SAT Essay Study Group

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181

Hey guys, really neat group you have here. Would you mind grading my essay? It was done in 25 minutes under all sat conditions and was two pages long. Thank you so much. The question is: Should we care just as much as people in other countries as in our own country?

Denizens of different countries are still humans. Even though, one might live in the United States and the other might live in Croatia, both are still homeo sapiens. Therefore it shouldn’t matter where one comes from; one should preoccupy oneself with people from all over the world- not just from one’s country. This is proven in personal situations, in historical events and in works of literature.

The novel “over the ocean” by Alfred Sillard provides an incisive look at how an American teenager called Dylan started pen palling a girl from Egypt. In the book a myriad of things happen, however most importantly, Dylan ends up marrying the foreign girl. This thoroughly proves that it is important to care for all humans and not just people from your fellow country. Had the boy been prejudiced, he might have missed out on the love of his life.

Moreover, it is imperative to state that the USA’s involvement in wearing down Al Qaeda saved lots of lives. Because the USA cared about the lives being tragically murdered in the Middle East, it was able to diminish the casualties. The fact that during Obama’s presidency, Bin Laden was killed meant that new relations with Arab countries could be established. An example of this is the Nuclear weapon deal with Iran. Due to the fact that the USA cared about the countries at hand, a deal could be reached resulting in the potential safety of a large amount of people.

My uncle John cared about people in different countries. Every year he donated thousands to the Unicef charity to help supply water to needy people in Africa. Throughout my time with him, I learned from him that the art of giving is in fact a gift. I cannot count the amount of times he told me how well he felt for donating. The idea of helping someone else in need truly gave him a distinct sensation.

Through literature, personal experience and current events I can safely say that we should care about people in other countries as much as In our own country. Inside we are all the same. Borders are imaginary lines and we as humans should help each other to the best of our capabilities.

182

Hello guys, could you please take your time to correct my essay? I am going to do the sat test on saturday and would really appreciate any feedback. Thanks a lot! The essay question is: Should we care just as much about people in other countries as we do about people in our own country?

With modern communication the boundaries between countries have diminished. We are daily exposed to issues concerning human rights, freedom, among other controversial topics from all over the globe. However, are they really important? Should we not only care for our problems, the injustices in our society? This short sightedness has been proved wrong by human interaction over time. If the League of Nations leading countries had been concerned with issues regarding other countries and international relations, history might have taken a different course. If the isolationist policy presented by the United States in during the 1930s was not maintained, worldwide bloodshed might have been prevented. People should, therefore, care just as much about people in other countries than they do about people in their own, evenmore so in our age during which international boundaries are slowly being erased.

During the 1930s, most of Europe faced an economic crises due to the aftermath of the first world war and the great depression (a worldwide economic crisis). As a result, many countries where unwilling to make sacrifices to mantain international welfare, reducing cooperation in the League of Nations, a council aimed at maintaing international peace. This unwiligness to support other country’s problems caused the rise of unsatisfaction in countries, which eventually adhered to extremist governments for the solution of their problems, leading to international conflict and the second world war. Therefore, it can be noted the that lack of care for problems present in other countries eventually created worldwide issues and an enourmous conflict, which caused approximately six million deaths. Therefore, it can be noticed that people from other countries should receive as much attention as people in our own, otherwise bigger problems are generated.

Furthermore, the advances regarding communication and technology have been enormous. Consequently, people are aware of problems faced by people in other countries and should, therefore, help on their solution. It is estimated that the connection between any two people is now no more that five other people, which proves how borders have shrunken with modern communication.

It can be seen that with the rising worldwide communication people should be aware of problems in other countries and should aid at solving them, otherwise worldwide problems might be created, as shown with the failure of international cooperation in the 1930s.

183

Hey guys, really neat group you have here. Would you mind grading my essay? It was done in 25 minutes under all sat conditions and was two pages long. Thank you so much. The question is: Should we care just as much about people in other countries as in our own country?

Denizens of different countries are still humans. Even though, one might live in the United States and the other might live in Croatia, both are still homeo sapiens. Therefore it shouldn’t matter where one comes from; one should preoccupy oneself with people from all over the world- not just from one’s country. This is proven in personal situations, in historical events and in works of literature.

The novel “over the ocean” by Alfred Sillard provides an incisive look at how an American teenager called Dylan started pen palling a girl from Egypt. In the book a myriad of things happen, however most importantly, Dylan ends up marrying the foreign girl. This thoroughly proves that it is important to care for all humans and not just people from your fellow country. Had the boy been prejudiced, he might have missed out on the love of his life.

Moreover, it is imperative to state that the USA’s involvement in wearing down Al Qaeda saved lots of lives. Because the USA cared about the lives being tragically murdered in the Middle East, it was able to diminish the casualties. The fact that during Obama’s presidency, Bin Laden was killed meant that new relations with Arab countries could be established. An example of this is the Nuclear weapon deal with Iran. Due to the fact that the USA cared about the countries at hand, a deal could be reached resulting in the potential safety of a large amount of people.

My uncle John cared about people in different countries. Every year he donated thousands to the Unicef charity to help supply water to needy people in Africa. Throughout my time with him, I learned from him that the art of giving is in fact a gift. I cannot count the amount of times he told me how well he felt for donating. The idea of helping someone else in need truly gave him a distinct sensation.

Through literature, personal experience and current events I can safely say that we should care about people in other countries as much as In our own country. Inside we are all the same. Borders are imaginary lines and we as humans should help each other to the best of our capabilities.

184

I am back ! I want to clarify things !
I realized that this thread become messy with all people hear seek for help but don’t even bother to review others work. We are no teachers and no experts. We are students and our key for success is mutual help. Please guys, keep this in mind. Everyone who wants advice must at least critique one of the essay before posting !! This must be clear to all new members. If you don’t agree then go to other forums. (Remember that you are not obliged to review other’s essays but if you want to post then you must help !)

Anyway, this my essay for all people interested. I’ll critique yours if you provide meaningful feedback and score it out of 12:
Prompt 1

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
The biggest difference between people who succeed at any difficult undertaking and those who do not is not ability but persistence. Many extremely talented people give up when obstacles arise. After all, who wants to face failure? It is often said about highly successful people that they are just ordinary individuals who kept on trying, who did not give up.
Adapted from Tom Morris, True Success: A New Philosophy of Excellence

Assignment:
Is persistence more important than ability in determining a person’s success? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Achieving success can by no mean be granted only with one’s talent and abilities. Recent evidences from history, literature and current events prove that glory is mostly about perspiration because hard work and diligence are the tools that help talented people to flourish and perform brighter.

Charles Goodyear was a brilliant businessman and researcher whose massive abilities weren’t sufficient to pave his way to success. Working on rubber experiments, he realized that transforming rubber into useful, cheap and available material need strong mentality and a willing heart. Keeping in mind that his experience and skills are not enough, Goodyear was devoted to work, giving his time, money and energy to his researches. He was committed to the point that he got almost bankrupted and risked to lose his family. Finally, he discovered the effective process, vascularization with a dint of hard work and perseverance. Ultimately, despite being highly qualified, Goodyear achieved success only when he restrained and insisted to overcome obstacles.

Similarly, Nicolai Tesla was a major figure in the field of electromagnetism who is considered by many as “the man with a pool of talent”. He was intelligent, witty and analytical. But he managed to reach the formula that enables him to unlock the secrets of Alternative Current (AC) only when he established a rigorous plan of work that ensures continuous progress. His groundbreaking achievement stemmed from his talent but most importantly from his strong will and work. A scientist who never gives up, Tesla shaped modern physics world with his spectacular persistence.

1945 Normandy Landing that marked the dawn of Allies victory in WWII was the crowning achievement of talented and persistent leaders including Winston Churchill. He demonstrated in his speeches “We Shall Fight Them In The Beach” and “Bread, Toil, Tears and Sweat” that military capacities cannot win U.K the war if the people didn’t resist and give up hope. Clearly, Nazi Germany was on the brink to invade England but because of the unity of Armed forces and the stubbornness of British people, Germany failed. Finally, English soil remains pure and free from foreign oppressors since 1033.

A thoughtful analysis of Charles Goodyear experiment, Tesla’s journey and WWII makes it crystal clear that individuals, peopled and communities need stubbornness more than skills to succeed.

185

@straightbars I find your first argument very ambiguous (“In the book a myriad of things happen”). Try to be more precise. By writing two full pages you should be guaranteed an 8/12, but perhaps not more than that

186

I wrote an essay. I wonder if you guy take a shot at it and give your opinions.

SAT October 2013:
Prompt 1:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

Most people think that contentment—being happy with the way things are—is the perfect state of affairs. After all, what could be better than being so satisfied with how things are that you don’t want anything else? But contentment has disadvantages: if we are content with the way things are, we are not motivated to change things, to improve ourselves, or to do better. We must therefore always choose between being content and pushing ourselves to do better.

Assignment: Does being content with the way things are prevent people from improving themselves and doing better? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay:
Contentment with the status quo is, obviously, a hindrance to progress and development. As a matter of fact, scientists, philosophers and brilliant thinkers were in eternal quest for improvement and they were never satisfied with the way things are. Analogically, fictional characters have the same mindset. These evidences from literature and history brought us to believe that pushing hard to do better is the key to improve oneself and society.

Mark Twin’s novel” The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn” illustrates the fact that improving one’s life is ensured only when one avoid passivity and conformity. The protagonist Huck was dedicated to help his friend Jim, a Black slave, to escape from authoritarian and inhuman holders. He was irritated by the manner with which slave holders treat Blacks. During their journey through the Mississippi, Jim and Huck faced adversities and risked to be caught and punished by the family who persecute them. Nevertheless, Huck remained stubbornly loyal to his friend’s cause who fights for freedom and equal civil rights. Finally, he improved himself by shaping his perspective, refining his consciousness and devoting to civil rights movement, although he is a white. He became a good person since he refused to be contended by the situation and gave a meaning to his life.

The film “V for Vendetta” inspired from Alan Moore’s vertigo comic book is a compelling story of resistance, rebellion and victory. The protagonist, V, an anarchist known for his trademark Guy Fawkes mask, was fueled by a desire to topple the abusive government of the U.K. and revenge from his captors. He made series of attacks against official buildings in collaboration with British people. And despite the government’s draconian control of the country with a policy of propaganda, imprisonment, purges and assassinations, V managed to free the UK following his decisive attack on November 8th. Had V be contended with the situation of dictatorship, UK would remain controlled by oppressive rulers and the people would not be convinced to rule himself.

This theme is also illustrated far beyond fictional characters in real life. In fact, Renaissance and Enlightenment Age in Europe were conducted by artists, scientists, philosophers and free thinkers who refused to bow in front of Catholic Church’s censorship and oppression. From this perspective, icons of science and liberal thinking like Da Vinci, Kant, Rousseau, Galileo, Copernicus and Kepler helped Europe to rise from the darkness of Middle Age through groundbreaking discoveries as Heliocentrism in astronomy and flying machine in engineering. Clearly, if all these bright minds were satisfied by the awful situation, the progress of Europe would never be materialized.

A thoughtful analysis of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twin, V for Vendetta film and Medieval Age proves that being contended with a given status prevent minds from flourishing and people from achieving and improving the world.

187

@Dawn001 the length alone assures you a 9 or 10 in my opinion. From this grade up, it’s the subjectivity of the grader. I would give it a 10-11 for the great 3-paragraph structure, nice vocabulary, clear opinion. :smiley:

188

Another essay:

SAT October 2014 :
Prompt 1 :
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

Some politicians and educators advocate teaching values and character in schools. They claim that children need guidance to develop honesty, kindness, and trustworthiness and that schools should consider it their responsibility to foster these qualities just as they aim to foster academic skills. But good character simply cannot be taught in classrooms and through textbooks. Attempts to make values part of the curriculum will only take time and resources away from important academic subjects.

Assignment: Is it wrong to try to teach values and character in the classroom? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Essay:

A wide range of policy maker, thinkers and even common people believe that it is critical to instruct children in schools ethically. For sure, it’s the best opportunity to shape youth’s mentalities and frame their ideas and perspectives and that’s the most dangerous aspect of the process. Because children are easily manipulated, I firmly oppose the idea of teaching values and morals at school.

During the rise of Nazi ideology in the early 1930s, Hitler who freshly took over the power of the Third Reich in Germany started a deep and a radical reform in educational system to incorporate Nazis values. In fact children, nicknamed “Hitler Youth”, began to absorb the bigot ideas of rejecting Jews, supporting the Final Solution theory – The act of exterminating all central Europe Jews- and endorsing the idea of Lebensraum (Vital Space). To the perspective of Hitler, these extremist and anti-Semitic ideas are the sound values that a young German kid should learn. In this way, he raised a generation of brainwashed people who support blindly his bloody policies, do not question and remain stubbornly loyal to him. This education was commonplace in Germany from 1933 to 1945 which explain why there’re so many mentally-distorted people due to this teaching. If Hitler didn’t start this system of teaching values, German’s mindset could be different and may be liberal and it will be no exaggeration if we say that they would oppose the war.

Similarly, The Swallows of Kabul by Yasmina Khadra depicts the image of a society that is “programmed” by extremist Group Taliban and its fundamentalist agents. In fact, Taliban’s wrapped view of ethics, morals and proper behavior made them believe that a woman is a stigma that should be hidden behind a dark burqa and that violence is the only way to establish justice. All these toxic ideas and more are transmitted to children through education. Kids in the story gained a distorted view of the world. At this point, one can understand the continuous decline in Afghanistan and why this country, that was then prosperous, drowned in a bloodbath.

To go farther in analysis, we can point to Europe in the Middle Age where education was strictly based on Biblical teachings via Catholic Church. This regulation suggests that kids must accept bias, false assumption and misconceptions of the Bible to be “ethical”, which is not true. Bright thinkers and scientists helped to enlighten Europe when they managed to destroy the idols of ethics and morals imposed by the Church. They were able to think freely and productively when they took off the chains of codes learned in schools of Holy Roman Empire and Hapsburg Empire. Clearly, school mustn’t impose codes because they are oppressive, stifle creativity and veil truths.

A careful analysis of modern European history as well as literature emphasizes the fact that it is pointless and sometimes even disastrous to try to teach morals.

189

I would give this essay an 8-10. I thought you have very strong examples along with a very clear opinion. Your paragraphs were well thought out and to the point, also I liked how you used examples from literature along with different points in time :slight_smile:

190

Hi, I’m a sophomore that is preparing to take the SAT for the first time on Saturday. This is one of the practice essays that I’ve written, if anyone could please grade it that’d be great!

Prompt: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?

Questioning those in authority is not always necessary, however in some cases needed. Even though someone is in a position of authority, that doesn’t mean their intentions are always clear.
Someone like Adolf Hitler was someone who slowly gained thee support of others, he was a man who should’ve been been questioned. He believed that one religion was the cause for all the problems in Germany. He blinded people with insane accusations against not only the Jewish religion but also against people who were disabled, twins, some polish people, and eve babies. His morals should have been questioned at the beginning of his reign of terror, yet it was only toward the end of the war that people began to wonder if what was happening was wrong.
Though not all leaders have bad intentions, it can and has happened. Questioning the ideas and decisions of people can make a bit difference.

191

@freshie18: Hey man, I think it is great that you are preparing as a sophomore! One thing I would immediately change without even reading your essay, is to increase the length of it drastically. You may think this is a trivial issue, but many studies have shown that essay length is directly correlated with essay score. In other words, you meed to write more to a get a good essay score. I should know, since I got a 10 on my essay even though tbh I’m a pretty bad writer. Writing in a 3 or even 4 paragraph form would help you a lot as well. Good luck!

192

@JuicyMango, thank you! That essay was my second practice essay I think. I have definitely been working on lengthening my essays. This is the last essay that I’ve written, it’s the longest I’ve written so far too.

Prompt: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems in their communities or the nation in general?

 The general population nowadays is very concerned with the politics of everything. There are so many people who are so quick to judge what everyone is doing wrong and how much better things could be if, for instance, there was someone different leading a project. If people were to become more involved with what they believe should change- things might actually have the change to improve. 
 If we were to begin in the community level of improving the way things are run and handled, we could slowly build up to where our country as a whole has changed for the better. However the ideas we put into place to solve problems aren't going to be things like replacing the government. We can handle things like so many great activists before us have-- peacefully.
 For example- Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. wanted to see equality for the African American race as a whole. He saw that although the fourteenth amendment was passed- claiming "separate but equal" after slavery was abolished- this wasn't actually the case throughout many places in America. He began giving speeches and he gained a large support group- and the civil rights movement was born. Even though he wasn't able to see a change, Dr. Martin Luther Jr. was an important figure in the movement.
All in all, any person with a worthy cause can at least try to make a difference. Not all things have to be as big as abolishing segregation- but with the right mindset the community can make a difference to solve problems in their town, community, or nation. The government shouldn't be expected to solve all the nations problems- large or small.
193

Help would be greatly appreciated.

Prompt : Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better ?

Changes that make our life easier does not always make our life better because it creates laziness and dependency on that change. Several examples from literary works and historical events clearly demonstrate just because something makes our life easier does not mean it improves the qualities of our life.

In 1946, Adam Turners made a wrong trade his firm. AOC which costed them thousands of dollars. From a young age, Adam always relied on calculators for the simplest calculations. There’s no denying that John has a dependance on it to do successful calculations However, one day, during a stock trade, Adam was able to access the calculator and so he made the calculation in his head. Although the maths was rather simple, he made an error which costed the firm thousands of dollars. This example shows that just because a change makes our life easier does not entail that our life is any better.

In George Mcgrath’s famous novel, The Turnover, the protagonist received a car on his 18th birthday by his parents. Jack was elated by the present as it will make his life so much easier allowing for easier allowing for easy transportation around the city. However, with his gift Jack completely ignored all previous habits that he has built for himself, for instance, he slopped running to school with his peers and quited his job as a bike messenger. Jack lost many of his close friends because of this and was depressed for a while. Because the car provides convenience, Jack became dependant on it making him lazy to do other things that involves hard work.

In 2002 national marathon, Nick and New were the main contestant. Nick won the race for two straight years and was expected to win the race again this year, however New had also been training very hard and hope to beat Nick. A few months before the race, both contestants were offered a newly made treadmill which provide extreme convievence for the runners. New turned down the oppertunity as he believes it is better to run outside, however, Nick agreed to use the treadmill as part of his training regiment. On the race day, it rained hard but because New is used to training under harsh conditions, he was able to glaze through the race while Nick struggled as he has only been training on the more convenient treadmill. This example shows that opting for the change that makes your life easier can have a negative effect on you.

After careful analysis of 1846 incident, the turn over and 2002 marathon, I can only conclude that changes that make our lives easier does not make our lives better.

194

@Dawn001 - your first paragraph in the essay in post 185 is atrocious. Here’s a better version.

Contentment with the status quo is a hindrance to progress and development. As a matter of fact, scientists, philosophers and brilliant thinkers are in an eternal quest for improvement; they are never satisfied with existing conditions. Evidence from literature and history demonstrate that pushing hard to do better is the key to improve oneself and society.

The rest of the essay has a lot of problems too. I suggest you work on grammar and word choice if you want to improve.