I am curious to see how people feel about whether a student should have some “skin in the game”.
I already told my two older kids that they will be responsible for their tuition and fees. I will pay for the room and board. Does this seem reasonable? I could probably afford to pay for both but why should I? Do I owe it to my kids to pay for it all? Will they be more focused if they are responsible to pay for some of the costs?
What are your thoughts?
While a student should have some “skin in the game” to expect them to be responsible for full tuition is not reasonable at all.
You are new to CC. Do you have any idea how much tuition costs, even at in-state schools??
That’s a lot of skin! Maybe even a pound of flesh. 
Student loans max out at about 27K over four years. So you are effectively limiting them to schools where annual tuition costs are no more than 10K on average, assuming they will also seek part time employment and summer jobs. That does not take into consideration that tuition is likely to increase over four years, so let’s bump that down to a starting tuition of 8-9K. That won’t cover in-state tuition at most state universities, at least not at the main campus.
Or they will need GPA/test scores sufficient to get them into schools that offer automatic free tuition. If they are good students, this is possible.
http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/
An alternative might be to set a budget that is the equivalent of the COA at your state flagship. Anything above and beyond is on them. Or have them cover books and incidentals wherever they go.
FWIW, if I had the means to avoid saddling my kids with student debt, I would do so. JMO.
Daddy, as long as you are prepared to have them living in their childhood bedrooms until they are 35 while they are paying off loans it’s a fantastic plan.
Well, they will have a hard time coming up with tuition and fees, unless it is a community college.
What do some of the schools in your state publish for tuition and fees cost?
In our state the state schools cost about $9,000 , state related schools around $17,000 and some private schools over $30,000 for tuition alone. Room and board costs another $10k plus.
A $0 EFC student can receive about $10,000 in federal and state grants, so if they commute to a state school, costs would be covered. A student loan can be taken out for $5,500. If they work in the summer they can make about $3,000.
So again, they might be able to commute to the state related school.
The problem is that not always is a school within commuting distance, or not one that has the desired program.
Private schools might give merit and need based aid to bring cost down or a high stats student might get a full tuition scholarship at a school and then can afford to live on campus, paying for room and board with loan, work earnings and possibly some aid.
But I would think rarely could a student pay for tuition alone.
You could figure out how much you can pay in a fixed $ amount and expect your child to work in summer, take out student loan and maybe get a job on campus. That would be about a $10k contribution from child.
I gave my daughter a budget anything over that would be her responsibility to cover by working or scholarships. Currently with the hope and fry scholarship it will cover my daughter full cost. I still expect her to work to cover her personal expensive like her cell phone, car insurance, etc…
Are your children very good students with great test scores? If yes, then they will have options for full tuition scholarships. If not, then your plan could be close to impossible.
I live in Texas. The COA for UT and A&M is about $27,000 ( tuition, fees, room and board). There are not many merit scholarships available and financial aid is for families with a lot of need. Students can only borrow about $31,000 total over 4 years (federal student loans). Under your scenario, my kids would be short $9,000 in tuition ($40,000-$31,000).
https://studentaid.ed.gov/sa/types/loans/subsidized-unsubsidized
I would advise you to run the NPC (Net Price Calculator) for schools your kids might attend. Those numbers often include the student allowed loans which IMO are totally OK to accept. Look at the bottom line number and subtract your portion (room & board). Can your kids earn that amount every summer and during the school year?
When you run the NPC, play around with the number of students in school at the same time. If you have four closely spaced kids, you might receive financial aid. Just remember that if a parent has assets and won’t pay, then the student is penalized. Won’t pay is not the same as can’t pay to the schools. My family’s EFC (Expected Family Contribution) is over $60,000 per YEAR. These types of numbers are not unusual for families who are comfortable but not wealthy.
Are you up to date on how much college tuition costs now? I was not and it was a shocker.
Another option is for you to pay the tuition at a local public university while your kids live at home.
Here is a list of automatic merit scholarships to give you an idea of what your kids might qualify for in terms of merit scholarships. There are also competetive merit scholarships and scholarships for kids who are National Merit Finalists. Most merit scholarship money comes for the school.
http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/
Yes, we do but it’s tempered with the idea that it is our parental responsibility to coach our young adult through the process, and to provide some form of higher education if our child is interested and puts in reasonable effort.
We are very focused on our son getting an UG degree completely debt free, but we also recognize that it’s not solely about money.
We have prepared to fund a college education but we also think our son needs to understand the numbers and what they mean. We want to give him some of the benefit of making good choices.
Based on what I’ve read on CC in the past, I’d guess most people on this board feel that the student should have some “skin in the game”. However, how it manifests itself varies quite a bit. For example, some require their kids to take out the minimum loans, others require their kids to earn their own spending money, some require the student to buy their own books, some set a budget and require the student to earn anything over that budget. Of course, others use some combination. It’s a very personal choice.
For us, we pay for everything except the kids are responsible for their “extras” (going out with friends, that type of thing). They do contribute 1/2 their income to their tuition costs. The other half is theirs to spend or save as they see fit.
You know your own kids, for some this may be a necessary motivator. Others (like my own kids) are motivated for the sake of the education itself and they also understand the value of the gift they have been given. Paying the majority of the expenses, doesn’t mean I worry about whether they stay “focused”. I know they are.
We have discussed a budget, over which our D will contribute through student loans…so it’s Budget+$5K or so as a max. Glad we had that discussion early.
We provided a budget (the cost of state tuition and room/board at our state’s flagship which my daughter did not want to attend). Anything above that is my daughter’s responsibility through scholarships, loans, or income. She worked full time the summer between her junior and senior year and will do so again this summer (senior to college freshman summer). She was able to save about $2,500 last summer and will be expected to save the same this summer. She can use part of that to reduce the amount of loans if she would like or she could use it to not work during the college semester. She’ll probably do a combination of the two.
I think it’s VITALLY important that they have “skin in the game,” but at the same time I don’t want my kids completely crippled with debt. Very important to be honest with them as early as possible as to how much you are willing to pay so that they can make informed decisions.
certainly they should each have skin in the game.
we have 4 kids and are overwhelmed. All i can say is that what we pay does Not need to be the same for each kid. Treat each kid and situation separately. Good luck!
I never understood the “skin in the game” argument. Assuming (as most kids on here seem to be) that the child is a strong, serious student, why would they need to pay for school themselves in order to incent them to do well? They didn’t have “skin in the game” in high school, yet got good grades and scores, were involved in activities, etc.
already told my two older kids that they will be responsible for their tuition and fees. I
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What are your expectations? That they attend a cheap instate public? What is your home state? Some have low tuition rates ($6k per year), but some have HIGH instate rates $15k per year. Obviously, your kids can’t earn/save/borrow $15k per year for instate tuition.
Are you planning on cosigning a gazillion dollars in private student loans???
I understand that you have 4 kids. But, I would think a better approach would be to have them study hard, do the best they can on SAT/ACT, and look for merit.
I think it’s important to have “some” skin in the game, but I’ve NEVER felt that that means loans, because loans are too “out there” for kids to understand. My sister is quite affluent, but she and her H insist that their kids work summers and pay for all their textbooks (STEM, $$$) and their laptops…so that they have “some sense” of the value of the dollar.
I agree. My kids contribute, not because I feel they need it to motivate them (they’ve always been self motivated) but rather because now that they are adults, I feel they can make a financial contribution to the family and though it isn’t much in the big picture, it does help to relieve some of the financial “pressure”.
@mjrube94 , I definitely see your point, but my desire for my kids to have skin the game is based on what I saw during my own undergraduate years. I saw two of my closest friends, whose parents paid for everything, essentially flunk out within a year. They just did not seem to appreciate the cost involved or how lucky they were. I am sure this isn’t the case for everyone, but it happened enough to make me want to think how I would handle it with my own kids.
High school, to me, is different because parents are there 24/7 to make sure kids do the work, the activities, make the grades, etc. College is a whole new world of freedom and significant investment.
But I do see your point as well. Just a different perspective.
Yes, every kid needs skin in the game, but how much “skin”? It may no longer be possible for many 18 year olds to cover their own tuition and fees with work and federal loans, unless the college is a community college or your state has some low-cost public options (like the directional state colleges in Nebraska). If those options apply to your situation, you may not be asking for too much. If you don’t have low cost options, then you are.
For us, “skin” was money for all personal expenses and books.
Sometimes “skin in the game” is intellectual- attending lectures, symposia, concerts, other special events on campus (that’s also what you are paying for). Sometimes “skin” is initiative-based but not immediately renumerative- helping a professor edit a book or fact-checking an article. These opportunities often lead to fantastic professional roles down the road even though they don’t pay the $15/hour in the here and now that your kid will get folding sweaters at the Gap.
So do you want your kid taking advantage of the tremendous opportunities on a college campus or running around from minimum wage job to minimum wage job? If you are low income your kids might not have a choice. But if you can afford tuition, there is an opportunity cost to being the college kid who can’t go hear Yo-Yo Ma play with the college orchestra, or being the college kid who tells the poli sci professor “sorry I don’t have time” when invited to help write the speech the professor is giving at a session of the UN next month on global governance. Or tells the Dean “I wish I had time” when invited to be the student representative at a political caucus taking place at the state capitol.
I consider all of those things “skin in the game”. And although we told our kids they were responsible for recreational spending and needed to work during the summers in college, some jobs have huge payouts down the road (contacts, resume building, exposure to incredible experiences) but don’t pay a lot of money.
I waitressed the graveyard shift during college because it paid better than afternoon and evenings. Don’t want my kids making the same trade-offs.
In answer to OPs question, yes, it is unreasonable. Let’s say your kids are great students with excellent grades and test scores. They get full rides to a college, but they still need spending money for travel, etc… So they will work, but as far as I know, scholarships are conditional on maintaining good grades. A part time job is manageable for a full time college student, but if your kid’s grades decline, bye bye money. Do you also want your child to explore clubs, activites, and have a social life? I am sure all that can be done, but it isn’t so easy. I haven’t even mentioned the more likely scenario of not getting a full-ride scholarship. You have four children, and your kids didn’t have control over that. If you can help your kids with college costs, then I think you should. And yes, your kid should contribute, but not at the expense of the few years left before full adulthood rears its head.
The only skin in the game my daughter is required to have is to do well in hs so that she is competitive for scholarships. She has done her part so far and should have some great merit options. She is not allowed to take out any student loans so will have to settle on a college that is affordable. I never understood why parents think requiring their kids to take out loans is a good thing.