<p>"As school begins in the coming weeks, parents of boys should ask themselves a question: Is my son really welcome? A flurry of incidents last spring suggests that the answer is no. In May, Christopher Marshall, age 7, was suspended from his Virginia school for picking up a pencil and using it to 'shoot' a 'bad guy' his friend, who was also suspended. A few months earlier, Josh Welch, also 7, was sent home from his Maryland school for nibbling off the corners of a strawberry Pop-Tart to shape it into a gun. At about the same time, Colorados Alex Evans, age 7, was suspended for throwing an imaginary hand grenade at 'bad guys' in order to 'save the world.'" ...</p>
<p>In my mind, the problem is zero tolerance policies.</p>
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<p>I have absolutely zero tolerance for zero tolerance policies. To me, zero tolerance means zero sense. Throw in mandatory minimum sentences also. If you can’t use a little discretion (aka, “common sense”) to distinguish a harmless act from a bad act, then why bother having teachers, administrators or judges at all?</p>
<p>As a male in education for over 35 years, I have seen educational administration become dominantly more female. As a result, boys are not allowed to be boys–“why can’t they behave more like the girls?” DUH, because they aren’t girls!!!</p>
<p>Boys need to let off steam, let’s face it, they’re goofy! With the reduction of recess, they get more antsy.</p>
<p>Boys are bad, boys are predators, boys must be contained and controlled. They are aggressive and war mongers…they must realize how their innate personalities are offensive and oppressive…Men ruin everything…</p>
<p>Our education system knows this and has adapted it’s environment to contain the threat.</p>
<p>In second grade (public school), my S wanted to play imaginary “Star Wars” with his friend at breaks everyday. This involved running around, chasing each other with imaginary light sabers and making sound effects. The principal called me and said this was unacceptable behavior because it involved weapons, which is prohibited play at school. She said he should play soccer instead. When I told her he hates soccer, she said he could go in the library and play chess then. He didn’t do either and was just unhappy. I moved him to a different school the next year.</p>
<p>I have two sons, and let me tell you, a boy will make a weapon out of anything … tissue paper, a Lego, a sofa cushion, anything. I never even tried to suppress it. People need to just get over it. My kids went to a Catholic school that had recess every day (indoors in the gym if necessary) through eighth grade. They played dinosaurs, Star Wars, Power Rangers and everything else and never had a problem. Actually, pickup football and basketball games can get more violent than pretend battle.</p>
<p>What’s to be done? One suggestion: maintain recess and lunch breaks, and encourage physical activities during each. When one of my daughters was teaching 1st grade, she’d challenge the boys in her class (who outnumbered the girls 2 to 1 that year - interesting times for her) to see how many times they could run around the playground, and how quickly. She said it was the only way she could have a productive afternoon. Any of the kids could choose to participate, girls included; but my d made a point of encouraging certain kids.</p>
<p>Let’s remember, too, that classrooms used to have their own zero tolerance policies for misbehaving in class, and that many a boy felt the teacher’s ruler as a result. I don’t know that we can blame today’s schools as much as it’s a fact that classrooms are inherently inhospitable to people who aren’t geared toward sitting quietly for long stretches at a time.</p>
<p>I raised two daughters who were quiet and compliant. They were energetic, too, but PE and sports provided adequate outlets for that. We just kept our 8 year old nephew for a few days, and I totally get the post above. I think this child (absolutely adorable, but a bundle of energy and MUST have time to blow off steam) would do an amazing job in class if each period ended with about 7 minutes of running around time to help him decompress. Sure, that’s 7 minutes lost from instruction, but I wonder how much time is lost with boys who have similar needs to be active each hour, and thus lose focus after a certain period of time? I would imagine most boys are similar to my nephew, but after raising 2 girls, what do I know?</p>
<p>I have only daughters. I hear this from my SIL and sister all the time. Clearly there is an issue and the pendulum has swung too far. It’s as important for school to work for our young men as our young women. What I can say is that 20 years ago us mothers realized school wasn’t working for our girls and got involved to change things. The parents of young men really need to step up and start to agitate. JMO</p>
<p>I actually think schools used to be stricter about seat time and behaving appropriately in class 35 years ago than they are today. We had a discussion on this on CC sometime last year – other than the reduction of recess and phys ed at many schools (which I do agree is a significant issue), I think most of the “problem” comes from giving girls better opportunities and increased expectations for girls – and they are now dusting boys in the classroom. It isn’t that boys are doing any worse, they are just failing more in light of the competition. Given a level playing field, weaknesses boys have always had in the classroom are exposed in a way that they weren’t in the past. So… blaming cooperative games (which I think are mostly found in gym class, not on the playground when kids are given actual recess time on their own) and rules against games that use imaginary weapons seems like an easy out for journalist looking for a way to fill a page in Time.</p>
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<p>Ah… and maybe we should go back to the time when women were in their place (the classroom) and those “male role models” got the administrative offices. If men think this is such a problem in our school system, then more of them should train as teachers and take teaching positions. If having more men in charge of the office is your solution, then more men in the classroom makes even more sense. And wives on this board – get your sons and husbands cracking on moving into the teaching profession!</p>
<p>I have a son after two girls. Both girls were very high achievers who played by the rules in their own particular ways. The son is a horse of a totally different color. Very smart, inquisitive, kind, but a sloppy mess who has absolutely no sense of aesthetics. This last thing always drove his female teachers out of their minds. His projects and papers would be excellent, but sloppy. Maybe they would get wrinkled in the backpack, maybe he would shove his umbrella in the backpack and the water would smudge the ink. His things were never color coordinated and only contained glitter when one of his sisters prettified his work. We did a long-term study of how his projects graded when prettified versus not. Pretty always scored better. He is now in a high school with only boys and mostly male teachers. He gets assignments that say things like “you will be graded on content only. Do not add pictures, decorations or covers.” This is ideal for him and we always say him as writing-challenged, but this past year on straight-up research and writing, he has come to say that he has stellar writing skills. Who knew?</p>
<p>The downside is that my son has a very female life and is (pardon my bragging) a real cutie-pie. He learned early and well to gaze up up women in authority (i.e. sisters or teachers) with a sad look in those beautiful blue eyes. As a result, female teachers have from time to time cut him breaks that he didn’t deserve and wouldn’t have received if he didn’t know how to be adorable so well. We found out yesterday that he will have all male teachers this year and I have been laughing ever since. I told him he better be prepared to work very hard and not even bother batting the eyelashes. </p>
<p>My D1 is a special ed teacher and she will swear to the death that boys are warehoused in special ed far more for behavior issues than for academic ones. Makes her nuts.</p>
My D’s boyfriend is a bear of a young man (huge, huge, huge athlete) who is working as a para in a middle school while he is in college. The plan is to be a physics or upper level math teacher and athletic coach someday. He is one of the only young men in his program and working as a para in that area and I swear to you he is like a rock star. Multiple principals wanted to hire him permanently because having a big, strong young man working in a difficult classroom is almost unheard of. The kids love him madly and listen to him when he speaks. It’s a totally different dynamic and he will be able to write his own ticket when he is finished with school. I am utterly fascinated by the whole situation and really do wonder why more men don’t go into teaching.</p>
That’s a very good point. Mean girl behavior is much more subtle and less loud and in your face. Although I think in the era of Facebook and texting, boys are becoming masters of behavior that is less likely to be dealt with by schools.</p>
<p>Like the time my neighbor’s daughter sat down at a picnic table on a field trip–and all the other girls got up and changed tables. The girls did get a “talking to” (very touchy-feely) the next day–but not a suspension, which is usually the result of boy misbehavior.</p>
<p>Or the time the gaggle called her to meet for ice cream–and watched her wait for them in vain from the drug store across the street. At our schools, if boys get in a fight, even off school grounds, it’s suspension. This kind of girl behavior, the school won’t touch.</p>
We went through years of hideous behavior by one of my D’s classmates. The school wouldn’t do a thing until she crossed the line and the police got involved. It was a hideous mess that should have never gotten to that point, but because it was a girl who knew how to behave in class nothing was done prior to that.</p>
<p>When S2 was in fourth grade, he was using scissors while working on a class assignment. Another boy kept pestering S2. S2 finally said some thing to the effect of “I’m gonna kill you if you don’t shut up and leave me alone” to the kid. Of course, his nine year old self was not going to actually kill the kid. It was a euphemism. One that my boys prob. said to each other once a week at least. </p>
<p>So the pestering kid went and told the teacher (who had not seen/heard the interaction between the two boys) that S2 said he was going to kill him while holding scissors in his hand. S2 was sent to the Principal’s office. She called DH at his workplace to tell him about S2’s threat with a" weapon". S2 got two days of in-school suspenscion …sitting in an office with the behavior specialist (i.e. the school enforcer…it was an inner city magnet sch). This all happened on Valentine’s week …hence the project using scissors…S2 was not allowed to attend the class Valentine party either.</p>
<p>On the playground, my older two kids, S and D, used to play tackle football and a game I will call “Tackle the one person who has the football while running around.” Enter the female principal: for younger S, football was banned, even touch or flag football. Tag was outlawed. They could no longer walk into the trees where teachers might not be able to watch them. They could not pick up sticks or even leaves. Scary Halloween costumes were banned. No more weapons, implied weapons, drawings of weapons. Baseball bats were considered weapons. PE became a competition-free zone. Anything requiring speed, strength, agility, or fitness was discontinued.</p>
<p>He did play a lot of soccer at recess. We are glad to be done with that phase.</p>