Rate my Admission Essay please

Topic B

Describe a circumstance, obstacle or conflict in your life, and the skills and resources you used to resolve it. Did it change you? If so, how?

Obstacles are a daily event in life. Some are small which result in short term distress while others seem to wobble us from our core. But the biggest yet obstacle I’ve ever encountered was playing video games professionally and for long hours for weeks. Video games have been the infrastructure of my life. It taught me decision making, quick thinking, situational awareness and even perseverance. Whether it was saving humanity by destroying an asteroid on a collision course with our only planet, or taking the right decision to make peace than war. Video games have provided me with a moral compass. As a kid with shyness to talk to other people, Video games gave me a shelter to escape to. It cured my lack of confidence for eternity.

However, as I grew older, I started using video games as a source of fame rather than helping me with my challenges in life. I began playing in tournaments with competitive teams on prizes such as money. I didn’t focus on my studies whatsoever, playing with my friends which I never saw in person were more important than hanging out with my family and close friends. The shelter I used to flee to when I needed help has become a procrastinating device. I put off homework to get detention the day after and all this for video games. So I had to put this to an end before I get to high school.

I thought to myself the only way to beat this conflict in my life was to stop it all together temporarily. And while that might sound a little bit harsh for a 10 year old kid who played video games his entire life, I pursued my mission. I got attracted more and more as the days go by. What overcome that attraction however was studying for what I have missed. In addition to that, I started playing soccer at a school level, eventually becoming a first team goalkeeper representing our school in major domestic competitions.

This changed my way of thinking and while I still thank video games for helping me in decision making and situational awareness, I became more socially active by hanging out with close friends and family, I became fit losing some weight that I gained while playing video games competitively and I’ve became an overall nice person.

In High school, I become obsessed with Real-Life simulators such as Building-objects simulators, space simulators and the list goes on. And while most people would categorize simulators as video games, it has furthered my knowledge into the laws of physics and increased the passion of mine to mechanical engineering. Using the concepts I’ve learnt at school such as the moments and momentum to complete missions assigned to me by the real-life simulator is something that I adore and I can’t wait to get to college so I can get try out new simulators dedicated to mechanical engineering.

It’s not a very good idea to post your essay online for all to see. What if someone takes and uses it as there own and submits it before you?

The other problem is it will come up in Internet plagiarism checkers. I don’t know if schools typically do that with the essays.

Tell the admins to take this post down asap. I like the essay. If you haven’t been caught yet you still have time to get fix this plagiarism problem.

Sadly, what the others above have stated HAS happened. You need to notify the schools that you posted your essay online. Others can ‘edit’ your essay then claim it as their own or just purely copy & paste exactly as is. If you want advice on your essays, the best idea is to have someone who knows you read it for content, and your English teacher(or someone who is schooled in English grammar) to read it for grammatical errors. Posting online is an invitation for trouble.

*A couple of you have reported this to moderation to take it down. Only the OP can ask to have a post that doesn’t violate the Terms of Service removed. Even then we will not always, or even usually do this, per the Terms of Service. However, in this case we still would, as long as the only responses are “please ask to have this taken down”.

@TheGermanMarshal

I thought it was a good essay but you most likely have to write a brand new one since it has most likely now been stolen and somebody else is going to use it. You may become frustrated but NEVER post anything that will be used for applying or big project work on the internet if you want to receive credibility. In the future if you want people to look at your essays or something personal send it in a private message or get it reviewed by your teacher and multiple peers.