Do you mind saying what school it is? Just curious.
If she were to do ED and get in, can you reasonably afford it or do you need any aid?
I know my daughter really likes a school that also is either ED or RD but because of financial stuff we can’t go ED. In some ways that is easy to explain to her that telling her to not listen to friends 
I’ll PM you
Having a really clear budget and understanding the financials breakdown for each school under consideration really helped us put the kibosh on peer pressure decisions as well.
It’s not easy being the parent/grown up during this process. Hold fast, you are doing exactly the right thing. 
Was talking to S24 yesterday how things were and if kids were talking about college applications at school. He said yes people do talk and everyone is at various stages of it. He said that around 50% of his friends were doing or considering ED. So I asked him does he feel the pressure or changed his opinion on this and and he said not as of now. He said there are 3 buckets for those doing ED 1) Have clear Fav and have the stats to be able to get it and they want to try 2) Doing because they want to try a high reach and see what happens. It may not be there fav but top 3 colleges. 3) Kids doing ED to High reach to satisfy their parents.
He said he is glad we are not pushing to ED. He may still change his mind last minute or do a ED2 but this will come from him not from us.
He is chugging along with this essays and I have asked him to finish common app soon so we can apply to colleges that don’t have supplemental essays soon.
S24 also mentioned a similar thing.
Most of his friends are considering ED and they pressure each other to apply ED.
In our case, it’s the opposite of #3.
We tried to convince S24 to apply to ED a less competitive school where we think he would be happy and do well. But he felt strongly that he wanted to try high reach like his friends and see what happens.
I still think it’s a mistake but I know I can’t win the argument.
D24 just submitted her ED application. Recruited athlete, so hoping she doesn’t have to do any more.
I think your son articulated these 3 buckets well. My guess is that my daughter is seeing the same 3 buckets at her school.
I haven’t gotten so far as to try to convince my D24 to apply ED to the less competitive school where we think she will be happy (and get merit aid), but if she doesn’t come to this on her own, we may be having that discussion.
@shawk might I suggest ED2 at this school and ED1 at her top choice? My daughter’s top choice she is applying SCEA and it does not give much of a bump if any. If she gets denied or deferred we will reevaluate and apply to a similar school to your example (my alma mater) or another similar school a notch or so below 1st choice. There comes a point where practicality plays a part. Go on Scior or Naviance and see what the numbers look like for your school and filter to RD, ED etc…
That’s a good strategy, however, she waffles about her top choice. She has one more campus event to attend at the end of the month at the “maybe top choice,” and it is a school she will most likely be admitted to (SCOIR says no one denied from her school with her stats), and then a #2 (whichever that is) wouldn’t be needed. I think the feeling of not having a top choice is what’s influencing her to be uncertain in many ways right now. I agree 100% with you about the practicality!
My two cents remains if you have a list of affordable colleges that would be likelies and targets even as RD applications, and that you would be happy to attend, then ED applications are purely optional. Sure, if everything lines up such that you can ED an affordable favorite, great. If not, oh well–because even if in theory there was some college on your RD list that would have admitted you ED but did not admit you RD, it doesn’t really matter because you are going to go to a college that makes sense for you anyway.
I guess what I am saying is I think the “I have to ED somewhere” (versus the “I love this college and want to ED here”) mindset in my experience is typically driven by the idea that you must strongly prefer whichever college is hardest for you to get admitted to. So if hypothetically you could have gotten into a harder admit on your list if you EDed, and you don’t because you RDed instead, and so end up going to a college that was an easier admit for you, you must have lost some special opportunity.
Yeah, well, not to be cynical, but I really don’t think any of these colleges are THAT special. Again, if you have a clear favorite, and it makes sense otherwise, sure, go for it. But if it isn’t a clear favorite, well, to you it obviously isn’t that special. So don’t let someone else push you into treating it like it is special, when to you it is not.
But to come full circle, this starts with having a list where even without EDing anywhere, you are very likely to get admitted one or more places that would be very good for you.
I think at this point we can only offer advise and let them make the call. If he really wants the school let him give a try.
I have noticed that fit discussions need to be done carefully with my S24. Instead of phrasing what I say as this school is known for xyz and this will not suit. I need to put it as I heard that the schools culture is XYZ. how do you think you will like it. Are you ok with it.
I totally agree. The one college on my daughter’s list that has ED (and admits a big chunk of their students during ED) is far from her favorite, and she almost didn’t apply to it. It’s close and checks her boxes but there’s something about it that felt sterile and cold. She doesn’t need warm fuzzies but something to say, “hey, we’re happy you’re here” would’ve been nice. I think a big part of why I don’t buy into it is because I went to a “top” college that everyone raved over and felt just about every aspect of the education was subpar. Plus the sheer arrogance of some schools, thinking they can just rest upon their image and don’t have to try, is a bit off-putting.
Yeah, I prefer to dwell on the success stories from a wide range of colleges, but they are in fact matched by stories in the “meh” to “actually, this was a mistake” part of the distribution from an equally wide range of colleges. It makes sense to enroll at an affordable college that seems like your best bet to have a great experience, but for everyone there is some risk it just won’t pan out as expected.
Which sounds like a negative, but it really should take some of the acute pressure off. Ideally all your colleges will be good bets, but none are really more than good bets, because you can’t actually do better than that.
Yes, part of the reason I am trying to have my daughter really explore all the options at length is because I wasn’t allowed to choose my school, and it was definitely “meh” despite its academic reputation. But she’s young and unsure of what she likes and I’m aware too many choices can be just as bad as being confined to only one.
I am feeling like my kids are making surprising decisions about their applications. Six months ago, my S24 was looking at mid-sized privates because he wanted small classes and strong advisors. He was planning to apply ED to a great school we all loved. He now thinks he wants to go to a big state flagship and has submitted applications to 7! He will apply to honors colleges at most of them. At first, I was trying my best to be supportive but inwardly I confess I was distraught and worried he would get too caught up in frats and parties. Now, I am getting excited about the opportunities these schools will provide. He has a very healthy attitude and would happily attend any of these 7 schools. He also will still apply to a couple of privates, but is ok if they don’t work out. I think he is going to be really happy.
I am still worried about his twin, D24, though. She had a very good plan, and a clear first choice she absolutely loved that was going to be her ED1. Everyone-school counselor, family, teachers, thought this ED1 school would be a great fit. She worked on the application all summer and it’s ready to submit. But now she wants to switch her ED to the one school of the 10 she toured that she absolutely hated! Hated everything about it! Why? It’s 30 minutes from the school her significant other attends and they miss each other very much. I don’t know what to do. This school is an excellent school, I just don’t think it’s a good fit. I’m taking her back to tour again in two weeks and I’m anxious about the trip. Maybe she will love it on a second visit and I will feel better, but this school is the opposite of everything she wanted.
I have zero insight into how you should handle this, but obviously enrolling at a school because of a HS relationship is usually not a good idea, and yet it can seem like the most important thing in the world to the people in the relationship. I think there should be a law that all college-bound kids are required to break up with their HS romance and date other people for those four (or plus) years. If you then want to get back together, you really have something!
The only comfort I can give is in the real world examples of this that I have seen, it is possible one or both kids could have had a better college experience, but I don’t think in any of those cases I personally know about did the kids actually deny themselves the main benefits of a college education. They may have had the classic moment where they break up and deeply regret having made a college decision on that basis, but usually at some point it all works out anyway.
On a happier note, just by sheer weight of numbers, big public universities are obviously the main way people get four-year college educations in the US, and that is because those universities really work! They have economies of scale that lead to a lot of available academic resources, and then typically a lot of great activities, social events, and so on.
Which doesn’t mean it is wrong to want something else, but I sometimes get amused when people act like those universities should only be some sort of fallback position for all kids. Um, no, that is the core of the (very well-regarded) US college system, and it is the other options which are the exceptions, not vice-versa.
Anyone here know anything about the Medical Power of Attorney? S24 is turning 18 in a month and I am wondering if there is anything we need to do to make sure we can still make decisions medically in an emergency. We were planning on doing the paperwork before he leaves for college next fall, but now I am wondering if we do this now.
You should be able to easily download your state’s health care power of attorney form and have your child execute it as soon as they turn 18. Just be aware, it only gets invoked if he can’t make decisions for himself.