Realistically...how will someone like me get by in the real world?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

My whole life, I’ve been a rather awkward, “different” person, if you will.

I’ve never been officially diagnosed with any sort of mental illness, but as a child I was always extremely introverted, keeping to myself all the time…at birthday parties when I was like 4 years old I would just stay in the corner while everyone else played, in pre-school I don’t remember much, but I pretty much didn’t interact with anyone and peed my pants everyday, and then by kindergarten during recess and such I would just sort of kick around a soccer ball by myself.

Getting to my more current recent life rather than my roots, I’m pessimistic as hell, keep dwelling on any sort of failure, small or big, new or old…whenever something doesn’t go my way I feel truly hurt on the inside (losing at a video game, getting a bad grade at school, etc, you name it)…I have absolutely AWFUL time management, and this year, since I’m taking 3 AP classes for the first time, it’s starting to show on my grades as well…I get depressed VERY often, and have even attempted suicide about 6 months backs…etc.

But then again, I guess I also do have my perks as well.

In my regular classes and honors classes, I often tend to be high up there as one of the people with the highest grades in the class…though in AP I’m not even close to the best.

Though I’m not expert, for a beginner, I’ve always been a decent drawer. I’m also pretty good at writing for a beginner, and perhaps want to be an author when I grow up…I won’t make it my only job, as authors don’t usually make a lot of money, but a side job alongside a job that’s not as fun but pays much better.

I also have a decent amount of ambition, and am highly reflective upon myself. Whenever I have my mind set on something, even if I don’t acheive the results I want and still suck, I keep at it…quitting just feels wrong. I also am aware of my problems, both ability wise and mentally/emotionally, and am willing to improve. Most people with the same problems just tend to blame the others around them or the environment, and think they’re just fine.

NOW THAT YOU KNOW THE PROS AND CONS I SEE WITHIN’ MYSELF, WHAT I WANT FROM LIFE…

Honestly, not much. I just want to be HAPPY overall, that’s it.

I want a decent job that pays well, I want to live in a decent home, and I want to have enough money to buy my needs, and have some left over to buy my wants.

I also want some free time left over to just have fun…whether it’s movies, video games, books, martial arts, sports, etc…I just wanna have at least a bit of time to have fun.

That’s all I want from life. Nothing fancy. I don’t want to go to Harvard or any other famous well-know record breaking university. I don’t want to be the richest man in the city in which I live. I don’t want an expensive car. I don’t want to live in a mansion. I don’t wanna break any records.

All I want is a decent job, decent money, a decent house, and to just overall be content with my life.

IF YOU WANT THE FULL MORE SPECIFIC DETAILS OF MY LIFE:

I was born in Brazil…I moved to the USA when I was 5, turned 6 shortly after, and began kindergarten in the USA at 6 years old.

Right now in the present I’m a high school junior, I have 17 credits so far, a 4.1 weighted GPA, and am taking AP English Lang, AP Statistics, AP Biology, Draw 2, Men’s Chorus, US History, and HOPE this year…I’m doing good in all of them except for AP Statistics and AP Biology. In the others I get all A’s, with an occasional B…but in AP Statistics and Biology, my grades range from C’s, D’s, and F’s, depending on what quiz/test I just failed and how bad…prior to this year, the only other AP class I had taken was AP Psychology, which I got a 91% A in the class, and 5 on the exam.

My parents…they’re very private and reserved people, and won’t even give me their real age, but my mom worked at a bank in Brazil, and my dad worked with computers and programming in Brazil…they were considered middle class folks. They were able to provide me with everything I need, even though they’re not the richest folks around.

Right now in the USA, we’re still not to this day US citizens, even though we’ve been here for over a decade…so my mom just works at a hair salon, and my dad at Publix. It’s all they can do without citizenship. Most of their money is from when they had their better jobs in Brazil, and the extra money does help, though minimum wage.

ANYWAYS…KNOWING ALL THIS, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Sometimes I get really bad emotionally, and before I go to college, it might come in handy if I go get help from a therapist to help with my depression. I’ve brought it up with my mom and dad, but they say we just can’t afford a therapist or health care plan at the moment for now. Especially since we’re not US citizens.

They said our family should have citizenship by the time I’m done with senior year, and I can then get a simple minimum wage job somewhere, and use that to pay for my treatment…and they said I can also do martial arts while at it, because good physical health really does make a huge difference in life.

BUT OVERALL…I’ve been rambling on and on about stuff…how successful can someone like me potentially be in life?

Is my biggest hope if I stay the way I am to be homeless on the street? Can I acheive my dream of being a happy, successful average person? Will all be fine if I go to therapy to help with my depression, but not be fine if I don’t?

2

You are self-aware, which will help you. You know you need help to cope with your lifelong mental health issues, you are bright and your ambitions are reasonable. But you don’t mention other people in your life and your parents are withdrawn so I have to assume you feel cut off from people in general. It doesn’t have to be that way - even socially awkward and “different” people can have friends and that’s probably the hardest thing in life to do without. You have everything you need to be happy and successful but you may need help realizing your potential. No one can predict your path, least of all strangers on the internet - but it seems clear to me that you will need to break out of your family circle and leave behind some of your introversion and depression to get where you want to go.

3

Is there a school counselor/psychologist that you can speak to? Depression is an illness. With treatment you can get better. Talk to some one at your school!

It sounds to me that you have a bright future ahead of you.

4

I think you should try to build a relationship with your parents. I feel like getting to know them better is something you ought to do. Try to go out more, and talk to people. Put yourself out there. Being socially awkward isn’t going to set you up for failure in life. There are mannnnyyyy people out there who are pretty awkward, but successful nonetheless! I don’t think you need to worry as much as you are. I feel like you’re a pretty sensitive person. Try to remind yourself that the small things that happen now won’t matter in the future. Like, losing a video game isn’t gonna affect you in three years from now. Overall, you seem like a great, smart, self-aware person. Those are all winsome characteristics that will take you far in life. (Hope this helped!)

5

To CaMom13:

Thank you so much for your response.

It’s nice to know that those “perks” I mentioned are actually good things, and not just me being overconfident/arrogant like in the past.

As for the other people in my life, I will admit that for a big part of my life I’ve been a rather selfish person who only thought of myself first and rarely considered others…recently I’ve been trying to get better at that, but liking it or not, I have been rather selfish for a long time.

As for my parents, they’re good people, but every time I brought up my depression and my suicide attempt from 6 months ago they just brushed it off like it was not a big deal. I get it must be hard to know their only son is feeling that way, but it’s kind of sad knowing I can’t really lean on my parents for my emotions.

Luckily I have some good friends online, and some relatives I have never seen in real life but know through the internet, that I can talk about that stuff with.

As for friends, I never really considered that a problem, to be honest. At school I don’t have many real super close friends except for one guy, but I have several close friends and relatives on social media and such. That does just fine for me.

Yeah, I need help realizing my potential, that’s for sure.

I don’t know if my introversion itself is a problem, since I’m happy with the amount of friends I currently have, but my depression just NEEDS TO GO, honestly, lol.

My depression stems from my insecurity, believing I’m not good enough, believing I’m the “literal very worst” at everything I do…which is untrue, I may not be the very best, but I’m not the worst of all. I just need some newfound confidence and a more optimistic mindset to lead me.

6

To momofsenior1:

Thanks so much for your response.

Sadly, there’s not really any professional I can talk to.

On social media I have several good friends and relatives I talk to about my problems and such, but our conversations are just friendly comfort and attempting to be helpful, they’re not actual professionals who know how to fix depression or other mental illness.

And at school…yeah, forget that. Any of the teachers I can’t talk to, my guidance counselor I can’t talk to, the principal I can’t talk to, etc. They’re just clearly normal, every day people. They don’t know anything about this. Besides, our relationship is meant to be purely professional. I’d rather not mix in personal problems/emotions with any adult who works at school.

Thanks for the bright future comment. Made me feel a bit happier. ^-^

7

To dummy101:

I know I barely described them in my post, but we’re actually closer than you think.

They know basically everything about me. My depression, my suicide attempt, my crazy side and much more…but when I brought up the depression and suicide attempt they just brushed it off like it was nothing. Perhaps they just refused to believe it was real, but regardless, I learned I can’t really rely on them for that kind of emotional help.

As for friends, I only have 1 super close friend at school, but on social media/the internet I actually have several friends and relatives I blow off steam with. It’s great! I’m happy with it.

Yeah, I definitely need to work on being less sensitive. Yep, losing a video game is extremely trivial that way, lol.

Thank you! Your compliments in the last 2 sentences made me happy, and I must be aware of my good qualities, but I mustn’t let myself become arrogant. I also must be aware of my bad qualities and work on improving those, too.

8

First, you are way too hard on yourself. Your post reads as a very likable person.

You question was can someone like you get by in the real world. The most important thing you said was that you have ambition. With ambition you most certainly can not only get by but you will be great!

You are also very aware of your shortcomings which means you can work on them. My suggestion is to speak to your school counselor and/or principal about getting some help. The staff at your school is trained to handle these situations. They most certainly do know how to help you. School is there to help you personally - it isn’t just a professional relationship. They should be able to help you find help at no cost.

Please remember your past does not define your future. Believe in yourself, smile, relax a little and enjoy your life! I think you’re a great person! Go get 'em!

9

You can get into a good college with these grades, leading to a decent career. There are lots of good careers for people who can write well. Job can be fun and well-paying too. You might need to take a gap year after school and work to earn money and to apply to colleges as an U.S. citizen.

You’ll benefit from therapy if you can find a way to get it, but if not I think you have enough drive and self-awareness to help yourself change. You need to work on your time management skills and try to raise your grades in classes you’re struggling with. Achieving something that was hard for them tends to give people more satisfaction than being good at what comes easy.

You’re introspective, use this to your advantage. When you start dwelling on your failures, note this with your rational mind and move on. Anxiety and depression over failures and setbacks are like a scary beast you’re trying to wrestle, and it’s winning, but realize you don’t need to wrestle. Let the beast roar if it wants, it can’t hurt you. You can turn away and embrace failures as a way to learn. If you haven’t yet, read about growth mindset. Also, martial arts are great but any physical activity could help improve your mood. You should exercise regularly if you don’t.

I’m not a therapist and my advice comes from personal experience, so take it with a grain of salt, but I hope you can find some food for thought here.

10

A few things:

A. See a therapist about your depression - it can be debilitating and even lethal if left untreated. Depression isn’t something that you can get rid of simply by deciding that you shouldn’t be depressed. It is a condition that needs to be managed and controlled, and it is almost impossible to do so on your own. I also suffer from depression, often it is the depression that causes insecurity, not the opposite. Also, aside from therapy, engage in physical activity, as others have said,eat well, and healthily, and do thing in public places when possible, even in]f you don’t want to interact with people - putting on earphones will help if you want to be alone in public. Do things with your friends besides interacting online, like sit down for coffee.

B. You don’t have to be happy all the time. If you’re happy that’s good, but the modern emphasis on “being happy” as a measure of succeeding at life is both wrong, and it contributes to depression. Being sad, angry, uncomfortable, or frightened, and so forth, are just as “normal” as being happy. If you feel OK, you’re also doing well. Also, “being happy” is not a good goal, compared to feeling amazed, or hopeful, or curious. Being a father is rarely about being happy, but it’s one of the most rewarding parts of my life.

C. You’re doing well in your life. You’re doing well at school, and you have the normal social life of an introvert. You’re no more awkward than anybody else your age, whatever they try to pretend or whatever lies they make up.

D. You’re no more selfish than any teenager. You’re at an age during which you’re trying to figure out who and what you are, where you fit inside society and the world, and your body keeps on doing weird things. You also suffer from depression. That leaves very little time to think of other people. Try to do better, but don’y beat yourself up if you cannot always do so.

You have a lot of potential and can do pretty well at life. If you’re already a permanent resident of the USA, you can get a job, go to college, etc.

11

@curiosityguy
Please google your city/state and FQHC.
A fqhc is a federally qualified health center - they provide medical (plus dental and mental health) services with no regard to citizenship or ability to pay.
If you need to see a doctor or therapist a location such as this may be a good start.

I agree with the above posters - of course you will have to opportunity to live a fulfilling life.
Good luck and take care of yourself!

12

To @Empireapple :

Yeah, I’ve noticed I’m often too hard on myself…once I was a bit too easy on myself, putting my problems on something or someone else, but ever since my teen years I’ve sure been blaming myself way too much for things.

I’m glad I come off as a likable person, though. :slight_smile:

Yeah, ambition is certainly very important. Good to know it will carry me. :slight_smile:

Yeah, I often notice my shortcomings a lot…and my strengths as well, but I acknowledge my strengths way less.

Sadly, about getting help from someone at school, a few acquaintances I know who are also having emotional troubles tried, but they said it didn’t help very much at all. All of them said the staff wasn’t able to get legit therapists for them. Then some of them said the staff either brushed it off and said their problems could be dealt with more willpower and a healthier lifestyle, or depending on who they asked, they just literally shrugged it as if it was no big deal. The staff at my school isn’t exactly the most trained or professional about this stuff.

I think it’s much better if I seek FQHC like @HowardGradly mentioned, for Orlando, Florida, since that’s where I live.

Yes, someone’s past does not define their future…some people are ashamed of themselves their whole life due to their past, but that’s no way to live.

Look forward, not back. It doesn’t matter where you start, it matters where you finish.

Yes, I sure need to focus on smiling, relaxing, and enjoying life a lot more. I often get so hung up on my problems I forget. Thanks again for your response! It was great! :smiley:

13

To @yucca10 :

Good to know I can get into a good college with my grades, and have a career that is both fun and pays well! Yeah, I really need a gap year to sort out my emotional problems, and make some money. Perhaps do martial arts too.

Yeah, my time management skills are just straight up awful. I’ve sucked at that since elementary school. And yeah, I gotta raise my grades in those classes: AP Statistics and AP Biology. I don’t have to be perfect, but if by the end of the year I can pull of all A’s on the rest and a C in those 2, I’ll be happy. Currently I study a lot but am at a 50% F in both those classes, so…I really gotta try out new studying techniques.

Yeah, I often dwell on my failures WAY too much. Hey, I loved that scary beast analogy! No better way to put it! Just don’t wrestle back with the damn thing! Yeah, failures shouldn’t be seen as such shame, but as opportunities to get better. Yeah, I GOTTA read about growth mindset…I’ve read a little, but I gotta read more. I actually exercise regularly already, I typically do 1 hour on the treadmill at my apartment gym (it’s free as long as you live her permanetly), and 1 hour lifting weights and doing the barbell bench press with an amount of pounds I’m comfortable with and won’t hurt me. I don’t feel like it’s enough, though. Plus, martial arts looks epic, much more epic than anything walking around or the gym has to offer.

Your advice is surprisingly good! You may not be a therapist, but it’s still pretty excellent advice that’ll help me out lots in the long run! Thanks! :slight_smile:

14

Agree about mindset, read Carol Dweck’s book. And even though you’ve heard bad reviews about the counselors at your school, it is a place to start, for free. They should be trained in psychology and could also possibly point you to some other free resources in your community. I’m not sure how close you are with these friends who gave the bad report, but I do know that sometimes you have to take people’s reviews with a grain of salt…especially when it’s about something so personal and private.

15

To @MWolf :

A. Yeah, that’s actually my number 1 main focus and priority, before anything else. Like you said, depression is almost impossible to get rid of on your own, and can be lethal if left untreated. Sorry you’re feeling depressed as well. :frowning: Yeah, physical activity and eating healthy are great things for your life…I actually already do a fair amount of that, more than most of my peers, my problems are more mental than physical. Yeah, the earphones thing is very useful. And I actually live pretty far away from those friends, but there is 1 I could maybe grab a coffee with…maybe try it out if we have time.

B. I actually was really uninformed about all of that relating to happiness…good thing you explained it to me in a way that makes a lot of sense. I mean I want to be happier than I am NOW, but making mere happiness as my main goal is really no way to live. I mean I want to have a good life overall, but a good life includes all the emotions, not just happiness. The Disney/Pixar movie “Inside Out” even demonstrated this very well.

C. Very glad to know all of that. Thank you. Sometimes I think I’m the only one with these problems, but then I think of how many people try to put out a tough exterior, when inside they really aren’t as good/well off as they portray.

D. That makes sense. I’ll try to be more considerate of others, but won’t beat myself up over it, especially since like you said, with depression it leaves little time to think of others.

Thanks again for your response! It’s really great to know all that info! Sadly, I’m not a permanent resident of the U.S/a U.S citizen yet, but regardless, I’ll try to make the best out of life.

16

To @HowardGradly :

Hey, that sounds absolutely awesome! Thanks! I gotta show the FQHC of Orlando, Florida to my parents! It seems like the best place to get started on my therapy.

Thanks for your response! I’ll try to make the best out of life and take care of myself.

17

To @TS0104 :

Yeah, you’re correct.

I mean I personally don’t have a very good relationship with my guidance counselor. When she saw the classes I picked for my schedule the first time she literally just laughed in my face. And she seems to be rather sarcastic and mock my social awkwardness.

But I guess I could talk to the school principal if I see him around. I don’t know much about him, but he seems like a decent person, more than my guidance counselor. And even if he doesn’t necessarily help all that much, at least I tried. At least I’ll know how it goes, rather than keep wondering whether it could’ve actually been helpful to my life or not. I have nothing to lose, after all.

And yes, I definitely have to look into Carol Dweck and other good resources about mental mindset really soon, the sooner the better. It might be a bit much along with my regular school work, but my mental mindset is more important than anything.

Thanks for your respose! It’s definitely really helpful! :slight_smile:

18

Good attitude! ^^^ and I don’t know if it helps but I listened to Mindset on free audiobook through my library. If you have long drives or workout or whatever.