Please help me rate/critique my Cornell/Hopkins essay.

<p>Here it is...spent 2.5 hours on it. I plan on submitting it with my common app.</p>

<p>Cradled between my hands lay a plastic cube with an array of clashing colors neatly imprinted on the plastic surface. For many years, adventurous souls have spent a few minutes of their lives twisting this chaotic jumbled puzzle only to become annoyed enough to leave it in their toy box to be forgotten forever. Known as the Rubik’s Cube, the master of all puzzles, it has evoked a countless number of frustrated buyers. This straightforward object appears simple to the eye, however, enigmatic to the mind.</p>

<p>A little more than a year ago, I remember picking up my sister’s unused Rubik’s Cube and timidly twisting and turning the contraption. Persistent and determined at the time, I decided I wouldn’t stop until I’d mastered the cube. From then on, I set aside a few minutes each day to accomplish my feat. However, the minutes turned into hours as I was dragged amidst a colorful struggle between my aching fingers and the muddled faces. Finally, weeks later, the intense war had subsided as I stared down at the perfectly uniformed entity that I had conquered. With my hands and eyes filled with euphoria, it brought about an immense satisfaction that I hadn’t felt in a long time.</p>

<p>For many weeks, this mild obsession continued as I slowly devised my own methodical method to “conquering the cube”. As I slowly mastered the Rubik’s Cube, I began holding timed trials to race against time and the cube itself. The battles became more intense as I would watch the jumbled whirlwind of colors arrange itself into perfect harmony in a matter of seconds. I still experience the same feeling of delight as I had during my first run.</p>

<p>As I impressed more of my friends, the cube was nothing more than a simple puzzle that demanded a bit of concentration and thought. I once feared that I’d been enslaved to this object forever, but as it turned out, it was nothing more than my underling.</p>

<p>One day after school, I was sitting at home thinking of new ways to optimize my skills. As I systematically flashed through my process, it occurred to me that the Rubik’s Cube was not just a mere brainteaser – it was a portable replica of my life and qualities as a person! Oddly enough, any way I thought, this inanimate object displayed character traits similar to mine. The individual colored faces of the cube resembled my feelings: red, blue, orange, green, yellow, and white analogous to anger, grief, frustration, bliss, gratitude, and indifference. Not only that, but the colors were arranged together in accord, symbolizing a perfect balance of emotion and tranquility much like the Chinese symbol of Ying/Yang – the cube was in a happy medium. When the cube was scrambled, however, it symbolized my times of confusion and disorder, namely occasional personal issues and frustration of meeting my own expectations in and out of the classroom. Though my life is usually in harmony, everyone experiences moments where they falter.</p>

<p>As I ponder through the process of solving the cube, the procedure itself has something to teach me as an important life’s lesson. The actual process of transforming the cube into its solved state is fairly challenging. Various twists and turns must be applied, and an inexperienced cubist is always unsure if it will yield desirable results. Very similar to the daily decisions that we make, these “twists” must be applied to the current situation and carefully thought out to lead to positive effects. As a cubist, one gains experience only through time and dedication, very much like how a person matures and is able to make responsible decisions based on his or her experiences in the past. Since life’s obstacles and the Rubik’s Cube must be solved systematically, the most difficult aspect to grasp is the tendency of a face or layer, which has already been solved, to undo itself from another spin. Unfortunately, this is very true in real life as well. Time management is very important to many of us, and it’s hard for me to find time for everything. Because of my busy schedule, I have to allocate my time wisely for more important things. In the end, although my social life may suffer, I gain an edge in schoolwork and other aspects. </p>

<p>My perception of the Rubik’s Cube has completely evolved. Although I will never forget the cube as a time consuming activity for rainy days or a mild obsession, there are more important aspects in life to be aware of. In a lot of cases, the Rubik’s Cube has reminded me of these important virtues. With 43 quintillion combinations, there is only one I will always strive for, both in this clever brainteaser, and most importantly, my life.</p>

<p>Way, way too long but otherwise good. You shouldn't exceed 500 words by much.</p>

<p>If I shorten the essay down a bit, it will be completely ruined. :&lt;/p>

<p>bump...............</p>

<p>This is just a personal opinion, but your language style seems a bit stilted. Basically, just don't use words like stilted. (Ha ha.) For example, I don't think "I once feared that I’d been enslaved to this object forever, but as it turned out, it was nothing more than my underling" and other comments eally reflect your natural voice. But otherwise, well-written:)</p>

<p>yea, I agree with jellybean. It's well written and interesting to read I suppose, but some of your word choice is a bit fake. I mean, does "timidly twisting" really reflect you? Not that timid is a super-high vocabulary word, it is a decent word but I've never seen it used with twisting. I dunno, seems like you threw in a bunch of words (maybe by using a thesaurus) to make the essay sound more intellectual. If you cut out a lot of those unnecessary words, the essay will be great because 1) it's obvious you purposefully stuck those in there to "sound smart" and 2) it would cut down on the wordcount.</p>