Scared

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hello,</p>

<p>I am a junior in High School. I am very passionate about science, much like my older brother, who is at RPI at the moment. He is extremely smart.</p>

<p>Problem is, I don't know whether I really present myself well to my science teachers, particulary the one who I am really close with and do Science Fair with. My (asian, yes I am HALF asian) mom has doubted me at times. I applied for this science conference that only one student from each school gets to go to, and i didn't get in. In fact, is was just between me and this one other student (they wouldn't tell me the name). But my AP Biology teacher said that it was REALLY close, and that she both thought we were equally as qualified. I don't know if she's saying that to make me feel better. My mom told me she thinks that teachers have gone up to the selection comittee and told me that I am "immature", or something.</p>

<p>I don't have that good of grades, (3.7 weighted, don't know UW), and haven't taken the SATs yet, but I score in the 1700's :( I am scared, because junior year keeps getting harder and harder. I take a lot of APs and Honors, and have TONS of extracurriculars.</p>

<p>I work with my Science Fair advisor everyday, and he tells me he wants to write reccommendations, keep in contact with me, and help me. But there is another girl who is EXTREMELY smart, and I just learned she is going to the niversity of Pennsylvania, through an interview at the next level fair and got 1st. Sometimes I feel I cannot be even compared to her by my teacher. I mean, she did a project in cancer research. And what did I do? Build these prototypes to protect swimmers from injuries in flipturns (inspired from my own concussion in swimming, and this project means alot to me.) My mom doesn't even want me to continue it, she wants me to do biology because it is more "sophisticated and not childish", which I'm not sure I'm into that much anymore after AP Bio. She wanted me to go to find another possible project idea. I didn't make it to the prestigious fair she got in, I only got honorable menition at the level below it. But we both made it to States for PJAS, but that's not as prestigious. </p>

<p>It makes me cry inside as I look at colleges, specifically ones that my mom wants me to get into, and other schools. I feel I might not get into them. And I also just decided last night, after deep consideration, that I don't want to be a doctor anymore. This thought process has been bugging me for a while now, and I didn't think of it as deeply as I did last night. It kept me up til 3 in the morning, and that's how scared I was. After thought and seeing more of biology and anatomy, I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life, and especially give up hopes on family and friends. I don't want to be sick out of my mind eitheir, but I am SCARED to death to tell my mom, who is so intent on being a doctor. I was also in Future Doctors of America, and that other girl was the leader, and she seemed to discourage me (plus she was BORING, she kept talking about her accomplishments), and I actually didn't like going to the meetings. </p>

<p>I am trying to keep an open mind. I've thought about becoming an engineer, or a high school science teacher. But it seems to be much to my mother's dismay. She apparently thinks you need an MD or PhD to make it. I feel so pressured and nervous to tell her about what I truly think and what I have deicded last night.</p>

<p>Sorry this is long, but I am really scared right now. It was at first meant to be a post about my teacher and what they think of me, but now it has become a HUGE mess, and I don't want it to get any worse.</p>

2

<p>Oh, Hon. I feel for you!! You need to find someone, perhaps a relative, your Dad, the college counselor at your school, a minister - someone who YOU can talk to and who can talk to your tigermom . She is totally caught up in the pursuit of prestige and is totally WRONG that you have to get a PhD or a MD in order to “make it.” Someone needs to give her a BIG dose of reality. She can’t live her life through your accomplishments, and must be told by someone that she WILL listen to, to to back off. </p>

<p>And you must also find the strength to tell her, in no uncertain terms, as ,many times as it takes, that her excessive pressure on you to be a DR or to get into “prestige U” , is making you sick, and further pressure will just make you want to stop trying altogether. </p>

<p>These days, because there are soooooo many applicants to the “Most prestigious” colleges, that NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, getting into one of them is nothing more than a crap shoot or lottery. And the fact that you are 1/2 asian , which is not your fault, makes it worse. Those are the facts.
Would she be at fault if her number were not drawn for the MegaLottery ?? Would additional pressure on her to buy more tickets change things one whit? No. And nether will extra pressure change the odds that you could get into any highly prestigious and competitive college.
You need to listen to your heart, learn to live your own life and stand up to your mom, even if it makes your relationship with her lousy for the next 1.5 years. She will eventually learn that she cant get her way by pressuring you, but only if you make her learn.
Then when you are at college, you’ll be able to discover what it is you want to do. Lord knows, there is a crying need for MORE Science teachers in HS in this country!</p>

3

<p>Look, part of growing up is to learn how to talk to your parents and present your problems. They want the best for you, I have no doubt about that, but sometimes the methods they use are similar to the methods their parents use. The world today however is more diverse and new career exist. Medicine is not as secure a career as it used to be. You will have to learn to follow your heart. You will live with your choices for the rest of your life. I am sure your parents want you to become a successful and happy adult. I know that it may look like an impossible task for you, but you are the only person that can take control of your life.</p>

4

<p>You sound like you are an interesting student with a good ability to analyze a situation. I’m hoping your mom calms down and lets you spread your wings and find the best path. Good luck!</p>

5

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<p>At most STEM schools, the ratio is close to 1/3 women. So, that gives you an edge.</p>

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<p>And most of the women are in biology related field including bio engineering. So, doing something other than Biology helps even more.</p>

<p>I will admit that your scores are low for an elite school. But I am sure that many mid-tier engineering/STEM schools would love to have you. But, it can’t hurt to try (other than cost) for a reach school.</p>

<p>So Tiger Mom wants you to be a doctor. Ask her if this is ok ($225,00/yr right out of grad school):
<a href=“http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-ticker/sexiest-job-21st-century-122238562.html[/url]”>http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-ticker/sexiest-job-21st-century-122238562.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Also, tell Tiger Mom that the most successful people start their own company. Better chance of that as an engineer than a doctor.</p>

<p>Finally, the best way to get into a school like Harvard, is to be passionate about something. Not to do everything. Not to spend countless hours on random EC’s. But, to have ONE EC that you are really passionate about. Harvard, and other top schools, do NOT look for well rounded STUDENTS (unless that student is brilliant). They want Oval students (the “hook”) that they combine into a well rounded CLASS. They want passionate students to expose that passion to other students, and everyone is better for it.</p>

<p>Doing for the sake of doing is not helpful. Doing because you are passionate about it is. Find that passion.</p>

6

<p>I think your science project sounds far more interesting than cancer research which can only be done with a lot of adult help. You do need to stand up to your tiger mom, and I agree that if you can find someone to tell her to back off that would be helpful. In the meantime you sound like a terrific young woman (?) - you’ll figure out where your place in the world is in good time.</p>

7

<p>Being a doctor is a very very long path, you have to really want it not your mother want it, to make it. You sound like engineering would be a direction to take and if your brother is at RPI he can tell you all about engineering options. </p>

<p>Take some deep breaths, you will find a way to get on a track that is right for you, not your mom. I know it is scary, but it is your life, you have to find joy in what you do for you and what interests you not for someone else.</p>

8

<p>Your mother may never be happy with your choices. Keep an open mind and you will find YOUR passion. You do not need to decide now and that is what I would say. I love your prototype idea!</p>

9

<p>I’m sure she wants what she thinks is best for you, but you are the one who can decide that. I agree. Speak to an adult you trust nd try to sort things out before you start applying to schools.</p>