Pressure of ethnic cliques

<p>Specifically I'm talking about asian cliques. I go to a school thats 70% caucasian, and so last year, my freshmen year, I joined lots of asian organizations to try and meet friends. It was fun, but it was tough because there's a lot of sucking up to people to try and fit in and that's not me. I really don't care for small talk, and I hate having to go around to room and give hugs to every single person there. Last year I met a group of close friends, so now in my sophomore year, I'm less active in these orgs. I joined them primarily to meet friends, but I feel like everyone else ONLY associates with asians. It's like it's the "cool" thing to do. If you don't go to the meetings and events, you're out of the social loop. </p>

<p>For example, my roommate who is also asian, told me yesterday that whenever he tells me people who he lives with, the interaction usually goes like this:</p>

<p>"I live with roomie 1, roomie 2, and Carrie." </p>

<p>"Who's Carrie?" </p>

<p>This doesn't bother me, because it's my own fault people don't know me, I don't go to asian events. But I feel so limited because it's like I HAVE to show face in the asian community just to have friends. Because that's what social circle I'm in.</p>

<p>A lot of times when I meet new people in the asian organizations, I get the vibe that they think they are better than I am. Some of my friends who are asian bother me because they set themselves apart from other people because of race. Like making it a big deal that I don't ONLY like asian guys. Or my friend told me she thinks "white people parties" are awkward. I've been to a few and the only reason it was awkward was because there was only like 15 people, not because it was white people. </p>

<p>I think that's mainly why I don't predominantly associate with asian groups anymore, because they almost define themselves with it. </p>

<p>Any thoughts? Do I have a right to feel this way? I feel kinda like a social outcast, but I feel like I shouldn't at the same time :)</p>

<p>Of course you have a right to feel that way! There are so many problems in the world because particular groups of people (whether its race, religion, sexuality, etc.) only want to stick with their own kind and look down on other groups. I say it’s good for you to want to socialize with more people. I also realize that this just may be a cultural thing - Asians typically place a lot of importance on the group, and not on the individual, so (and this is just a guess from what I’ve learned about those cultures) they find it important or valuable to stick with one another and “protect the pack” so-to-speak. You may not have been raised with that cultural mentality, and that’s perfectly fine. Find people you enjoy being around and who enjoy having you around and you will find life is much easier.</p>

<p>Are you an Asian or, well, you? </p>

<p>In high school my best friends were: a Catholic guy, a black guy, an Asian guy, an Arab guy, and a few girls also of various backgrounds.</p>

<p>Hang out with whoever the heck you wanna hang out.</p>

<p>Asians on my campus stick to other Asians as well, unless they are first-gen (or later) American.</p>

<p>I find it annoying. So many cute Asian girls everywhere and they never talk to a white guy! :-(</p>

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<p>It goes both ways; many “whitewashed” Asians don’t want to associate w/ other Asians (each group tends to look down upon the other; generally one sees the other group as “selling out” and the other thinks its superior by virtue of association w/ whites), plus it’s not as simple as that.</p>

<p>Depending on how large the Asian student pop. is - aside from the “whitewashed” vs. non-whitewashed divide, Asian students can divide among ethnic lines, as well as on int’l vs. American lines.</p>

<p>Just as if a school has a big enough African student pop. - they will largely divide themselves from the general black student pop, which itself tends to segregate from others.</p>

<p>If there aren’t enough desi students, Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi will intermingle, but if there is a certain threshold in nos. - they will often divide into their various nationalities or even further based on religious or ethnic/regional lines.</p>

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<p>Gee, like white people never tend to stick w/ each other; how often do whites hang out primarily in a social group that wasn’t dominated by whites?</p>

<p>And if you are a white guy who has trouble talking to Asian girls, then I’m afraid it says more about you then them.</p>

<p>Way to read too much into a gag, k&s. Do you feel the need to put other people down or something?</p>

<p>I’m Asian and I dislike the Asians at my school. They tend to hang out in groups and go EVERYWHERE together. Some also act really obnoxious and think they’re better than everyone else. Then again, I’d have to say the same for any other race that acts like that, not just Asians.</p>

<p>I just hate people that likes to segregate themselves from other ethnic groups in general. I hang out with everyone and I feel awkward in any group of people that consists of only one race. I really do.</p>

<p>Dang Mizzxvii, I don’t think it’s a big deal. Why stop at ethnicity? Why not feel uncomfortable if your group doesn’t also contain a diversity of music preferences, Coke vs. Pepsi preferences, Picard vs. Kirk vs. Sisko vs. Janeway vs. Archer preferences, emacs vs. vi preferences, or hair color or earlobe width or majors?</p>

<p>And what counts as ethnic diversity? Is a group of Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, and Singaporean students ethnically diverse or not?</p>

<p>The thing with the Asians at my school is that they are mostly comprised of international students; therefore, it’s comfortable for them to stick with other international students. I’m Asian myself and I never really had a large group of Asian friends, but that’s maybe because I grew up in a neighborhood with lots of whites and Latinos. I do have a few Asian friends now and it’s really nice to get in touch with my culture.</p>

<p>I agree with k&s that both viewpoints look down on each other. My cousins from S.Korea tell me that SOME Asian people look down on Asian Americans because they are “sellouts” to the American culture - but what is so ignorant about this statement is that Asian Americans, like myself, never asked to be born here…it just happened. So, it’s hard to blame us for who we are because it’s just how we grew up. It really just comes down to pride, especially in the Asian culture. As far as Asian Americans go, I know some who avoid other Asians at all costs because they think they are “embarrassing” and/or “stereotypical FOBS.”</p>

<p>It’s just a lack of communication in my opinion. I’ve seen some pretty snooty international students who totally give other Asian Americans attitude if you even speak a word to them, but I’ve met some really nice and sincere people, too. It just depends on the people. I try my best to let those judgements get the best of me, and it’s been working thankfully.</p>

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<p>I guess I touched a nerve; can you dispute anything that I stated?</p>

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<p>Uhm, most whites and blacks just hang out in their own groups, so you’d better get on with your complaining.</p>

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<p>People tend to segregate into groups w/ similar experiences and likes.</p>

<p>Chances are, where there are big enough populations to support all groups, that the “mingling” that you see is comprised of a few token minorities into white-dominated groups where the minorities are basically “whitewashed.”</p>

<p>Let’s say that you are of Japanese heritage and that you are interested in Japanese film, TV shows, music, etc.; what are the chances your non-Japanese friends will share that interest (pretty slim; every now and then you’ll find someone who does, but it’s not very common).</p>

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<p>The nerve you touched is the tendency on web forums for people to put each other down and basically lose all social graces, it seems to be especially bad on CC sometimes.</p>

<p>The statement “and if you are a white guy who has trouble talking to Asian girls” is a clear jab at my confidence level and masculinity, based on a single tongue-in-cheek remark I made. And saying “looks like I touched a nerve” is obviously your way of pouring salt on the wound. It is supposed to wind me up, and challenging me to dispute something you’ve said is your way of forcing me to go on the defensive and “prove” my masculinity in some way. It is meant to make me look small.</p>

<p>But this isn’t how adults should treat each other.</p>

<p>yeah, i’m asian and other asians just don’t share my interests a lot of the time. all of my close friends are stoners and i feel that that unites us way more than ethnicity. but even among my acquaintances, i know more white people than asian people. my school is ~35% asian and ~35% white but i think there may be more asians.</p>