Please Grade my SAT essay! Thank you in advance.

Prompt: Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

Our cherished notions of what is equal and what is fair frequently conflict. Democracy presumes that we are all created equal; competition proves we are not, or else every contest would end in a tie. We talk about a level playing field, but it is difficult to make conditions equal for everyone without being unfair to some.

Adapted from Nancy Gibbs, “Cool Running”

ASSIGNMENT: Is it possible for a society to be fair to everyone? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

In an ideal world, as many people hope, equality is omnipresent. Is it possible for the society to be entirely fair? Will the world be a better place if it is so? I strongly believe that the answer to both questions is “no”. Despite constant effort made by people to make the world fairer, absolute equality can never be achieved.

First of all, it is impossible for a society to be completely fair to all because social stratum exists. In order for companies, organizations or even countries to operate and function properly, there must be leaders to make crucial decisions and take charge of things. While these leaders are pivotal to an organization, especially when they have greater capabilities than other people, some people may feel that such a system that groups people into different ranks and classes is an epitome of inequality in itself. However, without social stratum, there would be no competition, and workers’ productivity could be extremely low, in turn making people’s lives less meaningful.

In addition, everyone is born to be a unique being, which is another reason why the possibility of having a totally fair society is zero. As what some people consider to be fate, one cannot choose where one is born or who one’s parents are; some people may be raised in wealthy families, while some may have to worry about how to deal with extreme hunger. Also, the appearance, talent, ability and intelligence vary from one to the other, simply because they are determined by nature, but not human. These factors, which are natural and not controlled by human, also contribute to unfairness in our society to a certain extent. For instance, someone naturally beautiful can become a successful actress with relatively little effort; whereas someone else who is less aesthetically pleasing has to strive to even become an actress.

Furthermore, society can never be equal for everyone because even our mother nature is not fair. Take the climatic condition and natural hazards of some countries for example, countries with temperate climate, such as the United States, experience four seasons; however, countries in the tropics, such as Malaysia, have only one season. Similarly, Japan is often struck by all kinds of natural disasters, including volcanic eruptions, hurricanes and earthquakes. In contrast, Singapore does not have any of those hazards. These comparisons illustrate that even nature is not fair to all. Humanity is indeed part of nature, if nature itself is not fair to its constituents, how can we demand our society, a subset of nature, to be impartial to everyone?

In conclusion, it is of my firm opinion that society cannot be unbiased. Although absolute equality does not exist, it does not mean our lives can no long be as splendid as they should be, as long as we accept this inequality as a part of our lives.

Please give me a score, and comment on how I can improve my essay. (be a little bit more detailed ) Thank you! >:D<

im not a grader so i wont give u a score… i can tell u that ur thesis is really weak you need examples states in the thesis that prove ur belief.

and also i dont think its a good idea to ask question even if its rhetorical.

I intended for my thesis to be the last sentence of the introduction, seems like the thesis should be the first sentence. Can you write a strong thesis for this prompt? I want to learn how to make my thesis stronger.