Reasonable "allowance" for kid living away at college

Parents Forum
21

<p>We live in the part of country where everything is just more expensive. It was not possible for our older daughter to work when she was in high school because of her dancing. At the same time we didn't want to be in the position of giving her money when she needed it. We thought it was important for her to manage her budget.</p>

<p>With her friends, it was very normal for them to go to Starbucks, out to dinner, go to movies or go into NYC every once in a while. We wanted to give her reasonable amount of money so she could have enough to spend, but also enough to put away. Based on the cost of living around NYC area, $200/mon was reasonable (I think if parents really add up on all the things they pay for their kids, it is not that much money). We started doing it when she was a Junior in HS. After she was given a budget, she started to take ownership of her spending. We stopped being the bad guys of telling her when something was too expensive. She would cut back on going out if she's got a big present to save up for. Whereas with some of my friends, they found themselves in the position of giving money to their kids every time they wanted to go out. Often, money became a source of friction or a method of controling their kids.</p>

<p>I will admit that my kids have very few wants. But when my older daughter was a Junior deciding what college to apply to and what major(s) she should go into, I sat her down to have a talk with her. The talk went as, "Have you enjoyed the life style we've provided for you? Would you like to continue the life style? If so, you should figure out how to do it because we would not continue to support you after you graduate from college. You will live on whatever money you'll make." We thought it was important she knew upfront that we expected her to be financially independent even if we could afford to support her. It was a wake up call for her. She decided to major in math and economics in college. </p>

<p>There is nothing soft after our kids. Our older daughter was the only one of her friends that worked freshman year. She understood without any working experience she wouldn't be able to get an internship in the summer. She worked 40+ hours per week this past summer because we asked her to contribute X dollar amount for college. She told us that there was no way she was going to work in a store/restaurant and no free internship, so she got herself a job with a web company that paid her very well.</p>

22

<p>We had almost the same talk that old fort did with her kids. </p>

<p>Last two Ss are in schools in the city-suburban areas. One is in an area where a taxi on a Saturday night could cost $40. Both worked all summer long. Both are business majors.</p>

<p>We do give our kids money monthly--$50/week, but their checking accounts are tied into their savings, so if they go over...they are paying.</p>

23

<p>We most definitely could not provide an allowance in the $200+ range to any of our children, no matter what their age or need. I myself buy almost nothing other than necessities like gas and groceries--no pre-prepared food or eating out, no dry cleaning for anything I can do myself, no salon or health club visits, no Starbucks, and no expensive cosmetics. While we would give our son money if he asked for it, he never ever asks. For one thing, he's not a gimme kind of kid and is frugual. He's at an Ivy, but has still managed to be involved in many EC's and to maintain a good GPA while working a work study job M-F and another job on weekends. He uses that money to pay for his own books, entertainment, transportation, and all other expenses while at college. We only pay partial tuition (he will have loans) and room and board. We would have helped more if we could, but our inability to do that has been a blessing and has produced a very self-sufficient young man.</p>

<p>However, I would not think ill of another parent for feeling they need to give a modest allowance. My daughter simply can not handle as many responsibilities as my son can. She is not as intellectually or organizationally gifted and thus requires more time to do school work. Also, she will likely be a three-season D1 athlete, and so will have little chance to hold down a job at college. We will make her pay for whatever she can from summer earnings, though, since she is not a frugal soul like he is and must learn the value of money before graduating.</p>

24

<p>"Marian if she doesn't spend the money why send it?"</p>

<p>Seems to me to be a great opportunity for teaching here. If she doesn't spend it all, good for her. I don't spend every dime of my salary, either. She could be learning a whole lot about savings, investing her extra money, etc. Being frugal with her allowance could be something she is rewarded for, vs. "well, if your'e not spending it, I'm going to quit giving it."</p>

<p>Just another way of looking at it.</p>

25

<p>Nrdsb4 - I totally agree with you. It's the reason why we didn't take our daughter's allowance away from her after she started working at school. We had made a deal with her that we would support her until she graduated from college, we didn't want to "penalize" her for working by taking her allowance away. She is saving most of her money like a squirrel.</p>

26

<p>No wonder why a good portion of our children's generation seems to possess an "entitlement" mentality. The parents feel that their kids should have the small luxuries in life without having to work for them. If your kid can't earn enough money to go to Starbucks, then they shouldn't go. Oh my goodness, how will kids cope if they can't afford to go out to dinner with their friends? Do you know how they will cope? They'll learn to do without or find a way to earn money. The idea of a young person who is physically able to work at a summer job having the option of not working is foreign to me. Our sons have worked 30-40 hours a week during the summer months since they were 16 years old. Trust me, they're more prepared to jump into the workplace than had they done nonpaying internships. Somehow, they managed to handle it. Yes, they worked during the summer and earned enough spending money to last the year. They managed to juggle summer jobs, time at the beach, and preseason Varsity Soccer workouts. Were they exhausted--sure, but they also learned how to be functioning adults while still having fun. Now that they're in college, they not only work full time during the summer months but also during their college breaks. They still manage to find time to have fun and stay on the Dean's list. If they want Starbucks, they'll have to spend their hard earned money on it. They'll either savor that cup or decide that they'd rather keep the $5.00 for something else.</p>

27

<p>Obviously none of the students detailed in this thread attend school near a Whole Foods store.</p>

28

<p>Wegmans. $5 for blackberry.</p>

29

<p>Bandtenhut, I do not know where you go to college but I do not believe that NO UNDERGRADUATE at your school is working for extra money. It is harder to find jobs at some school and surrounding areas than others, but I will be happy to call your school admissions office and ask if this is an impossibility at your school.</p>

<p>I did want my older sons working during the school year as one was an athlete and the other was musical theatre major. Both of them were extremely busy and had to schedule their time carefully. They did make a lot of money over the summer and used that money as many of the posters' kids have to pay for their living expenses. Because they were not accustomed to handling money for their needs, we did help them the first year in budgeting. After that, they were on their own. It was their money. My third one wants to work second semester; his college discourages first term freshmen from working, and I agree. He too has his own funds that he is using for discretionary spending. COA estimates seem to be just for all three of them and we are talking about three very different kids in schools that are in a city. I pay for plane tickets, room and board (middle level plan for meal-17 meals aweek). I also put about $500 on the campus express card for the make up meals, sundries, and books. Not enough, but they make up the rest.</p>

<p>For kids who do not have summer savings or any personal funds, I would sit down and calculate what you want the kid to have. Certainly the availability of 21 meals a week, and snack money. Those whose kids live in a city like NYC can use more as many of the meals and other things are not provided on campus as there is really no campus. But those schools' COA will reflect that. I know my first two kids did very well with their money because of the bonuses their activities provided in terms of entertainment and food. They did not need much of a meal plan and the 17 meal was really too much, and they later went to dining dollars and campus cash entirely as it gave them more flexibility for the same amount of money. The third one is still finding things to explore and do, and I expect he will dig into more of his money, though he is fine right now. On campus entertainment is cheap or free, and his meal plan is holding up just fine for him. </p>

<p>Here at home, my kids got between $30-50 per week as allowance and for doing chores. That was lunch money, snack money, breakfast money, starbucks money, entertainment money, the whole nine yards. They could eat for free at home or bag food. The same goes for my fourth kid who is in high school. He also has an outside job that pays about $40 a week. He buys all sundries for himself and some necessities as well. Only large ticket items are submitted to us for payment, like the fee for a class trip or weekend retreat, or for necessary equipment and clothes. </p>

<p>Around here, in a NYC suburb most parents give their kids $300-500 a month for spending money. Some of these kids have cars, are on very basic meal plans. Some just have a generous allowance. There is a big difference between giving a kid $500 a month when room, board, books, campus cash account are flush, and giving the kid that amount when he is living off campus and is expected to pay for meals and necessities out of it, so the amounts mean nothing without knowing what else is already covered up front.</p>

30

<p>There are Starbucks at or near some campuses that accept campus cash. I think you can trim the meal plans to include some starbucks and also for in the room oatmal and hot water. It can average out.</p>

31

<p>S1 received $300/month, but he lived at home. That money was intended to cover all his expenses for the month, meals eaten on campus, school supplies, gas, clothes, etc. </p>

<p>S2 lives on campus halfway across the country with no car. He earned money over the summer and is expected to use that for spending money for the year for entertainment, any meals eaten off campus, etc. He has a credit card to pay for books, music supplies, clothes. And we pay his travel home, although he is restricted to bringing his instrument (which requires its own ticket) home only over Christmas break.</p>

32

<p>I second cpt's point that there are <em>always</em> jobs available, even for students who are not on FA. They may not be on-campus jobs through the school, but there is always baby sitting, waitressing, house cleaning, etc to be found in the immediate neighborhood.</p>

33

<p>somemom is correct if you look at the old threads. But note it depends on college and location. For example, New York City versus a small college in a small town in the heartland.</p>

34

<p>I get about $100 per month...plus I always have about $250 in my bank account for emergencies that I don't touch. I NEVER let it get below $150.</p>

<p>My parents did not want me to work my first year, but next year I will be responsible for my own spending money. </p>

<p>I also am on the condition that if my mother notices that I'm spending more than reasonable amounts or buying things that aren't necessities, I'll end up responsible for my own spending money. </p>

<p>I'm another one that likes to cook, and I get 10 meals per week at the school cafeteria. Most of the money I'm spending is being spent on gas and drinks/snack food for my room. I only spend about $40 every 2-3 weeks.</p>

<p>I'm also getting a Costco card when my parents come to visit this weekend so that I can start buying stuff in bulk. :)</p>

35

<p>cptofthehouse, I totally agree with you about there being a difference between an on campus student and off campus student. The financial situation is totally different. On campus kids basically have everything paid for by tuition/room and board where as the off campus kids have to buy their food, often times pay for laundry, gas for car, maintenance of car, garbage pickup, and basically everything that would be needed to run a household. </p>

<p>I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in expecting my kids to work for their spending money. They understand that we will gladly help them financially (such as if a computer needs to be replaced or anything big arises) but they also understand that they have to practice and learn how to be financially responsible for themselves.</p>

36

<p>This thread reminds me of something we did with S1 which seemed to work very well. As soon as he turned 16, we got him his own checking account. I calculated what I had been giving him for lunches, gas, movies, etc. in cash and wrote him a monthly check for that amount. He then deposited it in his checking account and used checks or his ATM/Debit card to pay for things. </p>

<p>He never went made with his money and seems to be able to budget quite well. When he turned 18, we got him a cc in his name for books and college expenses, and again he has never abused that privilege.</p>

37

<p>We did a similar thing, so much a month for all toiletries, clothes and a bit of pocket money- a kid could survive and buy reasonably priced items, but would either need to go without other items to buy something I considered over priced or would have to work and make their own money. I really liked letting go of the power associated with money, I don't want to be making judgments about their purchases on a daily basis, I don't want to decide whether I should give them more or less for an extra activity.</p>

<p>I work on commission and inevitably my kids would want something extra on a short month, with them having a budget funded for the year, they could decide what extras they wanted and when. One kid was perpetually running out of money, the other two I could give their money once a year and they would be fine.</p>

38

<p>Why doesn't he work and make his own money? Why didn't he apply and get his own credit card when he turned 18? I'm not specifically aiming my questions at the previous poster but in general, why don't more parents place normal age appropriate expectations on their young adult children? It seems as though many of our children's generation are ill equipped (thanks to the parents freely doling out the money) to step out of their parent's nest and be self sufficient. With Mom and Dad funding their lifestyle, don't you feel that their inner drive, ambition, and toughness to succeed is lacking?</p>

39

<p>I think this depends on the particular child. Our D (college junior) has enough inner drive and ambition for 10 people. We give her some money for what we consider to be necessities: books, trips home, etc. Anything else she funds out of earnings from summer jobs/savings. But her attitude towards money would be no different if we gave her much more or much less - she's always been a saver, and scrupulous about how she spends. S (high school junior) is another matter entirely: money goes through his fingers like water, yet he's not all that motivated to work. If he doesn't have it, he just doesn't go to the movie/pizza place, etc. with this friends, and gets together with them at another time instead. I'd like to put a few drops of D into S!</p>

40

<p>nysmile - Why are you so judgemental? Why do you think the only way of making them responsible is to have them work when they are in their teens? Teen age years are the best time for them to learn new skills. I would rather have my kids spend time to study, learn ballet, travel than have them work at some mindless jobs. I am very confident my kids are very responsible and have a lot of inner drive and ambition. My kids are very self sufficient - I know my older daughter knows how to get a good paying summer jobs, she knows how to hire a good lawyer by herself when she needs to (she did so 2 years ago), she knows how to multi task (school work, dance, sorority, part time job at school), and she knows how to throw nice parties if necessary(very useful skill).</p>

<p>What you may consider normal, may not necessary be normal to other people.</p>