<p>So, I work as a teaching assistant for one of my professors and he is hosting a party for all of his TA's, RA's and everyone else that works on various projects with him. I suspect there will be quite a few people there....a few other professors, some students, and some employees who manage his projects full-time.</p>
<p>I'm a senior and this professor has been helping me with graduate school admissions--writing a letter of recommendation, giving suggestions for schools and career plans. I'm also a bit older than a lot of people in college, as I took several years off. I just turned 25 and my long-time girlfriend is coming to the party with me.</p>
<p>My question is about etiquette. If I attended some sort of dinner party typically, I would bring a bottle of wine or something similar for the host. I know he doesn't drink, but I'm also not sure if I should bring a gift at all. Since the relationship is not peer-to-peer (i.e. it's not a friend that invited me to his party, but my employer and mentor), is bringing a small gift for him and his wife strange? I doubt any other students will, but perhaps his colleagues and the management team (which sort of supervises all of us on his behalf) will.</p>
<p>Is there some general rule to follow? I don't want it to be awkward and weird, but I also don't want to seem ungrateful when I know better.....</p>
<p>It probably would be nice to bring some small token gift, but just watch the cost. You don’t want to make him uncomfortable about accepting a gift from a student.</p>
<p>If you’d ordinarily bring wine, they make non-alcoholic wine & champagne, or other fancy sparkling juices and waters in glass bottles.</p>
<p>Don’t worry about it. I was in the same position, many years ago, as you are in today. Years later, I asked the wives of my friends, several professors became lifelong friends, and they said they would prefer to receive no hostess gift, or at most, a bottle of wine. Definitely do not give food as they then have to decide whether to serve it at the party, which can be an inconvenience, or save it for their family. Also, if it is a nice or unique gift, they feel that a thank you note is necessary.</p>
<p>Not much is expected of students because it is well known that they have their own financial needs. The purpose of the party is to bring together his colleagues and students to have a good time, not to add to his wine collection. Although you stated that he doesn’t drink, can you see how absurd it would be if every couple/single brought a bottle of wine for someone who does drink?</p>
<p>Later in your career you can be generous with your gifts. I was invited to the wedding of the daughter of my graduate school adviser 20 years after I had completed my degree. I gave them a nice Waterford bowl, which was in the range of $150. But as a grad student, I never brought anything to his large parties, which included perhaps half of the department. When invited over for a meal, I did bring a bottle of wine.</p>
<p>I generally say its poor form to show up empty handed unless instructed specifically not to bring gifts. In this case, however, I’d agree nothing is necessarily called for, though if you expect wine will be served at the party a decent (drinkable) bottle of wine would absolutely be appreciated and a nice gesture.</p>
<p>A teacher-student relationship is generally not considered to be professional at the undergraduate level. It is probably safer in this case to not bring a gift.</p>
<p>You could always bring something like flowers or a small plant or – as some have suggested – a bottle of a sparkling, nonalcoholic beverage.</p>
<p>Send a thank-you note afterward, expressing thanks for the party invitation as well as your experience being his TA.</p>
<p>I’m a former professor married to a professor. With rare exception, we stopped inviting students over because many demonstrated no graciousness at all. By this I mean, the students would gather around the food and gobble it all up. They’d talk only to other students, and they wouldn’t talk to us. They’d leave without even saying “thank-you.” They’d even bring friends whom we’d never met before. </p>
<p>I don’t remember anyone ever bringing a gift (nor would such a gift have been necessary), but if one had, something like a small $5 plant or bouquet of flowers or a sparkling beverage or a plate of homemade cookies would have been appreciated and would have indicated that they viewed us as more than donors of free food.</p>
<p>The rare exceptions to the boorish behavior were students whom we continued to invite and who-- after they graduated – eventually became friends or like members of our extended family.</p>
<p>This isn’t his professor inviting students over though, he’s inviting his TAs and research assistants. People he works with on a more equal basis.</p>
<p>I’d say bring a gift, and however small it might be, it will be appreciated.</p>
<p>I second the vote for a bouquet of flowers for his wife, the hostess, as a safe gift if you are so inclined.
If you have a Marshall’s or TJMaxx nearby, they have appropriate gift candy in holiday wrappings and at modest prices.
I feel awkward coming empty handed so always bring something.</p>
<p>Since you asked, here’s one general rule: When there’s a hostess involved, you cannot go wrong with flowers. They’re always appropriate because they somehow bridge that awkward should-I-or-shouldn’t-I-bring-something? They’re not exactly a gift, more a contribution to the festivities, and I guarantee you’ll get a warm thank-you from Mrs. Professor when you present them.</p>