So I’m currently a sophomore right now, so this might be a (very) early time to post.
But over the past two years my parents have been continually threatening to not let me go to college (not even going to get into that). Technically when I’m applying to college two years from now, I will be an adult, so I’m assuming this just means total lack of cooperation, obviously no aid and refusal to even sign any papers, since they can’t legally “force” me?
I really don’t know much about the college process or how much my parents are needed, which is why this is really worrying me.
Also in terms of where i stand academically, I am in the top ten students at my large, competitive high school, and i scored a 1460 on my psat (haven’t taken sat/act yet ofc). I don’t know at this point without any help from my parents if I should be shooting for full-rides at colleges like UNT (I live in texas) or take on loans for UT. I also don’t know if maybe I’m too young to be considering this at all. Sorry if i come off as ignorant lol.
What should i do right now, and what should i know?
Congrats on your PSAT score! You will certainly get a very good ACT/SAT score and national merit finalist next year, probably meaning a full ride at state schools. As long as you are 18 your parents cannot technically stop you though of course they can take away all funds. I would try to do everything you can to convince them otherwise, however, as it is not a great idea to get on their bad sides as you are going to college.
I obviously don’t know you, but when I see posts like this, generally the problem is …
parents think student is too immature, too irresponsible…loses things, won’t wake up on their own, won’t do chores when asked, won’t clean up after themselves without being reminded, won’t go to bed ontime. Also along these lines is that student won’t do homework/studying w/o being reminded or hounded.
Or
cultural or religious concerns that colleges are a hotbed of partying, sex, and booze/drugs
Or
parents are concerned about cost
If the problem is #1, then you need to spend the next 12-24 months cleaning up your act. Know where your things are, do chores w/o being asked, do your own laundry, get yourself up in the morning, do some extra chores w/o being asked.
Your parents have veto power over your college choices through funding and cooperation on financial aid forms, unless/until:
A. You earn a full ride merit scholarship somewhere.
B. You are considered independent for financial aid purposes (commonly age 24, married, or military veteran).
Congrats on your hard work and success! And you don’t come off as ignorant at all.
Focus on you for now. Work hard, figure out who you are, what interests you. Gravitate toward the people who make you the best person you can be. That’s really what’s most important about this time in your life.
Don’t worry too much right now about any statements about college. It sounds like it can easily be a source of conflict. There’s no need for it to be an issue for a while yet. Maybe reflect on what might be behind your parents’ statements. Is it financial? Maybe you will be able to show them that it does not need to be super expensive, especially since you are doing well. Maybe you can work summer jobs to show you are willing to contribute. Is it some other reason, do you think?
What can you do to help the situation? You can control what you can control. Focus on that.
As you move toward the second half of junior year, you’ll need to have conversations with them about it. Hopefully, you guys will be able to work it out together. I’m sure they love you and will want you to have the best opportunities possible.
If you continue to do well, there may be opportunities for merit aid and/or financial aid, in Texas and elsewhere. When you get closer to college, you can work with your guidance counselor. You can do research on this site and others. You can do things like googling “colleges that provide generous merit aid” and “colleges that meet full financial need.” Maybe you can find some affordable options.
I like to provide this link. I think it shows in a very concise way an example of a merit aid option. These scholarships are are not guaranteed, but they are a possibility. Note that the school super-scores for admissions AND merit aid.
You will need at least one parent’s cooperation to file the FAFSA and any other financial aid paperwork if you are looking for need-based aid.
If you focus on merit-based aid and aren’t picky about where you go to college, then you don’t need your parent’s cooperation much at all. You just need to be able to take the SAT and/or ACT. Will your parents let you have a Saturday morning free to take one of those exams? How about paying for the exam, for sending your scores to colleges, and for the college applications themselves? Do you have any money of your own? How hard would it be for you to get to a CVS or Walgreens or 7-eleven to buy a re-loadable Visa card? Those small mechanical things can cause big trouble for students with controlling parents.
If your parents are controlling in other ways, and you aren’t a slacker with a bad attitude at home, then you might have a situation that merits discussing with your guidance counselor or another trusted adult.
@mom2collegekids brings up a good point… it’s hard for us to give you any real advice without knowing what’s going on. Why are your parents making such a threat?