<p>I am currently going through the hectic admissions process and right now i am working on writing an essay to impress schools. I have an essay written right now that tells a lot about who I am and where I come from, but it is somewhat risky. In the essay I talk about trespassing onto a golf course despite being told by the head keeper of the course ( the greens keeper), who caught me sneaking on, to never sneak in again. I live in one of the most affluent areas in the world, the suburbs of NYC and I want to show that I am not the typical "cookie cutter" high class kid from this area, who cling onto their parents their entire lives and are afraid to take risks to avoid defacing their reputation. I want the admissions counselors to see that I will take risks and be independent. But, will the counselors see it as I would like them too, or will they see it as an illegal act of trespassing and that I cannot follow an elders orders. Please help, My English teacher Is telling me that it's great and to send it but my guidance counselor is saying not too, that it is too risky.</p>
<p>I think it might be seen as “typical high class kid who thinks rules don’t apply to them.” I’m not sure that trespassing is the kind of risk-taking that they would appreciate, unless you were doing it to, say, rescue an injured animal or because it was the only route to the little old lady you’re bringing a food basket to. Surely you must have some other things you could write about to make yourself stand out?</p>
<p>I agree with essayedout. Your topic screams, “Look at me, I’m your everyday rebel teenager!” Rebelling is a significant part of being a teenager – I don’t see how rebelling in an illegal way makes it any different or better. From what you’ve described, it doesn’t sound like you’re proposing a good kind of independence or risk-taking, either, or at least not one colleges would want in their midst. Do you think they’d want to admit someone who proudly acknowledges that they trespassed when they were explicitly told not to?</p>
<p>So how to you really feel about risk? This is risky. Are you the kind who really takes risks and can live with the consequences? If not, pick a different strategy.</p>
<p>They would be asking “and this kid is sneaking on…why? To golf? Well, the golf course is in the business of selling people the privilege of playing on our course…and since you live around here you can well afford to pay for the privilege, so you are basically stealing from them…not to mention they don’t want people randomly walking on the course because of the liability issues and wear and tear on our greens, etc”</p>
<p>So how does this topic at all benefit you?</p>
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And to think that others do volunteer work and HELP others to set themselves apart… </p>
<p>I’m with boysx3 - how does risking a good talking-to from the groundskeeper make you someone a university would want? Was there some sort of point to sneaking on the golf course? Or just to boost your college admission chances???</p>
<p>Mbugsy - IMO unless you are a nationally ranked golfer that would make a nice addition to their golf team, I think talking about golf courses in general is a bad idea. It just smacks of the stereotype that you say you are trying to avoid.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for your opinions. I somewhat felt as though this was a bad idea, and this is not the type of risks colleges will be looking for. I just needed some reiteration that this is not a good idea as a college essay.</p>
<p>On the other hand, since Lloyd Blankfein claims our nation is careening towards a “fiscal cliff”, perhaps talk of the golf course might give you an edge.</p>
<p>Tocollege, thanks for your post. I am heavily involved with service. I have been on multiple service trips, am on the campus ministry board, which runs the service program at my school, and will most likely be the hunger awareness committee chairman. I do not think writing an essay about any of this will be effective. Colleges will see all this in the activities section of the common app and I feel as though it is a bit cliche. In my essay i am just trying to differentiate myself from other kids in my area. Obviously, talking about sneaking on a golf course may not be the best way to represent that but that is the goal of whatever essay i end up writing. P.S. the point to sneaking on is just so that i can play some golf, it is my number one passion.</p>
<p>Going on a golf course you weren’t supposed to be on doesn’t set you apart. Fairly typical. Not an accomplishment of any kind, and not risk-taking in the sense they’d be looking for.</p>