<p>Here's a little story and I need advice on how to proceed:</p>
<p>I'm a teacher who wrote a recommendation letter for a student that I sincerely care for and hope success for. I wrote the letter and it sounded pretty good to me. I did include a small paragraph that discussed "areas for growth" in order to lend credibility to the positive things that I mention as well as maintain honesty and integrity with my word. As a courtesy to the student, I gave a copy to look over and asked, "So what do you think?" The student replied, "It looks great." I proceeded to send out the letter in sealed envelopes with my signature across the seams since the student, did technically, "waive the right" to see the recommendation. </p>
<p>A month and a half later, I received a message from the student's parents. They were IRATE at what I had written. They told me (and here's the important part) that THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS REPRESENTATIVE CONTACTED THE PARENTS TO TELL THEM THAT I WROTE A BAD LETTER THAT WOULD DETER THE STUDENT'S CHANCES OF GETTING IN ANYWHERE. </p>
<p>So here's the question:
Is it normal, ethical, moral, common practice for a college admissions representative to contact parents about a teacher's confidential letter of recommendation?</p>
<p>The parents told me that they knew the college admissions person and they were extending a helping hand since the parents once helped her out… ??</p>
<p>I agree that I should not have shown the student the letter.</p>
<p>I’ve written similar letter throughout my teaching career with lots and lots of positive feedback and results. Some of my students have gotten into competitive Ivy League schools, Art schools, Morehouse, state schools, California Schools. All written with the same sequence: intro, positive characteristics of students, more positive, one area for growth, more positive, outro.</p>
<p>“I would tell the parents that I will write to colleges to withdraw my recommendations for that student.”</p>
<p>Is that a possibility? And would that bring heightened negative attention to a, well, “controversial” letter and, in effect, raise big red flags for the student?</p>
<p>I don’t know but I think it’s possible. The fact is your recommendation has lost confidentiality for at least one college. Test the parents first to see what they say. Tell them you will talk to the Dean of Admissions.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the messages and advice. If you think of anything, let me know.
Thanks again. </p>
<p>This has me stressed out! Couldn’t sleep much. All I could think of was the parents standing over me, pointing to their child in the corner with “Failure” written all over him, cursing at me and saying in really big scary voices: “You are responsible for this failure! It’s your fault they never went to college and succeeded!”</p>
<p>I’m TOTALLY comfortable doing anything to help this student (not to appease the parents, “So there!”) but I also feel like finding out which school leaked the recommendation (and actually emailed them a copy of it!) and writing a nasty letter that goes into great detail about ethics, morality, confidentiality, corruption, nepotism, and favoritism. All that as a pre-condition to fixing the wrong. </p>
<p>Hmm. Maybe I’m just emoting right now. I’m really upset about this.</p>
<p>Yes. The principal and I have been strategizing. Principal basically says that there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with the letter, perhaps I could have softened the area of improvement, but all in all, a good letter. </p>
<p>The parents were suggesting that even in the positive areas that I discuss in great detail, that I was making “veiled” critiques! I can’t believe it!</p>
<p>I’m just a student, but it seems to me that the parents are over-reacting, and I can’t believe that under any circumstance, even if the admissions counselor was friends with the parents, s/he would send such negative comments to them about a rec letter. I think that you should (very politely) ask the parents what school this was from, and why they believe your letter was so bad.
Good luck with whatever happens!</p>
<p>I have a feeling the parents saw the letter from the student and are just trying to derive authority from a made up family friend who supposedly knows what he or she is talking about (due to being an adcom) so that it looks like their claims are founded.</p>
<p>They actually have no foundation to any claim here. Teachers write bad letters of rec all the time. They should be happy yours was positive. As long as it was honest, you are in the right.</p>
<p>If you have written similar letters of rec in the past and those students have successfully gotten into college, there is nothing to worry about because clearly it either worked or wasn’t a factor in the past. If this kid doesn’t get in, it means there is another reason.</p>
<p>I agree with born2dance94. I am surprised you would have shown the student the letter knowing the student waived right to see it. Too much of a coincidence that the parents of student you show the letter to also know the adcom at the school and inform you of contents. I hope you will not show any more students their letters when they waive their right to read them.</p>