Agreed. Done
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My opinion is different than those expressed above:
No, you should not write about “coming out.” You should write about two things: how you can help the school (two-thirds), and how the school can help you (one-third).
I’ve read and posted on the prep-school board for more than three years now. Plenty of times I have read postings from young people who stressed LBGTQ+ identity and ended up not getting in anywhere. And nobody I can recall who earned acceptances claimed to stress LBGTQ+ identity.
That’s very different from saying there are no LBGTQ+ students at boarding schools, including the GLADCHEMS. There are many. And I know that at my child’s school, it’s a nonissue among the student body. Yes, the school requires readings on LBGTQ+ identity here and there, but besides that it seems to be a nonissue either way.
Sexual identity for a young person can ebb and flow. Focus instead on family, school, relationships, community and striving to achieve, and you’ll likely be better off, and likely to have more compelling essays, as well.
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@ameridad the prompt is not about what you contribute to school or what the school will do for you
Hi! So I was looking through the bunch of essay prompts that I had for different schools, and a lot of them were about describing a risk/challenge you took.
Granted, there may be other prompts.
You are both right!
One would want to describe the risk you took so that it shows what you will contribute to the school.
E.g. I risked social ostracism by creating a “welcome new students” group and totally changed the culture of my school so that it became a kinder gentler place.
They are describing a risk but letting the school know they have attributes that would be an asset to the school.
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Honestly, I think most posters are overthinking this topic. These are mostly 13 year olds. Write whatever you want. The essay should first and foremost show that you can write grammatically and proofread. You are showing that you are strong writer and you will succeed in their classrooms without the need for remediation.
After that it is great if you can also do some of the following in your essay, but don’t stress:
- Be authentic and genuine to who you are and what you care about.
- Reveal your personality and real voice. But don’t mistake real voice for emoticons and teen-speak (like rofl or jk or lol). Don’t use slang or colloquial expressions or at least be judicious in their use. Also don’t fill it with thesaurus and dictionary words. You don’t want to sound pretentious.
- If you can make it moving or funny so that it stands out enough for readers to remember later, that is also great because chances are they will revisit your application again in a final round when they have 300 qualified applicants whom they love and only room for 100 new students. But moving doesn’t necessarily mean writing a sob story. It can be any genuine story that helps the admissions people get to know you, empathize with you, OR want to meet you/have you on their campus.
- Don’t overthink it but write with depth and complexity. If you can do, you should dig a little below the surface of what is obvious about you. This can be hard for a 13yo to do well though. If you can pull off a metaphor that is great but again don’t be pretentious. If you can’t do complexity well, just keep it simple.
- Don’t turn it into a list of accomplishments or bragging about yourself. Hopefully you have managed to put your accomplishments, activities, and prizes (if you have them) in the other parts of the application. The essay is not a resume or a chance to repeat what you have already written.
I really don’t think the admissions officers are assessing “what you can do for the school.” That type of stuff is already in other parts of the application as are your qualifications. However, they are assessing fit. Are you the type of kid who they’d enjoy having in their community? Are you the sort of kid who will thrive at their school? So if there is room to demonstrate that you actually know the particular school, you want to attend that specific school, and it is a particularly good fit for YOU (as opposed to you are blindly applying to the most prestigious names), you should show it. But you aren’t arguing a case about your fit. You are showing the fit by letting them see you through the essay.
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One thing I love is that people can share different perspectives here! I share a different perspective than my friend @Alqbamine32’s take that the essay is primarily about showing your writing skills. Yes an essay should show that you can write at a certain level, but in my opinion that is the threshold competency at play, not the competitive advantage, for most young students. (Threshold competency is the price you pay to toss your name into the metaphorical ring; it’s rarely how you win a game.)
The primary goal of an essay as I see it is: it’s a chance to present yourself thoughtfully, without being interrupted or guided by an interviewer, removing any interviewing jitters.
The goal is: make it clear what you bring to the picnic.
Invite the reader into your world. You are successful if AO can:
- talk about you in shorthand to another person (something I call the ‘cafeteria test’ – meaning an AO who sits with another AO at the cafeteria and says “oh I just reviewed the application of the kid who XYZ – fill in the blank --” and the other AO knows exactly who they are talking about, then you have passed the cafeteria test, and
- Would love to have coffee with you to learn more (I call this the coffee test) and
- Could imagine how a student might fit in and add to the community and how the community might help this kid along on their journey in life.
It’s essentially a curated interview that YOU have complete control over, and it is also the lens through which they will view the rest of the application and put it all in context. A good essay can make the AO be cheering for you as they read the rest of your application.
So back to the OP question about the suggest topic:
I think anything is fair game as long as you do a good job of explaining the “so what” of the topic, or as my high school English teacher (at masters school!) used to say: “so what is the big deal here?” AND – the “big deal” should probably not be super obvious or predictable. So, coming out – that’s a fine topic – I love the vulnerability – but it’s NOT the “so what.” Remember - the “so what” is far more compelling if it’s NOT the “typical” expectation given the topic.
More about the “so-what” – if you can link the “so what” to something else in your life, more powerful.
And then link that “so what” to future dreams, even better.
I’ll give you an example to illustrate:
A daughter of mine was a star volleyball player in middle school and she wrote an essay about it.
Expected “so whats” might include things about sports, commitment, hard work, perseverance, etc etc etc. These would be a huge missed opportunity (because everyone already knows that sports requires hard work, losing, winning, perseverance, etc etc etc…)
But her “so what” was that she played the setter position, which means she was the person calling the shots on the fly during the game to her teammates. So she talked about how she loved gathering data very quickly and making high-stress quick decisions.
And then she mentioned that she also did this as the floor manager of her school’s daily live TV News show – calling the camera shots live while on air. And that she loved math because it was like making quick, but informed, decisions.
And then she linked quick decision-making skills to an activity she hoped to pursue at the school, and to her eventual career plans.
Ok so that’s just a random small example, so show you what I mean: the “so-what” matters most, and it is more compelling if it’s not telegraphed by the topic choice.
Regarding the unofficial experience @ameridad has seen about kids writing about coming out not faring well in admissions – well I would bet almost anything it’s because they thought that coming out WAS the “so-what” and missed their chance to tell the admissions team something more meaningful. Luckily, we live in a world where sexual orientation isn’t the “BIG DEAL” it once was – at least for most people. I hope we get to a day where it’s a non-big-deal for all people. :).
So, @jumpingehehe – I love your thinking on this and am cheering you on! My advice is: Dig deep and really get to the so-what of this coming out story in you, and then be sure tell THAT story.
and ultimately – you also can read all these pieces of advice and then do what your heart truly wants. This is your essay time. :).
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Just to clarify, I think writing about coming out is a fine topic. I was not the poster who has observed kids being unsuccessful submitting essays about coming out. I think that students can write about any topic that they wish as long as they write well.
Oh totally my confusion on that! I’ll go edit!! 
edited to add: DONE!
Thanks for this reply!! This helped a lot!
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This isn’t true at all, in many places and in many families. (And hate crimes are still happening, I might add). I would certainly expect educated folks at a prep school to be accepting and welcoming, and would also expect them to understand the difficulty and courage it takes to come out.
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@compmom Great point – I really meant in this very specific context of writing an essay. I am in no way trying to minimize the struggles that currently exist. I’ll edit to clarify. :).
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