<p>My diary is private, but I sometimes read it to my friends. See how it works?</p>
<p>When your friends read your blog, a billion other people are free to join in the fun. See how a blog works?</p>
<p>So, why wouldn't you tell your kids that you're reading their blog? Because it's private, right? If you think it's great to invade your kids' privacy by "joining in the fun"...... hm....</p>
<p>I would that if you are going to read it, tell them. Other wise its like on some level you feel you have to keep secret what you are doing. If its open for all to read and you have an obligation to read it then go ahead and tell them.</p>
<p>"If you found out about your child's blog by snooping around in the history file, that's the same as cracking a code to try get into the blog."</p>
<p>By history, I meant the drop down list of urls at the top of my browser. I went there because I never set up a bookmark to this forum and I didn't want to type <a href="http://www.collegeconfidential.com%5B/url%5D">www.collegeconfidential.com</a> again. I've always done that. Why not, this is my computer, not the kid's who each have one. The url at the top of the list included his usual alias and a blog title. That's cracking code?</p>
<p>I've never opened my S's mail or rifled though the things in his room. If he put something on my desk (as he put the url on my computer, not his), even if he considered it private, it would be at risk of being read, particularly if I didn't recognize what it was before I read it. </p>
<p>The blog it was in plain sight. A blog, by definition, is an open invitation to read what you write. Not much different if he had written on the white board in his room. Or rather, not much different than if he had taken out a billboard near campus on a street he never thought about me traveling.</p>
<p>I don't mind telling my S I've stumbled across his blog and read it. I was just curious how people felt about it, suspecting that students didn't think about how public what they were doing is. As with this forum, it's probably wise not to write anything on a public thing like a blog you wouldn't want your parents or a college admissions officer reading.</p>
<p>If you wouldn't mind telling him and you think he wouldn't mind that you read his blog, then it's fine.
I'm just saying that I would mind. I guess it's very individual and you just have to act according to your intuition in situations like these. If you stumble accross his blog and, while you're reading it, you don't feel like you're doing something that would upset him, that you're invading his privacy, then I truly think it's fine.</p>
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<blockquote> <p>So, why wouldn't you tell your kids that you're reading their blog?<<</p> </blockquote>
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<p>Who said I wouldn't? I discuss with my daughter things she has written on her blog.</p>
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<blockquote> <p>Because it's private, right?<<</p> </blockquote>
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<p>Wrong. A blog by its very nature is NOT private. And my daughter is smart enough to know that.</p>
<p>If you want to keep something private you've got think of a medium other than blogging. You can't expect privacy for things you say in public. It's not how the world works.</p>
<p>Crimson, I am a lawyer by training, and so I know what the law says about privacy. If you leave something out in the open where others will stumble across it, whether it a blog on the internet or your private journal "accidentally" left lying on the kitchen table... you've given up your "reasonable expectation of privacy." </p>
<p>I think most parents feel that kids who do things "secretly" without much effort to hide it really do want their parents to see -- even if they say otherwise. Because if the blog was truly secret, then the kid wouldn't use the parents' computer to log in -- I mean, I think that by now most kids would know that many browsers have a nasty habit of "auto fill" in the browser window when a user begins to type, and sometimes even store passwords and user names and enter them without user intervention. </p>
<p>If you want privacy - then take action to preserve it. But if your mom is computer literate, then she's probably already reading your blog - whether you know about it or not. </p>
<p>Maybe a very good rule for life is "don't put anything in writing that you wouldn't want your mother to see." I say that because you have no idea the ways in which inappropriate comments you make on the "anonymous" internet will come back to haunt you years down the line.</p>
<p>Kids should be aware that anybody, including their parents, can read what they post publicly on the internet. However, often they don't believe that their parents could ever find their blogs, and aren't taking that into account.</p>
<p>If you've found your kid's blog, tell him so before reading it. Maybe he'll be fine with it, and you'll get a new insight into his life. Especially in college, having a blog that updates your parents about your life is a great idea. But if your kid freaks out, I think you should go on the honours system. Unless you truly believe that your kid is into something life-threatening (ie: hard drugs, suicidal thoughts), stay away from it. If you're reading it without his knowledge for no other reason than parental curiosity and your kid finds out, it could very well cause weeks of anger, months of resentment, your kid shutting you out of his life, etc. Why cause all that trouble? Talk to them first.</p>
<p>Your kid probably isn't writing anything that you need to read. Think about what you would have wrote at that age. The usual teenage angst/latest love obsession/occassional anger at parents, etc. Reading your kid's blog without their permission and without a life-or-death reason to do so is not the behaviour of a responsible parent. It's the behaviour of a voyeur. Legally, you're perfectly within your rights. But your kid sure isn't going to see it that way.</p>
<p>Kids, I'm an old hippie liberal from way back. And if my D or S had a blog you bet I'd read it. Would I read a diary or track their internet usage or hack a password protected site? No. But a blog? Good God. Anyone googling the name of my kid can read it I better read it. Or looking for 17 year old red heads or whatever. For their protection. They don't even know the dangers out there.</p>
<p>Don't be silly. Be teenagers fine, but don't be silly.</p>
<p>This is hard for lots of kids to understand... but ...chances are that your parents want to know what's going on in your life not because they are nosy or don't trust you, but because....They love you! We don't need to know all the details of your life, but we just want to know that A.everything is fine B.everything is not fine, but I think I've got it under control C. Everything is a total mess and I really could use your help, but I just don't know how to ask for it. Believe me - parents hope to hear A but need to be there just in case the answer is B or C.</p>
<p>When my 15 yo D wanted to start a BLOG, I allowed her under the condition that I be allowed to read it. I wanted to read it before she posted it, but she had a fit. So we compromised that she would never write her full name or the full name of any of her friends, and obviously personal stuff like address. And that, when I did read it, if I objected to something, it would be edited. It also gave us a perfect opportunity to discuss all the weirdos out there in cyberspace, and how to keep herself safe. I don't think she ever questioned WHY I wanted to read it. It's my job.</p>
<p>It is different from a paper diary, which she also has, and which I have never read. There is no threat in anyway to her safety by her keeping a paper diary.</p>
<p>Back in the last ice age my mom read my diary. She was concerned that I was involved in certain worrisome behavior and she was right. (Just teen stuff, nothing illegal or deadly.) It turned out badly for both of us. She found out more than she wanted to know. I felt violated.</p>
<p>What I learned from the experience -- and this is seared on my brain -- is "watch what you put in writing" as you never know where the words will end up. This goes for diaries, blogs, e-mails -- anything. It may come back to haunt you.</p>
<p>Sharing something isn't an all-or-nothing activity, though. You may tell something to a friend with the expectation that it won't get back to your parents. The same occurs with a blog; you release the information, but not to the whole wide world. You pick and choose who you want to know, usually by giving them the blog url. And, realistically, it's hard to find a blog that doesn't want to be found. Google results display things in order of popularity, and a kid's blog usually isn't that popular. A parent would have to wade through a lot of material in order to find it- if they used their real name and were on a blog provider that allows its contents to be searched by Google. That's why many kids regard their blogs as private. It's like a secret fort in the woods. Technically, anyone can stop by, but no one can find it.</p>
<p>In the case of the OP, the son in question didn't take very many steps to hide his blog, so it can be assumed he didn't particularly want to, especially if he left the URL on his parents' computer. Perhaps he was trying to get them to read it. </p>
<p>A final note to parents: I'm not saying there's not circumstances where you should read your kids blog. As others have mentioned before, if your child needs help, you need to know. I'm just trying to explain how blogs can be considered 'private'.</p>
<p>My goodness binx, don't you think that's a little extreme?? I mean, is that really necessary?</p>
<p>I don't know what to say. If your daughter/son doesn't consider a blog private, and you've talked about it with them... and they know you read it, of course it's not private and of course you're allowed to read it. That's obvious.</p>
<p>However, I speak from experience when I say that I would mind if my mother was secretly reading my blog. I would feel as if it was an invasion of my privacy. Now that's what I would feel. Then again, I don't use my real name for my blog, nor do I leave it in plain sight for her to see. But, if she wanted to snoop around, I'm sure she would be able to find it and read it (we only have one computer that we share). But she doesn't. Which makes me feel as if she respects me and my privacy.</p>
<p>momrath, I don't have to "watch what I put in writing" because I trust my mom. I think it's horrible to feel a threat of your privacy possibly being invaded at any time... in your own home. </p>
<p>For instance, I have a friend who used to keep a diary. She didn't put a lock on it, but she hid it well. However, her mom did manage to find it and she went on reading it for almost a year while my friend thought her diary was private. I can't imagine how violated she felt. But, on top of all that, when she finally realized her mom was reading her diary, and she confronted her about it, her mom nonchalantly said that she has every right to read her diary and that she will continue doing so as long as my friend keeps it. My friend, of course, stopped keeping a diary and (more importantly) trusting her mother.</p>
<p>The same is with a blog. If your son/daughter thinks it's private, it's PRIVATE no matter if it's on the internet or not.</p>
<p>i was surprised to find out that if i googled my Ds name i not only found her blog but other sites which listed her address and other personal info; it concerns me that she is so open and not concerned for her safety. she tends to post controversial political and social statements on her blog. what's a mom to do?</p>
<p>speak to her about it, betty. tell her you Googled her name once for fun, and when you saw all the statements she was making you were impressed. then suggest that she might not want to reveal her name so openly. make it more of an informal conversation then a "Sit down honey, we need to talk" one. It's all in the approach.
P.S. Look at the positive side, if all else fails: your daughter is a bright, opinionated young woman. That counts for something, doesn't it?</p>
<p>i sure would not want my words from 30 years ago to come back in the form of a blog and bite me today; kids don't realize what a permanent trail they are leaving; employers might google them and decide not to hire them; potential mates might google them and say 'no thanks'</p>
<p>hey crimson :) i'm new on these boards and not great on posting, thanks for the reply. we did talk about it. several times. told her to google herself periodically and check out what was there. i am proud of her spirit and strength of conviction, just worried that any nutcase who heard her speak at a political rally could then google her and then find out where she lived</p>