handle S23’s college expenses solo for the first few years despite ex saying he would give kid some from the shared contributed college funds (and despite him make double my salary).
Lots of kids get salty this time of senior year. It’s a stressful time and they’re getting themselves prepared to leave home. They’re “crapping the nest,” if you will. Tell your ex this is no time to make any big decisions about your relationship with your child. He needs to recognize the developmental stage his son is going through and chill out.
The waiting game is so getting old. We still have all the California schools to go. My son is taking a senior trip in one month, then when he comes back, we need to visit top choices to make a decision. We have no idea which schools or how many those will be. Some schools will announce while they’re on their senior trip. Always fun to find out who got in where and who didn’t when you’re a captive audience all together.
I’m sorry if anyone took offense. It is quicker than writing out “biological father” every time. (I don’t just say “father” because my husband has been raising S23 since he was a toddler and is the primary father figure in his life, so the term father isn’t definitive in our family. His biological father lives across the country.)
Yikes. I am sorry to hear that; very stressful.
i’ll share something that my D16 told me once. It’s been helpful to think about; D23 has had a very rough senior year.
d16 - who’s in grad school now - said that high school was filled with ups and downs. really high highs, really low lows. For her, college was much more even, mostly a high plateau with a few bumps.
He sounds like he’s had lots of highs and lows; i truly think it will even out for him in college. the emotions, drama, studies, etc will all be on him, and he will start to figure this all out accordingly as his brain keeps developing. Stay strong! you both can do this.
We are same boat for the one RD reach left and some of the competitive merit tuition scholarships. S23 will be on the Junior/Senior class trip abroad when those come out. He won’t have his computer though, just a phone, so I’ll probably check myself and text him only with good news!
(The high school does amazing fundraising for two years for this trip, so it is not costing much more than one of our trips for the scholarship weekends. They want to ensure all the students can go.)
Shows you how little sensitivity I have. I just thought it funny; until you mentioned it, I hadn’t even considered how another divorced father might feel about this term.
I wish they didn’t work that way. It’s confusing emotionally as well as financially to get all the acceptance packages with stickers and streamers and not really be accepted yet. I understand why the process is logical, but it kind of takes the fun (and clarity) out of a music acceptance. I was happy Loyola did it all in one decision. Now, to wait for the FA.
I understand this 100%. Add in lots of emotional manipulation by his dad and stepmom the last decade. My son is very intelligent and emotionally aware what is going on which really adds to his stress. I can’t imagine what he is all thinking as he has seen what happened to his older brother. I don’t blame him for being guarded and a bit snarky.
Thus I am committed to getting him out of state and away from everything. Oldest son is doing a zillion times better living 3 hours away!
My sister and BIL adopted a set of siblings in an open adoption, and they and their kids use biomom and biodad as markers of respect for the pair that gave them their very first start.
I think you nailed it with the connection to the dad doing this before with your older child, right before the bills arrived. Sounds like he’s looking for an excuse to not pay. Hope your son understands this is not his fault.
I too have used this list but be advised its not always accurate and certainly not definitive. I found a couple of their dates just the the colleges we are tracking that are in direct contradiction to the exact date and time the colleges have listed on their application portals, off by a lot not a little. I think they often base this either on last year’s date or what someone posted in the forum.
