I’m so sorry to hear this! I know a lot of kids this year that are sad and disillusioned right now. I think the number of applications schools are receiving are off the charts, so results have been sometimes surprising. As far as your list, I don’t think your targets were really targets. I think those are reaches for anyone. Do you know the acceptance rates of those schools?
I just checked out of curiosity. USC, Northwestern, and Middlebury all have sub 13% acceptance rates. I just don’t think schools with that level of selectivity can be considered anything but reaches.
I’m seeing this everywhere, and it is so sad. After years of working hard and doing everything right, there are going to be kids that are disappointed and let down, and it frankly sucks.
You didn’t fail her. Less regrets to have allowed her to chase highly competitive schools than to never try, and it only takes one win. Unfortunately I do think this year seems a bit worse, and you’ve got a girl applying to some LACs.
When the dust settles, just really dig into her choices and find some things she can get excited about, and lean into those opportunities. That, plus the excitement of planning her schedule, furnishing the dorm, etc, will get you both thru.
From personal experience in the dark ages, I applied to 3 schools, and was rejected from 2 (the better ones). But even at the mediocre state school I ended up at, there are opportunities. Especially for a strong student such as she is.
Right there with you… I somehow think it is my fault only I wish he had applied to more. I feel like I didn’t really help him cultivate the right list, or I should have pushed him to find more target schools that also offered better finaid. But in all honesty he had a good list - applied to the ones he really saw himself at that had the right match for his career choice (and he should have been able to get into!) … and then to in-state safeties he did not like at all and don’t really have the right match for his major interest. No hooks, just a really high stats, well-rounded student - top 3%, 4.43w/3.95un, awards from faculty, Captain and scholar athlete, 33ACT, 9 APs with all others honors, President of ModelUN… I had heard it’s been brutal since covid but this is just unbelievable. His sister (almost identical stats except less sport and more community service) had the dream application season back in 2018… just one special acceptance after another.
Honors college and in-state tuition at CU with other options like UMass/DePaul? This does not sound like a loss to me as many would gladly change places. The LMU outcome is a head scratcher (likely would have been pricey anyway) but otherwise seems like you have had a decent outcome though obviously not what you had hoped for.
@sneit - check out this link. Around mid April they will start posting a list of schools still accepting applications for fall admissions. Last year, it included, Xavier, St Louis U, Marquette, Ithica, Juniata, Loyola NO, Dayton, U Kentucky.
I am so sorry this is happening to her, and to you. I think you’re doing the right thing to stay strong and not sad for her, but it’s really hard. So, I say the following knowing it may not feel helpful right now, but I really think she has a couple great options. I have not visited, but I feel like CU Boulder or UMass Amherst would totally give her the collegiate life experience.
I know in-state can feel lesser to a kid, but I will say that CU Boulder is a highly sought after school from OOS. She’ll be living the OOS dream. It’s known as a good school academically, in a gorgeous place, and with several unique things, like a planetarium. I don’t know why she won’t have the classic collegiate experience there. (That said, my son is not interested in our in-state school as much as those out of state, so I totally get it.) I also have heard from many parents on these threads that their kids adore UMass Amherst. Has your daughter visited there?
My final thought (and you know best as mom whether this would make things better or worse) is that there are a lot of schools that are still accepting applications on a rolling basis, and she could apply to more that have the atmosphere and college vibe she’s looking for. Her options are not over. Those schools won’t be prestigious, I know, but they could be the life she wants.
I feel like this sometimes about my S23. D17 had 18 applications with wide-breadth and lots of possibilities for merit (NOT all came through for merit- most didn’t- hence the wide list). S23 only had two reaches, one target and three safeties (and they were actual safeties which still have a chart of GPA/ACT for merit and Bama). He now feels like he should have applied more widely…
BUT… back in August and September, I could barely get him to even make a list or think about colleges. In October and November doing the applications and additional essays made him frustrated. I remind myself now that he could certainly have had a better list than I got him to make, but I should be proud that I got him to make a list and apply at all! He just wasn’t in that headspace first semester and wanted to focus on high school. I think ignoring the application process was a way to be in denial that he was going to start over again in only a year.
My point is, don’t beat yourself up. He almost certainly had a good list, and more to the point, he probably has the list he felt he could handle back when they force you to already be making these lists the first week of senior year!
@sneit If Loyola NOLA is open for applications, either right now or if more spaces open up, I’d take a look. It’s my son’s likely choice and we loved it when we visited. It’s a total collegiate experience, with old buildings and a pretty campus. It may be on the small side for your daughter, but the campus is attached to Tulane and also spills out into the Audubon Park and the city.
Something else I think should be shared with your daughter, is how tough it is for young women at LACs. Just looking at Vassar for instance, the 2022 common data set shows that 3283 men applied, compared to 8129 female applicants!
She shouldn’t feel she wasn’t good enough or made a mistake in her app, it is just that the numbers are not in her favor at some of these schools.
That is very skewed towards women applicants! They do have a 60/40 women to men student body, so it’s not quite as bad as it seems. Almost though.
We are also awaiting Vassar. I thought we were going to be in the same boat as @sneit. Hi stats kid rejected REA to Ivy, and rejected, and waitlisted to the first two SLAC’s we heard from. With good offers from a safety and target she wasn’t interested in. Then last week two SLAC acceptances, one with doable FA. And a rejection from one school that should have been a no brainer acceptance.
It aint over till it’s over and good luck @sneit with Vassar!
(Side note. Super happy for our nephew you was WL then rejected from his #1 choice last year- high stats, instate. He applied as a transfer and was accepted for his 2nd year. UW Mad1son bound!)
The disappointed kids and parents all have my sympathy. It’s really hard when you’re expecting one type of thing and you get something else instead.
This week I’ve seen a lot of the type of sentiment expressed that all their hard work was for nothing.
The main purpose of education is to teach useful stuff and to create better people. In that sense, our kids’ educations and activities ideally are not wasted on anything.
They learned stuff! Useful and fun and interesting stuff! That’s what school is supposed to do. It’s not merely a means to an end: it’s an end in itself. The same goes for their extracurriculars. Ideally, these kids took courses and did activities that were appropriate for their interests and abilities, rather than just help with college admissions. They stand on their own as valuable. The kids learned, they grew, and they had fun.
Even in the storm of college admission disappointment, that can be a silver lining. I hope everyone has at least one offer that brings them peace once the dust has settled. Hang in there, everyone.
I think it’s hard for every senior to be ready to add the complications of college applications on top of all the other senior year high school activities. Many things conspired last fall to make November-December the worst time for my son and he’s only set for college because he applied ED with some help from a coach (he’s not a super athlete, but the coach liked his personality, I think), AND the financial aid worked out. I wonder whether the FA would have been better if he could have tried several schools, RD, but I don’t think he could have completed the applications, and his first semester grades were his worst in high school. This whole process puts so much pressure on kids (and parents). And there’s only so much help parents can give to get their kid through it.
It wasn’t all for nothing either. These high stats amazing kids are fully prepared for college work and will likely find they excel and stay at the top of the class if they land somewhere that’s not uber competitive . I think they also may find themselves surrounded by kids with a more healthy attitude towards what’s truly important in life. Still heartbreaking to see our deserving kids not end up where they are fully qualified and aspired to be.
I think it is particularly hard to deal with disappointing news at this time of year. Winter is just ending (weather still very much happening in some parts) which doesn’t help at all.
I agree with ColdWombat that all the hard work our kids put in isn’t worthless if they don’t get the most optimal ‘payoff’. Learning in and of itself is completely worthwhile, and setting lower goals throughout high school most likely wouldn’t have fed any of the students now dealing with the disappointment and pain of denials.
As a parent, it is so difficult for us to watch our children be sad, frustrated, angry, resentful and/or disappointed. We want our children to only get the ‘good stuff’. I try to remind myself that struggle and failure is part not only of most really good learning, but also of growing up. And as much as it pains us to watch - this is part of our children learning how to deal with set backs and disappointment - even when they’ve ‘done nothing wrong/done everything right’.
It’s a balancing act on our part to listen to their pain without necessarily validating all their thoughts and ideas about what happened or why. Yes, it stinks to be told no…and at the same time it is something we all have/will experience. In our personal lives, our professional lives, in little and big ways. How we deal with those disappointments, how we move forward is the learning experience they are processing now.
This is where we as parents have a huge job figuring out how to best shepherd them through their own pain and helping them figure out their best possible path forward without having it become the be all and end all “story” of what the rest of their lives will look like. This is one moment. And how they feel today is not how they feel next week, or this summer, or a year from now.
They are still the same kids they were before results came back from schools. They have all the same potential to succeed even if not every college said yes to them. ((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
Winners will be winners no matter where they attend. That’s often overlooked.
Those driven and determined will be fine.
I look around my neighorhood - I can think of a Vandy and Cornell (their family paid) - I know a lot of UTK, MTSU, Miss State, Belmont, Auburn, Rutgers, Lipscomb, Nebraska, LSU, Lee University. WKU, Indiana, Kansas State.
I suppose everyone defines making it big in their own way. It’s not always money. But I live in a neighborhood of million dollar plus homes.
Where you go to school is overrated. Who you are as a person will determine where you go (or don’t go) in life.
I’m sure we all have/had co workers that tower above from ‘
what school did they go to”, I never heard of it
to
omg, I can’t believe that person went there ! They aren’t that strong.
Edit - just talked to a guy walking his dog. Had an Akron t shirt on. I asked. Yep he’s a Zip!!
It’s known as a good school academically, in a gorgeous place, and with several unique things, like a planetarium. I don’t know why she won’t have the classic collegiate experience there. (That said, my son is not interested in our in-state school as much as those out of state, so I totally get it.) I also have heard from many parents on these threads that their kids adore UMass Amherst. Has your daughter visited there?
