<p>BrownParent, that was super helpful. I’ve copied and pasted your note so son will see it. I think you have a very good understanding of how QB & Pomona work. I suspect you’re right about QB - that any call will result in a recommendation to contact Pomona directly. Personally, I identified very strongly with Elizabeth Wurtzel, so was amused to see you recommend the book. Thank you!</p>
<p>Someone just sent me a link to this sleep disorder which I’m posting here in case anyone reading this thread recognizes themselves or a child in the challenges of maintaining what’s accepted as a normal sleep schedule. I didn’t know this was a thing, much less that it can be consideredva disability. I certainly see my son and myself in this description: <a href=“DSPD Q&A - Circadian Sleep Disorders Network”>http://www.circadiansleepdisorders.org/docs/DSPS-QandA.php</a></p>
<p>I strongly suspect this may be at the root of his depression - perhaps even the long family history of depression. </p>
<p>continued</p>
<ul>
<li><p>another thing to address is the Fs for the semesters. Perhaps an appeal can be done based on the fact of the student being unable to advocate for himself at the time. If they are at least W’s they may not be in the gpa. That can also help if there is going to be a transfer to another college instead of returning to Pomona. </p></li>
<li><p>my Aunt & Uncle hosts students from Pomona College in their spare room on occasions, such as international students coming in for orientation before dorms are opened. They are in walking distance. This is usually coordinated with the college, but maybe he could stay there to visit, with coordination or not. Maybe he should visit before he makes a decision and you uproot yourselves. My mother also rents rooms to students regularly, but they usually have a car. It is about 12</p></li>
<li><p>you aren’t going to find anything in your budget in walking distance, that is an upscale area. Pomona has a high crime rate, although there may be some okay areas. It has gangs and such. Better might be the inexpensive areas of Upland next door in San Bernardino County or in La Verne toward the LA side. Parents having to move to college with a 24 year old does seem a red flag.</p></li>
<li><p>the elephant in the room is his not discussing the issues. While reading this thread I couldn’t tell what is you and what is him here with the lack of discussion and only speculation it seems. I wanted to make you questionnaires to give him. So he could tick the box yes or no. I think while you don’t need details, you need a general idea of what is going on here. Is it all him or was there some issue with a person at the college who might still be there. Someone wisely noted that the class has passed on and there isn’t anyone to be embarrassed in front of if that is all it is.</p></li>
<li><p>I don’t think he is too old to resume studies with a regular program. He will be with upperclassmen quite soon, so 20 to 23 year olds likely in the upper div classes. He won’t be a 24 yo freshman. There are Claremont Graduate School students in the community as well. Someone mentioned that Brown has a program for adults (resumed student program (RUE) but it is extremely difficult to get accepted through that route, they don’t take many and financial support is not guaranteed to be covered iirc. Honestly I think that is aiming too high.</p></li>
<li><p>chances at highly selective colleges that may meet need for transfers (but you will likely have an EFC which you don’t at Pomona) other than Pomona who is already committed to him–he is still one of them-- is a long shot. He will have to explain that semester and explain what he has done in the meantime and create a true and convincing story. The competition will be fierce. Check the transfer admit rates, they can be brutal. He will have to look for receptive less selectives for someone to take a chance on him.</p></li>
<li><p>he needs to be honest about being ready to be committed and motivated for school. Doesn’t sound like he is ready to be honest about what his needs are if he won’t even talk about what the situation was at Pomona. He sounds like he is coming from a place of fear. I hate to see him reject Pomona if they didn’t do anything (but kick his butt academically) when they don’t seem to be rejecting him at this point. Trying to pretend that it is Pomona and not him doesn’t even seem something he is doing so why blame Pomona, your best hope? Or pretend it is different somewhere else unless you really find an easier school. Unless he was assaulted or some hidden thing that hasn’t come out. It is really hard to know what to think.</p></li>
<li><p>finishing up at a public college he can take federal loans, work his way through and pay as you go may be what he can handle and it gets the job done. He can take classes slowly while he figures out what he wants to study. Will you have to move with him in that case and if not why in one case and not another? Is he functional or not?</p></li>
</ul>
<p>-I also think the CIA stuff is so inappropriate for his situation. It doesn’t matter if it sounds interesting or they have a good program, I think it is nuts to think he is in a position for that.</p>
<p>So let me know if you want me to expand on any of that or PM me if you think I can help. Hope I didn’t presume too much.</p>
<p>P,S. Logging into his portal! That’s huge.</p>
<p>No, BP, you’re great. I really appreciate all of that. I might just contact you re a potential stay for a visit for him at your Aunt & Uncle’s place. That’s amazingly generous of you to mention. I did find a place in walking distance that was $1895. Close enough to budget that even a small retail job would make up the difference. My husband also has always had luck getting teaching positions as well ( he teaches up to AP Calc). We have a dog and cat so would need a pet friendly place ruling many apartments out.
We’d also save on not carrying an extra car for him, and having beaucoup experience in getting by on ridiculously tight budgets before. </p>
<p>An easy way to distinguish between us is he believes nothing is possible and has very negative expectations and I’m very positive and believe everything is possible. We both indulge in hyperbole - sorry for that!</p>
<p>Yeah, Brown would barely have been a possibility, even right out of high school. </p>
<p>Well, the plan with therapist #4 is to finally overcome that final resistance, or to accept it and move on to somewhere different. </p>
<p>I don’t mean to blame Pomona. I didn’t think I had. Sorry to give that impression at all. I’m over the top grateful with their patience for him. And, my son clearly feels that they’re great and play no responsibility for his feelings about not returning. And, to go one step further, a lot of the shame I’m sensing may be due to his reality that he continued to let them down (professors included), despite all the support and allowances he was receiving (including therapy). </p>
<p>Yeah, in retrospect, the CIA does sound silly in light of everything - put that to my magical thinking that some amazing carrot is going to change his behavior. </p>
<p>Thanks again!!</p>
<p>I know! Logging into his portal took 3 years!!</p>
<p>Why a small retail job? You are a highly trained CPA. If you don’t want to work full time, a tax season job (not filling in at H&R Block- but working as a contractor for a big firm) will pay 5 times what a small retail job will pay.</p>
<p>I’m not sure why the defeatism on your income. Two college educated adults don’t need to throw in the towel and assume they’ll be living in a high cost area on minimum wage/part time jobs. What am I missing?</p>
<p>I get that for lifestyle reasons you guys are happy with the status quo in Mexico where the cost of living allows you to live off your Florida rental income. But I’m not sure how realistic that plan is once you move (or contemplate moving) back to the US. You can still be contributing to an IRA (as a CPA of course you know all of this) and unless you guys have begun taking social security, your retirement will be more secure with additional funds contributed going forward.</p>
<p>no? Not to mention the flexibility to give your son an option which isn’t Pomona or bust if for whatever reason that doesn’t work out.</p>
<p>I actually never got around to getting my CPA - long story (reference my issues on par with my son’s) - but, even without it, was always successful and reasonably good at what I did. After trying really hard to find work 2008-2010, I finally gave up. I had stopped working at the state attorney’s office in 2000 due to health issues my daughter was having. Then, I just became a stay at home mom always figuring I could find a job (the reason I had gotten the accounting degree in the first place). We also bought a property with a wholesale plant nursery, so I had that income (tho this died in 2007 when developers stopped building).</p>
<p>I think the long gap coupled with almost hitting 50, coupled with the South Florida economy, coupled with any income I was offered (mid $30k - this was actually from the state attorney’s office (!) where I had been making $46k when I left, but this was all they could give me in a position they would need to create in the middle of having their budget cut and was equivalent to what I was earning from the nursery even in the downturn), just made me somewhat discouraged of ever finding a real job again. Now it has been forever, but you might be right. I’d certainly try to do better than retail!! Just can’t count on it. </p>
<p>And, sure the IRA & 401k plans could use a boost. I’m 53. My husband is 55. </p>
<p>One thing mentioned above (several pages ago) was that you would need US insurance when you return. Much has changed and you need to be aware of how Obamacare works in different states. If you are low income, below 100% of the poverty level, medicaid is the insurance for you. In California, that has been extended to adults with no minor children. Your son would not be covered under your policy, but would most likely either qualify on his own or have to buy his policy through his college. If you make between 100% and 400% of poverty income, you would get a tax credit and have to buy a policy under “Obamacare”. Many of those policies have huge deductibles.</p>
<p>Florida has not passed medicaid expansion, so if you are low income you’d have to get a policy on your own, with NO tax credits. Sucks. Your son would also not qualify for medicaid, and while he would be covered if you bought a group/family policy, those are really expensive.</p>
<p>I don’t know if unearned income goes into the ‘above poverty’ income, but assume it does.</p>
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<p>Just another reason to have a professional evaluate him for ADHD and Executive Function issues. I’m not at all surprised by your answer, which is why I asked.</p>
<p>re: health insurance- the Dad gets a teaching job (even the tiny religious private schools in my area offer health insurance to their teachers). Why are we assuming that this family is going to be indigent if they move back to the US?</p>
<p>@blossom, partly, it is a state of mind. You don’t find what you don’t look for. And 2008-2012 or 13, as we all know, was not a time to freeze your state of mind.</p>
<p>This may be a good evolution for other-than-the-son, as well.</p>
<p>The QB scholarship covers half of the university healthcare policy, but this may have changed. The first year he was there they covered 100%. We might need Obamacare for at least the first couple of months we’re there. I haven’t checked Cali, but Texas policies actually were a small fraction of the amount of what my my husband paid on his last employer’s group policy. We also have our international policy good in the US for 6 weeks, and, in the long run, for any operations or medical care we have fair warning for, I wouldn’t hesitate to return to Mexico for care. </p>
<p>I’m not assuming that the family isn’t going to have money, but SMAmom said they weren’t planning on working, or only working part time jobs. Those usually don’t include health insurance, and in fact many employers like Walmart and the fast food places have dropped their insurance for part time workers because those workers can get a better policy at a cheaper price through the exchanges if their employer doesn’t offer insurance. The tax credits are only available if the employer doesn’t offer insurance.</p>
<p>Texas policies will not be available to you unless you live in Texas. Health policies are not available across state lines. What is available in Florida is expensive and not that great. California has a lot more options, plus expanded medicaid for adults without minor children. You can plan to get back to Mexico for medical care, but it doesn’t always work out, and by US law, a resident has to have some kind of health insurance with the minimal coverage, which is expensive if you are trying to live on a $3500/mo budget. I pay $900 for my COBRA policy right now, and that’s the cheapest family policy offered by my former employer (the US government).</p>
<p>Just pointing out that if she is deciding between Florida and California, health insurance is much better in California. Texas really isn’t involved.</p>
<p>I was just using Texas as a reference. The least expensive OC policy there ran about $400 per month, in contrast to what we were last paying for husband’s group policy in Florida, in the $1100 per month range. Another thought is since our daughter is now on her own and son will be covered under university policy, we’d now be looking at just a couple’s policy, and a catastrophic one at that.</p>
<p>Oh, and if religious school’s coverage is anything like my husband’s private school policy, the employer kicks in nothing, just allows you to get a group rate - the reason for the $1100 figure, though that was a family policy. </p>
<p>University policies are not always inexpensive, and they may only cover regionally, near the college. That seems to vary by school. We found that it was cheaper/better to keep our s’s on our family plan than to consider the school policies.</p>
<p>Well, in the case of the QB scholarship, the school might pick up a portion of it. The whole thing is still madly expensive, and I’d want to drive or fly across the border for anything routine. </p>
<p>Unless I had a severe, chronic illness I wouldn’t be making decisions about my kids college education based on health insurance. And even then- a trade-off is a trade-off. I understand needing to be in Mexico to take care of an ill/elderly family member, or to gain access to a type of chemotherapy that is not FDA approved in the US (if medically indicated). But to stay in Mexico to get a cheap mammogram every other year, or a cheap colonoscopy (every 5 or 10 years) at the expense of my kid being able to move forward with his life- I’m not sure the math works out here.</p>
<p>Everyone wants a good catastrophic policy for the truly horrific things that can happen. But are you going to really make long term decisions for your family based on whether your co-pay is $10 or $25?</p>
<p>I know a lot of people who are trapped in jobs with golden handcuffs- i.e. they can’t afford to quit. But I think being trapped in unemployment is a new one, especially if there is home equity to be tapped (sell the florida house? Put it in an index fund?), neither of the parents is disabled (and my sympathies to you if in fact one of you cannot work), and taking up residency in the US is the logical next step.</p>
<p>I don’t think $1100 a month for a family policy is outrageously expensive either. We would all prefer it to be free. But I don’t think the OP would have posted here if the lifestyle in Mexico were working out for every family member- they’d have decided to stay in Mexico with the status quo.</p>
<p>Lol, am I giving that impression? Nooooooo, not in Mexico for the cheap healthcare and wouldn’t remain here because of it. Actually here in largest part because great uncle retired here in 1969 and we visited him for 30 years. Then my mom took over the house for ten years. Now we’re here. Happy to remain for the next 30 years. Going back to US is sacrifice in part because this is home. </p>
<p>And, as an fyi, international insurance here, which covers 149 countries, a Lloyd’s of London plan runs only $2200 per year for the 3 of us. 100% coverage with a $1k per family member deduction. </p>
<p>(I sometimes wonder if the whole drug war border issues weren’t funded in part by our country in partnership with the Mexican government to keep people from coming here. The bad press reports, the focus on illegal immigrants, all serves to make Mexico sound horrible, when it fact, it’s closer to paradise, with a rising middle class and truly free markets. And, of course reasonable cost healthcare in modern facilities. All of the doctors we’ve met in the private system have been US trained, and not just mediocrely, but at places like Mayo, MD Anderson, etc.)</p>