Personal statement

<p>I am trying to transfer to VCU 2011 for fall semester. I know my grammar isn't very good, help? Thank you</p>

<p>Immigrating from then developing country South Korea to one of the most diverse nation, United States of America, I was awed by it’s wide range of ethnicity. Enhancing and maintaining each one of the group’s distinctions, from language, food, and clothing to religion and holidays I noticed individuals with their strong ethnic identities in America. I believe it is crucial to blend into various cultures and interact with people from all over the world in today’s multi-cultural society. I hoped for one day that I will attend a college with people from all around the globe side by side excelling academically and trying our best to achieve our personal goals. An university with a comfortable and welcoming environment that appreciates all of it’s students’ beliefs and cultural values, Virginia Commonwealth University has been my dream college since freshman year of high school.</p>

<p>Interaction is the primary reason why I decided to choose my major as Business Management. Ever since the smoothie business that I took part of in a business class in high school, I found my passion to interact with each individual. Always having been interested to learn about other countries, I believe VCU is the place for me to learn about the ethnicities and their uniqueness to help me feel the grasp of what interaction really is in it’s differentiated student body population. As previously applying to VCU and being wait listed around this time of last year, I did not lose hope and I kept telling myself VCU was not ready for me just yet. But now I believe I am. Coming from a developing country in hopes of a new life I was fascinated by America’s varieties of each particular ethnicity. I am ready for my part of involvement with other ethnic groups. I am ready for Virginia Commonwealth University.</p>

<p>Your essay is too bland and sounds a little inauthentic. It also doesn’t feel like your essay is specific to VCU. You could have written this essay for any school. I feel like it’s also a little too contrived, with sentences such as “…with people from all around the globe side by side excelling academically and trying our best to achieve our personal goals.” I’ll be honest - I didn’t really want to finish reading. If you’re trying to transfer, I think that you’ll definitely need a stronger essay.</p>

<p>Furthermore, you have some grammatical errors you need to fix (you said that you know you your grammar isn’t very good). I won’t go into detail here, but maybe you should fix those first.</p>

<p>Good luck!! :)</p>