Please grade my essay

Prompt - Does the success of a community-whether it is a class, a team, a family, a nation, or any other group-depend upon people’s willingness to limit their personal interests?

    Warren Johnson once said, 'A community or group cannot function effectively unless people are willing to set aside their personal intersets'. There is very little doubt in the truth of this statement. The betterment of a community requires people to focus on improving the conditions of the group as a whole and not just on themselves. This idea can be seen throughout literature and history.
    A compelling illustration that shows why a group needs selfless commitment from the people to succeed is 'The Maze Runner' series authored by James Dashner. In this story, Thomas, the protagonist, wakes up to find himself in the Glade with sixty other boys and the only memory of his name. He soon learns that outside the Glade lise a Maze that changes everyday and is inhabited by vicious creatures called Grievers. When Thomas gets a chance to explore the Maze, he discovers an exit that will take him to the rest of the world. Soon enough, he reveals his dicovery to the rest of the Gladers and convinces them to join him on his journey to freedom. The Gladers realize that this trip to the exit is fraught with dangers-death by the Grievers. However, they risk their lives to protect their fellow Gladers and ultimately succeed in leaving the Glade. If they had valued their own lives more than the freedom of the group, they would never have been able to escape.
    Another persuading example that shows how a group succeeded because of the selflessness of its members is the Indian freedom struggle. Mahatma Gandhi was born in Porbandar, Gujarat, India and went to South Africa to study law and become a lawyer. When he witnessed the Apartheid movement there, he realized that the citizens of India too needed to fight against the British and drive them out of the country. So, he gave up his studies and returned to India to help unite the people against the British. He successfully spearheaded the Non-Cooperation Movement and by means of non-violence, won India her freedom. He was consequently hailed as the Father of India. If he had placed more priority on his studies and worked on his career, India would have taken longer to win freedom, if not still been a colony.
    The examples of 'The Maze Runner' series and Mahatma Gandhi show how the group of people succeeded bacause of the selflessness of the people. As Susan Walter once said, 'To take interest in the welfare of society is to give up on personal interest'.

How much do you think this essay will get me? Also let me know where I can improve.

Periods should be inside quotations. Also I would use " instead of the single one. Content wise, I think you’d be better off focusing on one example and going more in depth with it.

I cannot make any edits since I am not very experienced myself, but I think essays are supposed to give more insight about you. Your examples are nice, but they are not exactly about you. I think if you can somehow relate one of them to yourself, it would be better.

Also, I don’t know if its possible, but try to remove your essay. It is very risky to post it here.

I think this is a practice SAT writing prompt instead of an actual College Essay, as it is formatted in the way people are usually taught how to write it. I would say it gets an 8 for addressing the prompt fairly well, though the conclusion is rather weak because it fails to branch out to any impactful conclusion; it simply goes in with another quote, which isn’t really the best idea. The examples are nice, but the overall essay needs more development in the intro and conclusion.

How does this essay make you stand out from the applicant pool?

What does the admissions committee learn about you?

Why would the admissions committee feel you would be a strong addition to their campus community based on this essay?

Oh! I think I forgot to mention that this is for the SAT. This isn’t my personal statement.