Seeking 'Parent Views' on gap year

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Hi all. I have been fortunate to receive a great deal of advice from this website, even if it often came in rather 'blunt packaging' ;) and would love to hear members' perspective on this important issue. (My apologies for the long post)</p>

<p>I have been accepted to and have committed to Columbia as one of their 'named scholars'. (I am only mentioning this because apparently they have a decent opinion of me). I am an international Canadian student. </p>

<p>In any event, my school was fine academically, probably one of the better ones in the province- I took/am taking all the APs available. I came in with a lot of credit from grade 9 so I kind of managed to spread my courses out a bit.
I got great grades without a huge focus on school and high SATs, but I feel like my studying habits are mostly iffy. I devoted a large amount of my times to my ECs, and to one more than the others (research). It was basically like a part time job, without money. I did well in that and it's likely going to be my future career (clinician-scientist + running a biotech company). However, I need to go to med school to fulfill my goals and getting into med school is quite tough in Canada.</p>

<p>I've also recently suffered a bunch of family crises (someone very close to me suddenly passed away) and this all, with some other issue has taken a toll on me. I feel pretty burnt out/tired. I'm scared if I go to Columbia that I'll be ill prepared (relative to kids who took 15 APs) and not do well or some other antisocial craziness. I feel like this is a bit irrational but I don't know. I definitely think I'd benefit from a strong student body - I'm very happy when I'm with my science fair friends. In fact, I just returned from a weeklong science event and felt more inspired/curious than I have in a long while.</p>

<p>There's also the emotional component: I am 17 and obviously disagree with my parents on things from time to time which leads to arguments/tension. I feel like I'm slowly discovering myself, through trial and error and am eager to learn more. NYC is obviously a great place to do that but a gap year would have me live mostly with my family for another year. </p>

<p>If I do a gap year, I think I could try and publish my work earlier/continue research, volunteer with NPOs and political campaigns, travel and work on some 'projects'. (My thinking is now, instead of wasting internet time, to focus on any interests/ideas I have and try to sincerely take them somewhere). I could (and probably would) organically end up reviewing/learning additional stuff. Otherwise, I'd try to cram the research with some time management skills practise over the summer.</p>

<p>Anyway, given this information - would you recommend a gap year? I greatly appreciate any thoughts/advice.</p>

<p>(Also: am only child, first to do UG on this continent, parents are open to GY but have limited knowledge)</p>

2

<p>IMO there are few reasons to take a gap year and none of these qualify. College is a scarry step and your anxitety is understandable and completely normal. You can do all the things you mention at columbia, and congrats for that admit its a tough one. </p>

<p>Ease your entry to college by keeping your courseload low this fall. Get to college early and go through all of their intro/orientation activities. Focus on getting the work done and let fun things happen. GL. </p>

3

<p>(Caveat: this advice is based on nothing more than my interpretation of eight short paragraphs on an anonymous message board. Take it with a grain of salt.)</p>

<p>To me, it sounds like you’re feeling a lot of the same things that many (most?) people feel when they’re about to take the leap into new stage of their life—a little scared of the unknown, a little reluctant to leave what you know behind, unsure if you’re equipped for the challenge. It sounds like your gap year proposal is more about putting college off than it is about getting excited about the plans you do have. </p>

<p>I don’t think you need a gap year. Columbia thinks you’re prepared. If you look at their retention figures, they know what they’re doing when they admit a student. NYC is a great place to discover who you are and explore all your options. My prediction is that your relationship with your parents will improve when you’ve established a little distance. (I’ve always thought that teenagers and parents argue because if they didn’t no one would ever leave home.)</p>

<p>So…take the leap. Go to NYC. Take advantage of this great opportunity that most people can only dream about. If you stumble, don’t be too proud to ask for help. My bet is that you’ll be fine. </p>

4

<p>I’m a big fan of gap years, I took one myself many eons ago. Harvard now suggests that students take gap years before attending - their institutional research shows that after 12 years of over achieving students really benefit from a break, arriving at Harvard refreshed and ready to really put their all into work and ECs again. Find out what Columbia thinks, organize a plan, talk to your parents and see if it all still makes sense. My main concern is that what your propose might not be different enough from your high school experiences.</p>

5

<p>I like the idea of a gap year. Take the time to grow up and to refresh your mind. I offered/am offering the option to both my kids, nether of whom really knows what he wants to do or study. I doubt either will take me up on it. They know they want a change, to get away and be more independent, but they think the change to college will be enough. </p>

<p>I didn’t take a gap year. Just marched right through all my schooling and got a job and that was that. Finally at about age thirty I was living abroad and unable to work and had a sort of gap period until the next phase of my life kicked off. It was really delightful. My husband traveled and served in the army before college so he did have a gap year(s). He thinks the time was worthwhile. FWIW he isn’t as academic as the rest of us. We like school and reading and just thinking. He is more of an action man. </p>

<p>My caveat would be to plan out what you will do. It doesn’t have to be a go go go gap year with no room for spontaneity, but it shouldn’t be spent working at a fast food joint or playing video games on the couch either. </p>

6

<p>As long as you are assured of admission to Columbia the following year, (they offer deferred admission?) I don’t see the downside of taking a year to regroup before four more years of serious study. Good luck!</p>

7

<p>Firstly, I wanted to thank everyone for their perspectives and insight.</p>

<p>@mitchklong and @Elliemom I appreciate the ‘dissenting’ viewpoints. I definitely feel like my anxieties aren’t uncommon and could be dealt with or managed. Mitchklong, I am curious - what do you think qualifies as a good reason to take a gap year? Some of my mentors aren’t super keen on the idea either.</p>

<p>Eliemom, it is funny you say that. I don’t think I immediately love a place, ever - it always takes time for me to grow into it. I don’t think I’m one of those people who ever ‘dreamed about life in the big city’ so that;s definitely weighing on my mind. With the parent issue, I just think some of the family fights have been over my general apathy towards school more than anything.</p>

<p>@mathmom, @moonchild, I’ve searched around and the administration seems to be ok with the idea of a 1 year deferral. </p>

<p>Mathmom, I think it’s an important point that a GY should be distinguishable from HS. There’s not much of a point doing the same old, same old. I definitely want to get the paper out since that’d be good for long-term career, but the rest is pretty flexible. One of my big desires is to see different parts of the country and connect with a diverse bunch of people so I think I’ll need to find a way to do organized travel.</p>

<p>@Lizardly, I don’t own any videogames,so no issue there :P. I definitely see your point though about being productive- a friend took a year off and spent way too much time sleeping in. I’m going to look into rotary or other exchange programs.</p>

<p>Writing about it on here has helped me elucidate my thoughts a bit. Anxieties aside, I just feel totally spent. I worked every summer on my work with a brief break for surgery and have been constantly stressed by various kinds of family issues. I have never felt truly <em>inspired</em> by school - I can pick apart a text because I <em>have to</em> and do it well, but I find it highly uninspiring. My small school also did not provide me with a good peer group and it really sucked to not be able to <em>connect</em> with someone. The only fun I have had is when I’ve ‘run things’ - I love my experiments and I love organizing my clubs and I enjoy writing blog posts and ‘doing things that matter.’ I think I am fascinated, when I’m more ‘stable’ by more intellectual/artistic subjects but I just don’t feel it now. I want to go to Columbia fully prepared and engaged and ready to take things and do something with them. Everyone there will be just as great, or greater than me and I don’t feel like I’d get much out of it/perform wella t this state. </p>

8

<p>I am also a fan of gap years. Life is a marathon and not a sprint and the road is has curves in it. It would be great to take some time to travel etc. It is good to decompress after working so hard for so many years. The grind will always be there for you when you get back. My D was planning on taking a gap year and then changed her mind at the last minute. I was a little dissappointed.</p>

9

<p>First, CALL Columbia and ask if they would allow you to defer entrance and take a gap year. Explain you’d like to travel and publish. They’ll typically agree, but you need a formal agreement.
Second, check into the various Canadian programs, such as Explore (I don’t think you’d qualify for Explore for Spring 2015, but check into it), or the WHV/PVT’s - to Australia, Costa Rica, France, Denmark, Hong Kong, New Zealand… There’s even a sort of WHV for Canadians in the US.
Third, make sure you have structured things planned for your gap year.</p>

<p>*<a href=“http://www.jexplore.ca/”>http://www.jexplore.ca/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

10

<p>@ecouter11 I like the fact that you’re really thinking about who you are and what you need in your life right now. With that approach, I’m pretty sure you and your parents will make the right decision. I’m actually a fan of gap years, but I think without a plan it’s easy to let that time trickle through your fingers and you end up in the same place a year from now wondering “what happened to the last 12 months?”</p>

<p>So, if you decide to take a gap year, make sure that you take advantage of that opportunity, too. (Obviously, I’m big on the idea of “make the most of whatever you’re doing”. :slight_smile: ) @MYOS1634’s concise three-point approach to gap year plans seems like a perfect outline for how to do that.</p>

11

<p>Valid reasons to take a gap year (IMO):

  • Needed for financial solution. For example, entering military reserves.
  • Religious Ex: LDS
  • Job or other experience to confirm career interest. Ex: working in a field you plan on pursuing</p>

<p>It sounds great to take a year off and find yourself. Easy rider. Into the Wild. Heck, I would love to take one now! There is, however, a cost no one seems to realize when they make this decision. Every year you spend outside of your career you forgo your professional salary. For most, that’s an opportunity cost of at least 45K a year. </p>

<p>I would also offer this perspective to the posters in favor of this: Why not 2 years? Why not 10 ? How long do I get before you give up on letting me try to find myself ? </p>

12

<p>

More than a year, and it will be that much harder to get back into the swing of academics.</p>

<p>OP, I think you will find that starting out in college at Columbia will rejuvenate you significantly, so if burnout is the main reason to want to take a gap year, it may not be absolutely necessary. But if there are specific things you want to do, you may find that you really won’t have time to do them as a college freshman. Think carefully about your motivations–and be ABSOLUTELY SURE that Columbia will let you take a gap year.</p>

13

<p>I’ve decided I don’t really need to post. I’m just going to follow @Hunt around and say “ditto.” </p>

14

<p>I would say skip the gap year and start school the fall after graduating. It is hard to keep up the motivation for schooling and too many things can happen. </p>

<p>My neice graduated high school in 2013 from a great boarding school, was accepted to the college of her choice. I have no idea why, but she decided to take a GAP year and travel and work a bit. My sister and her husband wound up having some financial troubles and my neice could not do the planned traveling. She did do some work at her former boarding school, but mostly just spends time riding her horse. She has her first boyfriend now and refuses to leave him and go to the college she was accepted to in Washington and she is in Florida. </p>

<p>Nothing wrong with young love though, but love at college could have her finishing up her first year in college and motivation to go back to see boyfriend instead of no college and boyfriend. </p>

<p>Good luck on your decision. </p>

15

<p>OP,</p>

<p>Go to school and you will do exceedingly well. Have faith in yourself and this process…It will take you very far! </p>

16

<p>I’ve known a number of people who have taken a gap year to improve language fluency before starting college. It’s still a certain amount of studying and learning (though less of that for the ones who chose to be au pairs), and it means that when you get to college you can use that language for deeper studies in literature, or to do research in the foreign language. (I wrote some papers about French architects and translated a book for a professor about Senegalese traditional housing for example. France is also where I got seriously interested in architecture thanks to living with a family of history buffs.)</p>

<p>I actually took a second gap year before grad school going around the country photographing fire stations. (The expenses on that trip were paid by a grant.) Both experiences were among the best of my life and I wouldn’t trade either of them for the “opportunity cost” of a couple of years of income. I never felt like I lost my momentum. Especially since in both cases I already had my acceptance to the next level of education in the bag.</p>

17

<p>Is it too late to defer for a year? Also maybe taking it easy this summer will help you get back on track.</p>

<p>If I am accepted, may I defer for a year?</p>

<p>Yes. A candidate who has been offered first-year admission may ask to defer enrollment for a year to work, travel, complete mandatory military service or pursue a special opportunity. A student may not defer admission in order to enroll full-time at another college or university. A second year of deferral may be granted upon request. Students must request a deferral in writing by May 15 after submitting their first-year response form and deposit. Transfer students are not permitted to defer their admission.
<a href=“FAQs | Columbia Undergraduate Admissions”>http://undergrad.admissions.columbia.edu/ask/faq/question/2415&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

18

<p>Are you planning on living at home if you take a gap year? How will that effect your relationship with your parents? (I expect it won’t be easier once you are graduated).</p>

<p>I am in the “GO” category. Take the summer off. Your anxiety is normal. </p>

19

<p>At a college like Columbia, they will usually extend the deadline of 5/15 for deferral of admission to take a gap year. Call them to see if the deadline can be extended.</p>

20

<p>Wow, thank you all so much for the responses! </p>

<p>YoHoHo - that is kind of my reasoning. I was just thinking: when was the last time I really, truly just cooled off without postponing anything and I honestly think that was the summer after 8th grade. I feel like I’ve being going, going, going for a while now. Columbia has the official May 15 deadline but in a general email to everyone, they noted that if we had plans, we need to notify the office ASAP. </p>

<p>MYOS - thank you so much for the great advice and link. I don’t think I will qualify for jeexplore but there is no harm in calling and asking. A poster noted on the 2nd page Columbia’s ‘official line’ - the deadline was may 15th but in the email I got, they just asked me to inform them ASAP. I’m really, really interested in French immersion - I kind of feel like it’s my ‘civic duty’ in a way and I think French is a great language to have. I took many years of it in school but stopped when I moved to Canada. The issue with WH visas is that I am not yet a Canadian citizen - just a permanent resident, although I strongly identify and ‘feel’ Canadian. My actual country of citizenship is India which doesn’t seem to have any agreements set up. I could go to India but I haven’t been in almost a decade and given the recent family tragedy, I don’t feel like there’s anything there for me anymore. Also, safety.</p>

<p>@Elliemom - I totally get where you’re coming from - wasting time is so easy and unsatisfying. I’m trying really hard to avoid the lazing around all year - I think it would be a bad idea in terms of social skills and I know everyone in my family would be annoyed A really good point I have picked up from this is to make a GY something ‘distinct/different’ rather than HS 2.0.</p>

<p>@mitchklong, thank you for your candor. I’m aiming for professional school and an academic job realistically (though biotech is my dream) so it will definitely be a number of years until I’m earning. (At least 8)</p>

<p>@Hunt, I appreciate the advice. Columbia just has a really intense curriculum - they expect you to read a number of texts before entering college just to prep for a core course. I don’t know if I’d get a lot out of that at the moment. </p>

<p>@liveonboca, that sucks about your niece’s experiences. It sounds like an issue for her was the lack of structure and ability to follow through on planning which is something I’ll keep in mind. My parents are pretty conservative though so I feel like a young love scenario is somewhat unlikely to happen…fortunately or unfortunately.</p>

<p>@Duceandaquarter‌ thanks for the reminder. My self confidence has been shaken lately, that’s for sure. </p>

<p>@mathmom, thank you again for the input. I would really love to improve my French fluency for a number of reasons so that’s a very val</p>

<p>@bopper, thanks for the post!</p>

<p>@Tempemom, I would probably live with them for at least some of the time + my grandfather. I want to emphasize that it’s a pretty good relationship, all in all - just the typical ‘growing pains’ - they just want to see me do well/be happy. Honestly, the biggest source of discontent is my apathy towards school/study habits and I think they have good points on that front.</p>

<p>In any event, I’m really glad I decided to post here and get various opinions. I think there are two underlying issues for me: (a) burnout/exhaustion and (b) lack of preparedness (or thought of). I think the former is a bigger issue than the latter, since I feel like I can do well if I’m motivated but flail the other way around. My school is actually founded on a mandate of providing different programming for ‘gifted students’ so they’ve been pretty good about letting me do harder work or giving me extensions but I don’t think college will be as nice. I feel like a gap year would let me decompress a bit while also letting me fulfill some professional aspirations and acquire additional life experiences. </p>

<p>The thing about the summer is that I won funding from a provincial funding agency to work during the summer. It was a pretty annoying process that involved writing a mini-grant/getting LoRs/signatures and I don’t want to give that up. That requires that I be at the university for a certain number of days.</p>

<p>My main takeaway from this conversation is that I need to really seek out interesting, different and structured activities with and plan my year. I’m going to do more research these next few days and see if I can cobble together a plan and present it to my parents. </p>

<p>Thanks again for the input! </p>