Stop. Putting kids who don’t know each other, and from different backgrounds together as roommates is neither “progressive” nor done to make a college “look successful”. It has been done for 50, maybe even 100 years. It is a standard practice.
There are many excellent reasons for this. You may, or may not, be able to live with someone you don’t know, but that doesn’t reflect on the colleges.
Have you already applied to schools? What do your parents say?
This may not be a popular response and will seem quite scary to you…but a BIG part of college, maybe the biggest part or most valuable, is getting out of your comfort zone and growing in many ways, especially socially. Forcing yourself to deal with new people, living arrangements, etc. is hard. The benefits, however, are great. You don’t have to become best friends with your roommate, but learning how to get along is really important. Most kids (especially at smaller schools where kids are from all over the place) all want the same thing; to meet people, make new friends, experience new things. I think you owe it to yourself to give that a try. It will be scary but you’ll most likely take little steps forward and eventually that will equal a big step.
I agree with @rickle1 that part of college is about learning to manage these social situations, and I would actively encourage you to work on your anxiety in a safe way so you learn to navigate them.
However, I am pretty sure the vast majority of colleges in the US allow you to choose your own room mate. The smaller, private unis and liberal arts colleges that do random room mate allocation do so for very good reasons, but they are a minority overall.
You and your friend can apply to Alabama and ask for John England Hall, where you would get a double room for you to share with your own private bathroom. Or you could apply for one of the suite style dorms and have your own bedrooms, share a bath btw the 2 of you - but share a small kitchen and living area with 2 other students.
Alabama has a decent acceptance rate and you should be both accepted.
There are LOTS of unis out there where you could both be accepted and room together. Alabama is just one example!
Hi @Starr4 ,
If you are planning to go to college in Fall of 2022, you are too late for many schools. The application process begins about a year early, in the fall before you would want to attend, and many deadlines were Jan 1 to enroll this fall. There are still options that you could apply to now, but a lot less, and you and your friend would have to get it together pretty quickly.
It seems you are in a tough spot with not a lot of resources to guide you along this process, and as the first in your family to go through this. (And no therapy options to help with your anxiety). I hope maybe some other posters could recommend a book, and/or I think there are podcasts about the college admissions process. You can believe us that many, many college allow roommates to select each other, this is the norm, not the exception, and then another option for students that don’t want to do that, or don’t know anyone, is to have a ‘random’ selection (there are usually a couple of compatibility questions that are a part of this process). Singles are available too but yes, you can’t 100% count on it.
If your parents are supportive of you heading off to college, maybe you could ask them for more help in the process (did they go to college?) You will need a budget, timelines, an idea of your grades, etc…and also some opportunities to get out and around your peers before then, maybe a class in your community or even at your community college, volunteering, a job, etc. I know its a tough time for that with covid but it would be a good summer idea to help you transition to the outside world a bit and gain some confidence! Good luck.
I’ve had kids in 4 different colleges, all allowed students to choose roommates freshman year. All of their friends were able to choose roommates at their schools. Only two of my kids chose a roommate, the others went random. One roomed with a friend from home, the other found her roommate through social media.
Not that it matters for roommate purposes…but is she an international student? Acceptance and affordability could be issues if she is.
As noted above…contact the Housing Office or Residence Life Office, and ask them what you need to do to. Sample of two….both of my kids could have chosen their roommate freshman year and one actually did.
Even at colleges where random roommate arrangements are the norm, there are ALWAYS exceptions and OP- you will be surprised how kind and helpful the housing folks will be. Once they accept you, they want you to be successful. They can’t physically modify the dorms to accommodate every single situation, but they will try to work with you to help you find a solution that works.
It might be a single in a dorm which is a long walk from the center of campus- so that’s a trade-off. It might be a double with your friend in an upperclass dorm, so you won’t be surrounded by other freshman- so that’s a trade-off. I ended up in a single in a substance-free “quiet” dorm (I didn’t care about that, I just wanted a single) which was a trade-off I made in order to have privacy- so no drinking, no drugs, no noise after 10 pm. My friends thought I was nuts but it worked for me.
So this has nothing to do with being “progressive”- even in colleges where the norm is for them to assign you a roommate, you can find a workaround. So stop worrying about this!!!
PS- I went to Brown and you could not find a more progressive campus, even back in ancient times when I went there. And there were TONS of exceptions made on stuff like this. Athletes who wanted to room with someone from their own sport so they didn’t wake their roommate at 5 am when they were getting up for practice, and wanted lights out at 10 pm; kids in the performing arts who routinely got back to their rooms at 1 am after rehearsals who wanted to room with someone from the orchestra or theater, etc. This is not something to worry about!!!
Where have you applied? Its too late for most colleges at this point to start fall of 2022 if you haven’t applied.
Your friend said her parents are okay with her studying in the US but can they afford the 40-60k a year to send her?
People here can help you start a list of colleges to apply to if they know your budget and other college preferences.
This was very helpful, thank you!
Which college in Alabama are you referring to?
I know I should work on it, but “a safe way” for me, means going a little bit at a time.
Sharing cafeteria/classes/etc with strangers is already a big step for me, so part of doing it in “a safe way” means not throwing myself into it all at once. If you have any more suggestions of good colleges that will let us choose roommate/accept us both, please let me know.
The double room works well for us, as does having seperate bedrooms (we have known eachother a long time, so we could make either one work without being uncomfortable)
If you know any good colleges where we could both be accepted, please let me know and I’ll pass the word on.
Thank you for all the help, answering my questions, and for not making me feel like a terrible person
Thank you for the info
I plan on getting a job after graduating, so 2022 and 2023 I will either take some time off to get it together, or go to a community college for only a year or so to get a headstart in applying for other colleges.
Being the first to go through this does make it diffictult eithout many resources, and last time we talked about it, my parents are less supportive of me going anywhere but a religious college because they did. But I honestly don’t think it’s the best fit for me, I’m sure that noe, it seems like they will understand.
It was alot different for them though, and me being the first with them graduating highschool in different states and not from being homeschooled, they would have to try to look it up too and find out for sure.
Thank you
You need to look at colleges with rolling admissions if you haven’t applied anywhere by now for fall 2022.
A “good” college is relatively to each person’s needs.
Gustavus Adolfus? Roanoke? U of Missouri? College of Idaho?
Really? Thank you for lettting me know
It just seemed like they wouldn’t make exceptions for people no matter what
Most of the trade-offs like that would be fine, and not being surrounded by other freshmen doesn’t sound too bad, I have heard that alot of college Freshman prefer to just party- while me and my friend on the other hand, while we enjoy a good time too, also tend to take things more seriously sometimes
Do they usually have workarounds? I hope so
This is all really helpful. I guess other than “progressive” I didn’t really know what to call it. I had read about that stuff from a college article that made it sound much worse than it actually is from the sounds of many of these comments
I won’t be going to college-college in 2022, with the exception of maybe just a nearby community college for a year or so. Other than that, I planned to take the year after graduating off (to get a job, apply for good colleges, etc)
If you graduate and take classes at a community College you would need to factor in colleges that allow sophomores to transfer in.
I don’t know how much you know about the college application process, but from your posts it seems like it is very new territory for you and your parents.
The roommate thing is not a problem. You can almost certainly room with your friend. I have actually never heard of a college that would not let you ask for a certain roommate. Usually for first years there are some groups set up on social media, like Facebook, and students get to know each other there and ask each other to room together if they don’t already have a friend in mind. You already have a friend in mind, so no problem. You can always ask the Admission Office about how they do it at the schools you are looking at. Just tell them you have a friend who you’d like to room with. But 99 times out of 100 if you are both accepted to the school it is not a problem to let friends room together.
The things you need to figure out now are:
Do your parents have money saved up? A 529? Are they expecting you to get scholarships or loans? Budget will be a huge criteria for you.
One important thing to note is that after you graduate from homeschool if you take classes at Community College in most you will then be a transfer student rather than a first year student. This has major implications for scholarships and financial aid as there are a lot of scholarships that are only available to Freshman and not Transfer students. Make sure you research this before being graduated from homeschool and signing up for Community College classes. I am in North Carolina and high school students (including homeschool students) are allowed to take classes at Community College while in high school. These are dual enrollment classes. These do not count against your First year (aka Freshman) status in college. You can still get college credit for them as well as high school credit, but once you take a Community College class after you have graduated you are then considered a college student and you will be transferring in to college.
Many/most kids are nervous and anxious and excited about going to college. That’s not unusual at all. You can be with a friend, but I suggest you reframe your college questions and focus on those three criteria first — budget, majors, and admissions. Those three have to be in place first before you begin worrying about housing.
First of all, you absolutely CAN have a single. Go to your pediatrician, discuss with them your severe social anxiety, and ask for a letter stating that you have a medical need (social anxiety) that requires that you have a single room. And ask for a referral to a psychologist for therapy, and perhaps to a psychiatrist, too. Or go directly to a psychologist or a psychiatrist about the severe social anxiety, and ask for treatment and the letter. Then you submit this letter to the school’s disabilities office, and they have to accommodate your need with a single room, at the same price as if it were a double, as an ADA accommodation.
I applaud your desire to go away to college. I think that you are being brave to face this, and that it can only do you good. I agree that rooming with a stranger is too much of a risk for you - but rooming with your overseas friend could also be a risk for you. You don’t really know if you can do well with any person as a roommate until after you’ve tried it, and for you, what with your social anxiety plus your having never attended school, let alone gone away to school, a bad roommate experience could torpedo college away from home for you.
For this reason, I urge you to get treatment for your social anxiety (which doesn’t necessarily have to involve medication - it could consist of individual and group therapy), and to get the documentation you need to successfully obtain the accommodation of a single room. Believe me, you will have PLENTY of social opportunities, even without a roommate, while living on campus.
You are worrying about the roommate situation for a college that you won’t be attending until fall 2023?
Taking steps towards independence will help you to build confidence. Get a driver’s license, if you haven’t already. Yes, great idea to enroll in community college as a bridge towards going away to college. A gap year to get a job will not help a homeschooler with social anxiety to move towards the goal of college. Is it too late to enroll in a class or two at the community college near you this semester? If so, consider enrolling this coming summer. Lots of people work part time while attending community college. In your case, a solid record of excellent grades at community college will help to let colleges know how you do in a non-homeschool environment.
Sure it will. Why wouldn’t it? Seems like you have little knowledge about social anxiety or homeschooling.
I have two kids with diagnosed anxiety disorders and have homeschooled at times and one of our best friends homeschooled for the duration of her education with some dual enrollment community colleges classes in the high school years. Taking a gap year and working a job at Starbucks has been the best thing that has happened to my oldest with the more severe anxiety issues. It has really been amazing.
BUT, @Starr4 needs to concentrate on budget, majors, and admissions first and make a plan. Look into the budget piece first and deeply. Consider whether your state has articulation agreements between community college and state public colleges. Some states have those in place and you can effectively enter college as a junior if you earn your associates degree in community college and you may save a bunch of money that way. But you need to be careful because in some cases and for some majors not all courses transfer for credit in specific classes, just for general credit, and you might have to retake certain courses, etc.
You might actually save money by not graduating home school yet and doing dual enrollment for an extra year and getting your community college experience that way (good way to put a toe in the water) without losing your first year status, which might make you eligible for more scholarships. There is a lot to figure out.
What state are you in and what colleges are you considering?
Do you have any outside classes with grades?
SAT/ACT?
Ah, I was not aware of this. My parents thought that taking classes at a community college after graduating would actually expand my options to grt into a good college