Hello! Sorry if this is posted in the wrong forum!
I am a senior at a small public school. My top choice school (the University of Michigan) requires a teacher recommendation as well as a counselor recommendation. While you would think that having such a small class size would allow for our 2 counselors to get to know their students well, this is not the case. Neither of the counselors at my school know any of the students very well, and one in particular (which also happens to be my assigned counselor) is known to be very rude. Just earlier this week, my friend went in to get help with college planning/financial aid, and she completely tore her to shreds. She was telling my friend that she wouldn’t get a job with her potential major (Journalism or Political Science) and would be poor and unsuccessful (her actual words) and didn’t even provide her with the help she needed. I don’t feel comfortable asking her for help with my application/financial aid or having her write my recommendation. Whenever I interact with her, she talks to me as if I’m stupid and wasting her time. It is obviously really important to me that I send in the best application I can to UMich, but I feel like I can’t do that if she writes my recc. I am also concerned that a mediocre recc from her would look especially bad because of the assumption that the small school size would allow her to know me well. I don’t know if I should just deal with it, or if I should talk to other administration about this. I have been considering talking to my Vice Principal about how I (and many others) don’t feel comfortable talking to her, but I don’t really know what good could come of that. The other counselor is nicer, but still doesn’t know me very well. I know that my VP likes me and I think that he would take me seriously, but I don’t know if there is really anything that he can do about it. I would prefer that my VP or another member of the administration write my recommendation, but I don’t think that’s possible.
I would very much appreciate any advice on how to move forward. If you have any questions please ask! Thank you very much
"I don’t feel comfortable asking her for help with my application/financial aid or having her write my recommendation. Whenever I interact with her, she talks to me as if I’m stupid and wasting her time. It is obviously really important to me that I send in the best application I can to UMich, but I feel like I can’t do that if she writes my recc. I am also concerned that a mediocre recc from her would look especially bad because of the assumption that the small school size would allow her to know me well. I don’t know if I should just deal with it, or if I should talk to other administration about this. I have been considering talking to my Vice Principal about how I (and many others) don’t feel comfortable talking to her, but I don’t really know what good could come of that. "
I would have a conversation with your VP re this counselor , and I’d bring your parents with you.
He needs to know that this person is not cut out to be a GC.
I second the meeting with the principal, GC, and your parents.
Does your high school have brag sheets? My high school had 1100 students, so we would give these sheets to our GCs.
I had a similar meeting with my GC. He was usually friendly, but was used to dealing with CCs. He was much more proactive after this meeting (although I still feel I taught him a lot!)
Colleges are used to GCs not knowing their students well. You don’t have them for daily classroom instruction, after all. I think you are overreacting. Make sure the rest of your application is solid, and be polite to this GC. You need their help with the recommendation, transcripts, mid-year, and year end report. Making a stink based on hearsay from another student would be dumb.
@intparent I understand where you’re coming from, but it’s not just “hearsay from another student” that is making me “overreact”. I am always respectful to my counselor, and she is consistently rude. I’m not basing my concern solely on my friends experience with my GC, even though I did see her leave the GC’s office in tears. I am not trying to cause drama, but I feel like myself and other students shouldn’t be fearful of getting help.
@newjerseygirl98 Yes, my school does have brag sheets. I just wish they weren’t so necessary with 160 people in our class of 2017
My kids did the equivalent of brag sheets in a school with 60 kids in a class. You WILL hurt your recommendation of you complain above the GC’s head. You will still end up with the GC doing your recommendation, and now she will have a reason to give a lukewarm write up. Plus, “rude” to you does not translate to a bad recommendation.
@edegops IMO brag sheets are a very good idea, even in a schools your size. How else would any GC (even a kind, competent one) know all of the activities, interests, out of school volunteering or work that each student does and be able to remember it all in detail by person to put in a recommendation and guarantee no errors at all. Our HS has only about 40-50 seniors per GC and the school has each senior fill out a questionnaire/brag sheet. Personally I thought it was a very good idea and I liked each of my kid’s guidance counselors and felt that they each knew my kid reasonably well.
In your case I would meet with your GC and politely ask for a recommendation. There really is no choice. If you have real concerns than the only choice would be to talk to a principal or someone else in a position of authority at the HS.
@edegops I think you should definitely meet with your VP. The GC rudeness is unacceptable.you may want to emphasize that you are scared of the GC. Writting the reccomendation letter is part of the GC’s job. I would ask your VP to please read it and if possible add some comments before it goes out.
The OP hasn’t even asked for a recommendation yet. There is nothing to tell the principal. And principals stand by their employees 99% of the time. It is a bad idea.
In my D’s school, each counselor takes care of >400 kids including >100 seniors. Their recommendations are far from personal. It typically just provide information about you in relative to your class (e.g. class ranking, course rigor, etc). Sometimes, they will ask for a brag sheet so that they can make some personal comments. The other teacher’s recommendation invited by you should be more personal.
Neither of my two son’s who went to Michigan got a rec from a GC. They only got them from teachers. We used the GC’s as little as possible as they didn’t know my sons. Can you just gets recs from teachers you are close to?
Here’s an idea…schedule some meetings with her, go in on lunch and get to know your counselor. Find out what makes her tick. Ask about her kids. Bring her cookies. Find some commonality. Kiss her butt. Learning to be an exceptionally nauseating brown-noser will serve you very well in life.
There’s that age old lesson about learning to work with people who you don’t particularly like…sometimes you’ve gotta buck up and do the best you can. Takes all kinds to make a world, and all that.
I agree with what others have said…that taking it over her head to the VP…when you haven’t even given her a chance yet…it just gonna make you look bad. If you think you’re going to have problems, document and record everything that goes on between you. She doesn’t have to know you’re recording. Then, you’ve got a leg to stand on if she’s just being prejudicial.
I have another concern… is there any legitimate reason she could give for not recommending you? Are your academics and scores up to UMich’s selective standards? Are you taking the toughest classes your school offers? Are you in the top 5% of your class? Are your scores on the ACT/SAT on the exceptional side of typical?
