SAT Essay Study Group

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
41

@Dawn001

I’m just grading to get better at essays myself, so if I make any mistake in my criticism please do tell. First of all, I like your structure. I just want to say one thing: I feel like your statements are a little bit ‘extreme’ at times.
As in “This kind of photographs shapes our self consciousness and awareness about modern world wounds.” and “the photo of Christians protecting Muslims during prayer shows us what is real about Egyptian people.”
Aren’t they a bit too declarative to say in a persuasive essay? I understand your point though (I’m an Egyptian myself - kudos for using that example!)

Other than some grammar issues, I’d say your essay is pretty solid.

Good job. I’d give it a 9.

When you respond to this post, perhaps post a prompt and we’ll all write about it.

42

Thank you for your feedbacks @OneDoubleThree
Actually, I am familiar with Arab Spring since I am Tunisian myself and found that photo emotional,real and thus strongly fit the prompt. The ties between people were strong, especially in the dawn of Revolution.
You can answer the same prompt. It’s a shock assignment.
Any way, let’s work on this prompt from June 2010 SAT:
Prompt 1
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

Common sense tells us that people tend to get along better with those who are like them, who think and act as they do. Many people, however, get along very well with people who are very different from them and may prefer to associate with those whose views and actions are different from their own. In fact, some people even complain that they are bored and irritated by those who are too much like them.

Assignment:

Do people tend to get along better with people who are very different from them or with those who are like them? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

43

@Dawn001 your essay made me smile. I totally loved it and (off topic somehow) it moved my feelings. You REALLY explained your thesis in a very effective way in each body paragraph, and the transitions made reading very smooth.

Here are my suggestions:
I suggest you recap the thesis while linking your example at the end of each body paragraph. And maybe elaborate on the last example.

I find it impressive you were able to write about this challenging prompt! I’d give this a 10.

44

Does any of you have suggestions for effective note-taking on the critical reading section?

45

@OneDoubleThree I believe this document would be enough for a revision. It’s a synopsis of all the rules you need. If you want something comprehensive, I highly recommend Erica’s book. It’s great.

46

@BethanyD : Thank you for the praise. It’s really good to hear that. Actually, I tried my best to link body paragraph to the thesis. You can also answer this prompt. I’ll be happy to critique your essay and give you some feedbacks.

As for Critical Reading, I developed a technique that consists of underlining some important facts and writing a topic word for each paragraph especially for long passages. Also, you must first and before you read the paragraphs take a quick look at the question and circle the lines numbers considered in the questions.

You can work on these SAT Passage Reading practice tests and we will discuss later.
http://www.■■■■■■■■■■■■/sat/passage-based-reading/

47

@BethanyD Personally I don’t take notes on the passage. The passage reading questions (except for main idea questions) are all in chronological order. I read and answer as I go.

48

I just finished the essay. Tell me what do you think guys?

SAT Essay June 2010:

Prompt 1
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

Common sense tells us that people tend to get along better with those who are like them, who think and act as they do. Many people, however, get along very well with people who are very different from them and may prefer to associate with those whose views and actions are different from their own. In fact, some people even complain that they are bored and irritated by those who are too much like them.

Assignment:

Do people tend to get along better with people who are very different from them or with those who are like them? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay:

Stark differences are the roots of evil and conflicts. Generally, People can get along only with people who have similar perspectives and thoughts. This tendency to prefer like minded people and dispute with different people is well exemplified in history and current events.

Today’s events from The Middle East underline the fact that a two different peoples can never associate with each other. During decades, the Middle East was marked by a complex and bloody conflict between Arab-Muslims and Jews. In fact, the differences in religion, language, believes push Arab nations and Israel to the battlefield because its side want to impose its ideas and perspectives toward geography and politics. Jews believe that Palestine is part of “The Promised Land” or “The Great Israel Kingdom”. On the other hand, Arabs see that Jews can by no mean live peacefully in their neighborhood. Tension was high and reached its peak in 1967 Six-days War. The gruesome attacks from both sides and the high death toll prove how it is impossible for two nations with different backgrounds and ideology to associate with each other. Had Israel be a Muslim state, no conflict would arose and the region could be peaceful and stable. Harmony and similarity are the only ways to avoid the woes of the war.

Another prominent example is well traced through the twilight of WWII and Cold War. In fact, Communist Soviet Union and Capitalist United States, both, fought hard, hand in hand against Nazi Germany. American blood merged with Soviet blood and it looks like these two giants would all together build Europe, refuel world’s economy and help to solve stressing issues on Earth. But, at the end of the war the two cultures collides. Stark differences in principles and ideology mainly put an end to their friendship. They turned into nemesis to each other due to differences in values and conflicting interests. Such status quo turned into a fertile soil to proxy wars like Korean War in 1950s and Vietnam war and created of state of no war and no peace breeding several crisis like Cuban Missile Crisis in the 1960s. Ultimately, differences blocked the relationship between yesterday friends and allies. If USSR and U.S. shared the same view and similar ideology, the conflict would never rise.

Trough a careful analysis of Arab-Israeli conflict timeline and post WWII era, it’s quite understandable that differences cannot put people together. Divergence breed hatred, resentment and strife.

49

I’m focusing on one part of the essay at a time. I know this is really weird - but it’s what works best for me. I’m not a good writer whatsoever, so I figure I’ll write introductions to every prompt for this week. Next week, I’ll start writing body paragraphs so I can get a quote on quote “feel” for the essay. That’s what happens when you don’t read books for 2 years :frowning:

Differences tear apart relationships; they are the mother of all problems and hatred. Cooperation, however, can only result from setting aside dissimilarities and focusing on creation through a united mindset and adaptable behavior. Several examples found in literature and history powerfully substantiate this claim.

“The world is but a canvas to our imagination.” -Henry Thoreau. Photographs are illustrations of the world through an artistic point of view. They are worldly experiences depicted on a paper. Many famous painters, artists and photographers have portrayed this in their respective masterpieces.

Are these good intros? I’ll do an intro for every prompt I see!

50

@Dawn001
You love difficult prompts, don’t you. Anyways, I love your thesis. I actually really like your way of jotting down your ideas on a paper! (A skill that I really need to learn) I really like some of the way you put things such as “Ultimately, differences blocked the relationship between yesterday friends and allies.” and “Ultimately, differences blocked the relationship between yesterday friends and allies.” and “Divergence breeds hatred, resentment and strife.” Those are all magnificent statements and will certainly aid you in getting a high essay score.

However, some parts of your essay make no sense "Such status quo turned (turned what?) into a fertile soil to (for) proxy wars like (the) Korean War in 1950s and Vietnam war and created of state of no war (ONLY war?) and no peace (comma! or thus etc.) breeding several crisis like (such as the) Cuban Missile Crisis in the 1960s. "

That’s your biggest issue when it comes to essays as far as I’m concerned. You’re a unique writer, it’s just these small syntax issues that are messing you up! At some points you’re explaining your examples a little unnecessarily. I’m only being this harsh because if I weren’t then you’d have nothing to work on, would you.

Good job though, 9 or 10 again! If you could criticize my intros, that’d be great.

51

Hello to all of you,
This is a prompt from the BB , I actually liked the idea behind it. I will really appreciate the avalanche of critics !

Here is the prompt:

Knowledge is power. In agriculture, medicine, and industry, for example, knowledge has liberated us from hunger, disease, and tedious labor. Today, however, our knowledge has become so powerful that it is beyond of our control. We know how to do many things, but we do not know where, when , or even whether this know- how should be used.

Assignment:
Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoninf and examples take from your readings , studies, experience, or observations.

Response:

Knowledge is crucial to maintain a sustainable way of living. It assures improvement, and it is behind every success and prosperity.
Knowledge has always been a solid significant criteria of advancement that humanity achieved
over the years. Many philosophers, literature examples and historical events, prove that knowlege is very important to attain an advanced and a prospereous society.

As demonstrated in his philosophical writings, Descartes proved in a lot of occasions that seeking knowledge is always an extraordinary evidence to determine the way people of a certain society
works. Knowledge plays a significant role in reflecting society’s achievements. ‘’ I think therefore I am ‘’ , that’s what Descartes stated in one of his writings. Hence, the mesmerizing effect of knowledge on individuals is undeniable. Knowledge is related to the existance of humans, and in order to spread prosperity people need to think critically: in other words, people need to know things , to ask the why’s instead of nodding at the slightest thing. Descartes’works have always been a proof to the magnificent effects and outcomes of a society which cherishes knowledge.

Through history it has been proven that knowledge is undispensable to achieve advancement. During the “Industrial Revolution” the world had witnessed a tremendeous change that never faded. The knowledge of certain people enlightened the future
of generations to come. Thomoson the inventor of electricity has always been praised by millions of people who cherish his persuit of knowledge, the machinery industry was a time saver, and a flawless executor. Knowledge at that era made history. It enhanced
the belief that humanity is still advancing everyday. Knowledge at that time was a big milestone that changed the history.

In one of the most well known movies,“The Social Network”; Mark Zucherberg’s character represented a man who beholds knowledge. He played a good example to represent people of intellectual potential.
Knowledge brought fortune to him, with it he managed to build the most gigantic social network platform which took him to the top. Therefore, in one way or another the glorification behind knowledge is unavoidable. It is always beneficial to all seekers, and executors. Knowledge itself is an unendable fountain of success, fame , respect, and praise. It is the one thing that distinguish a lot of people, and classify them in a more significant category.

After a careful analysis of Descartes'perspective, "The industrial revolution" outcomes, "The Social network". Knowledge is indeed a heritage that adds up to form an

invinsible potential to a human being. Through history knowlege has never proved to fail humanity. At the end, knowledge is the one way to help one put the pieces of life puzzles together to see
the world from a clear perspective.

52

@Dawn001 : I really loved both your essays. In one way or another, you have an incredible gift of not letting words deceive you. In other words your style is so coherent, and an " eye worth" tiring. The prompt about photographing is so unpredictible, but I loved the position you took. I will try to work on it myself.

For my basal knowledge of the SAT Grading system;

I give you a 9 on the first essay
I give you a 10 on the second one

53

@OneDoubleThree :

You are right. Be harash as much as possible! constructive criticism is what help us to improve. I will try hard to avoid syntax mistakes.
PS: (as tate of no war and no peace is the Cold War. That’s what I mean)
Thank you for your critique. I really appreciate your feedback.

As for your intos:
Ok. I think you need to practice the whole essay in order to improve. I was a horrible writer in the beginning of the summer, but, I managed to overcome my weaknesses by a dint of hard work and perseverance. Any way,I will give you feedbacks.

1st intro:
The introduction as whole is fine. But, your thesis need a bit of work. You need to go straight to the prompt. Believe me that’s what SAT graders want: a concise and witty thesis without repeating exactly the prompt.

2nd intro:

  • First, this structure is inappropriate in academic writing (“The world is but a canvas to our imagination.” -Henry Thoreau). You can just say for example:(Henry Thoreau once said:"“The world is but a canvas to our imagination.”)
    Your thesis is not clear because you didn’t take a clear and a straightforward stand. I mean you need to choose “Artistic creation (including bias”) vs “Real life facts with no distortion or intervention”. Also, you confuse painting with photographs which is major problem. Paintings are by nature biased because they are artistic creations. Contrarily, photographs, can be an artistic creation or a fact depicted objectively. You cannot escape. The prompt is clear. The question is ONLY about photographs.

Hope this helped a bit!y.

54

@theultimatedream :
Thank you for help. But what do you recommend? Is there any weakness that I should work on?

As for your essay:

I really recommend you to work on difficult and shock prompts because on test day, you never know what you will get. The factor of “shock” and “unpredictability” should be seriously considered while preparing for the SAT Essay. This type of prompts about “knowledge, Science, technology” are over used and predictable and all students have tons of examples to write about. Such a predictable prompt can by no mean distinguish students. It’s unlikely to get this prompt.
Believe m. I am not underestimating your work but you need to keep this in mind!

Any way, I will look at your essay:

Some structure problems : there’s a mistake in parallelism here(Many philosophers, literature examples and historical events,). You need to say ("Many philosophical essays,… ")

Your first example didn’t clearly fit the prompt. You didn’t show us how (Descartes Works have always been a proof to the magnificent effects). Although, the example can be fine if you elaborate it and expand it, SAT grader would consider it off topic. So be careful.

Your second example need also work in terms of vocabulary and ideas. You must stick to the Industrial Revolution example and analyze its effects while linking your analysis to the thesis. Also, you need to avoid redundancy by varying vocabulary and changing sentences structures.

Your third example seemed at first good. But, near the end you started to throw generalizations that have no relation with the movie. I don’t know why.
Your conclusion is fine.

Finally, it’s good to fill two pages and have three examples. But, 2 elaborated, deep and well organized examples are more valuable than 3 shallow and unfocused examples. You need to keep this in mind.

Sorry for being harash but that’s the SAT standards. Your essay is an upper 6 or a 7. Don’t worry, there’s always room for improvement and we are here to help each other.

55

I just finished this piece of writing but I am not happy with this essay. Any wa, give me your opinions guys !

SAT May 2007 :

Prompt 1
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

Materialism: it’s the thing that everybody loves to hate. Few aspects of modern life have been more criticized than materialism. But let’s face it: materialism—acquiring possessions and spending money—is a vital source of meaning and happiness in our time. People may criticize modern society for being too materialistic, but the fact remains that most of us spend most of our energy producing and consuming more and more stuff.
Adapted from James Twitchell, “Two Cheers for Materialism”
Assignment:
Should modern society be criticized for being materialistic? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay :

I cannot help but believe despite my slight ambivalence that materialism ruined human’s relationships, stifled social interaction and transformed our world into a cold jungle of cement and concrete. So, it’s a valid approach to decry society materialism

Materialism stymie cultural diversity and marginalize underprivileged social strata. This concept is deeply analyzed in John Steinbeck’s compelling novel “The Grapes of Wrath”. In fact, California landowners saw Mexican immigrant’s influx into the southern states of the U.S. as a threat to their power, wealth and dominance. They tended to oppress workers and minimize as much as possible their income and influence in order to avoid any eventual competition. Their materialism and egoism stymie socio-cultural reconciliation and widen the gap between rich and poor, landowners and tenant. To further expand their wealth, they were ready to commit petty crimes. Their insatiable thirst for money and processions was the primary source of evil and suffering. Had they limited their materialism and looked for tolerance and share, the community will be for sure a better place to live in.

If we consider deeply some famous business magnets, tycoons and world-class investors, we will examine empirical evidences that money is not all that matters. Philanthropy movement has put it on the track to eradicate extreme poverty and suffering in South Asia, Latin America and Sub-Saharan Africa. Bill Gates, for instance, proved that being too attached to money is a vice and a disgraceful approach. His wide range campaigns to subsidize remote regions with electricity and food make it clear to his business counterparts and to the whole world that caring, sharing and helping are what makes him really human. By avoiding materialism, Bill Gates succeeded to become a happier person, a human with emotions. His acts helped to lessen the tension around the world and contributed to tighten the gap between the haves and the have-notes. As an archetype of devotion, commitment and generosity, Bill Gates denounced materialism and helped to set up the pillars of a close-knit cosmopolitan society.

Through a careful analysis of The Grapes of Wrath by J. Steinbeck and Bill Gate’s philanthropist goals, one can’t help but take a strong stand against materialism that shattered society members and wrought too much havoc to the world. People should rather be charitable and generous to the good of humanity.

56

Umm I am new to this site and I want some one to score my essay… Can I submit it here and u guys grade
it? Thnx…

57

Yeah…
We can grade each other’s essays

58

thnx!
Okay so the topic is: Do we need other people to understand ourselves?

My essay:

There is no doubt that we need others to understand ourselves. Their actions, their reactions as well as their suggestions cause us to do things or make decisions that reflect who we truly are as we are also made aware of our capabilities. This can be further illustrated by Martin Luther king and Jack Welch.

To begin with, Martin Luther king, a man known for leading non violent protests in order to undermine the discrimination between black and white people in America, proves that we do need others to understand ourselves better. The black people around him were too afraid to stand up against the white people but he was not. He realized that he was a rebel and that he had the courage as well as the patience to do what he wanted - finish the racial discrimination. He then fought for the rights of black people, eventually resulting in the Civil Right Act of 1994. Thus, the people around him helped him to understand his qualities, his character and his dream giving him a clearer picture of himself.

Another example is of Jack Welch, the former CEOS of General Electric; who is known for bringing the company from near bankruptcy to be one of the most successful company as he too understood himself because of the people around him. He entered General Electric as a chemical engineer but he didn’t like the formal atmosphere or the nine level hierarchy system present in the company. Once in a significant position, he brought informality into the atmosphere and replaced the old system with his new system, The Welch Way. All in all, the presence of others in the company made him realize his traits, what he really wanted and his capability to make a new system, now taught all around the world.

In a nutshell, people like Martin Luther king as well as jack Welch, like many other people, show us that others are indeed needed for us to understand ourselves better!

59

@Dawn001 I see what you were trying to do in your second body paragraph, but I think it kind of goes against your thesis of how materialism (acquiring assets and spending money) is bad because the second body paragraph talks about Bill Gates was able to be a great philanthropist, but this is only because of a result of materialism. He was able to donate that much money because he had that money. I may be misunderstanding something, but I’d give the essay a 9-10

@Baymax00 I feel like your first body paragraph is pretty strong, content wise. However, your concluding sentence should be written a bit differently in order for it to flow more coherently. For your second paragraph, I don’t think you were clear enough for how Welch realized his traits when he was in the company. You said that he didn’t like the formal atmosphere and changed it when he came into a position. I feel like you could have explained a bit more on this. I would give you a 7

60

Thnx a lot!
Yeah u r right, I will definitely work on that… :slight_smile: