<p>I don't want a repeat of high school, I didn't have many friends, I've never had a girlfriend EVER, so far. But I don't want a girl who just cares about sex and partying. And I don't really care to be living with a large group of people. I'm an extrovert but I guess I have some introvert characteristics. ANYONE going somewhere new can have a hard time making friends, but I don't want to be limited to a certain group, I also don't want to drink because it caused problems in my family. I don't want to join something that I can get stuck in! But I want to be able to make friends and get a girlfriend. If I don't find the right girl right away (most people don't find their soul mate from their first relationship), I want to date a lot of different kinds of girls, to find who I want to be with eventually. I don't want a repeat of high school, never have a relationship, barely have any friends. I really don't want to join a fraternity but don't know if I can have a social and dating life without it. I want real friends and a good quality girlfriend who would make a good wife (I do want to get married one day and have kids 2-3 years after getting married).</p>
<p>Based on what you said above, you’d be very ill-suited to the fraternity culture
(it’s very much more into drinking/hook ups than sober game playing and long-term relationships).
You may like BYU though since it matches what you want socially and the academic level isn’t bad at all. The parties are low key
and typically there’s no drinking and most people are there for real relationships.
Further choices:
Look for a close-knit community with a good orientation program, a “friendly”/down-to-earth college, a college with specific programs you’re interested in and which house
the students together or a college with living-learning communities. All these would
help you make friends without resorting to fraternities or a drinking culture.
Check out colleges that have your favorite activities so that you can make friends who are in the same club.
Beside BYU, University of Utah, Westminster (UT), or Wheaton (IL) if you’re Christian or St Olaf (MN) if you don’t mind the cold. They’re all pretty dry, which doesn’t mean there’s no partying, just that there’s more to groups than partying.</p>
<p>Some of the colleges I’m considering are
University of Washington
Portland State University
Boston University
New York University
University of Denver
Transit in town is literally a must for me. I can’t drive a car due to a psychological problem.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t want to drive all the time anyway. And self driving cars aren’t available yet. So I’d rather just be able to ride transit, or bike, or walk, until then.</p>
<p>None of the universities I cited above require you to drive. In fact, most colleges would only require you to walk or bike. At the worst (large campus) you’d have to take a bus.
This isn’t like high school. As a freshman, you’d live on campus, you’d go to the dining hall near your dorm (on foot), to the rec hall/gym on campus, etc. Students rarely leave campus unless they want to, and when they want to there’s usually a bus, a shuttle… Some colleges actually forbid freshmen (or even students in general) from having cars.</p>
<p>In Portland, you also have Lewis&Clark and University of Portland.
NYU is very difficult to get into and very expensive. You’d need tip-top SAT scores.
Fordham or Pace might be a better alternative but they’re both very expensive too depending on your stats (they’re not too good with need-based aid.)
Look at all the schools on this page, request information, etc.</p>
<p>My middle son lived his four years at university of Denver
There is a lot to do, both on campus and off. The light rail public transportation stops at campus
A lot of students are in to all kinds of outdoor activities
There is a fraternity system ( my son was president of his house ) but it is much different than at large state universities.</p>
<p>If you don’t want to join one don’t join one but the various chapters at each campus can be quite different so it’s foolish to make a blanket statement about whether or not you would find a chapter that was a match for you. Several of my brothers didn’t drink much if at all and many of them were not into casual sex.</p>
<p>You’ll have to visit the campuses/talk to students to see if Greek life dominates the campus or not but even at schools where it does there could still easily be a chapter that suits you. You’ll never know unless you look.</p>
<p>The only statement of yours that would make me doubt you and Greek life is that you don’t want to live in a large group. That’s one of the best parts in my opinion. Also while you can always quit a fraternity, it’s expected that you never will so your fear of being stuck could be a cause for concern.</p>
<p>If you don’t want to drink it will be hard for you pledge or to fit into a fraternity.</p>
<p>Not true at all. There are dry fraternities and it is enforced.</p>
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<p>I actually joined a fraternity last year and ended up disassociating this year. Quitting a fraternity is not the same as quitting a club. Some brothers will literally view it as disowning your family. It’s a bit awkward running into my previous brothers around campus (luckily it’s a very small frat.) Some of them ignore me or are rude to me when I see them around. I know people who have de-pledged (started to pledge but decided not to actually join) who have experienced the same thing. Before I quit the brothers would bad mouth people who had quit before me.</p>
<p>This is just a heads up; you can definitely get sucked into Greek life and feel obligated to stick with it and pay dues. You could try rushing and decide not to interview/pledge, but once you’re a pledge they expect you to stick around.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that this was all just my experience with one fraternity at one school. I’m sure it’s not like this everywhere, but everything I’ve said has been completely honest.</p>
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<p>Haha. Yeah right. I was in a “dry fraternity”. People drank at the frat house literally every day. Dues were spent on alcohol, which our president had to hide from nationals. My pledge master showed up to pledge class high. I felt very pressured to drink at every social event. I had brothers trick me into drinking things I thought were non-alcoholic or even shove alcohol in my mouth without my permission.</p>
<p>Again, this isn’t to say that all dry fraternities are like this, but just because they call themselves “dry” doesn’t mean it’s actually enforced.</p>
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lol .</p>
<p>There are dry fraternities where it’s enforced and there are dry ones where it’s not. There are not dry fraternities where everyone drinks and there are not dry fraternities where anyone who wants to abstain is free to do so.</p>
<p>Anyone who actually understands the greek system will know it’s difficult to assume you really know anything about any chapters other than ones you’ve had extensive interactions with. So while you are right that dry fraternities might not be dry, to assume that it doesn’t exist is foolish.</p>
<p>The OP would be better served posting on each of the school specific boards asking about the various chapters that exist at that school. Even a single greek organization can have drastically different chapter identities at various schools (anyone who’s been to their org’s national convention will see that in about 30 seconds).</p>
<p>That being said. With regard to alcohol, I will say that chapters that won’t pressure you will be much easier to find than chapters where drinking is not prevalent (i.e. even if they won’t pressure you, they’re still going to drink). If “I don’t want to drink” really means “I don’t want to be around alcohol at all” then I think the tone of most posters is more accurate but if you really just mean you don’t want to drink, then it’s definitely doable.</p>
<p>I think how the fraternity views drinking and partying is dependent on overall campus culture. The Greek Life on my campus is known for crazy partying but NOBODY is outcasted if they don’t drink or don’t hook up or anything. Most people are respectful of your decisions and have an open mind. I also know people who have met long term boyfriends and girlfriends from our Greek life. I think you should look into the campus’ specific free culture before committing. But I do think there are other ways of meeting people and dating around. I think Greek makes it a lot easier since they do a lot of mixers between fraternities and sororities.</p>