please please look at my babson letter!!

Applying to College
1

please comment b4 i send!!

To my Incredibly Awesome Future Roommate,

Hey! How’s it going? I hope senior year is treating you well, and you haven’t let senioritis get the best of you just yet. Well, I guess before I go on, giving you a glimpse into my life, I should first introduce myself! My official name is **, (although all of my friends just call me Drummey and my parents call me Mary)… confusing I know, but you can call me whatever! I’m a little sister, an aunt, a godmother (multiplicity 2), a girlfriend, a best friend and even a Confirmation Sponsor! I hail from the wonderful state of Kentucky…but unfortunately, due to the urbanization of my suburb, I have lost my awesome southern accent! Oh well…maybe we’ll be able to pick up that sexy Bostonian accent…which I know the boys back at home would find very impressive!

I really don’t think you’ll be too miserable living with me. I would say I’m a pretty agreeable person, I really like having fun, and I’m not nocturnal or anything. Oh, and I’m not even messy, well except on occasion.

I have a pretty eclectic array of interests. My first love would probably be tennis, though traveling would come in a close second, followed by real estate! I’m kind of obsessed with real estate actually and look forward to buying a rental property as soon as the right one comes up on the market! Sometimes, though, I just love to kick back and party. I don’t drink or smoke; I like to get my kicks by other means. Case in point: tonight my friends and I revisited our childhood by sliding down the steps in our sleeping bags…talk about exhilarating!

Perhaps instead of explaining why I chose Babson, I should rebuttal by asking why the heck wouldn’t I? But, just this one time, I’ll be a follower.<br>
Babson is the perfect college for me for so many reasons. What initially sparked my interest in the school was its emphasis on fostering an entrepreneurial spirit. All of my life I have always wanted to create and manage my own thriving business. The thought of my ideas and aspirations being confined to a cubicle makes me shudder, and although I’m a team player, I don’t enjoy being second in command.
The entrepreneurial motif isn’t the only aspect that drew me to Babson academically, however. Their 50:50 curriculum business and liberal arts ratio is very ideal, since I am a lover of history and philosophy. Speaking of which, that would be incredible if you were a fan of philosophy as well, nothing is better than staying up all night over coffee, discussing Nietzsche and the meaning of life.
Although the main purpose of college is education and everything else is supposed to be secondary, I couldn’t help but compare my top choices in regards to their location and size. Again, Babson won out. No other school could top the its unique small class size and wonderful location. You’ve probably seen Babson for youself, but in the event you haven’t, it looks like a postcard. Wellesley is a charming and quaint town, perfect for college. And my favorite city in the world…Boston…only a T ride away.

My fellow roommate, we are about to embark on a long journey. Let’s make the most of it. I can’t wait to meet you.

2

<p>I think it's pretty good. You might want to keep the partying stuff out of there, the sleeping bag thing makes you sound a bit like a crazy person. Just don't mention partys at all. I think you also might want to take out the philosophy/coffee part as well. If you roommate totally doesn't care about philosohpy you might "weird" her out before she even meets you. Just my ideas.</p>

3

<p>you can be my roomate... you sound nice</p>

4

<p>Actually I liked the coffee philosophy part a lot. That is a typical school night in many dorm rooms and does make you sound highly likable!</p>

5

<p>Guess what I did in my basbson supplement? I said Waltham Mass instead of Wellesley. Bentley is in Waltham. I'm such a dummy.</p>

<p>Nice essay. Mine is similar.</p>

6

<p>edited version:</p>

<p>is it ok?
To my Incredibly Awesome Future Roommate, </p>

<p>Hey! How’s it going? I hope senior year is treating you well, and you haven’t let senioritis get the best of you just yet. Well, I guess before I go on, giving you a glimpse into my life, I should first introduce myself! My official name is **, (although all of my friends just call me Drummey and my parents call me Mary)… confusing I know, but you can call me whatever! I’m a little sister, an aunt, a godmother (multiplicity 2), a girlfriend, a best friend and even a Confirmation Sponsor! I hail from the wonderful state of Kentucky…but unfortunately, due to the urbanization of my suburb, I have lost my awesome southern accent! Oh well…maybe we’ll be able to pick up that sexy Bostonian accent…which I know the boys back at home would find very impressive!</p>

<p>I really don’t think you’ll be too miserable living with me. I would say I’m a pretty agreeable person, I really like having fun, and I’m not nocturnal or anything. Oh, and I’m not even messy, well except on occasion. </p>

<p>I have a pretty eclectic array of interests. My first love is tennis, traveling is a close second, followed by real estate. I’m kind of obsessed with real estate actually and look forward to buying a rental property as soon as the right one comes up on the market! Sometimes, though, I just like to kick back and relax, talking to my friends on instant messenger or listening to the beats of wannabe British bands.</p>

<p>Perhaps instead of explaining why I chose Babson, I should rebuttal by asking why the heck wouldn’t I? But, just this one time, I’ll be a follower.<br>
Babson is the perfect college for me for so many reasons. What initially sparked my interest in the school was its emphasis on fostering an entrepreneurial spirit. All of my life I have always wanted to create and manage my own business. The thought of my ideas and aspirations being confined to a cubicle makes me shudder, and although I’m a team player, I don’t enjoy being second in command.
The entrepreneurial motif isn’t the only aspect that drew me to Babson academically, though. Their 50:50 business and liberal arts ratio is especially ideal for me, since I am a self-proclaimed Renaissance woman.</p>

<p>Although the main purpose of college is education and everything else is supposed to be secondary, I couldn’t help but compare my top choices in regards to their location and size. Again, Babson won out. No other school could top its small class sizes and wonderful location. You’ve probably seen Babson for yourself, but in the event that you haven’t, it looks like a postcard. Wellesley is a charming and quaint town, perfect for college life. And my favorite city in the world…Boston…only a T ride away.</p>

<p>My fellow roommate, we are about to embark on an exciting journey. The next four years hold a lot in store for us: intellectual growth and fun times. Let’s make the most of it. I can’t wait to meet you.</p>

<p>Cheers,</p>

7

<p>i like it
well written and you sound nice</p>

8

<p>Some notes:</p>

<p>o Half of your essay is answering Why Babson? although they didn't ask. In this section I think you waste space telling them what they already know: what it looks like, what city it is near, what size classes they have, what the program is like. You never related why it is good for you that isn't generic to all applicants.</p>

<p>o "The thought of my ideas and aspirations being confined to a cubicle makes me shudder." Are you implying that other poeple asipre to this? Again this is generic --also distainful of conditions start-up's often have to endure.</p>

<p>o I think this is somewhat bland--not terrible but a bit bland. You laundry list the things you 'are' with no detail. There is not sense of 'you' in these lists. Even why you have an odd nickname or are a godmother.</p>

<p>o too many exclamation points</p>

9

<p>To my Incredibly Awesome Future Roommate, </p>

<p>Hey! How’s it going? I hope senior year is treating you well, and you haven’t let senioritis get the best of you just yet. Well, I guess before I go on, giving you a glimpse into my life, I should first introduce myself! My official name is ___________, (although all of my friends just call me Drummey and my parents call me Mary)… confusing I know, but you can call me whatever! I’m a little sister, an aunt, a godmother (multiplicity 2), a girlfriend, a best friend and even a Confirmation Sponsor! I hail from the wonderful state of Kentucky…but unfortunately, due to the urbanization of my suburb, I have lost my awesome southern accent! Oh well…maybe we’ll be able to pick up that sexy Bostonian accent…which I know the boys back at home would find very impressive!</p>

<p>I really don’t think you’ll be too miserable living with me. I would say I’m a pretty agreeable person, I really like having fun, and I’m not nocturnal or anything. Oh, and I’m not even messy, well except on occasion. </p>

<p>I have a pretty eclectic array of interests. My first love is tennis, traveling is a close second, followed by real estate. I’m kind of obsessed with real estate actually and look forward to buying a rental property as soon as the right one comes up on the market! Sometimes, though, I just like to kick back and relax, talking to my friends on instant messenger or listening to the beats of wannabe British bands.</p>

<p>Perhaps instead of explaining why I chose Babson, I should rebuttal by asking why the heck wouldn’t I? But, just this one time, I’ll be a follower.<br>
Babson is the perfect college for me for so many reasons. What initially sparked my interest in the school was its emphasis on fostering an entrepreneurial spirit. All of my life I have always wanted to create and manage my own business. The thought of my potential and aspirations being confined to a cubicle makes me shudder. Unlike other colleges that seem to teach you to make money for someone else, Babson inspires entrepreneurship by providing the proper education coupled with real-life experiences that will prepare us for dealing with the business world on our own. By the time I had reached the part in the view book that said we get to create our own businesses as freshmen, I was practically drooling!</p>

<p>The entrepreneurial motif isn’t the only aspect that drew me to Babson academically, though. Their 50:50 business and liberal arts ratio is especially ideal for me, since I am a self-proclaimed Renaissance woman…I could discuss philosophy all night and I’m a total history buff.</p>

<p>Although the main purpose of college is education and everything else is supposed to be secondary, I couldn’t help but compare my top choice colleges in regards to their location and size. Again, Babson won out. No other school could top its small class sizes and wonderful location. You’ve probably seen Babson for yourself, but in the event that you haven’t, it looks like a postcard. Wellesley is a charming and quaint town, perfect for college life. And my favorite city in the world…Boston…only a T ride away. Coming from a pretty isolated suburb, I can’t wait to experience the perks of living in the 7th largest city in America, especially shopping on Newbury Street and eating dinner at the North End!</p>

<p>My fellow roommate, we are about to embark on an exciting journey. The next four years hold a lot in store for us: intellectual growth and fun times. Let’s make the most of it. I can’t wait to meet you.</p>

<p>Cheers,</p>

10

<p>Is Babson your number one choice? I got accepted ED and I'm planning on trying out for the tennis team next year. I really liked your letter!</p>

11

<p>Hey! Sorry it took me so long to reply, Ive been in Chicago. But yeah, Babson is definitely one of my top choices. I'm actually going there this weekend so I think I'm going to see if I can schedule an interview with the adcoms. That would be awesome if we were both playing tennis!</p>

12

<p>The stuff you said about why you wanted to go to Babson could have been pulled from a skim of an informational brochure. I think perhaps you should have skipped it entirely and given more specific evidence of your quirkiness. Don't just say you're a philosophy buff; say that you have posters of Nietzsche and Hegel plastered on your walls, your philosophy teacher at the local college told you you knew more than he did, you think that subjectivism is a totally ******** philosophy that no one can live up to, just like Kant's duty ethics. Say you would like your roommate to be a dualist, because you yourself are a monist and you love spirited arguments. Don't just say you're a history buff; talk about how you collect biographies of Civil War generals, how you memorized the name of every single president and First Lady, and such. </p>

<p>Also more specificity about your business interests. If you ever started a lemonade stand, a tsunami drive etc. it makes your interest in business a lot more believable and lifelike. A LOT more specificity about your business interests, and relate it more to your roommate. E.g. say that you want the two of you to be partners in a future venture.</p>

13

<p>Are you going for the women's overnight program?</p>

14

<p>I am going on the overnight</p>

15

<p>You use something like 5 exclamation points in a row. I'd suggest a bit more moderation.</p>