Going through same dilemma. Son between Colorado Boulder (OOS)–his dream school–and Penn State University Park (IS). Dream school gonna cost us (parents and son) additional $20,000 a year.
Any insight as between these two schools? Also considering going to PSU for first year, and then transferring to CU (if still dream) after first year.
I think a dream school is the school you can afford right now. I have a friend whose kid got into a very expensive dream school and she told me “how can we say no to her dream?”
They are taking out a home equity loan to pay for this and have already told their younger high schooler that she will have to go to state school because of how much this dream school will cost for their older child.
I find multiple things about this scenario reckless.
Why is the dream school always OOS? Some kid in Colorado is telling his folks PSU is his dream school!
Again, every family and situation is different. My S was looking at state schools and we only let him apply to the ones we knew would fit our budget, meaning he had to get merit. There was no way we were paying extra for a state school wherever when we have Pitt and PSU here, which are excellent.
More exotic and exciting, perhaps.
That sounds like a recipe for ratcheting up the sibling rivalry.
Exactly 
Which is why I’d rather pop the balloon on the front end, before the kid begins the application, than wait to “see if he/she gets in” and have even more drama and resentment on the back end. If the parents know it’s not affordable, it seems cruel to allow the application to be sent in the first place.
It’s like trying on a wedding gown that you can’t afford.
This. My daughter was hell bent on OOS. In the end in state is where she landed and she recently told us she’s actually glad she is only 2 hours from home. She hasn’t come home except for thanksgiving and Christmas but I just get the sense she likes the ease of it. I’m sure she would have done just fine out of state but I think it was good for her to see that in state options can be just as rewarding and exciting.
Kids have different reasons for wanted to go out of state. But something that I have seen which is common is there are a lot of kids from the top high schools at the state flagship. So you can have 30-50 people from the same high school going to their state flagship (and other popular in-state schools). There are often facebook groups for high school kids at those schools. They hang out together. For many kids there is a lot of appeal in that. But for others, they do not want to repeat high school. They are looking for a change and they think it won’t come if they see a lot of their high school classmates regularly.
We have good friends whose daughter went to an OOS school (ranked a bit lower than our in-state flagship) and with a cost of more than double. But she had a tough time in high school and was looking to get away. Parents determined that was worth it.
In some instances, the out of state option may be less expensive (depending on financial support for in-state schools in the state and merit scholarships being offered by OOS schools).
I understand wanting a change, but I think the perception of the state flagship as a repeat of HS is a misconception. How can a school with 20,000 students be like high school? Unless you are choosing to live with and hang out with high school friends (as some do) there is a good chance you will never, ever see kids from your high school. I think there are many good reasons to seek a college OOS, I’ve just never understood the thought that it will be just like high school if you go to an in-state public.
It isn’t about having people on a message board make or influence a decision, I don’t think.
I read posts here to see if anyone brings up something I may have overlooked. People who already navigated a similar decision.
If someone says something I have an immediate reaction to, good or bad, I think about why that is — it may reveal something about my own values or biases that gives me clarity.
If my opinion seems way outside the range, that may give me pause, too. So, yes, I guess finding others who think similarly is reaffirming (confirmation bias, perhaps). But less about determining “I was right - ha!” — more in a “I am not alone” sort of way.
It is just another means of gathering info. Like a google search, there is a lot of unhelpful stuff to sift through, but it does not render the exercise pointless.
We visited Penn State over the summer (had a student led tour) and I was so impressed with it. If that were the in-state option for us (and CU Boulder is our in-state option) I wouldn’t hesitate to stick with Penn State! Ultimately, D22 didn’t apply to Penn State because it was hard to justify paying OOS for it when CU Boulder is our default school. And it’s a four hour drive to an airport in addition to the flight home, and freshmen aren’t allowed cars on campus (like most schools). The transportation part was enough of a hurdle, in addition to the expense, to ultimately take it off our list.
Things have gotten crazy on the tuition front that’s for sure just over last few years. Glad both my kids got through before price hikes and covid (which has wrecked the college experience for so many no matter where you go)
I think the “dream school” fantasy is a bit overrated. More depends on what your kid wants to ultimately do with their life. D did go to her “dream school” but that was because it was the clear choice for her career and we could afford it. Some students do drop out because of the expense. If loans were involved it wouldn’t have happened.
Son went to big state school and loved every minute. He was also looking towards grad school which made a difference in the decision. State school would make it affordable as well as study abroad.
Even at the state school the classes weren’t large. Most large classes were general ed classes that he already had gotten credit for. The higher level classes were small.
Plenty of academic rigor–his classmates were accepted all over to some tippy top schools–they just couldn’t afford to attend them.
Two things I’d question:
Why does your kid have that bias towards the more expensive school? Is it really what they need? Or what they hear from their peers and parents as “being the best” ?
Are you projecting your own biases onto your kid? Is your own elitism getting in the way and your kid picks up on it?
@Thorsmom66 - our flagship really is like HS. (two of mine have gone there). in our midwest state - small population/large area, 1/3 of the state lives in one area! the kids all start to know each other in the urban area; from sports, friends, activities, etc. Many many are the same kids who mainly go to the flagship. Many of the rural area kids go to smaller, directional colleges. (Those colleges for the urban area kids would be much less like HS). that’s my version of how that happens here. 
ok, carry on!
We had funded a 529 early, and with a favorable investment climate over 18 years, it’ll even cover Grad School expenses - or some future grandchild. So cost of attendance had not been a deciding criteria. At the end, she didn’t choose several good schools that offered generous merit aid and honors colleges, but decided for the highest-ranked University, which also happened to be in her dream city.
Looking back after four years, she’s had some unique experiences, a good academic experience, great opportunities, choice of internship offers, and loves life in the city. That alone (given our financial preparedness), I’d do it again.
But, then CoViD happened - and seeing how her college embraced those challenges, invested into technology, into comprehensive in-house testing and tracing, converted vanished summer/university jobs into grants for low-income students, created CoViD-specific courses with renowned guest lecturers, I felt it truly had been worth every dime.
That makes perfect sense. I guess I just assumed it was like it is here – big flagship with 20,000 kids from all over the state (MA is small but populous and a fair # of kids go OOS or private).
I agree.
My son is at Baylor, he is on a scholarship, but will incur some loans. For us and for him….WORTH EVERY PENNY. The environment here is exactly what he needed and has been life-changing. If my girl bled green and gold like the rest of us, we’d move mountains to make sure she could come too.
I am just speaking from experience. With my kids, their friends and other people that I know and their kids. Maybe its a misconception to you. But its reality for others. And FWIW, my son was on a campus with 45k undergrads. He had a kid he hated from high school on his floor his freshman year. And ran into kids from high school regularly. Some he wanted to see others he didn’t. Same story for his friends.
And it doesn’t have to be just like high school to be problematic. Maybe not your experience. Doesn’t make it a misconception though.
And just because you don’t undertand something its not valid?
Like I said, different strokes. But ultimately you don’t know people here. There are a lot of biases. I have read statements by people here which are totally opposite of my experience with a given institutions with which I am familiar. So how do I know if what they are saying about schools with which I am not familiar are true/valid?
My D22 crossed off one of our in-state publics because so many people from her small high school go there. She really doesn’t want to see anyone from her high school at college and was really upset the other day when a boy from her class said he was interested in the same very small LAC she’s interested in. She really really really loves this school (it is her dream, and happily affordable for us) and I was able to talk her down off the ledge and explain that even though it’s a very small college, her high school is even tinier and she won’t have to hang around the boy if he does go there.
I went to my stat flagship and I knew plenty of high school classmates who went there too and it was a big school. It didn’t bother me, though, and I liked knowing some other people.
Any chance of any extra scholarship money from Baylor or elsewhere? I would be hesitant at 51K too. We have told D22 that she can definitely go to her #1 (if she can get over the fact that someone else she knows might possibly be there too) no matter what. Her merit offer makes it about $32K, but she also submitted an essay for a full tuition scholarship so keeping fingers crossed on that.