Here’s hoping! 
Has he ever been away from home? Does he have a big friend group? Is he actually going to go to college if you do all this work? Before doing any of it maybe have him open up the common app and start filling it out. Maybe he just doesnt want to go away and is afraid to say anything?
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He did actually get started on Common App early in the summer, and I think he really is looking forward to getting away from us, lol. He has a solid friend group mostly made up of kids he’s known since first grade – and I think he’s ready for a change of pace. I also think he’s just overwhelmed and has decision paralysis. No, he’s never been away from home on his own.
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Ha! OK! Sounds like he is being a teenage boy. I think this page is the exception, most kids are like yours, even the really smart ones! Sounds like he needs a few road trips to Penn state, Temple, Pitt, Muhlenberg (he should get merit) and see what he likes and if the money works. My younger S was ambivalent until he saw Williams, and now he is all excited about it and seeing other schools that are not as much of a stretch).
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I love Williams - I go up to that area regularly with friends for a music festival at Mass MOCA, it’s a beautiful part of the country!
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I suggest re-thinking this. Making 2 college visits non-negotiable is a good idea- so he can see and feel that they are different. But I don’t think it’s essential to visit them all before applying. It’s a lot of investment and doesn’t add as much as you might hope.
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Oh, we’d never get to all the schools he might apply to – what i meant was that whatever school he decides on, if accepted, we wouldn’t commit until we have visited there. He thinks it would be fine if we threw a dart at a board to choose a school. Visiting is literally too much trouble for him, lol.
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No extra advice to add to the excellent advice you’re getting her. I just wanted to tell you of the son of close friends. Similar to your son, as a senior he really was not interested in college search or anything like that, applied only to the state flagship (UIUC), and was accepted. In college he tried one major, didn’t like it, discovered a major he loved, and he has just successfully defended his PhD.
I think that your son will do great in college, and is likely just suffering from early-onset senioritis. It usually passes, once they start focusing on college, and start seeing college as a new adventure, instead of a continuation of high school.
Good luck - he seems like a great kid!
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I scanned the thread, and didn’t see any reference to this. Apologies if it has been covered.
Lack of drive and getting a good job/making a lot of money are essentially mutually exclusive. Great jobs and especially lots of money don’t tend to fall to the ambivalent. It’s motivated, high work ethic individuals that are rewarded, for the most part.
I’d have this conversation with him. Let him know that you can help him, maybe even pick a school, but if he isn’t curious and driven, he won’t achieve his goals, no matter where you send him.
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Yuuuup. Absolutely true. We’ve had this convo many times. He works hard in school and is a good kid, and part of me thinks this is anxiety talking.
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I think you need to do a college visit pronto. My S was very noncommittal about college and then I took him and a friend to a local college to visit in their junior year. It was like a lightbulb went off. They commented on the fact that kids were wearing flip flops, there was a coffee bar in the library, etc etc. They literally thought college was like HS before this - go sit in a chair for 8 hours. They had no idea of all the clubs, different classes etc. And seeing dorms really made it seem real.
On the other hand, if he is so burnt out, there is nothing wrong with a gap year. If he can’t get to the applications on time (and I agree that Pitt needs to be done soon), then maybe a gap year happens by default.
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This was my D22 a year ago–really not wanting to talk about college at all. I made her go on a tour of Cal Poly over the summer but other than that I didn’t force it. I really don’t recommend doing all the research yourself if your kid is not engaged. But I am certain that once school is in full swing and he sees his friends doing their research he will start getting more interested. But please don’t do all the work for him.
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I think for my son, his main problem in being engaged in the process was that he didn’t understand the difference between the schools. They all sort of seemed the same to him and it was very abstract until we started digging in and visiting them.
He’s a super conscientious student, but doesn’t have strong preferences for lifestyle things or aesthetics. A lot of the stuff that grabs prospective students is just noise to him. He wanted a program that was strong in engineering and that was literally the only preference he could express. He knew Purdue has an excellent program and low tuition so he didn’t see why he should look anywhere else. It could be mistaken for apathy, but I think he just really doesn’t understand the college search process and the reality of the different schools. He is SUPER invested in his education in general. Even his most scholastic friends are mostly fumbling through their college searches. It’s just not the obsession here that it is lots of other places. Everyone just goes to the state schools.
Once we got into it, he could start to express some preferences. But as a person who doesn’t express strong preferences about a lot of things, it was a process for him to even figure out what he wanted.
Even after visiting a bunch of schools, he was still having trouble distinguishing their differences (“they all just seem like smaller versions of Purdue”). He recently talked to a friend’s older brother that was home for the summer from Purdue and it FINALLY clicked with him. Now he is strongly leaning toward not going there because he thinks he’d prefer a different experience.
We feel vindicated! And glad that we made him look elsewhere (mostly for financial reasons. If we were full pay I wouldn’t care as much). If he decides on Purdue we will be thrilled and happy that he did so with full intent. Some kids just don’t know what they don’t know I suppose.
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ColdWombat you could be describing my son, LOL. I think he views the things that grab other prospective students as “noise”, too.
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You are PA residents and seems as if you don’t have a lot of money to put towards tuition for him, since he has younger sibs, too, but I’m hoping that you can manage public U tuition, between him taking the federal loan and your savings/earnings. He’s a great student, would definitely get merit money at 3rd tier private schools, but he may not belong there. Plus they would still probably be more than your in-state tuition at Penn State or Pitt. I think that he’s likely to have more opportunity and get a better deal at a flagship state U.
Honestly, I didn’t visit a single campus for a tour before I visited my acceptances, a million years ago, and neither did my sibs. In fact, neither did my own kids. Decisions about applying were made by research and interests, and final choice was made by visits to acceptances. It’s perfectly fine if you do it that way, especially since your finances are limiting his choices.
He should definitely apply to both Penn State State College, and U Pitt. He’ll probably get into both with honors, maybe a little merit money. UMass Amherst, unless he tells them he’s applying for Comp Sci, will probably give him maximum merit money and honors college - the merit money will make his cost just a little over Penn State in-state for him. UMass has a beautiful campus with nice dorms and great food. He should also consider Alabama, Arizona State, U Az, and whichever other flagship state U’s (usually south and southwest) are giving amazing merit money to high-stats students, if his stats put him into their major merit money range. Maybe U Md, maybe U Del.
And that’s it. With grades like his, he obviously knows how to work hard. He’s burnt out, and the whole process is overwhelming to him. What’s the big deal if he winds up at Penn State or Pitt? What’s the big deal if in addition, he only applies to a few OOS flagships that offer amazing merit money?
LOTS of kids only apply to their flagship state U, and the local 4 yr state college as their safety. Not every family is obsessed with the college application process, although every family on here surely is! It is totally fine if your son, coming with his grades and your finances, only applies to Penn State State College, U Pitt, and a few nearby flagship state U’s, especially the ones known to give big merit money to high-stats OOS students.
A young man with a 4.5 weighted GPA and a 1500 SAT does NOT belong at community college. He belongs at, at least, a flagship state U. Sounds as if he doesn’t want a gap year, trade school, or community college. He wants to live away from home. He just isn’t all fired up about the process of applying. Help him to make a few options, and then he’ll pick one of them from where he gets accepted. It’s not as if he has to evaluate hundreds of possible schools, visit 20 before he applies, and then choose 15 to apply to. If he only applies to his two in-state flagships, and a few OOS flagships where they give merit money, it will be fine.
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Our ODD just started 11th grade and was exactly the same way. I dragged her to a half day event that ASU held over the summer for HS students…Full of tours and info sessions.
After that, on the drive home, it all clicked for her. Seeing the inside of a dorm room made it real.
Prior to this, whenever I’d bring up the college talk with her, she’d balk and literally say, “Blah blah college, Mama, whatever.” LOL.
Does she WANT to go to ASU? Heck no, but now she’s totally engaged on the process.
OP: You should schedule 1 or 2 campus tours of schools closest to you.
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Op:
Given your son’s stats, he’d get a hefty OOS auto merit scholarhip at Univ of Alabama Huntsville. They have great coop programs with all of the local employers…lots of defense industry companies, but even business/Econ/accounting/math majors get internships there. Their coop program is set up such that you take a semester off from classes while you work full time at the coop company for the semester, but you still live in the dorms and are still considered an active full time student.
Info is available at UAH - Admission & Aid - Freshman Out-of-State Academic Scholarships.
Renewal of scholarship requires you maintain a 3.0 GPA.
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My son wasn’t involved in college search and visits so I told him he did not have to go and could work for a year. (He was also a high achiever in high school.) He knew I meant it about working instead. I went out and when I came home he had made a color-coded chart!
But you have already tried that strategy.
Is your son subconsciously afraid to leave home or afraid of change? Is he burned out with academic work? Stressed? Depressed?
Some kids just put their heads in the sand because they cannot imagine or handle this big transition and feeling like they are losing the life they have.
COVID has really affected a lot of us. I do wonder if there is anything going on that therapy could help. But how would you get him to go?!
Application essays may be tough if he is in this mood. I second the idea of just one application to in-state public flagship. UMass was a good idea too.
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Agree that a gap year could be the best thing. Maybe with a difficult, low earning job in there . .
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I needed this reminder tonight thank you.
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