Roommate yells at me for snoring

Hello all, I’m a current college freshman and I thought I had the best roommate. Turns out, that’s all wrong. While I understand that I do snore in my sleep, I’m always open to suggestions to help mitigate/lessen it so that my roommate can sleep as well. I have purchased Breathe-Rite strips and have slept in different positions to try and stop snoring. But lately, he has just been yelling at me in my sleep and I wake up to him going off on tirades about my snoring. It makes me extremely afraid and uncomfortable; I feel unwelcome in my own room. Never have I been told that my snoring is as severe as he says it is. Now, it has gotten to the point where I get very little sleep because he will yell at me and I get so scared that I leave the room and try and find somewhere else to stay for the remainder of the night. Not once did he ask me about my snoring when we were talking about being roommates, and he expects me to bend over backwards for him without him putting in any effort to solve the problem. I have contacted the RA several times regarding this situation, but nothing can be done, because whenever she tries to contact my roommate, he never responds, so we can’t have moderated meetings regarding the situation. While I understand that snoring is a disturbance, I feel extremely scared and uncomfortable to sleep in my own room because of his behavior. What can I do in the meantime?

Stop leaving your room to sleep elsewhere. Your roommate has no incentive to sit down with the RA if he can simply chase you out at will. Plus you are paying for half the room. You could try using a white noise machine, but that only masks the problem. Try a silicone nose clip ($5.98 at WalMart) or an anti-snoring chin strap for a few dollars more. Do visit a doctor for sleep apnea.

Talk to your parents about arranging for a sleep study over the winter break. If you truly have a sleep disorder, the doctors can recommend some solutions, ranging from a different type of pillow to raising the head of your bed to losing weight (I lost 10 pounds and stopped snoring) to medications or even a CPAP. You could have a problem with your tonsils or adenoids or another obstruction. We had adenoids removed from one of my sons, whose snoring rocked the house, and he has not snored since. He was 9 months old at the surgery and he is 24 now.

Another option might be to request a single room but those usually cost more.

In the meantime,set up a recorder and tape what happens at night. At the very least, your doctor can listen to your snoring. If your snoring is not that bad and your roommate is over-reacting, the tape will show that as well.

Good luck.

I agree about the sleep study. My son snored badly when he was young. The sleep study showed that he had pretty severe sleep apnea. He had his adenoids removed and never snored after that!

If you are not very overweight, it could be your tonsils are too big and need removed. That was recommended for my son after a sleep study and we decided against it and went with a prosthetic mouth piece (expensive and he wouldn’t use it)…until, his oral surgeon refused to extract his wisdom teeth until he had his tonsils removed. So we finally did that and no more snoring…at all! He didn’t even know he wasn’t getting a restful sleep until they were removed.

IN addition to the medical advice above, keep your RA in the loop. Ask your RA how problems move towards resolution when one party refuses to participate in the process. “Nothing can be done” because he doesn’t show up can’t be the answer. Let them know that you are actually being yelled at and are starting to feel fearful about sleeping there.

“Not once did he ask me about my snoring when we were talking about being roommates, and he expects me to bend over backwards for him without him putting in any effort to solve the problem.”

To your roommates defense, it is unusual for a 18/19 year old to snore so who would even think of asking? Plus, it isn’t his problem to fix. He can do nothing about it. Only you can. See a doctor, as others have suggested.

I don’t condone your roommate yelling at you but sleep is important so I can understand why he finds it irritating.

Adding my vote for a sleep study. Sleep apnea can cause kidney and heart failure, and damage many organs of your body. It is best to start treatment before you have damage.

And threeofthree is mistaken: many, many people who are at ideal weight or even underweight have sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is caused by structural problems of the mouth and throat (including but not limited to oversized tonsils and adenoids, oversized tongue, narrow throat and weak throat muscles); or in the case of central sleep apnea the brain doesn’t adequately sense CO levels.

To be fair, the roommate could try earplugs. I started packing them when I travel because I occasionally sleep in hostel-like accommodations or share a hotel room with my dad, who snores unbelievably loudly. They definitely help. However, that could cause the roommate to miss their alarm in the morning, so that might not work.

I’d say a sleep study, and maybe seeing if you could get a single for medical reasons. (Your roommate might be more agreeable to meet with the RA if you tell him you might pursue thst if the RA supports it).

I agree you need to look into it -but you should be afraid in your own room. Go to the RA again. Now is probably a good time to get this sorted for next semester.

KKmama - not saying that sleep apnea is not caused by other things - this was a sleep study paid for by my medical insurance and a doctor recommending removal of tonsils. My intent was not to say other things could not cause that as well.

It’s not reasonable for you to have expected this roommate to have asked you if you snore. It’s not something most teens, going to college, would have thought about. It’s also not reasonable that you’re putting part of the responsibility for your disturbing his sleep on him. What is he supposed to do about your snoring? Earplugs may not work, a white noise machine may not work, etc. That said, it’s also completely and entirely not okay for him to be making you feel unsafe. That is absolutely not acceptable. You’ve tried your RA, and it’s not working. Escalate. Go to the RD directly. Tell her what’s up, ask her to help you and your roommate come to some solution that makes it so he no longer yells at you/threatens you. You need to be able to sleep in your room, just as he does. You have just as much a right to be there as he does. Go to the RD.

At the same time, go to the doctor, as others suggested. Get yourself evaluated. If you are snoring this often and as loudly as I suspect, something may be wrong. If you can find out what it is, you may be able to correct it. This is on you to do - you are snoring, and it may be impacting your health, and it’s impacting your relationships with others, and what you’ve tried so far to fix it hasn’t worked. Get help.

People who are tired get very crabby. It isn’t very surprising that the roommate is yelling (not saying it is right, but it isn’t surprising).

When your roommate is in your room for a while, text your RA to come by and talk.

But the RA might not help you reach any agreement, as snoring is bothersome.

Roommate should not be yelling at you in your sleep period. They also should not be ducking the RA’s attempt to investigate a solution for you both. Your roommate should not chase you out of your own room. The easiest, fastest solution is to get a single then sort out your medical situation. People sometimes are intolerant of situations they have not been through. Since you are not family or extremely close before this came up it is doubtful the roommate will be very tolerant. In the meantime try going to sleep after the roommate has fallen asleep for a bit. If they are like most college students they will sleep through it if they were asleep first

I have tried using a white noise machine to block out my husband’s snoring, and it does not work for me. The sounds are too dissimilar. Ear plugs do not work for me, either; they make me more conscious of the sound of my own blood flow in my ear, and that becomes the new noise to ignore.

He tells me to wake him up and ask him to roll over, so I do. But sometimes I just give up and go sleep somewhere else in the house. I would suggest a sleep study but he’s been snoring our whole marriage and I think it’s due to his deviated septum, from an old football injury.

During her soph year my daughter had a roommate who snored loudly. She lost a lot of sleep that year, and was exhausted all the time, but didn’t want to use ear plugs lest she miss hearing her alarm.

I guess what I’m saying is that it is really hard to be the one who loses sleep because of someone else’s snoring. I urge the OP to have a sleep study done, or consider getting a single room.

I am more concerned about your statement that “I get so scared that I leave the room and try and find somewhere else to stay for the remainder of the night” than I am about the causes for your snoring or how loud it really is. Your roommate has NO RIGHT to make you scared to be in your own room. Is he threatening you? If that is the case, you need to go over the RA’s head RIGHT NOW.

  1. Get medically checked. Ask your doctor for a referral for a sleep study. Do this over Xmas break.
    If you have sleep apnea, you will suffer health effects.
  2. Sleep on your side, facing away from your roommie.
  3. Give your roomie some ear plugs
  4. Tell him that you are going to a doctor over break, but if he wants to ask to change rooms you understand.

I just got a CPAP machine on doctor’s orders (my lungs are shot). Suggest you get one too. Its purpose is to stop snoring and sleep apnea. I did have the sleep study, but you don’t need that or a doc’s input to get the CPAP. You can just buy it online. Then your roommate will stop complaining that you snore, instead he’ll complain about your noisy machine and that with the mask on, you look like you’re on a ventilator in the ICU. LOL. Give your roommate the benefit of the doubt: sharing a room with a really bad snorer is torture.

@yeehaw623: Are you overweight ? If so, then that may be causing you to snore.

I agree with most posters in this thread that it is your responsibility to find a cure or way to stop snoring. Your roommate’s anger & behavior is understandable. Your expectation that he should have asked about snoring before becoming roommates is unreasonable. If you knew that you had a snoring problem, then it was your obligation to warn any future roommate, in my opinion.

Go to a doctor and/or get a single room.

P.S. Snoring as a result of sleep apnea can be a life threatening condition. Seek medical help ASAP.