<p>We are in a sticky situation. We make about $90K a year and have 1 son. That salary is really only for the last 5 years, before that my income was much less and I was only working PT. We are basically living paycheck to paycheck.</p>
<p>We had refinanced our home and home equity last summer to bring our payments down but went from 17 years to 30 years (we have no equity in our home now). We are also paying back about $25K in credit card debt and I have my own student loans. We had alot of home repairs and car issues that came up over the years.</p>
<p>We have about $5K in saving and I have a small 401K. Anyway our EFC is $18k and we cannot afford to borrow high parent loans. My company is not doing too well and rumors that layoffs are going to be taking place very soon, so I do not even want to get into situation where our debt is so much that we can never retire. My son applied to some pretty expensive schools and I have now had him apply to Lyndon State in VT. He is crushed because he cannot go to his dream school and I am crushed because we cannot afford to send him.</p>
<p>His major is TV production which is so specialized that it is not offered by many public schools..so needless to say I have not slept or eaten in days...</p>
<p>Whatever we pay will be in loans. I am guess between $10-$20K. We live in NH but New England schools have a tuition exchange program that would allow my son to take classes in VT for the in state tuition (plus $3K).</p>
<p>I am also a student taking out loans to finish my degree.</p>
<p>I think you are getting a little ahead of yourselves. Your son has already applied to the schools he really wants to go to. He has only applied to Lyndon State, he hasn’t said he would matriculate. Wait and see where he gets accepted and what the financial aid packages look like.</p>
<p>I hate the phrase “dream school” – for some reason no one thinks it’s as absurd as “dream wife” or “dream home” or “dream vacation”. It’s like you’re somehow denying your child and failing as a parent if they don’t get to go to their “dream school.” But would we feel like that if they didn’t get their “dream wife” or take their “dream vacation” or buy their “dream home”? Of course not.</p>
<p>Willow, you have way too much debt. I know you know that. This isn’t an accident, either, it’s choices. We make far less than you do, we drive old cars that need big repairs from time to time (18 and 13 years old respectively), we live in a tiny 60 year old house that also needs repairs of one kind or another all the time. I am working part-time and taking college classes to hopefully improve my employment oppotunities. We have pay for individual health insurance on the open market, except from my husband who gets his through his job (not his dependents, though).</p>
<p>This isn’t a criticism because we got caught in some crazy debt 15 years ago that we chipped our way out of bit by bit. But seriously, you must not take on more debt for your son’s school. In your situation I wouldn’t entertain that notion of a minute. Or if absolutely necessary, have him go somewhere you can afford for the first two years (community college or a local state college) and where he can live at home. He can also help with costs with part-time work. Then, if he goes away to college for the last two years, at least you’ll only have to borrow for those two… and maybe by then things will have stabilized a little.</p>
<p>But, seriously, what’s so wrong with living at home and going to school for a year or two? My daughter lived at home and went to the regional state univ. for a year before transferring. It’s about 3 blocks from our house. </p>
<p>Even with a specialized major, you don’t have to be at the school where you’ll actually complete the major immediately. He can use that year or two to fulfill requirements he’ll need to have completed anyway.</p>
<p>Or… of course you can borrow borrow borrow if you think that’s better than adjusting plans for college. I sure wouldn’t, though.</p>
<p>Willow…you’ve received similar advice on several other threads. Consumer debt is NOT taken into consideration when the financial aid awards are computed. Neither is the mortgage on your primary residence. For FAFSA, your EFC is primarily computed based on your income from 2009. There are some monies added to that from your assets, but there is also an asset protection for parent assets as well…and no money from protected asset amounts is used in the FAFSA formula.</p>
<p>You have already started to help your son identify some school(s) that have his major and are within your price range of affordability. I know that he WANTS to go to Northwestern. <em>I</em> want a Lexus…but that isn’t happening either. I can’t afford it. </p>
<p>With the consumer debt you have, would you even be ABLE to get significant additional loans? I don’t know the answer to that question because I’m not a loan officer at a bank or anywhere else. BUT in my opinion, you should NOT increase your debt load. Agreed with rent…it’s too high as it is. And from the sounds of your posts (living from paycheck to paycheck) you are finding your current debt difficult to manage. </p>
<p>I know this is hard for you…every parent would like to give their kiddo things they want. BUT it’s important for kids to learn that they have to live WITHIN their means. That is a valuable life’s lesson, in my opinion.</p>
<p>Your son’s dream school is Emerson, right? </p>
<p>Well, right now that’s not possible. Your income is too high (with only 1 child) to likely get much (if anything) in financial aid. It’s not necessary for your son to go there at least for the first 2 years. The first 2 years of college is mostly just getting “general ed/core requirements” out of the way.</p>
<p>You’re not in any situation to take on any more debt right now. As it stands now, you’re having to borrow your EFC. Likely, the FA package will also contain loans. Yikes! </p>
<p>You need a strategy…</p>
<p>Have your son go somewhere for the next 2 years that is rather inexpensive - a CC or whatever. During that 2 years, pay down your debts as much as you can. Believe me, if it’s impossible for you to pay down that debt during this time, then that’s proof that you can’t afford to take on MORE debt. </p>
<p>Since it sounds like even sending your child away to a state school will require you to take on more debt, I don’t think that’s advisable because you won’t be able to put money towards paying down existing debt.</p>
<p>Then, after the next 2 years, you’ll be in a better financial situation to pay for Emerson.</p>
<p>I know that your son has probably spent the last few weeks telling everyone that he’s going to Emerson (after getting accepted EA). So, it’s probably very disappointing to have to now tell people that it’s not affordable. But, these kinds of disappointments are part of life. To save some face, your son doesn’t have to really mention yet that he’ll be going elsewhere.</p>
<p>A TV production degree is not that valuable, and certainly NOT worth that kind of debt. If he does have to go to a non-dream school, have him sign up as an unpaid intern at the local TV station and really learn the business. While it may be boring at times, he’ll have a much better idea of what he really wants to do, and in a year or two years he’ll have a much better shot at employment in the field. Practical experience in a small market is the way to go.</p>
<p>One exercise that helps me is from a program called Unplug the Christmas machine. The organizers have a person write down everything that is important in their lives. Then you have to go through and RANK them. You don’t get to put #1 by everything. </p>
<p>Doing this has really helped me start to stem the cash flow out. I can rationalize anything ("I don’t spend a lot on clothes. And I really like this handbag. And I’ll make it up next week and . . . and pretty soon I have a new handbag). Having a ranking makes me realize that handbag is way, way, way below getting a few other things managed. </p>
<p>I sense your fear and grief and worry. FOG is what Susan Forward calls it (Fear Obligation and Guilt). A family with 90K and one kid should be able to get the kid an education – it just may not the be the straight, deluxe version everyone would prefer.</p>
<p>I really hope your son isn’t expecting you and your husband to go into more debt to send him to his dream school. I know of too many parents who did just that and have regretted it down the road. The realities: many students change their major (some many times) over the four+ years, a number of students find that their dream school isn’t as great as it seemed senior year of high school and find themselves trying to transfer, some students get too caught up in the social life and do so poorly in the classroom that they can’t get internships or they are kicked out of school, some students find themselves so homesick or lonely because they struggle with finding close friends they end up home the next year. </p>
<p>Hopefully your son will have a successful college career, but even great high school students can sadly surprise us. Have you spoken to your son about your financial situation? If not, try it. Unless he is very self-centered and immature he will probably understand and do what he needs to do, even if it is going to a less desired school. My daughter has been accepted to UNC-Chapel Hill and hopes to get into Duke, but unless either school offers her full-rides, which she is confident will not happen, she is going to a state school. Even with a ton of money from the state school, she is avidly applying for outside scholarships because she doesn’t want to touch her college fund until grad school nor does she want to burden my husband and I with debt. Personally, I would love to send her to Duke or UNC but the economy has been hard on my husband’s small business and I only seem to be rich in money owed to the company. We all hope things will turn around soon, but I have to budget for a new reality of life and my daughter understands this and cares enough to do everything she can to help out.</p>
<p>Willow,
Boy, do I feel your pain. I was in your shoes about this time in 2008. Daughter was accepted to Northwestern. It was where I met my husband. I went to NU two years and had to transfer after my mother became ill and couldn’t work. My husband graduated from there. So of course I wanted to be able to send my daughter there. Our income was about the same as yours. Northwestern offered us a great package, but our portion still would have been about $24,000 each year. We explained to our daughter that borrowing $100,000 for four years of college would not be prudent. She was heartbroken. So was I. I will tell you that she’s very happy at the University of Texas (my other alma mater). We borrowed quite a bit this year, but way less than $24,000. If my daughter were pre-med, maybe we would have agreed to the NU package, but she’s majoring in Psych and her career goals are still somewhat cloudy. Daughter got over the NU heartbreak way faster than I did. I’m still a little tender about it. And I blamed myself for not being debt free and felt like a loser. But life goes on. If she gets great grades in undergrad, maybe she can go to NU for grad school.</p>
<p>*I really hope your son isn’t expecting you and your husband to go into more debt to send him to his dream school. I know of too many parents who did just that and have regretted it down the road. The realities: many students change their major (some many times) over the four+ years, a number of students find that their dream school isn’t as great as it seemed senior year of high school and find themselves trying to transfer, some students get too caught up in the social life and do so poorly in the classroom that they can’t get internships or they are kicked out of school, some students find themselves so homesick or lonely because they struggle with finding close friends they end up home the next year.
*</p>
<p>What a great point!!! Students usually do change their majors! Another reason to have the son go locally for the first 2 years - either to a CC or to a inexpensive state school. How crazy would it be for a family to take on more debt during the first 2 years in order to send their child to “THAT SCHOOL,” only to have the child change his major at some point!</p>
<p>Note to Texasmama…what a great post! Glad to hear that your D is doing well at UT! BTW…even if your D was pre-med, it wouldn’t have been necessary to go into undergrad debt for NU. UT would still have done a fine job for a pre-med student. Save debt for med school! :)</p>
<p>Tempting as it is to want to take on debt for your child, you have to be realistic about your own financial situation. With little in savings, plenty of debt, and job uncertainty, you shouldn’t be taking out any loans to finance your son’s education. He should be told, in realistic terms, of the financial status of your family. He then must make a choice. Take on the debt load himself for an expensive, private univ. or choose to get a PT job, apply for scholarships and go the CC/in-state route. Your son has decades to pay back any debt/accumulate wealth, you and your husband don’t if you want to have any kind of retirement. You raised your son well, provided for his needs and, obviously, care about him. That should make you feel good about yourself as a parent, and you shouldn’t feel the need to pay his ticket to his “dream university” in addition.</p>
<p>Texasmama…very similar situation here! DD is settled in happily at UT, but last April I thought she would never speak to us again. Northwestern was HER first choice, too! I remember the day my DH went to her room to give her the news…if she wanted to go to college, we would pay for UT. She moped for about a week, but everything is fine now. And she is happy that she won’t graduate in debt (as are we).</p>
<p>Everyone’s advice to the OP is spot-on. Find a way to send her child to college without taking on debt.</p>
<p>OP- the greatest gift you can give your son is NOT having to finance your retirement. Imagine him with a wife, couple of kids, mortgage, his dream job and a degree from his dream college- and you living in his basement. Or him sending you $500/month to cover your food and utility bill. Or his wife working two jobs to pay off your hip surgery.</p>
<p>You must worry about your own retirement first, before any other financial considerations. Which means no more debt for you, not a penny, not so much as a pizza dinner on the credit card. There are thousands of college kids in America who have deferred or traded down or delayed their dream college. In most cases, it turns out to be a good thing- they discover they hate the dream major, or that there are no jobs in it, or that they love something else much more.</p>
<p>So lock your guilt away and treat your son like the adult he is becoming. “Honey, we have X dollars per year in discretionary spending. (Food, gas, clothing). Of that, we can manage $100/month (whatever the number is) to help you with college. Let’s figure out a plan going forward based on that number.”</p>