My son was accepted ED to his first choice school, and we have sent our deposit. He has been very motivated and excited about college for awhile and did a lot of research to narrow his choices down to his first choice. He was very happy when he received his acceptance in early December. Since the start of this semester, he has slowly been losing interest in school and is struggling in some of his classes for the first time ever. When I talk to him about keeping his grades up and keeping his eyes on the prize (college), he can’t seem to muster any enthusiasm. I don’t know if this is just normal senioritis, or something more serious. We have let him know that going to college is his choice and that we will support whatever he wants to do - maybe a gap year? But he says he still wants to go, it just doesn’t seem real and it’s such a long time away. My question is, does this sound familiar to anyone whose child was accepted ED? It is a long time between acceptance and actual attendance. We are wondering if it would help if we sent him to admitted students days, just so it would seem more real to him. Or would he feel silly being there, since he is already committed? We live half a country away, so it wouldn’t be easy or cheap for him to go, but it would be worth it to us if it got him excited about college again. Any thoughts/advice would be appreciated.
Consider the possibility that apathy may be the outward manifestation of being scared to death about college – something that might be made worse by his current academic struggles (which may be related to difficulty paying attention because he is preoccupied by being scared to death of college).
This happens sometimes with boys.
You know your son better than anyone of course, but this does sound normal to me for many seniors. They’re exhausted and they just want to be done with high school. Because they haven’t experienced college, they don’t know how different it will be. My son, who was deferred from his ED school, is still thinking that college will just be more drudgery–he’s overcommitted and has a horrible schedule–because that is all he knows right now. So much of this is just reaction to what they imagine, rather than what they actually know.
If it would be too costly to send him to the accepted student days, I wouldn’t bother. He has a legal commitment to attend his college, but he has a lot of time to get excited about it. Just encourage him not to let his grades drop too much, make sure he actually has a break during his vacation week, and cut him a little slack about finding a well-paying summer job if he doesn’t have one lined up yet. By the end of the summer, he will be very glad to go, even if he’s also a little nervous.
And if he’s regretting applying ED, that could change, too, once he gets there. A friend’s daughter had a horrible senior year because she applied ED to Tufts and got in, then decided she really wanted to go elsewhere. But after a few months at Tufts, she loved it.
Turn back the clock to 1982. I’d been accepted to the 2 colleges I applied to, and had partial scholarship offers from both. I announced to my parents that I didn’t want to go to college. I never liked school, and I couldn’t imagine extending it four more years. It turned out, though, that I liked menial labor even less. By January I’d applied and been accepted at a college where I’d done a summer program after my junior year. I wish I could say I loved college, but it was more of the same. Fortunately my ability to skim and summarize made college no more difficult for me than high school had been. I think most kids have a better college experience than I did; my social awkwardness was off the charts. I didn’t mind grad school too much, since it was preparing me for a career I wanted, and ended up succeeding in. Maybe the increased choice in college classes will be just what he needs. Your son’s case sounds like a little bit of (perfectly normal) fear of the unknown. As long as he’s not doing what I did to my parents, I wouldn’t worry too much.
You know your child so you should be able to determine if there is something else going on. But, to me it sounds a lot like my child. They have been striving for a goal so long, it is sort of anticlimactic when they get in. There is no “prize” out there and most teenagers are not in tune enough with the world to want to do extremely well just for its intrinsic value.
My D was the same way. Never wanted to go anywhere but Yale (she is a legacy). When she got in ED she was over the top excited. However, as the semester went on, she was “so done” (her words) with everything. She was also afraid of going away and leaving the school friends she had known since Kindergarten.
So the long and short of it is that this to me sounds normal, but with the disclaimer that you know your child and if it seems off to you, take heed.
If it’s not too much of a burden, I’d send him to the admitted student event. My kids both went, even though they had already accepted, and it did generate a new burst of enthusiasm.
I appreciate all of the input. My son has admitted that he is really scared about moving far away from home to a place where he knows no one, although it was something he deliberately sought out when looking at schools. I didn’t really realize how much his fear may be playing into his current academic apathy. He is not only moving to a completely different part of the country, but also transitioning from rural to urban living. I also reminded him that college won’t be the same drudgery high school is for him now, and that made him feel better. He also received some communication from the college yesterday, which made it seem more real to him again. I think we will send him out to the admitted student days, just to remind him why he chose this school and to give him something to look forward to over the next few long months. I wish high school seniors could do something else with their second semester besides the same old thing. I’d love for him to be working, or exploring careers or doing more community service.
Um… There is plenty of drudgery in college, too… just saying.
But at least it’s hopefully drudgery in your chosen field?
Admitted student day can be a nice opportunity to meet other students too. Potential roommates, or just kids. If you can send him, do.
Also it is the worst part of winter…perhaps a bit of seasonal affective disorder as well.
Remind him that he is not the only one moving to school where he doesn’t know anyone…most others are doing that too and people will want to make friends…also the college has freshman orientation activities to help you do so
I agree with the parents who say send him to the admitted student day. It may be expensive, but it may be worth it as well. He’ll meet people and see campus and will start to feel connected to the school (as His school, not just his once upon a time dream school). These visiting days offer some fun and helpful hints and I think helps ease some of the transition. Also, if he goes and absolutely loathes the place, maybe he could defer his entry for a year to get things ironed out in his head.
Two of my kids pretty much hated high school and couldn’t wait for college, until the calendar turned to their last semester of high school. On one hand they couldn’t wait to be done. On the other hand, they suddenly realized that all their friends would be scattered next year and they were headed where they knew no one.
Yes to admitted students day. Even my youngest went and she is the opposite of a joiner. It really makes it real, a few friends can be met, and a feeling of camaraderie can set in for those moments.
I would also talk frankly about homesickness and adjustment. Many kids have a very hard time for the first semester. Some kids really do need to be close to home and for the first months go to their parents’ every weekend. Every kid is different. Perhaps when he first goes you could spend a week in the area-?
He is probably just not looking forward to being away from his mom. This is what my son said to me when I suggested he was having senioritis when he got in early 3 years ago. Then he added sarcastically “Because its all about you, after all, Mom”
Early senioritis is common among ED accepted students, as they tend to be the higher achieving students compared to the rest of their peers as a whole. While many of his classmates have not heard yet, or haven’t decided where they will be going, he is done. He is perhaps feeling more isolated than before because of this. So the burnout or fatigue may be more noticeable, at least to himself, but also to others like you.
It is tough, as a parent, to see any change in behavior for our children, we naturally worry. But some of it may just be boredom.
My son, who is freakishly organized, spent a while trying to figure out what courses he would take his four years in college. But he still had senioritis. So he found motivation in his last few months of his senior year by organizing a new event for our food pantry and local library. They did a “food for fines” event during Easter week and he helped some of the underclassmen get their required community service hours at library events during the school vacation week. It was a lot of planning, but he realized that he always felt better when helping others (it was probably a big reason he got accepted early). He did this not because he had to, or because it would look good, but because there was a community need.
After that, he still had AP tests to study for, and he did well. He got involved with the graduation planning committee and fundraisers for the alcohol-free nightlong events for his last month and a half, but by then, his other friends had all heard and decided where they were going, so I think the senioritis was easier for him to deal with.
I like the idea of getting him to do something completely different, like get a job or undertake a new volunteer activity.
I think he is the definition of senioritis…a disarming combination of boredom/apathy to the HS combined with fear of the unknown in the college experience. I’d remind him that he chose that college for very well though out reasons and you are confident he made a good choice. If he wants to go to accepted students day and it is not a financial burden that is fine. If he hasn’t done so already lots of colleges have facebook pages for accepted students which he can join as well.
He sounds fine. It’s hard to be excited about something all of the time, especially when that exciting thing is a little new and scary. It’s easier to be excited when it’s far off and in the distance, but as it gets closer, the nerves start to set in. Having less enthusiasm about school is typical for many students. He has nothing he’s really working towards anymore and the excitement about college is fading. Don’t feel like you have to force enthusiasm in him. He’ll come around with time, and it will help when all of his other friends and classmates decide on their colleges and start to get more excited about going.
Not necessarily. Unless he’s going to a school without any GE requirements, he will likely be required to take courses outside of his chosen field, particularly in his first one or two years. And if he has to take introductory courses in his major, then they will likely either be survey courses or a set of core courses that teach the breadth of the field or the basics that you need to be successful in the field. No one loves everything about their field. I would caution against promising that there will be less drudgery in college because he may feel (at least in the beginning) that it’s not very different class-wise in the beginning, especially if he was an independent and high-achieving student in high school.
That being said, if you were referring to less “busy work” in college as “less drudgery,” then that’s certainly a fair thing to point out.
I say “yes” to admitted students day also. It will give him a chance to feel like he is a part of what is going on at his college, and reassure him that he will fit in. And if he is having second thoughts, it will give him time to come up with a plan.
Your replies are definitely making me feel better about where my son is emotionally. I have a severely depressed 16-year-old daughter, so I am always looking for signs in my son as well. He recently did a week-long service trip to Mexico, which he loved, so I don’t think it’s depression, I think it’s just the drudgery of high school. And by drudgery, I mean 6 hours of classes a day, with the same kids he’s known since kindergarten, in a rural area where he is one of two openly gay kids at his high school. He does like most of his classes and teachers. I think he’s just ready to move on, but like many of you have said, is also scared of the big changes ahead. I think he’s scared, too, of how rigorous college will be, but hopefully he will be more engaged and excited about at least the some of his classes.
He is ramping up on a big service project he needs to do to graduate, and that will give him something different to focus on. I didn’t mention that he has been a swimmer for years, but can’t swim this season due to an injury, so that it probably effecting his mental state as well.
We have decided to send him to the admitted student days, since no one seems to think its a horrible idea. He is excited about traveling by himself and seeing the school again. We are also giving him an extra day to explore (if anyone has any suggestions for hotels/neighborhoods in the Twin Cities…) so he’s looking forward to that.
Hopefully, he’s through the worst of this - if he can just keep is grade up in AP Calc, he’ll be ok! Thank you again for all your replies, and for encouraging me to send him to the admitted students day.
Instead of reminding him why he made his choice (which surely he recalls), talking on and on about his leaving for college in 6 months, insisting he show enthusiasm right this minute, why not just back off and let him finish high school in peace?