Wow! This is a fascinating utopian vision of high school! I’d love to know what school your kid attends! Wherever this utopia is that your kid landed, I hope you know how lucky you are! Mine are high-achieving, popular, athletic kids, and yes, they definitely feel like they are not “finding their people” in high school. No, they don’t lack friends. Yes, they feel like their peer group does not meet expectations in terms of a lot of things: standing up to bullying, valuing academics above sports, staying away from drugs/alcohol, having hobbies like reading and art, etc. My kids have neither “academic super star” friends nor “weird nerds,” but they are certainly not attending the utopian high school that yours is! I’m also fascinated by your school culture where these “delightful kids,” some with parents with criminal records and others with fancy parents are all happily co-existing! I’m not suggesting my kids need some kind of highly ranked school to "find their people, but seriously, where is this high school utopia which you describe?
My kids have had fantastic high school experiences. Full of accepting, tolerant kids who are really interesting, with interests in all sorts of fascinating things. Academics are very important and respected, and our community is diverse, at least ethnically. There is a lot of pressure to excel which can lead to unhealthy stress, but the school offers so much. I tell them all the time they are so lucky, with options to explore subjects but also because of their peers.
I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. I’ve fallen right out of my chair. My kid just got accepted to Berkeley 
Congratulations! That’s huge and so exciting!
Congratulations 
Well, my kids are neither popular nor athletic. And there’s no shortage of neat classmates for them to befriend. They just attend a regular ole high school in a small Midwestern city. It has plenty of problems. Their particular friends are pretty great, indeed. I have really liked nearly all of them. I’ll miss the seniors a lot when they scatter after this year.
Is this so rare? The “academic superstars” are just your average excellent NMF, etc. types that can be found at any school. Weird nerds (theater, band, art, obscure special interests) are obviously everywhere. I don’t know, I guess my kids have been lucky to find friends who share their values of kindness and mutual support?
There is one high school in our town. Yes, there are kids whose parents have criminal records hanging out with the doctors’ kids. In fact, I have to search the court records before I let my youngest go to a new friend’s house. We just recently had to tell him to be careful around one home in particular. I don’t understand why this seems so unusual and I guess we’re lucky to live in what I truly didn’t realize was an unusual utopia.
I went to the top-ranked high school in my state, and was an NMF. I had a very similar wide-ranging group of friends. Some are doctors or professional performers, some are regular folks, some have died early after sad lives. I guess I figured it was far more normal to have a huge variety of friend types than it actually is. I’m not trying to dis people who don’t have this type of thing going on. It’s just surprising to me that kids are so concerned about not finding a high enough quality of friends at certain colleges. But it makes sense if that’s not their high school experience.
100%. Unfortunately that doesn’t always seem to be a societal priority.
Anyone out there with any experience with waitlists?
As I posted above my poor kid is waitlisted at Georgia Tech, UPenn, Cornell and Columbia.
I am very happy she has been accepted in to Penn state honors and Rutgers honors comp science programs as well as non honors UMD, UVA, Johns Hopkins and UPitt honors.
I would be happy if she chooses either PSU or Rutgers or if UMD gives any last minute merit aid.
I feel it’s hard for poor kids to stay on waitlist.
Any insight tips advice are very much appreciated.
This honestly does sound idyllic - and unusual! My kids have also had a good high school experiences (also in a Midwest public school)! Maybe I’m just cynical. They’ve had a variety of friends and I want them to have a variety of friends, but I just feel like they haven’t “found their people.” I know that’s a phrase that maybe you and a lot of people disagree with - I don’t really know what it means myself. As I’ve said, I don’t think any “caliber” of college is going to solve it - I guess it’s maybe something that has to do with kids that didn’t “peak” in high school, and so there are parents out there hoping to see their kids really come into their own in college. Does that make sense?
It sounds like she has a lot of great options. People will tell you there is little chance of getting off a WL, and they are probably right, but if she has a first choice, she should express that to the school and cross her fingers while deciding on where she wants to put down a deposit. Have you eliminated UVA and Johns Hopkins out of cost considerations? Wouldn’t that also be a barrier with any of the schools where she is waitlisted?
Yes you are right. But don’t those private schools have higher income brackets to give financial assistance than UVA or Johns Hopkins.
To be honest I am happy with Rutgers as they say, love the school that loves you!
So I am grateful for Rutgers matching instate rate same as PSU.
But it is hard decision for us overall.
I believe driven kids will succeed wherever they go.
It’s nice to get experienced people insight into consideration.
Congratulations to your daughter on so many great admissions! I know it’s disappointing to be placed on a waitlist and you feel like you will self combust if you have to wait any longer to know the final outcome. Many people will say there is such a small change to get off a WL, and that may be true. But, if she loves any of the schools she should at least keep her name on the WL. She should write a LOCI if they allow it and If any of them are her first choice she should say so clearly…“College X is my first choice and if admitted I will attend”. But only do that if it’s true of course. Two of my kids were placed on a WL and both got in before May 1st.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Yes that makes sense. I absolutely understand about finding “your people” and that it’s important. I’m totally fine with that phrase and would use it to describe my own kids’ experience so far (at least my eldest).
I bristled at the notion that one can only find their “people” amongst the academic elite. And I agree that there is no “caliber” of college that can ensure that. At least for my kids, their “people” have diversity in academic, social, and economic categories. The fact that my senior only has one full-pay-for-college friend may be illustrative. I’ve helped one of his friends with a $0 EFC with their college search.
I know it’s common for kids to feel like they don’t click with people in high school. That can happen especially when a very sweet studious kid is surrounded by mean kids. Though I think there’s plenty of sweet high schoolers out there at most high schools. They might not be the ones that everyone wants to hang out with, though. Perhaps being a weird nerd was actually a social boon to my eldest! They found each other and they’re all sweethearts.
I truly hope the kids that didn’t find their people, for whatever reasons, have a new awakening in college. It is so common for kids like that to feel like they are fleeing their hometown to find their bliss and freedom at college. I love to see that happen. I’m sorry that yours haven’t had better luck in high school and I hope they find their lifelong friends in college! I’m sure they will.
Rutgers is a hidden gem. I grew up in that part of New Jersey and New Brunswick is a good college town, and Rutgers has a lot of really bright kids and strong programs.
My daughter was born in NJ and then we moved to PA. So NJ feels like home!
I also just published a first novel the first of trilogy. My daughter coached me to write it and served as a development editor, cover art designer pretty much my right hand! My protagonist attends Rutgers in my romantic fiction! So I researched for my novel and have become attached to it!
Okay I will stop at this. A very weird reason to love a college!
I do love the location!
That sounds pretty cool!
Yes it was a cool mom and daughter project!
Here is a link to waitlist stats for last year:
Fingers crossed for you all!