You obviously care a lot about your child’s future, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking this question. My advice is to expose your daughter to different things and let her pursue what SHE enjoys. Know it is hard not to obsess over things but you have to try. The fact that you are on a college forum leads me to believe that you need to take a step back. Definitely start saving money, cannot stress that enough. As your daughter gets older let her become more and more independent. Think as parents, we now baby our kids too much and they are always looking for a crutch. I am constantly telling my wife to let my boys do thing on their own. I wish you the best. Enjoy every moment as she gets older, because before you know it, you will definitely reap benefits from this site.
In the original post, OP wrote that he is not obsessing over her college admissions just yet
When he wrote, “raising a kid with selective-college potential,” I didn’t see him claiming she has this now.
Imo, he meant a 5 year old/any little kid who later could have the goods for a selective college. Taking a good path, could have the later choices.
That makes sense to me. It’s not different from any of us who “look forward.” It doesn’t hinge on obsessing.
@socaldad2002 and that’s per year 
Sheesh, people.
College is a single, four year stage, in a life that will hopefully last for 80 years. The absolute obsession with these four years as though they are The Most Important Years Of Your Life is ridiculous.
The point of the K-12 years aren’t to prepare kids to try to get into an “elite” colleges and a high paying job. The point is to provide an education in how the world goes, and to help them find the way to be their best selves. For some this may be through attending an “elite” college. For others it will be through attending a very different college, and for other, it won’t be through a college at all. Pushing all of these kids through the narrow route of attending an “elite” college is a disservice to them, to say the least.
Raising a kid with “attending a selective college” as their major goal is an awful thing to inflict on a child.
When their kids are five, parents should be thinking about how to get their kids to 18 with their kid being healthy, sane, caring, kind, educated, and critically thinking, as well as having the ability to form social and emotional connections with others.
Each and every one of these are orders of magnitude more important that the kid having, at 18, an acceptance letter to an “elite” college.
@ordinarylives - I am going to take the unpopular position in defense of video games. I will state up front: I am not ok with the first person shooter blood and guts games - fortunately that wasn’t what kiddo was into. But video games are NOT a monolith. There are all kinds, and can be impressively creative, smart, focused and very very deeply social. They can teach programming, engineering and design. They can have brilliant artwork and storytelling. It is way better than a kid bingewatching a show for 20 hours. It certainly better than social media. These are not the video games we grew up with.
My son has met incredible friends, developed discipline and stick-to-it-iveness, and has had more belly laughs than I can count over the years. There have been transferrable skills for problem-solving and motor skills. It gave him a place to process through a good day or a bad day when he needed it.
It did not get in his way of playing sports, getting excellent grades, doing music, participating in family and in all ways being a Good Person.
Not for nothing, I credit video games with keeping him mentally healthy during the pandemic when other people fell apart. He had a network that was not based on being physically present.
The caveat - sit down and have your kid tell you what they are doing, why the game is interesting to them, and who they are spending time with. Have them show you. Make it ok for them to talk about it at dinner. If that sounds unpalatable to a parent, ask yourself why - and why mastery of other things, sports, instruments, whatever it is that kids do even though they are never going to make a living at it, is inherently a better use of time.
When kiddo sat down with me (incredulous that I could truly be interested), and showed me what he was doing, and invested in teaching me, I “got it”. It changed our relationship when I opened to the idea that perhaps, perhaps! He was not just wasting his time.
It is just another version of “follow your kid’s lead”. It may not be one we parents would choose, but it is an integral part of today’s culture. Everything in moderation. Imagine the wedge a parent can put between themselves and their kids, by outright rejecting an activity they love.
(Taking fetal position now to prepare for the onslaught)
Okay, @CateCAParent, now I want recommendations for those awesome video games - for my teen for whom this is also, currently, almost his only outlet for socialising. He is allowed to play as much as he wants as long as it’s with other friends I know, so there are some natural limits, and some collective enforcement but without needing to communicate with other parents. Someone will have family stuff going on at some point.
I know they play a lot of Minecraft, which I have occasionally taken an interest in, and league of legends, which I haven’t. Apparently he hates fortnight. What would your kid recommend?
@CateCAParent I think you can unwind from the fetal position. I didn’t allow games in my house because, as a college instructor/academic advisor, I’d seen way too many students, mostly young men, get into academic trouble because of them. I realize that when my kids were home I was really a minority with this view; most people welcomed them or at least allowed them.
My oldest is streaming Among Us as we type. It’s part of his job. My guys all love the game.
He didn’t need to start on electronics at 5, or 10, to be good at it, enjoy it, or get employed doing it.
The problem with electronics at a very young age is how it seems to alter brain development vs kids going out and being kids, playing, discovering, and more. If the alternative is watching TV there’s likely little difference and video games might be better. If the alternative is playing with toys, discovering the planet, or interacting in person with others, it’s not so good. Med school lad majored in Brain and Cognitive Science and worked with young children in his research. He said many who work in the field won’t let their youngsters use technology or severely limit the time based upon what they’ve seen.
Kids have absolutely no problem picking up those skills after they’ve developed more of their brain - even if they want to work in the field later on. When they are young, give them the opportunity to develop their minds the way kids were designed to do so.
Among Us is great! Talk about belly laughs!
I have talked with kiddo about the cognitive development issue. He is very aware of those issues, and there is a bit if a pick your poison thing going on with him. As he said “aren’t you glad I am playing video games instead of drinking or drugs?” Ummmmmm…
I would worry more if he didn’t also have a steady diet of outdoor activities and sports. He just started getting into rock climbing. But that isn’t so easy to do right now.
I wish that I had known…
… that when he was 8, he would be diagnosed with a rare disease that would spend the years 8-10 trying really hard to kill him, and every year after lurking around the corner and would have cherished 5 more because of it. OP, don’t look so far ahead you can’t see right now.
…that he wasn’t lazy, he had a learning disability
… that a child will do or say anything to make their parents proud
… that having success, however small, is what makes someone try something
…that listening is nearly always better than talking
…that a basketball hoop magically opens up an adolescent’s mouth
…boys need hugs too. And compliments.
In my defense, I actually knew quite a lot of this before they were 5…
I wish I had known how much can ride on a student’s creative writing ability. Academic and professional styles of writing are obviously important, but strong creative writing is not just for artistic souls or those who wish to pursue certain fields like journalism. This skill can mean the difference between gaining elite college and graduate school admission or not, landing a competitive internship or not, earning local scholarships or not, and for some universities gaining access to opportunities in clubs and organizations. Creative writing has been worth a small fortune to my kids, but only one of them was kind of good at it. The others had to struggle far too much to produce essays worthy of helping them earn the desired prize.
D17 had been applying to graduate school and after attending 2 webinars on writing statements of purpose and research statements, was flummoxed to learn that even grad schools want cute and creative. One Ivy gave this sentence as example of a personal statement opener: “My father did not meet his first daughter until she was nearly a year old.” Just yesterday she was sent a graduate fellowship application that asks for a lively “narrative with energy and flow.” And here she thought she just needed to articulately discuss her prior and prospective research.
Actually this is a “bad thing” as inflation eats away at the principal (3%) a year and you are missing out on tax free gains as it grows and when you use it for educational expenses.
Invest early, often, and regularly is really the only way you are going to have enough money to pay for a college education with the added benefit and flexibility to pick and choose your college.
We don’t know if “merit” and FA money will be an option in 18 years so start saving now…
I find that strong writing skills develop organically by reading a lot and reading a variety of types of writing. My DD’s high school did a poor job of teaching writing, imo. She’s still a great writer, because she reads a lot and through reading has developed a unique style and voice of her own. It also allows students to learn good grammar naturally. That’s how my writing skills developed as well. I agree that good writing is a necessary skill.
That being said, I help students with undergrad, graduate, and scholarship essays. A lot of what students believe is good creative writing and appropriate for these purposes is absolute trash and not compelling at all. Most students are better off going for well-written over creative.
@socaldad2002 - A 529 makes sense for many families. It did not make sense for ours. That’s why I encourage people to look at their own overall financial situation when thinking about paying for college.
Will add: 1) the importance of consistently saving in the 529 plan, 2) the importance of (as other have said) just being present and appreciating your child and the moments you share, 3) focusing on happiness and positivity with spouse and not 100% laser focused on what’s best for the kids, etc. etc.
Kids want happy parents who respect and love each other - that’s very important for their overall development and the family’s health.
Agree, MWolf. The selective college goal can seem like some sort of clean and clear parental goal post (I did okay). The “raising an aware, compassionate, self-reliant human” is a way more complex, daily, nuanced job.
@Happytimes2001 - saw your post from 3 days ago. . . . and agree completely . (how long term illness touches a family and kids.) my niece spent weeks with us every summer. we taught her to ride a bike, made her take swim lessons, and tried provide some support for her with normal kid activities as her parents were taking care of their special needs child (who ultimately passed). I’m glad yours beat the odds; and absolutely understand that burden as a family and have compassion too.
I was not a good writer (too many ideas and not good organizational skills) until I got a job that required a LOT of report writing. I was a voracious reader (and still read a lot). I think I always read too quickly and for content, not style and so did not make me a good writer. I also placed out of the freshman writing course in college due to my SAT score, but I should have been required to take the course. Just saying that being a reader is great, but for some good writing requires training and practice. Most K-12 do not do a great job teaching writing.
@socaldad2002 that is a sobering number. Also sobering - 15 years from now our own kids may have 5 year olds! 
This isn’t what you want to hear because it doesn’t have anything to do with getting your child into selective schools. The most common mistake I see (and have made) is to praise your child for achievements and to focus primarily on those. This sets up a feedback loop of achievement, praise, escalating achievement, and more praise. And this can negatively impact the child’s mental health, as they will feel that their worth is solely in their achievements. And equally importantly, it can affect their character development if their kindness or empathy, or standing for truth doesn’t seem to count as much as their report card, or their nailing that difficult piece.