Interesting did not think of it that way.
They may address it to the students but 98% of them wonât even check snail mail. Iâve done a lot of research here. Adults arenât check snail mail advertisements and for sure kids arenât. Thatâs why you prob see less physical mail ads.
D24 started to get email and physical mail as soon as she signed up in AP classroom for her AP Macro class. It is steadily increasing now that she took the PSAT. Glad that she set up an email just for this purpose!
Have any of you had the âmoney talkâ yet?
We did just these past couple of weeks. Readerâs Digest version: We told D24 that we can fund 4 years of the cost of an in state school, so if sheâd like to go out of state or to a LAC, then sheâll need merit scholarships. Also told her that she can major in whatever she wants, but the goal is to have gainful employment or go to grad school after college graduation & essentially be able to support yourself. Also told her that if she picks a tough major like engineering and needs more time to finish (like a semester-ish), then thatâs negotiable and weâll work something out with her. Told her that sheâll be responsible for paying for her books & personal expenses + paying for any travel she wants to do with friends.
Non-Readerâs Digest version:
For weeks, DH & I have been debating this between ourselves because he & I had very different experiences & came from different backgrounds in terms of the whole âwho pays for collegeâ topic. My parents were pretty clear at the get go: âWeâll pay for 4 years. If you need to take >4 yr to finish, then you fund the remaining part yourself and youâll have to figure it out.â Looking back on that, I appreciate their candor & being so up front about it because throughout college, I had a âOh poop, I need to get my act together so I can support myself when Iâm done.â
As for DH, his parents couldnât afford to save any $ for college and he had to fund it all himself while supporting himself, had to move out at age 18 and all of the challenges that went along with that. He also picked a really hard major and had, like, zero study skills, made a lot of mistakes along the way, and took 10 years to finally finish.
DHâs âcomfort zoneâ is a philosophy of âWhy should I outlay all of this $$ for them? I had to figure it out on my own and I did ok, so they should, too.â Then he got to a place of âThey can go to the local university and live at home the whole time,â which I balked at.
After hours and hours and hours of deliberation, discussion, and debates, we finally (he and I) came to the agreement that I mentioned above.
1 thing that DH keeps bringing up is âreturn on investmentâ and he just does NOT understand why D24 (who just turned 15 1/2 2 wk ago):
- doesnât seem to âcareâ much right now about college
- doesnât know yet âwhat she wants to be when she grows upâ
- isnât âfocused enoughâ
Iâve reminded DH many times now that:
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the counselor told us last school year that itâs NORMAL for students at this stage to be a little âI donât know yetâ and to not freak out about it.
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the counselor also said that itâs NORMAL for students to sort of try on a bunch of different things in order to figure out what they like best, figure out what âfits.â And that parents shouldnât freak out about this.
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not every kid knows from age 10 what they want to be when they grow up, so back off
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the focus right now should be on keeping your grades up, doing well in school.
âŠto the last point, one of D24âs challenges is she will sometimes lose motivation when she doesnât understand the âso what?â behind something. DHâs communication style at the moment isnât working w/D24, so they end up often butting heads, lots of frustration between them and all of that jazz.
Ultimately, what D24 wants to understand is âWhy are my parents hassling me about X, Y, or Z?â It clicks when you calmly explain it to her and connect the dots. I did a bit of that yesterday w/her (while, separately, I told DH to stay the heck out of the room) and you could kind of see the dots connecting together in her head. (more in next post)
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(continued)
Ok, so D24 says that she wants to major in Biology. Also has said that she wants to go to med school to become a doctor. Why a doctor? She doesnât know.
So I told her how our pediatricianâs office is looking for high school volunteers to help with paperwork & office workâŠtheyâre short staffed. Suggested that she do something like this over the summer, for example, 1 day a week. D24 thought that was a good idea since sheâd be able to see first hand what itâs like. Itâs 1 thing to hear something from Mom and Dad, and something else when you see it/hear it/experience it for yourself sometimes.
Last summer, there was an online âWhat does it take to get into med school & become a doctorâ presentation that a couple of colleges put on Zoom. D24 & I attended it. I already knew all of that info, but it was important for her to see it/hear it. She balked at firstâŠâBut itâs summer! Why are you making me even watch this right now? I just want to play video games/watch TV! WAH!â Then afterwards, she was like âOh, I get it.â
Yesterday, the med school topic came up again. She & I reviewed the info from that previous presentationâŠhereâs the classes needed in order to get into med school, hereâs the GPA range required, hereâs the other stuff required in order to get in, and ohâŠalmost every Bio major across the country wants to go to med school so itâs competitive.
And her gut reaction was pretty much âOh, so what? Why are you bugging me with this over Christmas break?â
so I spelled it outâŠHey, kiddo, there are some LACs out there which have VERY high % of their bio major/pre-health undergrads who are accepted to med school (much higher than the national average). Hereâs the average COA of those schools (she had an âOMG thatâs expensiveâ moment)âŠ
âŠBUT, for example, at LAC #1, they have these auto-merit scholarships which they dole out automatically based on HS GPA. Hereâs the one that you would qualify for right now based on your current HS GPAâŠand then when you apply that to their COA, it lowers the total COA to ___. But if you bring your GPA up a little bit to X range, then you qualify for this slightly better COA and thatâs pretty much the same amount as if you went to In State University here in AZ.
âŠSo since Trimester 2 is finishing up in about a month and there will be comprehensive exams & such for that and then a report card, consider this as you decide how youâll prepare for & study for those tests. Every B that you can turn into an A will boost your GPA. Every B- that you can turn into a B or B+ will make a difference. When youâre a senior, it will translate into REAL dollars $$. It will give you options that you donât realize right now are within reach.
And omg, she had this total light bulb moment then. Eyes got wide, she nodded and said, âOooohhhâŠI get it now.â Then she said, âThen how come Daddy didnât just explain that?â LOL, no idea kiddo.
Hope everybody has a great New Yearâs Eve! Tomorrow will be 2022! Can you believe it?
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My S is a young 15 year old and it was not until this semester that he realized why good grades matter. He is a very high level musician so there is a little bit of a âhookâ and he just now understands why it is important to get the Bâs into the A range for college and it is all about options. He has no idea what he wants to do just like your D and it sounds like you have done it all right. Give her the info on why it matters and she has so much time to figure out the details.
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I hear ya! D24 doesnât turn 16 until next JuneâŠAFTER 10th grade is all over and done with. By comparison, some of her classmates turned 16 in August of this year.
Thatâs great about your Sâs music!
Great conversation and Iâm glad she was receptive. I think students/families often donât realize that there is a cap to how much money a student can borrow. Any loan above that cap must be in the parents name.
Excellent advice. It is a little early but keep her options open for allied health professions as well (physician assistants, physical therapy, occupational therapy, optometry, etc.). UC Davis has some helpful resources on their health professions website. Click on a profession and then on the resources on the right side. It will give you a list of pre-req courses required for several schools that offer that professional program. For example, the physician assistant pre-req courses are here. If she starts college as a bio major then bombs chemistry and wants to change her major, she can look for other health related careers that might be options (ex. occupational therapy).
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yes, my older one is an october birthday and this one is end of june, it is an interesting experience having your kids be the youngest!
and my husband and I are both doctors, I would definitely have a looong conversation with anyone who is seriously considering medicine on reasoning. Medicine is very likely to continue to change dramatically by the time a 15 year old is 30 and in practice and the time and expense involved in getting there will not change.
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Both of me kids aspire to be doctors. I just try to make sure they have exposure to the field. S21 was lucky in that he got two years of hospital volunteering, all dealing with senior patients. D24 has job shadowed. So far they insist it isnât for the money. There are way better professions they can get into if they want to make money. Iâve created a spreadsheet to show them the opportunity costa of being a doc vs a different type of degree if money was a driver 
As for the money convo, Iâm privileged in that Iâve had a chance to save. I paid for my own college degree but the UW tuition was $3500/yr back then. I donât think itâs realistic to expect kids to pay their own way these days. A state college here is $35k/yr fully loaded. No min wage job can cover that. I worked at mcDâs in college to pay for my tuition and then interned with my current company.
We give the kids two options: go to a UC and Iâll pay for it and help with med school or go to an Ivy and get help for undergrad but no help for med school. Any non-Ivy and/or non-UC, Iâm only paying up to the UC cost since I donât think those schools would be a good ROI of my $. S21 chose the Ivy undergrad route but we will see what D24 chooses.
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Happy 2022 Everyone!! Hope you all have healthy and happy year ahead.
In regards to the financial/money talk we have not had an official talk. we have had multiple casual talk over the last year. We have had to close friends kids start college this year and We have used that as a starting point to talk. With my son having multiple casual talks followed by a more in depth talk seems to help him digest for most things.
So far we have told him that we will not qualify for any need based financial aid. We are fortunate enough and saved over the years to be able to pay the for undergrad no matter where he chooses to go. What we told him is we are comfortable paying full up to the full UC costs (40k ish) and if he chooses privates or out of state it will depend on the college.
We have said we will pay for undergrad and for grad school and beyond we will not pay.
He is undecided as to what he wants to do in college. Alternates between engineering/CS/Law/public policy. I told him it would make things easier if he know which direction he wants to go for researching colleges and stuff but he is not there yet. I told him that we live a upper middle class life style and if he chooses a field that may not earn enough he will have to adjust his life style and that will not be easy for him (knowing him).
We will most likely have a full discussion this summer and also ask him to start looking up colleges.
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Happy 2022! Checking in, S24 and I have had a few conversations about college. He has no idea what he wants to do, which is totally normal. He has volunteered letting me know some schools he wouldnât consider from the list I have been working on because he doesnât like their sport programs 
. His semester doesnât until the end of this month so time to buckle down and study for midterms.
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Happy New Year. Iâm hoping itâs a better year than 2021 was!
D24 has some ideas of what she is interested in, but it is so different from anything I know! She likes history and historical fashion and costuming a lot. I donât really have a good idea of how this works to a career. Iâm sure it can be doneâŠitâs just foreign to me.
So on a different topic, S24 is considering taking a college class this summer with S21 who goes to conservatory and needs some real education (ha!). On other threads people have commented that college classes taken while in HS never go away, that if you apply to grad school these can still be seen. Anyone know anything about this? This seems to be more in reference to people go to med school, is this also an issue if the class is taken pass/fail or for law school?
Any college class taken would be on a studentâs permanent college record and would have to be disclosed and a transcript sent when applying for Undergrad, Graduate and Professional programs (ie. Medical school, Dental school, Law school, Pharmacy school etcâŠ).
Rule of thumb is that student wanting to take a college class should select a class they will perform well in as an A grade.
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so if he is taken it âfor funâ should he audit, take pass/fail, not do this?
If the class is for fun, then auditing the course might be the best option. He can check with the college to see how he will not generate a transcript by taking the course.
amazing! once again CC is an amazing resource
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Taking courses as a Non-degree seeking student would provide him with the class but not credits. Like I stated above, check with the college to make sure this is an option.
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