<p>I like the way they are acting. They are making good what they said they would do, but not continuing to punish or harangue.</p>
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<p>Did they tell you <em>why</em> they didn’t want you to go at that point? Was there any ongoing conversation between you and your parents between the first “no” and when you wound up leaving against their wishes? Did they say “you go, we won’t pay for college” during that initial rejection of the idea of your going to Korea?</p>
<p>I’m a parent too, but I still am having trouble seeing what’s going on here. If one of my kids were fortunate enough to win a ticket to Korea and had a reputable place to stay so the whole trip would cost $250, then my reaction would have been, “Bon Voyage!”</p>
<p>So what should the parents do? They told you not to go. They told you that if you went, they would not pay for your college. And you went. So should they say, “Gee, that was just a bluff. We’ll pay anyways.” Doesn’t say much for their words if they do that.</p>
<p>Good parenting is following through with promised consequences or you lose all credibility. If they stick to their guns, then you know next time if they tell you what they will do if you take a certain direction, that they will carry through. I try to do the same. I also work at not making threats or consequences that I will later regret.</p>
<p>I had to tell my second son several times that if certain things happened or did not happen, that he would need to take a year off from school to rethink his priorities. As foolish as he has been, he knew that I was dead serious, and decided that he preferred to stay at college with his way paid. He also has no driver’s license due to some stuff he pulled that resulted in that consequence. He now has to pay his own way to getting his license. Husband and I just could not take it, and that was the consequence. </p>
<p>There are a number of stipulated consequences in our family, and yes, we are very like to follow through on them if our kids should disregard what we have said. It’s come hard for some of my kids to have to toe the line, but sticking to what we say, has helped in that regard.</p>
<p>So, yes, if I, as a parent, told my son that I did not want him going on a trip to the point that I would not pay his college costs the following year, and if he went anyways, he would be taking a gap year. Like the old “Groundhog Day” movie, he would have a chance to go the following year if he did not pull a smiliar stunt. The money does not come without strings at our house.</p>
<p>Robinsue, I agree. If my kids won a ticket, I would have said the same. Unless there was some situation occurring that would cause such a restriction. For whatever reason, the parents said that if he went on that trip, they would not pay for college. He went on the trip… I don’t understand what he does not understand here. So that you or I would not react that way over a trip, does not mean that another parent would not.</p>
<p>My friend was very upset that her daughter went to Serbia one summer to visit some cousins with whom she was corresponding. My friend had good reason. Certain political problems there and the family was involved in some dangerous activities. Though she did not have a consequence promised if her daughter should go there, which she did, she and her husband were very upset with the girl. Total disregard for the parents’ fears and feelings. The atmosphere was frosty upon her return, and her mother, to this day, is hurt about what she did.</p>
<p>Another friend was in a terrible feud with here sister, and did not want her children having any contact with their aunt. Her daughter lied to her and spent a weekend with the aunt. When my friend found out, she informed her daughter that if she ever found out that she did this again, she would have to find another place to stay over the summer. </p>
<p>There are a lot of promised consequences for certain actions. For the OP, this is the promised consequence.</p>
<p>I almost replied with a similar post to cptofthehouse yesterday but didn’t have time. I agree they told you how they felt and what would happen if you did. It’s unfortunate but you may have to alter some plans now. I can’t speculate about what is going on behind the scenes, but on the surface it sounds like you knew what the outcome could potentially be.</p>
<p>My sister did a similar thing her freshman year of college. She wasn’t able to pay, dropped out, racked up loans (because she put herself in a bad situation living away from home and support), but eventually figured things out and came back. Admittedly, she’s left again, and so again got the financial support pulled, but this time she has her finances in order and understands exactly what she’s doing, and even prepared for my parents to pull that support.</p>
<p>I would have just put the passport in the safety deposit box.</p>
<p>If I were you (OP), I would not go to college this year, I would work instead and make as much money as I could. They will probably turn around if you show maturity and growth–in fact, I’ll bet they would be very pleased with you. Why do you want to live in Korea so much? Maybe they’re sad about that ambition if they’re committed to living here.</p>
<p>The OP is going to be a sophomore, right? That probably makes him 19, or very close.</p>
<p>He is not a kid any more. He is an adult. Even though he may still need financial support, he should be able to make his own decisions without the fear of that rug being pulled out from under him, even if the parents don’t agree. Money for college should be tied to making acceptable progress towards an acceptable degree, not used to control every aspect of behavior. It is one thing if he diverted college money to make this trip or was flunking out because be was partying too hard, or something else school-related, but that is not the case here.</p>
<p>To me this isn’t an issue of parenting, or following through on a threat; it is an issue of control, using money as the means.</p>
<p>Based on the info presented, I think it is the parents that have “poisoned the well” here, and if they go through with this ridiculous threat and seriously delay or derail the OP’s college career, there will be major damage to this relationship that may never heal.</p>
<p>What’s next? Where does the line get drawn?</p>
<p>“Sorry, we think having a girlfriend will distract you from your studies, if you go on a date we won’t pay for college any more.”</p>
<p>“We really think you should get a nice used Honda Accord, and if you buy something different we won’t pay for college any more.”</p>
<p>IMO the parents have made a mistake with the original threat, and “making good what they said they would do” is compounding the mistake. And I don’t really see how “making good” is not “continuing to punish”, this punishment could last for years.</p>
<p>Just wondering if this is a political issue. Perhaps the parents don’t agree with the politics of this OP…and that may be why they don’t want to support their child. Could it be that the parents objected because of the politics in Korea? Just a thought.</p>
<p>I’m not a fan of holding kids hostage with regards to money and college. BUT these parents did make their opinions well known…and it sounds like the OP also knew the consequences. The reality is that the kiddo is 19 or so years old…but the college money belongs to the PARENTS…not the student. In the end, it is the parent’s decision whether (or not) to support their child’s college education. These parents have decided not to.</p>
<p>They told him an hour before he left that they would pull his college funding if he didn’t stay home for two weeks? Maybe there’s more to it than that but I still think that’s a bit harsh, not to mention short notice! Obviously, we have different parenting styles but I tend to treat my adult kids as adults and my support is NOT contingent upon them making every decision in accordance with my wishes…nor has it ever been! I think you have to respect your kids too…not sure that OP is guilty of any blatant disresepect, although that may be a cultural norm for his parents.</p>
<p>OP, this is a case of “he who has the gold rules” and I think you’re going to have to make the effort to make amends for having offended your parents - not only to cure the funding issue, but because it’s such an important relationship. It’s difficult to feel like you have one foot in the cradle when you’re an adult but, for many people, this continues even through their own marraige and child-rearing days, Find a way to understand and communicate with each other now and choose your battles wisely!</p>
<p>In April they only said I couldn’t go. At that time there was no defined reason why and no “if you go this will happen.” In essence there was NO foreseeable consequences. It wasn’t until Friday when I told them I was going that they said they would no longer pay for college. So Cptofthehouse I wasn’t calling their bluff a month ahead of time. Part of why they said I couldn’t go other than they wanted me to work instead and my mom doesn’t really like Korea, she thinks it smells bad. </p>
<p>Part of the reason why I went to Korea is because Korea is where I want to work and live. And if I continue college (harhar) I will be studying Korean. However, without having been to Korea I didn’t have a concrete conviction that “yes this is the place for me.” So Korea is very important to me, and my parents know this and so the trip, to me at least, makes perfect sense for going. </p>
<p>So, I</p>
<p>^^^ Disagree. The parents for whatever reason did not want him to go. Told him so and what the consequences would be if he did so. Mother had surgery that week. OP told them an hour before the plane that he was going and he did so. The parents followed through. </p>
<p>If the OP wants his parents money he lives by their rules. If he does not like the rules then he is free to live on his own, pay all his expenses, and pay for college. Pretty simple.</p>
<p>^ Yikes…just curious, did you always comply with all your parents’ wishes when you were 19? I admit that I didn’t so perhaps it’s easier for me to relate. Luckily, my folks were the very souls of unconditional love.</p>
<p>I didn’t always comply with my parents’ wishes when I was in college. BUT my parents weren’t supporting me. That was back in the dino days when one could easily become an independent student. I was one. I didn’t get a nickel of support from either of my parents for college or any related expenses.</p>
<p>Sk8rmom, yes when I was being supported by my parents I did comply when they said I could not do something. So did my children.</p>
<p>Our love is unconditional. Our money when you are >18 is not. </p>
<p>We can debate this all day. The fact is the OP was told by his parents what would happen if he went. He chose to do so. The parents followed through.</p>
<p>Perhaps if parents were more strict and children less “entitled” we would all be better off.</p>
<p>Well Iron Maiden I’m glad you think the punishment fits my action. However, that is not what the OP, me, originally intended to be discussed. So while I thank you for the insight into how your family works, I’d really like to get back to the original topic on hand, whether or not I can qualify for independent loans. Thank you.</p>
<p>I’m sorry that thread went in a slightly different direction than you intended. </p>
<p>I thought the original question was answered. You will qualify for Stafford loans for a maximum of $6,500 your Sophomore year. No PLUS loans since they can only be taken out by your parents. No school will change your financial aid because your parents cut you off. If they did then every parent would refuse to pay. </p>
<p>Banks will not lend you money - you have no income or assets. You would need private loans with a co- signer. Much higher interest rates and no payment deferral. </p>
<p>You cannot be declared independent for financial aid purposes either. You don’t meet the criteria just because you were cut off. Plenty of threads on that. </p>
<p>Sorry to say you are most likely looking at a gap year in which you get a full-time job and save every penny you can for tuition next year at a CC.</p>
<p>So, it sounds like you just need a way to cover the cost of tuition/fees at UW since you have a place to live rent-free? As a sophmore, you’re eligible for $6500 in Stafford loans. What will be the balance you’ll need for billable expenses? Will your parents help you with books or food? Since they paid for your summer class and say they’re not mad anymore, it sounds as if they’re not cutting you off completely. I would get a job and start saving right away and plan to work part-time while you’re in school. Some schools offer an interest-free monthly payment plan, so that may be an option if the balance owed is not great. Or you can use a small private loan if needed.</p>
<p>Sorry for the part I played in going OT…I didn’t get the impression that you are an entitled brat and thought you deserved a few words in your defense! I think you made the right decision based on your own life/career goals and hope you were able to gain additional insight on your trip. My guess is that this will also help your parents realize that, at some point, we must all relinquish absolute control over our kids in order to enjoy an adult relationship with them.</p>
<p>OP stated in one of his original posts that his living at home rent free was contingent on being in school. If he is not then he has to pay all his living expenses himself.</p>