Should I live at home during college? I've gone to boarding school for almost 2 years. help!!

College Life
1

My family is moving to a college town in another state because my dad got a job at said college. If I go to that school, I can get in-state tuition AND save $10,000 a year ($40,000 by the end of my undergrad) by living at home. However, I’m scared I will have a worse college experience overall, and will be thinking about how I am missing out.

By the time I graduate high school, I would have lived in dorms for 2 years and I know it would be very strange to go back to living at home. I didn’t have many friends freshman or sophomore year so I didn’t need to set boundaries with my parents about going out or having friends over. Now, I know how deep friendships can become by living with peers, and how I won’t be making friendships like that in the so-called “best years of my life” in college. Some of my best friends have been formed BECAUSE I lived down the hall from them. Also at boarding school, I’ve learned a lot about independence. I know how to balance sleep, friends, and grades; how to utilize office hours; how to keep my room clean without someone telling me to; etc.

Outside of what I’ve learned at boarding school, I’ve (obsessively) read tons of academic articles about the psychological differences and effects between commuters and residential students in college. From what I’ve read, commuters lack in “enriching educational experiences” and “student interactions with faculty members”. It looks like commuting students are less engaged in student life. Will I really have the same probability of making close friends by going to student events or getting an on-campus job as I would if lived in the dorms? Could my grades be better if choose to live in the dorms?

I’ve tried to research what it’s like to commute to this specific school and what the school does for commuters, but I couldn’t find much. Is that a bad sign??

Every time I DO go home, I’m reminded me of all the things I didn’t like about living with my family (talking about school an unhealthy amount, chores, feeling socially unproductive (that probably doesn’t make sense)).

That being said, I have a pretty good relationship with my parents (if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be considering this college), and this school is actually at the top of my list right now (not just because there’s a chance I could save a lot of money, but also because of the academics and social life).

Has anyone else experienced any situation similar to this?

TL;DR: Is it worth $40,000 to forgo friendships that can only be made by living in the dorms? Can money buy me a social life? (There’s obviously bias in these questions please try to help me with an unbiased answer)

2

At many colleges, living in the dorm is common frosh year, but most resident students live off campus afterward.

One possibility (particularly if the college is as described above) is to live in the dorm frosh year (when it matters most for social connection) but move home the rest of the years.

Of course, if the college is mostly commuter, you may as well just live at home.

But note that living at home is not free, since you consume food and utilities and have commuting costs, although it is normally much less than living in the dorm.

3

If you and your parents can afford it, I’d urge you to live at school for all the reasons you discussed that you liked living away from home in high school. Even if people commonly don’t live in the dorms after freshman year, living with friends in a house or apartment is going to be very different than living with your parents. If my son were looking at schools close enough to commute, I’d urge him to live in the dorm anyway, because we can afford it and because I think it’s such an important experience.

4

$40,000 savings is a lot. I think you are insulting the many students that do commute to college. You think they aren’t involved and don’t have a social life? Please change your way of thinking. Being able to live on campus is a luxury that many people can’t afford. Commuters still meet with professors and are also involved in school activities. If you have the will and the right mindset you can create a positive experience for yourself. From what you have written it seems you have lived at boarding school and have gotten used to living on your own. Don’t base your decisions on reading academic articles about commuting. I personally found that comment hilarious.

5

I agree with @raclut, you are clowning on us commuter kids right now homie. We still have a lot of friends, the only difference is that we get to go home and spend time with family too. If you are honestly so worried about not having enough time for fun and making friends, just stay at school for a longer time. I can honestly not let myself sleep at night knowing someone like you is wasting 40k just to make friends. So, TL;DR, both my bias and unbiased answer says to commute my boi

6

Are you actually being given the choice? Or is it your want? If your parent’s new home is close to campus the whole experience may be minimally different. You’ll go home to sleep. Also friends you make on campus who live in the dorm might really enjoy a getaway going to your home with you. If you aren’t being given the choice you may need to make lemonade out of this one. Appreciate that you will end up with a college education at a low cost to you and your parents.

7

Why don’t you leverage the willingness to go to that school, which I assume would mean free tuition if you parent works there, with them paying for the dorms.

8

What do your parents say? I told my children that they will live on campus even if they go to school in town. Are your parents willing and able to pay for the dorm costs? I see it as a step towards independence.

Plus it is hard adjusting to having a semi-independent social person in the house. The working adults need a curfew so that they are not awakened but the young adult is used to more freedom and few time constraints.

9

Please don’t listen to any of the articles you’ve read about what it’s like to be a commuter student. Deciding to commute was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I have the exact same experiences all my friends are having, but I’m 100% happier than they are AND saving tons of money. Definitely would recommend, especially seeing as there’s $40,000 in savings at stake.

10

I was a commuter myself way back when and didn’t feel like I missed all that much.

However, I will say that my kid has the choice to commute (1 hr 10 minutes door to door one way via public transportation). However, it is so convenient to walk 7 minutes back to the dorm when there is a 3 hour block between classes rather than being at the library. Also, a lot of midterm exams take place from 8 to 10pm, so being able to go home right after a late night helps a lot as well. A couple of things to consider.

11

Commuting can be a much different experience than living in the dorms. The difference would be minimized if your parents live on or adjacent to campus.

@TomatoSmoothie : Does your community college have dorms ?

12

You’re over thinking this.
Your parents sent you to boarding school for two years.
What makes you think they don’t want you to dorm if you attend the college your father has a job at?
Have you talked to them?

Is that college residential? Do most freshmen live on campus?
It makes a HUGE difference being a commuter at a residential campus v. being a commuter at a commuter campus.
Does that college offer your major? Does it match your academic level? Do you get free tuition or just “instate tuition” and in that case does the college offer TE (Tuition Exchange) with a college that’d be cheaper?
Have you applied anywhere else?

13

@publisher yeah! I think that we only have one dorm tho

14

(firstly thank you to everyone who replied it really does help me). I didn’t mean to hate on commuter kids!! I’m sorry for being rude, I really didn’t mean to say that commuters can’t have a good time at college (I know in my original post it basically said that, I apologize). I don’t personally know anyone who commutes to campus, so I turned to google and forums like college confidential. It’s answers from actual people that have been the most helpful. I understand that $40,000 is a lot of money…that’s why I’m not taking this decision lightly and why I’m asking for advice. This whole decision is a luxury and I’m grateful for that.

To answer some questions: It’s about a twenty minute drive from the house to school. All first-year students are required to live on campus (unless parents live in surrounding counties). This college is my #1 out of all the ones I’ve been accepted to. I’m not sure if I have a choice; my parents have mentioned they want me to live at home, but they’ve been kinda wishy washy about it. (also even though i go to a boarding school i dont pay tuition gOD i wish i was boujie enough to not need to make a decision on this)

I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever have friends as close as the ones I have at my high school though; I’m probably overestimating the quality of dorm life. So right now, my plan is apply for as many scholarships as I possibly can, and live in the dorms freshman year. If I like that a lot, maybe the following year I’ll become an RA so I can get reduced housing? Maybe I’ll share a house or apartment with friends? Maybe I’ll do something REALLY unexpected and join a sorority or something. I’m not sure if going back home after three years of living away would be the best idea (although im also not sure if its much different from my predicament right now).

15

If your college is residential, try to live on campus freshman year, especially since you’ve lived away for so long.
Do apply for scholarships but having a part time job and saving all your wages would likely do more 1) to prove you really want it 2) pay for it.
If you live on campus just the first year it’s 10k, not 40k. Surely if they sent you to BS your parents understand the appeal and educational role of on campus living.
Studies show students who live on campus are more involved (and thus develop leadership skills needed for the job market as well as for a resume), have better grades, and have an overall better experience. It doesn’t mean living off campus would make all of these impossible - just harder to achieve.
If it’s a residential campus, there’ll be study groups, review sessions, and clubs in the 7-10pm time slot. The library’ll be open (and packed during exams) till midnight. You’ll have to practice driving at night (something you’re probably not used to, being at boarding school).

16

I really would try to live on campus freshman year, and then live at home the rest of the time.

But talk to your parents about expectations…you are used to independence. Will they have a problem if you hang out on campus? Stay out late with your friends? Stay over at someone’s dorm?
As a parent I would not want you driving if tired or drunk…and if you were staying later than normal just to text me.

17

I was going to suggest what you already thought of. Pay to live on campus as a freshman and then become an RA for your other years.