- Read to your kid daily.
- Take them to the library and let them pick out whatever they want to “read”. Read Read Read.
- Monitor screen time.
- Start them in a sporty thing…soccer, dance, etc. Kids need to be active. But let it just be a recreational league.
- If your kid wants to quit something, make sure they aren’t quitting just because they haven’t learned to do it yet.
- Start saving for college.
- Have your kids do some age-appropriate chores.
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My own kid is a sophomore now and I remember being very concerned about the different activities that I tried to put her through. At age 5, I definitely think it is a good time to think about this stuff. The key, I think, is to think of everything as development and also try many different activities so you can really see what your kid likes to do.
Many parents here are saying music is a great thing to look at and I agree. My kid learned trumpet and piano from 4th to 7th grade. She stopped because she was too involved with sports, but it was certainly very valuable for her to be in that type of activity. Art classes are also great for little ones because that is something that will immediately transfer into the current school setting. A big key for school success in the early years is the ability to follow instructions as well as honing the fine motor skills. Good luck!
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I wish I had known more about the gifted program at our school. I would not have agreed to have my kids considered for it.
My oldest was considered and genuinely wished to be invited to join, but was not admitted. I think that affected her self-esteem during middle school, as she watched friends take part in a program she was actively excluded from. Then my youngest was admitted to the gifted program, but discovered that it was truly awful. He hated it, his friends hated it. They rarely did anything creative, focusing more on things like memorization challenges and these convoluted grammar workbooks.
During my son’s years in the program, two families withdrew their kids because it was so awful. We told my son he could leave too, but he felt great obligation to complete the program even though he loathed it. Today he looks back on the program and laughs. He and his friends love to quote the teacher, who was an erratic tyrant. I’m glad they see humor in the situation, but it really was a waste–and an unpleasant one, at that.
The takeaway, years later: Not every opportunity is a good opportunity. No real harm done, but if I had known this when my kids were 5, I would have opted out.
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I have 2 kids, S graduating HS this year and D entering middle school. For both my children the emphasis at age 5 was PLAY and FUN. Fortunately, my S loved reading at a young age so he was already an avid reader at 5, while my daughter was not interested in reading at this age, and today, continues to struggle with reading comprehension.
Looking back, the only thing I would do differently would be to spend more time reading with D for fun, so that her first impression of reading was positive.
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At this point, let her make decisions that don’t matter in the grand scheme of life. Discuss the pros and con of her choice before deciding. For example, if she wears her favorite outfit on Wednesday, it won’t be clean for picture day on Friday. If she buys that toy today, she won’t have money to go to the movies. Let her make the choice and let her own it. Don’t bail her out by washing the outfit or giving her more money. Teach her to weigh the outcomes beforehand. Most times there’s no wrong choice, just a trade-off. She’ll take that skill with her always.
When my daughter was about 5, she asked to stay up later. The answer was yes as long as she was in bed reading. She usually lasted about 20 minutes longer. She is still a read for pleasure person.
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I have 2 kids, one who is a junior at Harvard and the other recently graduated from UChicago. At 5, both of them played soccer and started piano lessons as activities. My son who is older quit both activities within a few years. He didn’t enjoy piano or soccer and instead found his own activities as he got older. My daughter loved both activities throughout her school years and continues to enjoy piano and soccer today. So I guess what I am trying to say is that you never know. Kids are different and what works for one child may not work for another.
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love all the reading talk here. here’s my little plug - YOU JUST DON’T KNOW what will happen.
Kid #3 – very slow developer. Lowest reading groups in K, 1, 2. Speech issues & IEP.
THEN - learned to read, caught the bug. In middle school: checked out 308 books. in HS, 36 in reading (and another section) on the ACT.
We had no idea whatsoever how he’d change in those 8 years! But reading a ton was a big part of his success.
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This was my Kid #2. As parents we were assuming he might not be college material and knew we’d help him be whatever was right for him. Now he’s the one graduating from Med school in the top whatever percent of his class having interviewed for several top residencies.
We had him tested when he was 4 upon advice from a fellow parent who worked in the field, because he was way behind with sounds talking. Yes, they found he was, indeed, way behind in speech. But they also found he was gifted (testing at age 7) in everything else. We had no idea. Still, it took special speech classes well into 2nd grade until his brain developed the skills, and like yours, he was in the lowest reading group. He couldn’t read the word “was” even when it was on the same page three times. (The dog was brown. The cat was white. etc) We were told anything he couldn’t say, his brain also couldn’t process to read.
I’m thankful - as is he - for those who specialize in helping kids whose brains need help with various things!
And if someone’s child isn’t “normal” at 5, it could be just fine (don’t write them off) - but it’s very worthwhile getting them assessed (earlier assessment is better I’m told - they want to help the brain while it’s still developing).
Later is also possibly just fine for math skills. The math reasoning part of one’s brain can develop later and be perfectly normal. One young lass came into our high school in the lowest math group possible outside of “very” special ed. It wasn’t even algebra lite. She graduated high school and went on to be a math major in college. Once it clicked, she flew. Too many people who don’t catch on to math young or at normal ages assume they are dumb and give up. A good part of my time with lower level classes is building confidence. Kids do tons better when they realize they aren’t dumb. They won’t necessarily be math majors, but when it clicks, they can do the math they need if they don’t give up on themselves.
Be careful judging at 5 - or 10.
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Creekland – THAT was our kid too with the speech to the T! Love hearing how yours is turning out! and interesting too with the math info. (and i’ve not heard that before but it makes total sense. “anything they can’t say, their mind can’t process.” that’s good to know).
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Just to clarify, I’m repeating what we were told with speech/reading. It makes sense, but I haven’t researched it myself, though it came from those working in the field with my son. The math thing I came across a few years ago (+/-) while watching a show on brain development. I wish it were more well known. If I have time in the next few days I’ll see if there’s any online link to it.
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And speaking of linguistic developmental milestones, as a linguist: A lot of parents need to chill the heck out.
I mean yeah, if your kid isn’t saying words that you as a parent recognize as such by their first birthday, get them checked out. (And if you’re a non-signing family make sure their hearing gets checked out earlier in any event, because early exposure to language is important, and you may need to work on signing in some cases.) But not talking til 18 months is considered well within developmental norms—and so normal there there are no negative ripple effects down the road from it—so don’t try to push them faster than they wish to go. It’s just not healthy.
(And if they get to 18 months and still aren’t talking? Yeah, get them checked out—but if there’s no pathology, continue to stop worrying. Different kids walk and talk and whatever in early childhood, but absent pathology by the time they’re 10 all those things are pretty much even no matter their initial speed.)
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Just a note of thanks that no poster suggested that a 5 year old start working on college admissions essays.
Or cramming for the SAT.
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I wish I had known how sensitive my child was and that everything we wanted him to do, he was worried he wasn’t making us proud. He was! We had no idea that he felt this way and it led to self esteem issues in a very capable child. Be careful how you talk about things or they will feel trapped trying not to disappoint you.
Beyond that, read to them every single night. Even once they can read, you can read them harder and longer stories than they can read on their own.
My kids both became readers and eventually good writers with large vocabularies.
As far as activities, let your kid choose. Although I think it is ok to make suggestions, I would not force them to stick with any one thing. Mine both started martial arts around age 5. One lasted a couple years, the other is a 3rd degree black belt. It just worked for one and not the other. One exception I would make is music - let them choose piano or violin or whatever if you have the option, but I would encourage them to stick with it for a few years. In middle school, the kids who want to play percussion in band often have the requirement that they have had piano instruction or can read music well.
On activities, if they are not joiners with lots of interests, I think it is ok to tell them they have to be in “something.” Be flexible on what it is. Whether a paid job, sports, scouts, volunteering, acting, music, etc. When high school rolled around I said please join one thing your freshman year, you will meet new people and get involved in some way. I had one who joined one thing and one who joined several. It’s ok to be who you are. The reluctant one still had ECs to fill out his common app but we did not micro manage what he chose.
One thing I learned when we finally got around to the college app - you need a couple decent ECs but you can fill out a few more with new things they try in high school, clubs, jobs, etc. They don’t have to be the star of everything. Some kids are, and that’s great. But be careful trying to manufacture or push that because it’s tough on the kid thinking they aren’t “enough.” If there is a passion, follow that, but you don’t need ten passions. And a passion is a whole lot easier to write about than a forced activity. Truly a blessing if they have something they love to participate in! Try to let it develop organically from their desire, without worrying about what it is.
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Oh, the temptation to delve into satire…
(I don’t because I’m certain that if I did somebody would do some googling a dozen years from now and land on my suggestions, only to think they were meant seriously.)
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For more timing context as it relates to our boy, we were told they like to evaluate kids who don’t seem on track at age 3. This was as we were getting our son checked out at age 4. They tell us they don’t often get to check until age 5+ when kids start school and teachers notice problems. If there aren’t any problems they’ll tell parents so. If there are, intervening earlier is better than later. For us it was all free through the public school system. I don’t know if other states do it for free or not.
I really don’t think anyone needs to worry too much in the very early stages, though I can definitely see where that would change if hearing were a problem.
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So, apparently, we both decided to take the high & safe road.
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Or if sight is a problem. I couldn’t see the board and finally about 3rd grade one teacher told my parents. I managed–but up til then I sometimes literally got out of my seat to go look at the board or copied off the kid next to me.
Little kids have no idea that their inability to see or hear is not the norm They think it’s the same for everyone. And it’s very easy to learn how to overcome that handicap.
I was a teacher aid in one class where I worked with a little boy who had both severe hearing and eyesight problems that had been missed in prior years but was now corrected. Pretty smart kid! His mother rightfully wanted him held back a year since he was so far behind in learning because of this (recently corrected) and the school pushed him on to the next grade anyway. I was furious along with her. You need to be a real “mama bear” to protect your kid.
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My first kid was extremely precocious and taught himself to read before he was three and figured out multiplication when he was four. My second kid was having trouble with the simplest primers when he started second grade. Then a light bulb went on and he was reading Harry Potter. (My younger brother did exactly the same thing except it was The Wind in the Willows.) Their SAT verbal scores ended up within 10 points.
That said, it did turn out that my younger kid seemed to have some issues related to memorization. When he got tested he was off the charts in some areas and below average in others. He eventually figured out what he needed to do to learn what he wanted to know. He’s a Naval Officer now.
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Early intervention can make a big difference in outcome. I’m certified in special education, so when my one year old (#5) had zero language, I got in touch with early intervention, which is available in every state by law. He was 15 months only and had a six month deficit so was eligible for practically free ST in our home. It turns out he had weak muscles (big drooled too). A couple of friends who’s toddlers lacked language had their kids end up with an autism diagnosis eventually, but were able to get services early on. There is no harm in getting kids evaluated, either you learn there isn’t an issue or they get help. My friend is a ST and has been working in person and remotely with covid (remotely does not work out well with toddlers…).
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Whatever you do, just don’t overdo it. Keep life relaxed, expose them to opportunities, let them embrace or reject those opportunities, teach them emotional skills and empathy, develop a love of reading and outdoorsy activities. Giving them a happy and nourishing home is the key.
Act like a parent not a drill Sargent. Don’t waste joy you have in hand for unknown future. If they have a healthy body, relaxed mind, self esteem, love of learning and unconditional parental support then they’ll find their own way.
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