Stanford
The only reason to turn down Stanford is financial reasons. That is a big reason. My perspective on this was recently felt as I attended an admitted students’ reception as an alumnus who is supposed to help “seal the deal” for admitted students. As I became aware talking to parents and students, attending Stanford was going to cause financial stress for some, and some students had amazing offers from other places. They are in a hard place, and I can’t deny that reality. But the difference in experience is palpable. I have 2 D currently in different state flagships (where they are very happy), but there is a big difference from Stanford. While they did not know most people in their freshman dorm, 40 years after graduation over a 1/3 of my freshman dorm comes back to a reunion party and I know everybody. They have become prominent business people, authors, playwrights, composers, movie producers, naturalists, and yes, high school teachers too. Back then, it was just a sense of creative energy, not studiousness or intellect, that seemed to drive everybody, and socially it was amazing. If you are going to undergrad just to get the best grades to get to the next step (eg med or law), it will work fine as grading is generous, but that is such a waste of the experience. You get so much more being around people with different talents, it really does rub off. It wasn’t competitive or cutthroat. Caveat to my opinion is to note how long ago I went there.
Let’s just say if she’s unhappy at Stanford she’ll be able to transfer to Alabama or lots of other amazing schools. Not the other way around.
Been said a few different ways, here’s my take:
Take money out of the equation. Where would you attend? My guess is Stanford. Why? Because on so many levels, it’s better for a certain type of student and is world class in so many things.
So back to finances. Certainly a lot of money. Would it be difficult for your family? Would it change their lifestyle, affect retirement, create a problem for a sibling? Only you know the answers to these questions. If the family has been saving for many years (or has the cash flow due to a great job) for the specific purpose of paying for a great college experience, I think yo have your answer.
A lot of people on CC will say, “yeah but, that’s crazy money, no need to,blah blah blah”. But if the money is already saved, and that’s the purpose behind the savings, why would anyone on this forum assume they know what’s best for you? They don’t know your values, your family situation. Only you know what is best.
If it were me, and financial hardship was not part of the equation, I’d attend Stanford in a heartbeat. Not my money though.
I appreciate all of the comments on this thread. Money is not the issue - either college is “free” for my daughter since she is not paying. If she chose Stanford, we would send her there without a second thought. We visited Stanford for the first time after she had been accepted, fully expecting that she would fall in love with it which did not happen. The only reason she kept in on her short list was because “it’s Stanford!”. After long discussions, much angst and frequent tears she has decided that Alabama is the best fit for her. There are some great opportunities there (STEM-MBA, generous AP credit, etc) and (in the words of another post) she did not like “the vibe” at Stanford. I feel badly for her in that she will have to “defend” her choice to her classmates, teachers, etc. I just want her to be happy which is why we won’t force her to go to Stanford. Besides, if I were to make the decision for her, my choice would have been Notre Dame all along!
Good luck to your daughter in her final decision. Ultimately, she should do what is best for her and that is a very personal decision. This will fall on deaf ears, especially to her at this moment, but who cares what her friends, classmates, teachers, etc. think? Nothing to defend. It’s her choice, her life. It’s not like they’re going to contribute something to her journey.
All that said, I would try to help her make the most rational decision possible. She is clearly a very gifted and talented student. She has earned admission to Stanford so she can view that a few ways including:
- I won the prize. That was a thrill. Now I'm going to go somewhere else because I don't really care about the content of the prize or using the prize. Or,
- I won the prize. Amazing. And this prize is going to help me for the rest of my life. Can't wait to get started even though I'm a little afraid, and it's going to be hard, and what if I fail, and what if....
I won’t comment on the STEM - MBA point as I’m sure she can do quite well anywhere. The AP credit scenario is a different story. Most of the elite schools, including Stanford (I’m sure but don’t know for a fact) do not accept a lot of AP credit (Perhaps some 5’s in specific classes) because they want you to get, in this case, a Stanford education, not your HS AP education supplemented with Stanford courses. This is a different philosophy (and may not apply to your daughter). In many cases at the large state Us, kids use their AP credits to place out of core classes and be eligible to graduate early or in 4 yrs with a 2nd degree. A Stanford (or any elite school) education is not something one wants to rush through and graduate ASAP. The total learning experience is vibrant and is better digested over the full four years in order to gain full exposure to the world class resources involved.
These are two very different animals. Help her get to the real issues. What’s really important to her? What is she afraid of? Is that a real concern or will it fade away once she’s planted?
Hard to imagine one would be equally satisfied at both schools.
Stanford is not for everyone. The vibes on the Stanford and Alabama campuses are different to the extreme. So I think it’s easy to say that if a student is more aligned to one, that the other could represent a significant barrier to a great learning experience. Good luck to her - I’m sure she’ll be fine.
Approximately 1 in 5 say no to Stanford so you won’t be alone in that regard.
@fearthetree My kid chose Stanford precisely because it’s not cut throat but pretty collaborative. That’s one thing Stanford is not. My kid cannot stand cut throat environment. You can decide on other factors but Stanford definitely is not cut throat. The students work hard and participate in interesting ECs and they are encouraged to collaborate in the spirit of VC. My non STEM kid was not turned off at all by SV vibe but wanted to learn what all the hoopla was about. My kid also had an Honors College on merit money as a choice. I myself encouraged my kid to seriously consider attending the Honors College but I was out voted by my kid and wife. So our kid is at Stanford as a full pay. Also, a REA admitted. I can guarantee you that most kids at Stanford are just motivated smart kids and not geniuses. Otherwise my kid, with worse stats than your kid, would be flunking out. Lol
P.S. My kid likes Quarter system because he can get more exposure to a wide array of interesting classes but it keeps you busier than semester system.
OP, what did your DD decide?