<p>Oh, I certainly did not mean to excuse my son’s failure to consistently turn in homework and conform to the rules of the “game”! As his parent, I am advising him, to the best of my limited ability, on how to make the most of where he is right now. I have certainly told him clearly and repeatedly that I think his choice to blow off some homework assignments was stupid and potentially costly.
Also, I will not be at all surprised if he is rejected by many of the schools he is applying to-- but frankly, I think a little rejection might not be a bad thing and he does have some very attractive qualities that may result in an acceptance at a school that might not ordinarily accept an unhooked student with his gpa.</p>
<p>I think the bottom line is that it takes many boys a little longer to get their groove on! If he doesn’t attend his dream college he’ll attend his dream grad school.</p>
<p>It’s not anger – for me it is an attempt to offer some realistic advice, from the viewpoint of a parent who has “been there, done that.” I have a son who is very much like yours, and stayed that way until the day he graduated (he just is not going to waste his time with an assignment that he thinks is “stupid” or “useless”)— and I’ve got a daughter studying at an Ivy League college – so I can see what happens down the line. My daughter is the type who has a “whatever it takes” attitude – she is not all that much of a scholar, but she will do whatever task is put before her and, because she is a perfectionist, put her best effort into it even if she hates the assignment. </p>
<p>It happens that my son did not make the mistake of applying to a lot of reach colleges. In fact, he chose a strong match college where he thought there would be a lot more flexibility than there was – it just didn’t turn out to be as flexible as he thought it would be. </p>
<p>My daughter’s elite college is filled with very competitive, pre-professional students, most who are obsessed with grades. My d. doesn’t like this, but she can manage the environment and her own inner drive means she is getting an excellent education. </p>
<p>But I know my son would not have done well in such an environment – even after he transferred to the lower-tier college he graduated from, he ran into issues that cut his grades in some courses because he disagreed with the opinions of some of his profs and would dispute their views in papers or exams. (Yes, in college, there are some profs who grade students down who disagree with them). </p>
<p>I think too many students and parents get caught up in the hierarchical nature of college admissions – the desire to get into the “best” school, to strive for “reach” colleges – that they neglect to look at the extreme variation in the approach to education that various colleges offer. For example, they are not looking at issues like the differences between traditional semesters and quarter system; availability and integration of internship or co-op experiences; colleges that provide individual evaluations rather than traditional grades; etc. So that’s what I was trying to focus on.</p>
<p>I will be the minority opinion here–my kids DID mention why their grades don’t match their high test scores.</p>
<p>I also have kids whose grades do not reflect their abilities. I was not shown their applications or recommendations, so I am not sure precisely how much either of them mentioned their chronic health issues in their apps or essays, but I know that at least one or more of the recs & counselor did mention the health obstacles they have overcome in getting an education. The HS college counselor also advised both of them to mention (at least briefly) overcoming their chronic health issues in getting their education to explain the mismatch between their grades and scores.</p>
<p>My S was given different guidance on which schools he should apply to and what his chances were because his grades were lowered by these health issues (he also does not like to do work for teachers he strongly disagrees with <sigh>). He decided to apply rather broadly – a few “reachy” schools, 4 matches and at least one safety.</sigh></p>
<p>Once S was accepted, we conferred with the disabilities offices at each of the colleges to find out how they will handle chronic illness extended absences (since this was an issue throughout HS) & considered their responses in choosing the right college fit. The responses varied greatly and it was very useful to have this discussion (we preferred to have it AFTER S was accepted with significant merit aid).</p>
<p>But a chronic health issue is very different than choosing not to do homework because the student does not like the assignment. (I also think it would have been very appropriate for Linda’s daughter to discuss her father’s death). There is a huge difference between offering up a good, sympathetic reason and no reason at all or a poor one. </p>
<p>It’s not that I don’t sympathize or understand – my grades in high school suffered for the same reason – and I certainly understood why my son preferred to sleep in during high school rather than drag himself to his 8 am calculus class. It’s just that no excuse is better than a bad excuse.</p>
<p>Or… the kid could try to be brutally honest. He could say, “I could have had better grades, but just don’t care that much about grades and I felt that a lot of homework assignments were a waste of time, so I didn’t do them. Instead, I spent my spare time focusing on doing things that were more valuable” – and then detail what it was that was so important that homework could be ignored. </p>
<p>My daughter did something like that to explain a huge weakness in her high school transcript (no math or lab science after 10th grade). She had been a foreign exchange student in 11th grade, and she wrote that her semester abroad had disrupted her schedule-- and her g.c. wrote a statement backing her up on the schedule issue; she concluded that she the time spent abroad was a greater challenge for her and she was glad that she had taken that route. It worked for her – she DID get into top schools — but I just question whether the most selective schools are going to buy into the homework argument.</p>
<p>In my opinion, your son has a very competitive profile. His GPA is not as weak as you think considering the very rigorous curriculum he has taken and even the fact that the grading scale at your HS means that a 93 is needed to get an A minus. Your son is a first generation college student with a strong profile which I think makes him in the ballpark for very selective colleges. </p>
<p>I absolutely would not have him write any essays or statements on his application to “explain” his grades. For starters, his grades are not bad and so calling attention to the fact that he has some Bs in rigorous classes seems a bit much. Further, his reasons are not good ones and to state them would be a negative. If his grades were impacted for reasons like illness, death in family, or similar, different story. It is good that your son is finally playing the “game” and doing the pesky homework assignments and earning A’s this fall and that also will help. I would not call attention to his grades with any excuse. Again, his grades are not bad enough to explain and further, his reasons will not wash. His applications should play to his strengths.</p>
<p>Don’t mention it, you can’t justify indolence. Just keep your senior grades high and adcoms will see your potential.</p>
<p>Deidre,
As the parent of one of these kids, my advice is this: your S should talk about his outside interests and passions in his essays. You’ve mentioned some of the things he plays around with for “fun” – those are things that will make school sit up and take notice. National AP Scholar and full IB with a 3.61 is not a fatal flaw. (That is about where my younger S2 will be sitting in a year from now.) Incredible essays that talk about his life of the mind will enable admissions people to connect the dots – and in some places, help him get admitted. TASP will also be an advantage. </p>
<p>What helped S1 is that he was able to identify those schools that would be particularly interested in his variety of nonchalance about grades vs. extreme need for intellectual stimulation, and focused his essays on them with laser-like intensity. (Having the stellar SAT and AP scores, and lots of post-AP courses helped his case.) So, despite a 3.75-ish UW and not being ranked in the top 10%, he got into UChicago, MIT, Harvey Mudd, and the flagship w/a full ride. Not surprisingly, he was waitlisted/rejected at the schools that wanted to see the mega-GPA and attracts the super-competitive, fight-for-the-last-.001-GPA sorts. </p>
<p>And to give you hope, my S is on track to significantly beat his HS GPA this quarter. Getting rid of most of the pesky, petty HW has done wonders. (Substantive, interesting HW was never a problem.) Another thing that has helped is that ALL his classes engage his mind. He gets to write critical analysis in The Iliad instead of doing writing blurbs for screen shots in English class! Finally, the scuttlebutt from S1 and various friends whose have done IB, etc. is that college is a lot easier after carrying that kind of heavy HS workload. The work-study skills are in place, even if it seems like they were non-existent in HS.</p>
<p>Feel free to PM me!</p>
<p>My son did talk about his difficulty in writing in his essay. This after he talked about his intense love of math and how he feels he is different from the kids at his small school because his passion is math and science, not writing, while most everyone else he knows is the opposite. He talked about how difficult it has been fro him but how he has become more proficient and expects to improve as time goes by, that this has been something he has had to work hard to overcome. I did not discourage this, in fact, encouraged it, because it is honest, and to my mind, he needs to be accepted or rejected based on reality - and he DOES have trouble writing.
Now this is a bit different than the OP’s son, who appears brilliant on all counts, and to whom I would advise to NOT bring up his grades, and just let his accolades and test scores speak for themselves. My son has some horrendous grades in subjects like English Comp and most of his SS courses, anywhere where writing made up the main part of the grade. But I would not advise him to speak specifically to his grades either.</p>
<p>CountingDown, where did your son decide to go?</p>
<p>UChicago with absolutely no regrets.</p>
<p>Chronic health issues is one thing, I don’t like handing in homework is another. I think it’s fine when you have a mismatch with grades and scores to apply to some reach colleges. Even my son probably learned the lesson that if you don’t do what it takes to be number one or two in the class, you may face a bunch of rejections. </p>
<p>BTW, CountingDown’s son impressed ME when he was looking at colleges. He was much more focused on what he was looking for and I think his acceptance results showed it! (Though both her son and my son are happy as clams where they ended up.)</p>
<p>Thanks, mathmom! He definitely was VERY focused and that was OK with us. He has always been intensely into a couple of areas, and we all knew that wasn’t likely to change. It was an excellent strategy for S1, so I throw it out here in case someone else with a similar kid might find it useful. </p>
<p>That same strategy would not work with my younger son, however. I am finding it harder to get a handle on what would be good places for S2, whose grades are a bit lower (but is strong in everything), and who is interested in fields that don’t offer the big competitions and awards that can help make applications shine. It’ll be all about the essays.</p>
<p>Your S and S1 both knew their own minds, though – and picked the schools that fit and made them happy!</p>
<p>calmom,</p>
<p>My point is that, I don’t think my d’s grades were that affected by the death of her father. (I think her grades would have been a little better overall had he been alive because he was the parent who nagged about grades.) </p>
<p>Now, a child with a chronic health problem that is known and documented, I think, is a whole other kettle of fish, what with missing class and making up work, but I would hope an IEP or some other ADA accommodations would be in place. This is just a tough situation but one that, if properly documented, is understandable. </p>
<pre><code>Dierdre, thank you for your kind words; I agree with the others that the thread took a turn because of the many posts about kids who want to explain their GPAs as being low due to divorce, drugs, depression, death, relocation, whatever.
One of my d’s good friends scored 2100 on the SATs and has a 2.5 GPA!
</code></pre>
<p>Linda,
So sorry about the death of your husband. My kids don’t have an IEP, since they have been in private school & private schools are not obligated to have IEPs (only public schools). Nonetheless, we did have documentation from the various specialists and physicians they have seen over the years.</p>
<p>The main accommodation that has ever been offered is not penalizing them for absences and allowing them to make up exams and projects. I have read of other kids with similar medical issues who required and were given significantly more accomodations including private tutoring – my kids refused and elected to do everything on their own.</p>
<p>They teachers were honestly able to say that they KNEW our kids are self-motivated and capable of learning material on their own (unfortunately by necessity–particularly when they literally missed 1/4 to 1/2 of the classes in most of their HS years). Sorry, didn’t mean to hijack this thread at all, just wanting to add a perspective of when at least mentioning the grades might be reasonable & even expected.</p>
<p>I guess the important thing is for our kids to find the right fit so HOPEFULLY our kids will find their way in their new environment, tho as has been pointed out, there are no guarantees even when we all do our best to help find the best match. Kids do at some point end up making their own choices and living with the consequences.</p>
<p>If the school you are applying to is a super-high reach, then you have little to lose by trying to explain away a low GPA. If you don’t, the GPA will likely keep you out; it you do, they might consider your excuse and let you in.</p>
<p>bessie, I don’t agree with that blanket statement. Each situation is different. The OP’s son doesn’t have a low GPA and it is still in the ballpark given the very rigorous courseload (grades are looked at in context). To make excuses for those grades seems over the top and as if he needs excuses for not having a perfect GPA. It is not as if he has C’s or a dip in one particular year. Moreover, his “excuse” about not turning in homework will be a negative and not a positive. No educator would look kindly upon that excuse. He is better off focusing on his strengths on the application. </p>
<p>In other kids’ situations, there may be cause to explain grades. In this kid’s case, there aren’t and I think doing so will be frowned upon more than helping him.</p>
<p>Linda, each case is different, and certainly I would agree that no one should invent a false excuse. If your daughter’s grades were about the same before and after she lost her father, then it wouldn’t apply – but another kid in the same setting who experienced a clear drop in grades might have a different, and true, explanation to offer. Death of a parent at any age can be traumatic (I lost my mom when I was in my early 20’s, so I speak from experience) – but we each react in our own way. In my case, in some ways I felt stronger due to my loss – I felt like if I could get past that, there was nothing left that I couldn’t manage, so it kind of put the rest of my life in a different perspective. </p>
<p>Anyway… the point is simply what I said before: some kids may have a very good reason to offer a college for poor grades. “I didn’t feel like doing my homework” doesn’t fall into to “good reason” category-- though it certainly fits well into the “true” reason category. (“True” is when we arrive at work late because we overslept, or we take off a day from work because we simply want some personal time… but how many of us tell that to our bosses?)</p>