Race factors and my CA essay

I ended up getting rejected from even my target schools lol. But that’s ok ^-^
had a 2200 SAT, 3.87 GPA; but I’m Asian, so make that equal a 2000 SAT and a 3.7 GPA.
I didn’t know that the standard line for Asians were so much higher than the norm (affirmative action), if I knew I probably would’ve tried harder.

Also, my CA essay perhaps talked about something I shouldn’t have.
I feel like I talked about drug addiction or something.


if anyone’s interested,
here’s the essay I shouldn’t have written: (removed names)

Prompt: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

In a sixth-grade class discussion about crime and punishment, my social studies teacher explained, “Solitary confinement can be considered a ‘cruel and unusual punishment.’” I raised my hand. “Yes name?” “I wouldn’t mind it,” I announced proudly.

I had always been a painfully shy child, resisting my parents’ attempts to make me meet new people and go new places. At the age of nine, I took a vow: I would be perfectly content without any social interaction. At one point in middle school, I sealed my mouth for two whole weeks. Teachers joked, “It’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch out for. They’re dangerous.” Classmates asked, “Are you mute?” I would shake my head in reply, satisfied.

Instead of interacting with reality, I created imaginary friends and non-existent worlds, looking for a community where I could belong. For two years, through drawing and writing, I tried in vain to make the imaginary real. Unsuccessful, I turned to the Internet to fulfill my suppressed social needs.

The last stop was an online multi-player game. It was a beautiful and magical world in itself, with endless mythical landscapes to explore. The players, however, surprised me. Diverse in age and in background, they pulled from their personal lives for conversation topics, expressing themselves with a kind of openness that I didn’t have. I eventually became comfortable enough to converse, although only behind my game character.

I especially remember __o. She was infamous for being outspoken and abrasive, and I was wary of her. One evening, she messaged me, looking for someone to talk with. After only a few words of introduction, she related to me about her unrequited love. I barely knew her, so I struggled with a reply. This fierce girl with an “I don’t care what you think” attitude just came to a random person to talk about the delicate topic of love. As I got to know her better though, I thought, “She’s actually an amazing person.” We would talk for hours about the in-game community and real-life parents. She told me how she actually tried her best to avoid conflict, and I realized there was more to her than her captious exterior.

I had become so wrapped up in the game that my real life suffered. Irritable, stressed, and sleep deprived, I crammed for tests, dragged myself to school, then dragged myself back home – only to log on to the game immediately. Thinking of quitting but afraid of losing what had become my social sanctuary, I would look over my grades and cringe. As New Year’s Day approached, I took the word resolution personally, becoming defensive when it was mentioned. However, when the day arrived, I reluctantly, but swiftly, bid the community goodbye and uninstalled.

Christmas vacation ended and school started again. A week later, with the loss of my in-game citizenship still in mind, I quietly diluted acids at the chemistry lab station. I glanced at the classmates who I hardly knew, remembered __o_, and felt a nudge. “There’s more than you think,” something said. My ears felt hot. Shifting the pressure onto my other foot, I blurted out, awkwardly, “How’s lab?”

Since then, lab has been fun, and school, somehow brighter, as I began to comment and to speak up. Sometimes, the volume of my own voice surprised me. Once, like a child, I jabbered about school to my mom. She replied, “See? It’s not so bad.”

I think there has always been a part of me that wanted to get out. It took years to recognize that side of me, and I’m happy I found her. As for the game, I’m glad that I played, and I’m glad that I quit. Without first exploring the limits of the digital world, I would never have realized that this three-dimensional world offers so much more. You’ve just got to talk.

648 words.


Because the essay

  1. talks about an addiction that PROBABLY has not been 100% cured
  2. Admissions don’t want an (ex)_____-addict
  3. seemed shallow in regards to the end
  4. Makes me seem like I have no social skills.
  5. Doesn’t make me seem like someone who can carry a good name for the school
  6. It’s about an video game. I think that people who have never gotten into video games won’t understand. I assumed that Admission would, which was my bad in assuming so.
  7. I think it just makes me look like someone who takes up space in the world LOL.

basically, the essay showed to much of my weaknesses.

of course my rejected could also have been that I lacked impact-ful extracurriculars,
for all I did was babysit kids, teach Sunday school, and play piano for Church.
I also went a stupidly quit orchestra, but then wrote it down on the application.


so yup. I just wanted to rant a bit. c:

I read your essay and I Think it’s well written. But yeah I agree that I think they are probably looking into the subject matter and yours may have been a landmine: (. Well, at least you will probably rock in the college you got into as way above the norm and may enjoy yourself. Regardless, thanks for sharing, I enjoyed it and understand too well (I wrote about Asian ethnicity in a summer application… probably the reason I got rejected). Good luck and stay strong!

Wow I read your essay and it’s very well written, but as you said the subject matter probably did you in a little bit. Also the fact that you’re Asian didn’t do you any favors. It’s crazy, I’ll see Asians who actually had perfect GPA/ACT/SAT scores who get from schools that would be considered below them. Obviously there’s more to an application besides just stats, but unless they bombed the rest of it, it seems unlikely that they would’ve been rejected if they had been white or even better hispanic or black. But anyway, great essay, I’m sure you’ll do great wherever you’re attending and best of luck!